The ghostly crew of the Flying Dutchman succeeded in commandeering a bus from Port Elizabeth to Johannesburg.
The bus they shared belonged to the heavy metal group Primal Scream.
By the time they reached the stadium in Johannesburg, they were high on pot.
At the stadium entrance they were arrested and charged with wearing illegal brands.
Meanwhile inside the stadium, Renfield R. Renfield had let a swarm of bees loose figuring no one would notice since they would just mistake the sound for vuvuzelas.
The Vampiress Isis who was wearing a beautiful red coloured dress and red hat in the stands suddenly jumped up out of her seat.
"Looks like she's got a bee in her bonnet," Renfield laughed.
At that very moment, Andres Iniesta scored with just four minutes left in extra time to give Spain their first World Cup victory.
In London, the formerly multi-millionaire and now multi-billionaire again ancient Egyptian vampire Set wept over his copy of War and Peace as he watched, "I'm now a billionaire again."
He had bet all his fortune on Spain winning the World Cup.
Meanwhile Spanish commandos surrounded Paul the Psychic Octopus' glass tank at the Oberhausen Sea Life Aquarium in Germany to protect him from both angry Dutch and German fans.
Meanwhile in Singapore, Mani the Predicting Parakeet was gunned down by a machine gun toting Siamese cat who was a specially trained feline assassin and who had been immediately hired for the job by a Sicilian mobster who had followed Mani's rather than Paul's advice in betting for the World Cup.
"All's well that ends well," Renfield remarked as he poured champagne down the end tube of his vuvuzela and started inhaling.
To be continued
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
The Vampiress Isis, Old Spice Commercials and South Africa The Eve of World Cup 2010
The Egyptian vampiress Isis was dressed in a white evening dress and gold plated spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.
She was attending a formal dinner in South Africa on the eve of the World Cup Final.
South African President Jacob Zuma had just emerged from the shower wearing only a towel for the dinner.
"I think he's been watching too many of those new American Old Spice commercials," Renfield R. Renfield whispered to Amadeus Emanon at the dinner, "I think he overdid it on the Old Spice."
Indeed an entire table of guests had passed out after President Zuma had walked by.
"Smell like a man, man," President Zuma said after walking over one of the passed out coaches.
The vampiress Isis began to sneeze as President Zuma approached since she was allergic to an overdose of Old Spice.
"What do you suppose the boss' sister and sister-in-law is doing here?" Amadeus asked Renfield.
For their boss Set was the brother of Osiris who was married to Set's sister Isis.
"Hm, maybe she's got something planned for the World Cup tomorrow," Renfield bit his lip.
Isis when she had finished sneezing picked up her cell phone and dialed Dracul Van Helsing's phone number.
"Hello, Drac-Man," she whispered in a sultry voice, "just thought I'd let you know that my brother and brother-in-law Set has bet all his fortune on Spain winning the World Cup tomorrow."
Renfield who had a long-distance listening device in his ear whispered to Amadeus, "Oh, oh. I've got to ensure Spain wins the World Cup tomorrow."
Meanwhile that ghostly ship the Flying Dutchman had appeared in the evening waters off Port Elizabeth, South Africa and its ghostly crew were trying to rent a bus to drive them to the game where they could cheer on the Netherlands.
To be continued.
She was attending a formal dinner in South Africa on the eve of the World Cup Final.
South African President Jacob Zuma had just emerged from the shower wearing only a towel for the dinner.
"I think he's been watching too many of those new American Old Spice commercials," Renfield R. Renfield whispered to Amadeus Emanon at the dinner, "I think he overdid it on the Old Spice."
Indeed an entire table of guests had passed out after President Zuma had walked by.
"Smell like a man, man," President Zuma said after walking over one of the passed out coaches.
The vampiress Isis began to sneeze as President Zuma approached since she was allergic to an overdose of Old Spice.
"What do you suppose the boss' sister and sister-in-law is doing here?" Amadeus asked Renfield.
For their boss Set was the brother of Osiris who was married to Set's sister Isis.
