Medusa and The Kraken In San Diego

Medusa and The Kraken In San Diego

The Kraken who called himself Emperor Napoleon VI (formerly Italian mad scientist Dr. Poseidon Prometheus prior to uploading his consciousness into a cyborgic octopus cybrid) was suntanning himself on a beach near San Diego, California.


His wife Medusa the ex-Gorgon (who had her head reattached to her body and her beauty restored- no more snaky dandruff flakes falling out of her hair- by British mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher) was lying next to him in a bikini.


She turned over.


"Say dear," she whispered, "would you mind putting some suntan lotion on my back?".


"All right," the Kraken picked up the Coppertone suntanning lotion with one of his eight arms and put some of the lotion on his tentacles (careful not to put some on his metallic cyborg hooks) and started rubbing her back applying the lotion.


"Oh God, that feels good," Medusa moaned, "I think I'll have an orgasm right here on the beach."


The Kraken suddenly stopped applying the lotion, "How do Californians feel about displays of orgasms in public?".


"You've never seen too many TV shows or movies about California have you?" Medusa looked at him.


"I was always too busy leafing through textbooks and scientific journals," the ex-scientist turned Kraken recalled, "the closest I got to anything Californian was eating a bunch of California raisins one time. Which almost got me deported from Italy for offending Tuscan grape growers."





A guy walking along the beach in dark sunglasses suddenly spots the Kraken.


"Hey," the man walked up to him, "aren't you the same Kraken who appeared in that Geico commercial on TV where you jumped out of a water hazard on a golf course and devoured a bunch of golfers?".


"I'm the same Kraken all right," Napoleon VI smiled photogenically.


"I was once beheaded by the Greek hero Perseus," Medusa spoke up anxious for the sandals and Hawaiian shorts and dark sunglasses wearing dude to be impressed by her as well.


"I never saw that movie," the dude replied, "although my kids did."


"Oh," Medusa looked disappointed.


"Can I have your autograph?" The dude asked the Kraken.


"Sure," the Kraken smiled again, "do you have a pen on you?".


The dude reached into his shorts pocket and pulled out a pen bearing the logo Moonlite Bunny Ranch Nevada.


The Kraken took the pen with one of his tentacles and autographed the dude's autograph book.



"Moonlite Bunny Ranch Nevada?" The Kraken looked at the logo on the pen, "Did you ever run into a shapeshifting hamster/human called Renfield R. Renfield who often shops there?".


"I have on quite a number of occasions," the dude nodded, "in fact it was Mr. Renfield's posting a photo of him and me together in a hot tub with a bunch of working girls on that ranch on his Facebook page that has allowed me to add the title of having an ex-wife to my list of accomplishments."


"Renfield often has the habit of leaving chaos in his wake," the Kraken acknowledged.


"Yes, you should try Renfield's primordial void soup," Medusa grimaced, "I was sick for days afterwards."


"I must admit it didn't go well with my Kraken digestive system either," Napoleon VI recalled.

"Can I get a selfie with you and Medusa together?" The dude asked, "My golfing buddies will be so thrilled with you Mr. Kraken and my children will go nuts over seeing you Medusa with your head attached and minus all those slithering creepy crawly viper venomous reptiles in your curly locks of hair."


"Sure," the Kraken and Medusa agreed.


As they got their picture taken with the dude's smart phone, Bernie Sanders was walking along the beach handing out his Presidential campaign literature.


"Excuse me," Sen. Sanders addressed them, "but you three aren't registered Democrats by any chance are you?".


-A vampire novel chapter
 written by Christopher
 Sunday May 15th 2016.