Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Tea With Renfield and Dr. Nicht Werhoffen

Renfield R. Renfield had invited the Russian FSB's leading scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen to a Russian tea shop in the midst of downtown London.

"Thanks," Dr. Werhoffen coughed after he swallowed the lemon in his tea, "we certainly don't have samovars or tea with lemon in Moscow."

"That's funny, I thought they did," Amadeus Emanon squeezed the lemon in his tea.

"I was being facetious when I said that," Dr. Werhoffen looked with annoyance at Amadeus.

"You're probably wondering why I invited you to drink Russian tea in London," Renfield smiled.

"I was actually," Dr. Werhoffen looked intently at Renfield.

"Funny, I've never been invited to drink British tea in Moscow," Amadeus remarked while looking to see if they had Fish and Chips on The Czar Nicholas II Tea Shop Menu.

"Shut up, Amadeus," Renfield and Dr. Werhoffen both snapped.

"I'll have the Black Sea sturgeon and a side of beets," Amadeus told the waitress figuring it was the nearest thing to British cod and chips.

"So why am I here?" Dr. Werhoffen asked.

"You know man has asked that question since the time of Socrates and Plato," Amadeus interjected, "even Jean-Paul Sarte had trouble answering it while he was busy banging Simone de Beauvoir in the bedroom of their Paris apartment."

Renfield and Dr. Werhoffen looked sharply at Amadeus.

Renfield when he had received the tuna fish sandwich spoke, "I understand you've created a sexy looking female redheaded cyborg?".

"How did you know that?" Dr. Werhoffen looked surprised.

"Through Michelangelo the psychic lobster," Amadeus said as he helped himself to a lobster leg on a bun appetizer.

Renfield kicked Amadeus under the table.

"So what about it?" Dr. Werhoffen asked.

"I would like to borrow it (or her if you have feelings for the cyborg) for six months," Renfield said.

"Impossible," Dr. Werhoffen shook his head, "the Prime Minister of Russia wouldn't allow it."

"Well, why don't you email dear old Vladimir and ask him?" Renfield smiled.

Dr. Werhoffen took out his iPhone and emailed the Prime Minister of Russia.

"Mein Gott," Dr. Werhoffen slipped back into his native German, "he says ja."

Earlier that morning, Renfield had emailed a very interesting photo he had stolen from the Russian Secret Archives a couple of years ago. He thought the photo would come in handy some day. The photo showed the late former Russian President Boris Yeltsin doing very strange things in a hot tub with the current Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin.

"I'll expect the cyborg Sophia at my door sometime tomorrow afternoon," Renfield instructed.

"Wow, this is pretty hot for National Geographic," Amadeus remarked as he was reading a description of her masturbatory fantasies written by a young and beautiful Malaysian Iban woman- a descendent of head hunters on the island of Borneo.

To be continued.

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