"Hm, maybe she's got something planned for the World Cup tomorrow," Renfield bit his lip.
Isis when she had finished sneezing picked up her cell phone and dialed Dracul Van Helsing's phone number.
"Hello, Drac-Man," she whispered in a sultry voice, "just thought I'd let you know that my brother and brother-in-law Set has bet all his fortune on Spain winning the World Cup tomorrow."
Renfield who had a long-distance listening device in his ear whispered to Amadeus, "Oh, oh. I've got to ensure Spain wins the World Cup tomorrow."
Meanwhile that ghostly ship the Flying Dutchman had appeared in the evening waters off Port Elizabeth, South Africa and its ghostly crew were trying to rent a bus to drive them to the game where they could cheer on the Netherlands.
To be continued.
Friday, July 9, 2010
An Octopus' Garden In The Shade Is To Roll In Dough?
The multi-millionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set sighed.
"I'm so tired, Athelstan," he remarked to his valet and butler.
"But the sun has set, sir," Athelstan remarked, "you should feel more energetic."
"Hm," Set glanced at the bill for his satellites sending down holographic images of Charlie Chaplin during the Spain vs. Germany game in Durban, South Africa.
"Renfield promised me chaos and anarchy and said we would profit from this," Set sipped his Earl Grey tea with a dash of Type O blood.
"I myself have had a good week, sir," Athelstan noted, "I followed Paul the psychic octopus' advice and bet on Spain against Germany."
"Isn't he predicting Spain over the Netherlands?" Set asked.
"Yes, sir," Athelstan replied, "one should get kraken over what this octopus has to say."
"Hm," Set missed being a billionaire.
He had been reduced to being a mere multi-millionaire as a result of the economic crash of the autumn of 2008.
Set wondered should he bet all his fortune on Spain winning against the Netherlands on the advice of an octopus.
"Your calamari, sir," Athelstan presented him with his evening appetizer.
To be continued.
"I'm so tired, Athelstan," he remarked to his valet and butler.
"But the sun has set, sir," Athelstan remarked, "you should feel more energetic."
"Hm," Set glanced at the bill for his satellites sending down holographic images of Charlie Chaplin during the Spain vs. Germany game in Durban, South Africa.
"Renfield promised me chaos and anarchy and said we would profit from this," Set sipped his Earl Grey tea with a dash of Type O blood.
"I myself have had a good week, sir," Athelstan noted, "I followed Paul the psychic octopus' advice and bet on Spain against Germany."
"Isn't he predicting Spain over the Netherlands?" Set asked.
"Yes, sir," Athelstan replied, "one should get kraken over what this octopus has to say."
"Hm," Set missed being a billionaire.
He had been reduced to being a mere multi-millionaire as a result of the economic crash of the autumn of 2008.
Set wondered should he bet all his fortune on Spain winning against the Netherlands on the advice of an octopus.
"Your calamari, sir," Athelstan presented him with his evening appetizer.
To be continued.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
World Cup Spain vs. Germany
This is another chapter in my vampire novel:
Hyung Grace Kwan had phoned Dracul Van Helsing on the cell phone.
"So Spain beat Germany 1-0?" Hyung laughed, "I noticed before the game that Mr. Bean himself Rowan Atkinson was throwing salt all over the stadium field. Did that have anything to do with Germany's loss?".
"I'm not sure," Dracul smiled, "I asked Rowan to do that because it was blessed salt- blessed by a priest. The witch doctor Sterling Makabo was hoping to raise zombies from underneath the stadium field. And of course zombies don't rise when sprinkled with blessed salt."
"I heard also Renfield was supposed to send in holographic images of Voldemort's Death Eaters on to the field," Hyung said, "how did that go?".
"Someone intercepted his satellite signal," Dracul noted, "and a few holographic images of Charlie Chaplin did show up at half-time much to Renfield's dismay."
* * *
Meanwhile in a restaurant not far from Durban Stadium.
"I'll have fries please," Sterling Makabo ordered, "and please no salt."
