Tuesday, May 9, 2017
Wednesday, March 29, 2017
Wednesday, February 8, 2017
Monday, February 6, 2017
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
Michelangelo's Vision of A Donald Trump Presidency
Michelangelo's Vision of A Donald Trump Presidency
German Chancellor Angela Merkel was anxious to discover who would win the U.S. Presidential election.
So she had paid Set Enterprises' €1 million to find out.
But Set Enterprises' genetically created Psychic Lobster refused to reveal that information.
The German Chancellor was anxious to know what would be the results of a Donald Trump Presidency.
So Set Enterprises' chief resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher posed the question hypothetically to the psychic lobster, "What would a Donald Trump Presidency be like?".
Michelangelo replied with a series of visions that he sent telepathically from his lobster antennae to the screen of the computer he was hooked up to.
All the visions were of Donald Trump sitting in the Oval Office:
1st Vision:
Trump (barking orders to his underlings) : What? How dare the Mexicans reject my final offer to get them to pay for the wall I'm building? This makes me look like I'm breaking my campaign promise to my supporters.
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke Mexico City. This will show them who's boss.
2nd vision:
Trump (still barking orders): What? How dare Pope Francis condemn me as unChristian for nuking Mexico City?
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke the Vatican.
This will show that godless atheistic communist in a cassock who's truly doing God's work.
3rd Vision:
Trump (still barking) : I didn't like that story CNN's Anderson Cooper did on me last night.
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke CNN Headquarters in Atlanta.
This will make what General Sherman did look like a Sunday School barbeque.
4th Vision:
Trump (continuously barking): How dare the New York Times condemn me for nuking Atlanta? It's not my fault the entire city happens to surround CNN.
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke the New York Times Building in New York City. But phone my financial so-called Blind Trust first and get them to sell all my investments and disperse all my assets in the Big Apple first.
100th Vision:
Trump (the neverending bark): How dare the Republican governor of New Mexico condemn me for making a radioactive wasteland of most of the country and most of the planet?
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke the state of New Mexico. But pull any investments I might have in the Santa Fe Railway first.
665th Vision:
Trump (still hot under his dog collar and barking wildly): How dare the State of Hawaii vote to secede from the Union saying that it's now governed by a lunatic tyrant worse than Nero and Caligula put together?
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke Honolulu. But sell any real estate and property I might hold in Hawaii first.
666th Vision: How dare the Pentagon refuse my orders to nuke Hawaii saying that there's not much left of the U.S.A. ? Is it my fault that there's so many damned traitors to the Commander-In-Chief living in this country? I'm trying to be Presidential about this.
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to go nuke themselves. And that's an order. If they refuse to go nuke themselves, they're loosing their Armed Forces pensions.
(The resulting atomic mushroom cloud appearing over the Pentagon expands and falls all over Washington D.C. taking the entire city including the White House and Oval Office with its barking and raging occupant Donald Trump with it)
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 1st
2016.
German Chancellor Angela Merkel was anxious to discover who would win the U.S. Presidential election.
So she had paid Set Enterprises' €1 million to find out.
But Set Enterprises' genetically created Psychic Lobster refused to reveal that information.
The German Chancellor was anxious to know what would be the results of a Donald Trump Presidency.
So Set Enterprises' chief resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher posed the question hypothetically to the psychic lobster, "What would a Donald Trump Presidency be like?".
Michelangelo replied with a series of visions that he sent telepathically from his lobster antennae to the screen of the computer he was hooked up to.
All the visions were of Donald Trump sitting in the Oval Office:
1st Vision:
Trump (barking orders to his underlings) : What? How dare the Mexicans reject my final offer to get them to pay for the wall I'm building? This makes me look like I'm breaking my campaign promise to my supporters.
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke Mexico City. This will show them who's boss.
2nd vision:
Trump (still barking orders): What? How dare Pope Francis condemn me as unChristian for nuking Mexico City?
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke the Vatican.
This will show that godless atheistic communist in a cassock who's truly doing God's work.
3rd Vision:
Trump (still barking) : I didn't like that story CNN's Anderson Cooper did on me last night.
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke CNN Headquarters in Atlanta.
This will make what General Sherman did look like a Sunday School barbeque.
4th Vision:
Trump (continuously barking): How dare the New York Times condemn me for nuking Atlanta? It's not my fault the entire city happens to surround CNN.
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke the New York Times Building in New York City. But phone my financial so-called Blind Trust first and get them to sell all my investments and disperse all my assets in the Big Apple first.
100th Vision:
Trump (the neverending bark): How dare the Republican governor of New Mexico condemn me for making a radioactive wasteland of most of the country and most of the planet?
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke the state of New Mexico. But pull any investments I might have in the Santa Fe Railway first.
665th Vision:
Trump (still hot under his dog collar and barking wildly): How dare the State of Hawaii vote to secede from the Union saying that it's now governed by a lunatic tyrant worse than Nero and Caligula put together?
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke Honolulu. But sell any real estate and property I might hold in Hawaii first.
666th Vision: How dare the Pentagon refuse my orders to nuke Hawaii saying that there's not much left of the U.S.A. ? Is it my fault that there's so many damned traitors to the Commander-In-Chief living in this country? I'm trying to be Presidential about this.
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to go nuke themselves. And that's an order. If they refuse to go nuke themselves, they're loosing their Armed Forces pensions.
