Dracul Van Helsing was leaving the Saint James' Court Hotel on his way to Saint Paul's Cathedral when he was greeted at the entrance and exit door of the hotel by the red-headed cyborg Sophia.
She was wearing a tight fitting purple mini dress, black silk pantyhose and red super spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.
"I've been given instructions to make out with you for the next 3 hours," Sophia spoke in a very sultry voice.
"Oh, okay," Dracul wasn't one to turn down a beautiful woman on such a request.
* * *
There was a huge parade and festivities going on in Pyongyang the North Korean capital to mark the 65th Anniversary of the founding of the Korean Workers' Party by Great Leader Kim il-Sung.
Overseeing the parade was the so-called Dear Leader Kim Jong-il the son of Kim il-Sung.
And on the other side of a North Korean Army general on the platform overseeing the parade was the Next Leader Kim Jong-un the son and designated heir of Dear Leader Kim Jong-il.
Unknown to most western observers, there was a non-Korean woman marching in uniform along with North Korea's tight skirted women soldiers.
She was the Welsh Vampiress Morgana- acclaimed by the British press as the next Lady Gaga.
Morgana was able to parade in the North Korean daylight as a result of being given the powerful sunscreen invented for vampires and vampiresses by the former East German Stasi scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen who now worked for the Russian FSB.
A few rows behind Morgana and also dressed in the tight skirted uniform of the North Korean Army Women's Corps was South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan.
Hyung was keeping an eye on Morgana.
She had become aware the past few months that there had been several clandestine meetings going on between the Vampiress Morgana and designated North Korean heir Kim Jong-un. She was anxious to discover what those clandestine meetings were about.
* * *
Inside one of the back cloisters of Saint Paul's Cathedral, a nervous groom the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was getting ready for his marriage to the Vampiress Martini the heiress to the Romanov billions.
By putting their two fortunes together, they would become a powerhouse in the world of global finance.
It was a dynastic marriage made in Heaven- although it was actually made in the Underworld when the idea came to Renfield R. Renfield when he was in a poker game with the Greek God Hades (known to our Roman Latin readers as Pluto).
The marriage was to be performed by Set's good friend and Bridge card game partner at several London clubs the ArchDruid of Canterbury.
The ArchDruid had suggested Saint Paul's Cathedral as the venue for Set's wedding nuptials to the Vampiress Martini.
When Set said that the presence of Crosses and Crucifixes might make him a tad uncomfortable during the ceremony, Dr. Rowan Williams smiled and said most of the clergy and laity would have no objections to the Crosses and Crucifixes being removed during the wedding service as most had no idea what was the purpose behind such objects in today's Church of England anyways.
Serving as deacon during the ceremony behind the ArchDruid was a U.S. Episcopalian bishop and part time Santeria practitioner who had removed the Crosses and Crucifixes from his own Cathedral years ago.
"Have you seen the latest Old Spice commercial where the spokesperson turns into a multi-headed hydra?" Amadeus Emanon asked Renfield who was getting ready the bucket of severed human fingers that would serve as confetti to be thrown after the service.
"No, I haven't," Renfield snapped angrily.
"I think that Episcopalian bishop who's going to be the deacon during the service needs some Old Spice," Amadeus remarked, "because his arm pits smell like Hell."
"That's no surpise," Renfield handed the organist the music sheet for the Ozzy Osbourne song Speak of the Devil which would be played as the wedding march instead of the traditional Here Comes The Bride or even the Allegro Maestoso selection from Handel's Water Music.
As the Episcopalian bishop struggled with his robes, Amadeus threw on a huge dose of Old Spice deodorant under each underarm.
The end result was when the bishop got the robe over his head, he had suddenly grown six other heads as well.
"Bloody Hell," the bishop said when he looked at his reflection in the mirror which immediately cracked upon his gaze.
"No time to worry about that now, Henry," the ArchDruid of Canterbury laughed, "it will be next to impossible to find an executioner to cut off your six extra heads before the service begins particularly in lieu of the fact capital punishment was abolished in England back in the 1960s."
* * *
Set was dressed in his best tuxedo, dress shirt and bow tie.
The Vampiress Martini was dressed in the latest elegant white wedding dress personally designed by Karl Lagerfeld.
The ArchDruid of Canterbury was dressed in episcopal purple wearing an inverted pentagram instead of a pectorial Cross around his neck.
The U.S. Episcopalian bishop was dressed in the white robes of a deacon with a chicken's foot around the neck of his central head while his six other heads blinked uncomfortably.
Renfield R. Renfield was the choir master trying to direct and conduct an unruly group of goths, punk rockers and heavy metal headbangers who made up the choir.
Amadeus Emanon was dressed in school boy style trousers and was the ringbearer for the occasion.
Lady Gaga was dressed in a luminously white short short mini dress, white silk nylons and white spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes and was the flower girl holding a basket of ragweed for the happy occasion.
The service began as the ArchDruid of Canterbury solemnly intoned, "Dearly beloved bretheren and sisteren and transgendered in-betweenem, we are gathered here today to join this vampire and this vampiress in the bondage of unholy matrimony. Marriage, which is a dishonourable estate according to the Association of British Divorce Attorneys, should not be entered into lightly or without a pre-nuptial agreement. If any of you know any reason why these two should not be awfully wed, let him speak now or forever hold his peace..."
Amadeus spoke in a whisper to Renfield (a whisper that echoed throughout the dome of Saint Paul's), "How did you manage to stop Dracul Van Helsing from coming to this service to raise his objections?".
Renfield also answered in a whisper (that likewise echoed throughout the dome of Saint Paul's Cathedral), "I sent the Cyborg Sophia to his hotel to stop him in his tracks. No doubt he's currently engaged..."
"O Brave New World that has such people in it," the Vampiress Martini looked up as she saw the moon
filter through the dome of Saint Paul's Cathedral.
To be continued.
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