"I never did like Charlie Chaplin movies," Renfield added some sweet and sour sauce to his tuna fish sandwich.
"In honour of Spain's win today, I'll have some enchiladas," Amadeus smiled.
To be continued.
Hyung Grace Kwan had phoned Dracul Van Helsing on the cell phone.
"So Spain beat Germany 1-0?" Hyung laughed, "I noticed before the game that Mr. Bean himself Rowan Atkinson was throwing salt all over the stadium field. Did that have anything to do with Germany's loss?".
"I'm not sure," Dracul smiled, "I asked Rowan to do that because it was blessed salt- blessed by a priest. The witch doctor Sterling Makabo was hoping to raise zombies from underneath the stadium field. And of course zombies don't rise when sprinkled with blessed salt."
"I heard also Renfield was supposed to send in holographic images of Voldemort's Death Eaters on to the field," Hyung said, "how did that go?".
"Someone intercepted his satellite signal," Dracul noted, "and a few holographic images of Charlie Chaplin did show up at half-time much to Renfield's dismay."
* * *
Meanwhile in a restaurant not far from Durban Stadium.
"I'll have fries please," Sterling Makabo ordered, "and please no salt."
"I never did like Charlie Chaplin movies," Renfield added some sweet and sour sauce to his tuna fish sandwich.
"In honour of Spain's win today, I'll have some enchiladas," Amadeus smiled.
To be continued.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Stranger In A Strange Land
The stranger stood gazing across the South African plain.
It was actually quite incredible how portions of the South African plains reminded him of the Canadian prairies
He had first noticed that as a boy in the town of Peachland in British Columbia's Okanagan Valley.
For he had gone into a small commercial art gallery in the town with his parents.
And there he saw an oil painting.
The painting reminded him of the blue sky and rolling grass prairie of his home province Alberta.
But there were giraffes running to and fro on the rolling grass prairie against the blue sky.
And there weren't too many giraffes running on the rolling grass prairie against the blue sky in Alberta.
None at all in fact.
The artist who owned the gallery explained it was a picture he had done in South Africa.
So here he was. Africa.
The continent of The Lion King.
Of all the motion pictures he had seen over the years and he had seen many scary ones, for him the scariest scene he had ever encountered was in the movie The Lion King when Simba's father had died.
For him, that was the most terrifying scene of all.
He tried to imagine what it would be like if his own father had died.
He had felt so sorry for Simba.
He tried to imagine what it would be like.
For the Canadian vampire hunter, he no longer had to imagine anymore.
The sun was beginning to set on the South African plain.
To be continued.
It was actually quite incredible how portions of the South African plains reminded him of the Canadian prairies
He had first noticed that as a boy in the town of Peachland in British Columbia's Okanagan Valley.
For he had gone into a small commercial art gallery in the town with his parents.
And there he saw an oil painting.
The painting reminded him of the blue sky and rolling grass prairie of his home province Alberta.
But there were giraffes running to and fro on the rolling grass prairie against the blue sky.
And there weren't too many giraffes running on the rolling grass prairie against the blue sky in Alberta.
None at all in fact.
The artist who owned the gallery explained it was a picture he had done in South Africa.
So here he was. Africa.
The continent of The Lion King.
Of all the motion pictures he had seen over the years and he had seen many scary ones, for him the scariest scene he had ever encountered was in the movie The Lion King when Simba's father had died.
For him, that was the most terrifying scene of all.
He tried to imagine what it would be like if his own father had died.
He had felt so sorry for Simba.
He tried to imagine what it would be like.
For the Canadian vampire hunter, he no longer had to imagine anymore.
The sun was beginning to set on the South African plain.
To be continued.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Sterling Makabo and The Stadium
The stadium was empty as witch doctor Sterling Makabo walked across the turf.
Makabo smiled.
Did the builders of this stadium know that they had built this site over the remains of an ancient graveyard?
An acquaintance of his Renfield R. Renfield was going to use satellites to send down holographic images of Voldemort's Death Mark and Voldemort's Death Eaters during the big game.
