The Halloween Resurrection of Osiris

The Halloween Resurrection of Osiris


Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was at Interpol's International Headquarters in Lyon, France.



He was viewing some videos on his office computer.



For a while now, Whitstable suspected that the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis was up to something in her secret laboratory below Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris.


His suspicions heightened when he videotaped the Vampiress Isis pushing Swiss scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius to his death off the bell tower of Notre Dame Cathedral on the 1st of this month.



Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius landed on top of a Paris street corner poetry reciter who was reciting John Donne's poem on For Whom The Bell Tolls at the time killing the poetic thespian in the process.


As Peter Whitstable was busy videotaping the whole thing and uploading it to his YouTube account, a young French woman standing next to him was busy calling 112 (the French emergency number equivalent of the North American 911 emergency number) on her cell phone.


Whitstable saw the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec fly by as he was videotaping (quite literally fly by for the sexy evening dress wearing Vampiress suddenly turned from a beautiful woman into a midnight black vampire bat).


Then last Friday evening the 24th of October as he sat in a Parisienne cafe enjoying some fresh oysters and sipping champagne, he videotaped the Vampiress Isis having filet mignon and red Bordeaux wine with Dr. Cadbury Rocher the Chief Research Scientist for Set Enterprises in London.


He gathered while eavesdropping on their conversation that Dr. Cadbury Rocher no longer worked for the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian Vampire Set.



Apparently a dinner of steak and lobster, steak tartare and la viande de cheval at the St. James' Court Hotel main dining room in London had gone horribly wrong the evening of Wednesday October 22nd 2014.


The result was Dr. Cadbury Rocher stood up at the table, quit his job and left (sticking the Vampire Set with the cheque).


As he exited, Dr. Rocher said he saw Dr. Henry Kissinger sitting at a table and overheard him tell former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin on his cell phone that she should really buy herself a nuclear radioactive protection suit and start learning Russian.



"We will deal with the Russians when the appropriate time comes," Isis ground her Black Sea oyster into fine dust with her bright gold painted fingernails.


Dr. Rocher had accepted Isis' dinner table offer to come work for her.


On condition that she provide him with the necessary funding for his latest pet project Pegasus- an effort to genetically create the winged horse of Classical Greek mythology.

Isis agreed but first Dr. Rocher must for her re-assemble the sub-atomic particles of her brother, husband and lover Osiris and put them back together again.


Osiris had been vapourized into non-existence by a laser death ray fired at his returning spaceship by a Russian submarine when he attempted to return to Earth on December 21st 2012.


Hence Isis' intense hatred of Vladimir Putin's Russia.




               .           .           .


Cardinal JM was gazing at a mysterious envelope placed on his desk in his Vatican office.


He did not recognize the handwriting on the envelope.


And he had no idea who put it there.


For his own personal secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe had gone down to Rome's Sexually Transmitted Diseases Clinic for some reason.


Cardinal JM used his 3-headed dog Cerberus letter opener to open the envelope.

He reached inside.


What he read shocked him.


For it purported to be the text of The Third Secret of Fatima.


Although Cardinal JM did not personally believe in the apparitions of the Blessed Virgin Mary said to have appeared to three shepherd children near the village of Fatima, Portugal on 6 different occasions from May 13th to October 13th 1917 (although he never publicly expressed those views aloud during the pontificates of Popes John Paul II and Benedict XVI), what he read still intrigued him immensely.


Ever since Italian journalist Antonio Socci published his book The Fourth Secret of Fatima back in 2006, people had always wondered about Socci's claim that it was only the "vision" associated with the Third Secret that the Vatican had released to the public back on June 26th 2000.


In the previous Two Secrets of Fatima, there were visions that the 3 children at Fatima were alleged to have seen and then there were accompanying texts- words alleged to have been spoken by the Virgin Mary to the 3 children explaining what the visions meant.


But in the Third Secret that the Vatican released back in 2000, there was only a "vision"- a vision of a Bishop dressed in white climbing up a steep mountain at the top of which was a big Cross  of rough-hewn trunks- while climbing the mountain, the Bishop in White passed through a big city half in ruins and when he reached the top of the mountain- as he was on his knees at the foot of the Cross- he was killed by a group of soldiers who fired bullets and arrows at him.


But there was no text released- or words by the Virgin Mary explaining to the 3 children at Fatima what the vision meant.


Now here in front of him were supposedly the words  (accompanying the vision) that were spoken by the Virgin Mary to the 3 shepherd children at Fatima.


Hm.


Very interesting.


As a worshipper of the Ancient Greek gods (in secret of course!), Cardinal JM longed to see such chaos in the Church and the world that the worship of the ancient gods would be restored to bring back stability.


Let's say he were to fax a copy of the contents of this envelope to say... Russian President Vladimir Putin... would that not bring about the chaos in the Church and the world  that he longed to see?




