Pan Goatee and The Feathered Serpent

Pan Goatee and The Winged Serpent


Pan Goatee was busy cutting off the heads of ugly women who were out walking their dogs (the four-legged kind) the past few nights.

"I've never seen so many dogs out walking their dogs," Pan Goatee remarked as he lopped off repulsive looking heads left, right and center.

He lopped off the head of one ugly looking woman who thought she could actually race him across the street at a stop light.

And then lopped off the head of another ugly looking woman who tried to enter his favourite oyster and sushi bar before him.

As he sat enjoying eating his oysters and thinking about the beautiful Aphrodite possibly emerging from one of his oyster shells, he got a call on his Samsung Galaxy S7 Smart Phone.

It came from a wealthy Neo-Nazi sympathizing German industrialist and arms manufacturer who was backing Donald Trump's race for the U.S. Presidency.

It had come to the industrialist's attention that the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl and his goddaughter the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec were trying to forge an alliance with Mitt Romney to stop Trump winning the Republican Party Presidential nomination.


A CIA agent (who surprisingly was pro-Bernie Sanders) was going to serve as go-between for a proposed Phoenix, Arizona summit meeting between the 3.


The agent whose name was actually Johnny Begood would apparently be playing the part of a masked Saquasohuh (Blue Star) Kachina dancer in a ritual ceremony in the plaza of a Hopi Indian village in northeastern Arizona tonight.






The industrialist asked Pan Goatee if he wouldn't mind astral projecting to this village and bumping off the said pro-Bernie Sanders CIA agent.

Pan Goatee said "yes for a fee of one million Euros" to which the German industrialist agreed.

The money would be wired to Pan Goatee's British Virgin Islands offshore account.

As Pan Goatee put his smart phone back in his pocket, he breathed a sigh of relief that he decided to use the British Virgin Islands for his offshore bank accounts rather than Panama in lieu of the leaking of the Panama Papers at Panamanian law firm Mossack Fonseca.


Pan Goatee then astral projected to the said village at the Hopi reservation in northeastern Arizona.


He noticed the man wearing the Saquasohuh Blue Star Kachina bird costume (though he hadn't put on his bird's head mask yet) and deduced this must be CIA agent Johnny Begood.

Pan Goatee immediately beheaded the man with his machete.

At that moment a beautiful (which was a good thing for her being in the presence of Pan Goatee) Hopi girl (about 19) who was going to play the role of tribal princess in tonight's ceremony walked into the room and said, "Why did you do that? He was supposed to dance for our ceremony tonight and now we have no one."


"I think this costume would fit me," Pan Goatee said looking down at Begood's body, "I could put it on and do the dance."


"All right," said the Hopi princess looking at her watch, "Hurry up and put it on. We just have half an hour. It will take 5 minutes for you to get the costume on and then another 25 minutes for me to teach you the dance- assuming you're a quick learner."

"I'm a quick learner," Pan Goatee flashed a smile which was whiter than usual since he had started using an ultra-bright whitening toothpaste a week ago.






So Pan Goatee put the costume on and then learned the dance and then went out into the plaza of the village where he did the dance.

He was starting to feel extremely hot under the mask (having put a little too much Tabasco sauce on his oysters) so he took off the mask.


The Hopi elders noticed a CNN news crew and a Fox News crew and a BBC News crew there filming the ceremony.


"Oh my God," one of the elders cried, "a Kachina has removed his mask in the presence of the uninitiated."


"This means the beginning of the Apocalypse," another elder shouted.


Anderson Cooper gulped as he looked at the live feed.


-A vampire novel chapter
  written by Christopher
 Tuesday April 5th
 2016.