How even more exciting Makabo thought when he would also summon demonic spirits to enter the bones of the dead and rise up from under the turf during the big game?
This would be one FIFA World Cup match that people would never forget.
To be continued.
Makabo smiled.
Did the builders of this stadium know that they had built this site over the remains of an ancient graveyard?
An acquaintance of his Renfield R. Renfield was going to use satellites to send down holographic images of Voldemort's Death Mark and Voldemort's Death Eaters during the big game.
How even more exciting Makabo thought when he would also summon demonic spirits to enter the bones of the dead and rise up from under the turf during the big game?
This would be one FIFA World Cup match that people would never forget.
To be continued.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Renfield At The World Cup In South Africa
Renfield At The World Cup In South Africa
A chapter in my vampire novel
The evil shapeshifting hamster/human Renfield R. Renfield was taking in the games at the World Cup FIFA tournament in South Africa.
Seated in the stadium next to him was the genetically cloned concert pianist (cloned from the DNA of composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, California mass murderer Charles Manson and British actor Alan Rickman) Amadeus Emanon.
"I keep hearing the sound of swarms of bees but I don't see any bees," Amadeus remarked.
"You're hearing the sounds of people blowing the vuvuzela," Renfield explained.
"Oh," said Amadeus.
Amadeus noticed Renfield pounding away on his laptop ferociously.
"What are you doing?" Amadeus asked.
"Setting some of the boss' satellites into place," Renfield replied.
Renfield and Amadeus' boss was the London-based ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
"In place for what?" Amadeus asked.
"Well, remember how in the fourth Harry Potter book Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire," Renfield explained, "how Harry and his friends took a trip to the Quidditch World Cup and how some Death Eaters stormed the grounds and how Voldemort's Dark Mark appeared in the sky. I thought it would be pretty cool if we can get the satellites to send down some holographic images of Death Eaters and Voldemort's Dark Mark while some of the big games are about to start. It will be so cool."
"Wouldn't that send people into a panic? Couldn't there be a stampede to the exits and whole bunches of people could end up being killed?" Amadeus queried.
"That is the plan," Renfield grinned.
"To what end?" Amadeus asked.
"For general disorder and chaos," Renfield finished sending an email to a member of the Republican right in the U.S. saying that Barack Obama was the incarnation of Voldemort and an email to a member of the Democratic left saying that Rush Limbaugh was the incarnation of Voldemort.
To be continued.
A chapter in my vampire novel
The evil shapeshifting hamster/human Renfield R. Renfield was taking in the games at the World Cup FIFA tournament in South Africa.
Seated in the stadium next to him was the genetically cloned concert pianist (cloned from the DNA of composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, California mass murderer Charles Manson and British actor Alan Rickman) Amadeus Emanon.
"I keep hearing the sound of swarms of bees but I don't see any bees," Amadeus remarked.
"You're hearing the sounds of people blowing the vuvuzela," Renfield explained.
"Oh," said Amadeus.
Amadeus noticed Renfield pounding away on his laptop ferociously.
"What are you doing?" Amadeus asked.
"Setting some of the boss' satellites into place," Renfield replied.
Renfield and Amadeus' boss was the London-based ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
"In place for what?" Amadeus asked.
"Well, remember how in the fourth Harry Potter book Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire," Renfield explained, "how Harry and his friends took a trip to the Quidditch World Cup and how some Death Eaters stormed the grounds and how Voldemort's Dark Mark appeared in the sky. I thought it would be pretty cool if we can get the satellites to send down some holographic images of Death Eaters and Voldemort's Dark Mark while some of the big games are about to start. It will be so cool."
"Wouldn't that send people into a panic? Couldn't there be a stampede to the exits and whole bunches of people could end up being killed?" Amadeus queried.
"That is the plan," Renfield grinned.
"To what end?" Amadeus asked.
"For general disorder and chaos," Renfield finished sending an email to a member of the Republican right in the U.S. saying that Barack Obama was the incarnation of Voldemort and an email to a member of the Democratic left saying that Rush Limbaugh was the incarnation of Voldemort.
To be continued.
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