Lilith In Cyprus
The Israeli Mossad agent called the Controller of The Golem was on the island of Cyprus.
Russian President Vladimir Putin had signed an agreement with Cypriot President Nicos Anastasiades to grant Russia's Navy access to Cypriot ports.
They were also negotiating the possibility of Russia using an air base on Cyprus.
The Controller of The Golem was here because he felt there was more to these negotiations than meets the eye.
As he walked the streets, he noticed a beautiful red-headed woman in a lavender green evening dress.
He immediately recognized her as the ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith.
What he wondered was she doing here?
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 25th
2015.
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Anubis In Rome
Anubis In Rome
It was night time.
And the Egyptian jackal- headed god Anubis was walking the streets of Rome.
He was here because he had heard that the ancient Egyptian deity Osiris was now living here and he hoped to speak to him.
Anubis' jackal head was a metallic cyborg looking jackal head.
He was stopped on the streets of Rome by some science-fiction loving nerd who still lived in his parents' basement (as original Star Trek TV series star William Shatner once observed about all science-fiction loving nerds) who asked him for his autograph.
Anubis signed a piece of paper for the man and the science-fiction loving nerd expressed surprise that he looked so much like the Anubis depicted in the movie Stargate with his metallic cyborg looking jackal head.
Anubis walked on.
He had never seen the movie Stargate.
The reason he had a metallic cyborg looking jackal head was because a couple of weeks ago he had made the mistake of visiting Libya where he had been captured by ISIS (the Islamist terrorist group not the ancient Egyptian goddess) who thought he was a Coptic Christian and beheaded his original flesh-and-blood jackal head.
What low intelligence these ISIS supporters must have, Anubis thought at the time.
Mistaking him an ancient Egyptian deity for a Coptic Christian.
Since he was a super vampiric super immortal, the act of beheading him did not kill him.
Instead he took his severed head and flew to London (much to the discomfort of flight attendants and his fellow passengers) and then clandestinely met Dr. Cadbury Rocher who was the chief research scientist for the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set aka the ancient Egyptian god of storms, the desert, chaos and war.
The meeting was clandestine because Anubis didn't want Dr. Rocher's boss Set to know about it.
Anubis' severed head had deteriorated somewhat by the time it reached Dr. Rocher.
So Dr. Rocher put it in a special chemical solution for preservation until he had figured out a way it could be repaired.
In the meantime, Dr. Rocher gave Anubis a metallic cyborg looking jackal head as a replacement.
Dr. Rocher had obviously seen the movie Stargate, Anubis thought to himself as he walked the streets of Rome in search of Osiris.
His metallic cyborg eyes weren't as good as his natural jackal eyes Anubis thought to himself as he bumped into a street lamp and asked it, "Excuse me but are you Osiris by any chance?".
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 24th
2015.
Sent from my iPhone
It was night time.
And the Egyptian jackal- headed god Anubis was walking the streets of Rome.
He was here because he had heard that the ancient Egyptian deity Osiris was now living here and he hoped to speak to him.
Anubis' jackal head was a metallic cyborg looking jackal head.
He was stopped on the streets of Rome by some science-fiction loving nerd who still lived in his parents' basement (as original Star Trek TV series star William Shatner once observed about all science-fiction loving nerds) who asked him for his autograph.
Anubis signed a piece of paper for the man and the science-fiction loving nerd expressed surprise that he looked so much like the Anubis depicted in the movie Stargate with his metallic cyborg looking jackal head.
Anubis walked on.
He had never seen the movie Stargate.
The reason he had a metallic cyborg looking jackal head was because a couple of weeks ago he had made the mistake of visiting Libya where he had been captured by ISIS (the Islamist terrorist group not the ancient Egyptian goddess) who thought he was a Coptic Christian and beheaded his original flesh-and-blood jackal head.
What low intelligence these ISIS supporters must have, Anubis thought at the time.
Mistaking him an ancient Egyptian deity for a Coptic Christian.
Since he was a super vampiric super immortal, the act of beheading him did not kill him.
Instead he took his severed head and flew to London (much to the discomfort of flight attendants and his fellow passengers) and then clandestinely met Dr. Cadbury Rocher who was the chief research scientist for the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set aka the ancient Egyptian god of storms, the desert, chaos and war.