(The resulting atomic mushroom cloud appearing over the Pentagon expands and falls all over Washington D.C. taking the entire city including the White House and Oval Office with its barking and raging occupant Donald Trump with it)
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 1st
2016.
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
The Ghost White Salamander
The Ghost White Salamander
Belvedere was the ghost of a ghost white salamander who hung out with Salaman The Magician.
The two had met when the stage magician had been doing a magic show in Salt Lake City.
Belvedere did not believe that he had always been a ghost white salamander.
He believed an evil witch had turned him into a ghost white salamander when he refused to pay her for services rendered in a room above a Wild West saloon.
Since he had been turned into a salamander and was ghostly white in colour, he would have been labelled by zoologists a ghost white salamander.
He turned into the ghost of a ghost white salamander after being run over by an ox cart heading further west.
No one could see him until Salaman The Magician had spotted him in Salt Lake City.
Belvedere and Salaman had hit it off and the two hung out together ever since.
Belvedere would occasionally help Salaman out with his magic show.
Having a ghost as part of the show often left other stage magicians who were sitting in the audience as spectators scratching their heads wondering themselves how a certain trick could have been possibly done.
Salaman had recently been hired by the British government to put on a fake haunting using fake ghosts at a Scottish castle this past weekend.
"Why didn't you use a real ghost like me for the haunting?" Belvedere the ghost of the ghost white salamander asked Salaman.
"A lot of people don't find ghosts of ghost white salamanders scary," Salaman answered.
"Really?" Belvedere looked perplexed, "I find myself looking scary whenever I look into the mirror and find dandruff flakes falling out of my ectoplasm."
"Yes, that really is a strange phenomenon," Salaman had to admit.
"I really don't know how to stop it," Belvedere said sheepishly, "it makes me glad most people aren't able to see me."
"Eek!" The magician's lovely stage assistant Maria screamed when she entered the room, "What is that strange creature with dandruff flakes falling out of its ectoplasm?".
"Of which this moment is a prime example," Belvedere the ghost white salamander hung his head in shame.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 30th
2016.
Belvedere was the ghost of a ghost white salamander who hung out with Salaman The Magician.
The two had met when the stage magician had been doing a magic show in Salt Lake City.
Belvedere did not believe that he had always been a ghost white salamander.
He believed an evil witch had turned him into a ghost white salamander when he refused to pay her for services rendered in a room above a Wild West saloon.
Since he had been turned into a salamander and was ghostly white in colour, he would have been labelled by zoologists a ghost white salamander.
He turned into the ghost of a ghost white salamander after being run over by an ox cart heading further west.
No one could see him until Salaman The Magician had spotted him in Salt Lake City.
Belvedere and Salaman had hit it off and the two hung out together ever since.
Belvedere would occasionally help Salaman out with his magic show.
Having a ghost as part of the show often left other stage magicians who were sitting in the audience as spectators scratching their heads wondering themselves how a certain trick could have been possibly done.
Salaman had recently been hired by the British government to put on a fake haunting using fake ghosts at a Scottish castle this past weekend.
"Why didn't you use a real ghost like me for the haunting?" Belvedere the ghost of the ghost white salamander asked Salaman.
"A lot of people don't find ghosts of ghost white salamanders scary," Salaman answered.
"Really?" Belvedere looked perplexed, "I find myself looking scary whenever I look into the mirror and find dandruff flakes falling out of my ectoplasm."
"Yes, that really is a strange phenomenon," Salaman had to admit.
"I really don't know how to stop it," Belvedere said sheepishly, "it makes me glad most people aren't able to see me."
"Eek!" The magician's lovely stage assistant Maria screamed when she entered the room, "What is that strange creature with dandruff flakes falling out of its ectoplasm?".
"Of which this moment is a prime example," Belvedere the ghost white salamander hung his head in shame.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 30th
2016.
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
Salaman The Magician
Salaman The Magician had been summoned to 10 Downing Street to meet the Prime Minister David Cameron.
"I hear you're putting on a very successful magic show in London these days," Cameron said to Salaman.
"I try my best, Mr. Prime Minister," the white bearded magician smiled.
"I hear this past weekend, you had a frog leaping out from the bosom of a very beautiful woman in a low-cut evening dress and frightening Boris Johnson," Cameron smiled.
"As much as I'd like to claim credit for what turned out to be a very upstaging event during the show," the magician bowed his head, "alas, I was not the one responsible for that."
"Well no matter," Cameron got to the point, "the point is we're having a very important guest- a foreign dignitary- staying at a castle in Scotland tonight- the castle is said to be haunted. We want you to use your magic skills to make a ghost appear to the foreign dignitary and get him to adopt the same position on a certain international issue as that held by Her Majesty's Government here in the United Kingdom. Sorry to give you such short notice on this. But we just found out at the last moment that this gentleman is flying in for a secret conference on this issue at the said haunted castle in Scotland. We thought if anyone could put together a seemingly authentic haunting at the last moment, it would be a master magician such as yourself."
"All right, I'll do it," Salaman answered when he was handed a piece of paper by Cameron stating the amount the British government was willing to pay him for staging the supposedly authentic haunting.
"Great," Cameron shook his hand and the magician made his exit.
• • •
"Who'd have thought," Salaman shook his head as he got into the taxi outside 10 Downing Street, "that magic shows and haunted castles would soon play an important role in international relations."
Meanwhile over in Vietnam, Barack Obama was unaware that he was currently chatting with the actual real ghost of a Vietnamese Empress.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 24th
2016.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)