Cardinal JM went over to his old photocopier and copied the document that was inside the sealed envelope.



Then he went over to his fax machine and faxed the copy to Vladimir Putin's office in the Kremlin.



He then stood at his office window overlooking Saint Peter's Square.


He noticed a figure in the street below his window wearing a black Venetian masquerade mask, a black cape, a black hat and holding a black walking stick.



The figure looked up at Cardinal JM and spoke in a whisper.


But the words of the whisper seemed to echo through Saint Peter's Square.



"Jacques de Molay, thou art avenged!".




              .              .             .




Renfield R. Renfield went to see his friend Amadeus Emanon in the hospital on this Halloween night.

For Amadeus was still in hospital recovering from shrapnel wounds he received when Renfield led a commando rescue mission on a Cornwall farmhouse to, as the British media put it, "Free his friend from the ISIS terrorists who were holding him hostage here in this sceptered isle."


Renfield figured his friend would probably be feeling depressed because normally Amadeus liked going out trick or treating on Halloween night.


Renfield brought along a bag of chocolate bar and candy treats that Watson Holmes the Executive Vice-President of Set Enterprises had sent along as a gift for Amadeus.



He also brought along a pumpkin pie that had been baked for Amadeus by Miss Miranda Singh the secretary and office manager for Watson Holmes.


As his own gift Renfield brought along a couple of videos- the 1982 film Halloween III: Season of the Witch and the 1993 film The Nightmare Before Christmas for them to watch together as they ate the Halloween treats and the pumpkin pie.


Renfield also brought along a poster that said Halloween At The Hindenburg (The Hindenburg was a nightclub on Canada's West Coast) and hung it on the wall in Amadeus' room.


"Ever since a friend of mine sent me this poster a few weeks ago, I thought it would be cool to dress a dirigible up as the Hindenburg on Halloween and re-enact that May 1937 airship disaster," Renfield beamed as he looked at the poster.


He then put on the video Halloween III: Season of the Witch for them to watch.


Outside Amadeus' hospital window, a witch flew by on a broomstick.





                 .             .            .




Inside the secret laboratory of the Vampiress Isis below Notre Dame Cathedral, Dr. Cadbury Rocher was putting the finishing touches on all the equipment.


Rocher had discovered that the problem Isis and the late Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius had in trying to re-assemble the sub-atomic particles of Osiris was that they were not working with an original ET gray's laser death ray gun.


They were working with a 3-D printer copy of an original.


And Dr. Rocher knew this because he recognized the gun as one he had made with a  3-D printer he had invented.

As brilliant as Dr. Cadbury Rocher was, even he hadn't reached the level of intellectual sophistication of the ET grays he had to admit.


But Rocher knew how to get the original.


He knew where Renfield R. Renfield kept it on the Set Enterprises premises.


Isis passed this information along to her London private eye gumshoe spy Randall Hopkins who broke into Set Enterprises and stole the original ET gray's laser death ray gun.


Now with the original in his possession, Rocher fired the laser death ray at the spot in the lab which held the sub-atomic particles of Osiris and then through the use of electromagnets, he reversed the flow of the ray.


Sure enough the sub-atomic particles of Osiris re-assembled themselves and came together again.


Isis shrieked with ecstasy.


Then she looked on in horror.


The sub-atomic particles of the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl also started to re-assemble themselves (Quetzalcoatl was the spiritual godfather of her female vampiric arch-enemy and rival the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec).


Isis had forgotten that Quetzalcoatl's returning spaceship had also been destroyed by the Russian submarine's laser death ray.


And of course Quetzalcoatl's sub-atomic particles would also have been collected along with Osiris' when Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius was using his small scale  working model of the CERN Large Hadron Collider to collect sub-atomic particles along the beach at Vancouver's English Beach after the laser attack on the returning spaceships.



Osiris looked down at his re-assembled body and then screamed.


Dr. Cadbury Rocher looked down at the mathematical equation of the re-assembly process he had scribbled on a notepad and suddenly, noticing a slight miscalculation, said in a very very low voice, "Oops."




"Of all the cosmic bad luck," the ancient Egyptian vampire cried out in anguish, "it's once again my phallus that's missing whenever I'm put back together again."


Isis screamed as well.


Her valet Cedarman who was on his cell phone immediately cancelled the order of Viagra he had placed on his mistress' orders to celebrate this happy occasion.


Quetzalcoatl roared and breathed fire.


He then flapped his wings and flew out the air vent of the secret underground laboratory.


He made the air vent a lot larger by doing so due to his enormous size.


As he flew out over the City of Paris, he passed by a dirigible made up to look like the 1930s German airship The Hindenburg.


The Halloween Hindenburg burst into flames near the top of the Eiffel Tower.




To be continued.




-A Halloween vampire novel chapter
 written by Christopher
 during the time period
 Thursday October 30th
 to
 Friday October 31st
 2014.


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