The meeting was clandestine because Anubis didn't want Dr. Rocher's boss Set to know about it.
Anubis' severed head had deteriorated somewhat by the time it reached Dr. Rocher.
So Dr. Rocher put it in a special chemical solution for preservation until he had figured out a way it could be repaired.
In the meantime, Dr. Rocher gave Anubis a metallic cyborg looking jackal head as a replacement.
Dr. Rocher had obviously seen the movie Stargate, Anubis thought to himself as he walked the streets of Rome in search of Osiris.
His metallic cyborg eyes weren't as good as his natural jackal eyes Anubis thought to himself as he bumped into a street lamp and asked it, "Excuse me but are you Osiris by any chance?".
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 24th
2015.
Sent from my iPhone
Monday, February 23, 2015
Pan Goatee's Rap Song
Pan Goatee's Rap Song
The genetically created half- man half goat satyr serial killer Pan Goatee who worked as a hired assassin for the U.S. government had some spare time on his hands so he decided to write his own rap song about the upcoming lunar new year the Year of the Ram:
Hey how's it going my friends
don't swim too deep
or you'll get the bends
They call this new year the Year of the Ram
which I'll toast
with peanut butter and jam
Now some say it's the Year of the Sheep
the creature who followed Little Bo Peep
others like me say that it's the Year of the Goat
you better agree or I'll slash your throat.
Now the god Pan's death was announced to Tiberius on the isle of Capri
I'll continue rapping as I take this pee
and as you can see the god Pan is back from the dead
So don't act like your eyes be full of lead
I am he, you fools
I've got the tools
Goats' hooves for feet
which is kind of neat
and I've also got furry goats' legs
while my human arms carry these beer kegs
Yep, Pan is back
out of the sack
and I'm here to raise Hell
now ain't that swell?
-A Pan Goatee rap song
written by Christopher
for his vampire novel
Monday February 23rd
2015.
The genetically created half- man half goat satyr serial killer Pan Goatee who worked as a hired assassin for the U.S. government had some spare time on his hands so he decided to write his own rap song about the upcoming lunar new year the Year of the Ram:
Hey how's it going my friends
don't swim too deep
or you'll get the bends
They call this new year the Year of the Ram
which I'll toast
with peanut butter and jam
Now some say it's the Year of the Sheep
the creature who followed Little Bo Peep
others like me say that it's the Year of the Goat
you better agree or I'll slash your throat.
Now the god Pan's death was announced to Tiberius on the isle of Capri
I'll continue rapping as I take this pee
and as you can see the god Pan is back from the dead
So don't act like your eyes be full of lead
I am he, you fools
I've got the tools
Goats' hooves for feet
which is kind of neat
and I've also got furry goats' legs
while my human arms carry these beer kegs
Yep, Pan is back
out of the sack
and I'm here to raise Hell
now ain't that swell?
-A Pan Goatee rap song
written by Christopher
for his vampire novel
Monday February 23rd
2015.
Friday, February 20, 2015
Anubis In London
Anubis In London
Quite often when Renfield R. Renfield was on his walks through downtown London, he'd encounter a homeless person who often wore a cardboard sign around his neck sporting a clever slogan in hopes that this would inspire people to give him money.
He of course had given up on Renfield ever giving him money a long long time ago.
Today however Renfield noticed the man wearing a cardboard sign around his neck that sported the slogan NOT DEAD YET.
Renfield was so impressed by the slogan, he actually reached into his pocket...
... while the homeless man blinked in sheer astonishment...
... and pulled out...
... a gun...
... and shot him...
Renfield then stood over the body and used a felt marker pen to cross out the words NOT DEAD YET and wrote I AM NOW.
He then walked into a pub that made a particularly good steak and beef heart pie to buy one to take home.
As he walked out of the pub, he noticed a figure wearing a metallic cyborg looking jackal head standing over the homeless man and cutting out his heart.
As the figure stood up and walked past Renfield, the metallic cyborg looking jackal head bore the facial features of the ancient Egyptian god Anubis.
