Friday, November 2, 2012

Naga Munchetty and The Vampire Hunter

BBC News Anchorwoman and Interviewer Naga Munchetty sat on the hotel sofa in front of the camera.

She was wearing a cream coloured wool sweater, a tight pink skirt, red silk nylons and pink spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

Sitting next to her on the sofa was Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing who was dressed like Raymond Chandler's fictional 1940s private eye Philip Marlowe.

"So Mr. Van Helsing," Naga spoke, "there's a connection between some vampires and extraterrestrials?".

"That is correct," Dracul nodded, "for example the ancient Egyptian vampire Osiris inhabits a planet in the star system of Sirius where he was exiled under terms of a black magic spell cast by his evil brother Set who is also a vampire- one who's currently undead and well and living in London."

"I understand Set has eaten fish and chips with British Prime Minister David Cameron at 10 Downing Street," Naga smiled.

"I've heard those rumours as well," Dracul acknowledged.

"What about the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl?" Naga inquired.

"He was exiled to Saturn's moon Titan under a black magic spell cast by Osiris' wife the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis," Van Helsing explained, "his spiritual god daughter the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec celebrated Dia de Los Muertos in Mexico City today where she performed a human sacrifice. She then formally endorsed Republican Mitt Romney as her choice for President of the United States."

"Don't Mormons believe that Quetzalcoatl and Christ are one and the same being?" Naga inquired.

"That is correct," Van Helsing answered.

At that moment, the door of the hotel room burst open and there stood Renfield R. Renfield who took a quick photo with a flash camera.

"Shoot," Renfield quipped when he looked around the room, "I was told by an anonymous tipster that I'd find vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing making out with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in this room."




"Well, you've really got egg on your face now," Naga laughed.

At that moment the hotel porter entered carrying a tray with a late evening brunch that Naga and Dracul had ordered.

The porter tripped over Renfield's long hamster tail that was starting to show as a result of the shapeshifting hamster/human's growing embarassment and an eggs benedict went off the tray landing on Renfield's face.

"I agree with your last statement, Naga," Van Helsing laughed.

"So Dracul, should we start making out," Naga uncrossed her legs and started smoothing her skirt, "so this will get the egg off Renfield's face?".

"Sounds like a good idea to me," Dracul smiled.

Renfield started peeling eggs benedict off his face.

To be continued.

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