"I see Syrian President Bashar Assad has offered to re-friend me on Facebook," Renfield told Amadeus, "he said the reason he de-friended me this past summer was because the man they call America's Pastor Rick Warren had de-friended Assad on Facebook and the Syrian President became upset with westerners in general."
Amadeus had remembered how upset Renfield had been when Bashar Assad had de-friended him on Facebook.
"So are you going to accept the re-friend request?" Amadeus asked Renfield.
""Nope," Renfield shook his head, "nobody de-friends me and gets away with it."
The phone rang and Renfield picked it up.
He yacked for a few minutes and then put it down.
"Who was that?" Amadeus asked.
"It was the private eye I hired to track down my mother," Renfield answered, "or rather the woman who carried me to term after my embryo was implanted in her womb. My embryo which was created from the DNA from strands of hair from Napoleon, Robespierre, Hitler and a few other notable historic individuals that many people call barbaric and despots for some reason. As well as the DNA from a genetically enhanced super hamster that was created by a North Korean mad scientist in a North Korean laboratory as a result of the late North Korean leader Kim Jong-il's Frankensteinian Science Renaissance Project."
"Where is your mother living?" Amadeus asked.
"Coincidentally," Renfield grinned, "it turns out that she's living here in Vancouver so I'm going to pay her a visit this afternoon."
"Are you going to bring her roses?" Amadeus asked.
"No, I'm going to shoot her for giving me up," Renfield smiled.
Renfield was forced to knock out Amadeus when the latter protested.
* * *
Renfield rented a truck and cursed as he drove the snow-filled Vancouver streets that were the result of a rare snowfall that had hit the City of Vancouver today.
"I thought it didn't snow here in Vancouver," Renfield protested, "I might as well be living in Dracul Van Helsing's home province of Alberta with all this wretched snow falling here."
After demolishing several motor vehicles with his monster-sized truck on the icy roads and running over several bicylists who were stupid enough to be out cycling on a snow day, Renfield arrived at his mother's house and went up and knocked on the door.
A woman answered.
Renfield compared the woman's facial features with the photo of the woman that the private eye had emailed him.
When he saw they were the same, he pulled out a gun and shot and killed her.
He then whistled his way back to the truck and emailed Amadeus on his iPhone that he had shot and killed her.
* * *
When Amadeus came to and checked his iPhone and read his emails, he noticed that Renfield had shot and killed his mother.
"So," Amadeus noted, "some psycho in Connecticut shoots and kills his mother and then kills a whole bunch of children while here in British Columbia some psycho shoots and kills Santa Claus and then shoots and kills his mother."
This wasn't turning out to be a peace on Earth Christmas this year, Amadeus reflected.
To be continued.
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