"Wow, that's weird," Renfield thought to himself as he bit into his steak and beef heart pie, "I didn't know Anubis was a cyborg."
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 20th
2015.
Sent from my iPhone
Quite often when Renfield R. Renfield was on his walks through downtown London, he'd encounter a homeless person who often wore a cardboard sign around his neck sporting a clever slogan in hopes that this would inspire people to give him money.
He of course had given up on Renfield ever giving him money a long long time ago.
Today however Renfield noticed the man wearing a cardboard sign around his neck that sported the slogan NOT DEAD YET.
Renfield was so impressed by the slogan, he actually reached into his pocket...
... while the homeless man blinked in sheer astonishment...
... and pulled out...
... a gun...
... and shot him...
Renfield then stood over the body and used a felt marker pen to cross out the words NOT DEAD YET and wrote I AM NOW.
He then walked into a pub that made a particularly good steak and beef heart pie to buy one to take home.
As he walked out of the pub, he noticed a figure wearing a metallic cyborg looking jackal head standing over the homeless man and cutting out his heart.
As the figure stood up and walked past Renfield, the metallic cyborg looking jackal head bore the facial features of the ancient Egyptian god Anubis.
"Wow, that's weird," Renfield thought to himself as he bit into his steak and beef heart pie, "I didn't know Anubis was a cyborg."
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 20th
2015.
Sent from my iPhone
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Renfield and Nimrod
Renfield and Nimrod
Renfield R. Renfield was spending Ash Wednesday by heavily smoking tons of cigarettes and spilling ash all over the living room carpet which no doubt would upset Athelstan (the butler and valet to their employer the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set) when he discovered it.
He was also busy hacking into the computers of the NSA (America's National Security Agency) to discover what they were up to.
"Great Heavens," Renfield exclaimed to his friend and fellow co-employee Amadeus Emanon, "the NSA have apparently got Nimrod's perfectly preserved dead body in one of their secret labs outside Washington DC."
"Nimrod from the Old Testament?" Amadeus looked up, "The guy who built the Tower of Babel?".
"The same," Renfield sampled an Iraqi tuna fish sandwich from his delicatessen bought multicultural tuna fish sandwich plate featuring tuna fish sandwiches from all over the globe.
"And the body is perfectly preserved, you say?" Amadeus was shocked.
"Yes," Renfield nodded, "it was apparently found in a U.F.O. that had crashed in the Arctic seas not far from the northern Canadian hamlet of Tuktoyaktuk last December."
(For more on the background on the U.F.O. crash near Tuktoyaktuk, please read here:
https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/12/12/u-f-o-crash-in-the-high-arctic/
)
"So Nimrod was in a U.F.O and it was the crash that killed him?" Amadeus wondered inwardly what that would do to the U.F.O. craft's owner's interplanetary vehicular insurance rates- they'd probably rise out of this world.
"Apparently," Renfield looked at his computer, "so Nimrod must have been taken up into the heavens like Enoch and Elijah were. Only the Bible didn't mention Nimrod's trip into the heavens."
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 18th
2015.
Sent from my iPhone
Renfield R. Renfield was spending Ash Wednesday by heavily smoking tons of cigarettes and spilling ash all over the living room carpet which no doubt would upset Athelstan (the butler and valet to their employer the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set) when he discovered it.
He was also busy hacking into the computers of the NSA (America's National Security Agency) to discover what they were up to.
"Great Heavens," Renfield exclaimed to his friend and fellow co-employee Amadeus Emanon, "the NSA have apparently got Nimrod's perfectly preserved dead body in one of their secret labs outside Washington DC."
"Nimrod from the Old Testament?" Amadeus looked up, "The guy who built the Tower of Babel?".
"The same," Renfield sampled an Iraqi tuna fish sandwich from his delicatessen bought multicultural tuna fish sandwich plate featuring tuna fish sandwiches from all over the globe.
"And the body is perfectly preserved, you say?" Amadeus was shocked.
"Yes," Renfield nodded, "it was apparently found in a U.F.O. that had crashed in the Arctic seas not far from the northern Canadian hamlet of Tuktoyaktuk last December."
