Ash Wednesday

Ash Wednesday

It was Ash Wednesday 2016.

And so Tim Horton's Restaurants were already advertising their Roll Up The Rim To Win TV commercials.

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had been told years ago by someone who was involved in advertising, "If you've ever noticed, Tim Horton's always starts their Roll Up The Rim To Win coffee cup campaign in conjunction with Lent.  There's a very good reason for that. Because Tim Horton's had begun to notice that when the Lenten season started, their coffee sales decreased.  Because many people were giving up drinking coffee for Lent.  So Tim Horton's started their Roll Up The Rim To Win campaign. By offering the exciting prospect of winning exorbitant grand prizes by someone rolling up the rim to win on their coffee cup, people started giving up other things besides coffee for Lent."

Since he was told that by the man in advertising back in 2007, Van Helsing paid attention ever since.

Sure enough, Tim Horton's Roll Up The Rim To Win TV Commercials always appeared around Ash Wednesday and then vanished after Easter.

"Greed wins out over Christ every time," the demon Mammon explained to guests in his Park Avenue penthouse apartment in New York City.

Meanwhile Dracul Van Helsing was amused by an email he had just received from the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.


It seems that Qonzilqointec's spiritual godfather the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl had decided to crash this Friday's meeting between Pope Francis and Moscow Patriarch Kirill (the head of the Russian Orthodox Church) at Jose Marti International Airport in Havana, Cuba.


Meanwhile in London on this Ash Wednesday evening, the New Orleans vampiress and songstress Angelique Dumont wearing a purple evening dress was struggling in the middle of a fierce windstorm as she left the theatre where she had been singing the role of Mary Magdalene in a performance of Jesus Christ Superstar.

It was strange.

Instead of blowing snow, the wind was blowing great quantities of ash all around her.


"Where did all this ash come from?" Angelique asked herself as she wrapped her cape tightly around her.


In his bedroom at the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set's colossal London mansion, Amadeus Emanon was having a dream about the movie director Alfred Hitchcock.

In the dream, Alfred Hitchcock was being interviewed by Barbara Walters.


Barbara Walters: Mr. Hitchcock, why did you always start your weekly TV show with the words "Good evening." ?

Alfred Hitchcock: Well you see, Barbara, when I was a boy, I attended a Jesuit school for boys where my teachers were all Jesuit priests. As a result of that experience, it has always been my dream to someday direct a movie about a Jesuit priest who's elected Pope. This Pope will prepare the world to accept the coming of the Antichrist. When he's first elected Pope, when he goes out on the balcony of Saint Peter's to address the world for the first time, instead of saying something like "Praised be Our Lord Jesus Christ" (the words one might expect from a new Pope), he shall greet the world with a calm and quiet "Good evening" or as they say in Italian, "Buona sera."


-A vampire novel chapter
 written by Christopher
 Wednesday February 10th
  2016