(For more on the background on the U.F.O. crash near Tuktoyaktuk, please read here:
https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/12/12/u-f-o-crash-in-the-high-arctic/
)
"So Nimrod was in a U.F.O and it was the crash that killed him?" Amadeus wondered inwardly what that would do to the U.F.O. craft's owner's interplanetary vehicular insurance rates- they'd probably rise out of this world.
"Apparently," Renfield looked at his computer, "so Nimrod must have been taken up into the heavens like Enoch and Elijah were. Only the Bible didn't mention Nimrod's trip into the heavens."
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 18th
2015.
Sent from my iPhone
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Whose Secret Weapon?
Whose Secret Weapon?
Russian President Vladimir Putin was in his office in Moscow getting a briefing on the ceasefire in eastern Ukraine.
"Mr. President," the head of the Russian FSB spoke, "the illegal rogue government in Kiev has a new secret weapon that's been attacking our troops... I mean... our allies."
"Secret weapon?" Putin perked up his ears.
"Yes, a werewolf, believe it or not," the FSB head grimaced, "Fortunately our side has a few silver bullets in our arsenal to protect against American witchcraft. We've fired but sadly have missed the mark."
. . .
Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko was in his office in Kiev getting a briefing on how the ceasefire was holding up in eastern Ukraine.
"Mr. President," the Minister of Defence spoke, "Russian troops posing as volunteers have a new secret weapon that's been attacking our troops- a werewolf."
"A werewolf?" Poroshenko dropped a perogie off his fork.
"Yes," the Minister of Defence took a sip of tea in an effort to show the cabinet that he had not been drinking anything stronger, "Fortunately our side have a few silver bullets in our arsenal to protect against Siberian shamanic witchcraft. We've fired but sadly have missed the mark."
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 17th
2015.
Sent from my iPhone
Russian President Vladimir Putin was in his office in Moscow getting a briefing on the ceasefire in eastern Ukraine.
"Mr. President," the head of the Russian FSB spoke, "the illegal rogue government in Kiev has a new secret weapon that's been attacking our troops... I mean... our allies."
"Secret weapon?" Putin perked up his ears.
"Yes, a werewolf, believe it or not," the FSB head grimaced, "Fortunately our side has a few silver bullets in our arsenal to protect against American witchcraft. We've fired but sadly have missed the mark."
. . .
Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko was in his office in Kiev getting a briefing on how the ceasefire was holding up in eastern Ukraine.
"Mr. President," the Minister of Defence spoke, "Russian troops posing as volunteers have a new secret weapon that's been attacking our troops- a werewolf."
"A werewolf?" Poroshenko dropped a perogie off his fork.
"Yes," the Minister of Defence took a sip of tea in an effort to show the cabinet that he had not been drinking anything stronger, "Fortunately our side have a few silver bullets in our arsenal to protect against Siberian shamanic witchcraft. We've fired but sadly have missed the mark."
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 17th
2015.
Sent from my iPhone
Monday, February 16, 2015
Lepardia Marango Gets Email From Magog
Lepardia Marango Gets Email From Magog
Lepardia Marango the cultural attaché at the South African Embassy in London had just received an email from her sometimes dating companion the far left British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley.
The backbench Opposition MP from Wales was serving as an international observer for the new ceasefire that had just come into effect in eastern Ukraine.
In the email, Magog Rhys Petley had written that he was coming under fire from both sides- Ukrainian and Russian.
He said both Ukrainian government troops and pro-Russian rebel forces were firing silver bullets at him.
Why, she wondered, were both sides firing SILVER bullets at him?
One would think that he was a werewolf or something, Lepardia thought as she sipped her buttermilk.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday February 16th
2015.
Lepardia Marango the cultural attaché at the South African Embassy in London had just received an email from her sometimes dating companion the far left British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley.
The backbench Opposition MP from Wales was serving as an international observer for the new ceasefire that had just come into effect in eastern Ukraine.
In the email, Magog Rhys Petley had written that he was coming under fire from both sides- Ukrainian and Russian.
He said both Ukrainian government troops and pro-Russian rebel forces were firing silver bullets at him.
Why, she wondered, were both sides firing SILVER bullets at him?
One would think that he was a werewolf or something, Lepardia thought as she sipped her buttermilk.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday February 16th
2015.
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