Qonzilqointec and Dracul See Pope Francis Wearing A Cowboy Hat

Qonzilqointec and Dracul See Pope Francis Wearing A Cowboy Hat


The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing were in Her Vampiric Highness' exclusive Mexico City penthouse apartment enjoying an exquisite meal and a bottle of the best Burgundy wine after a great evening of seeing Cinco de Mayo festivities.


The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was wearing a fiery red evening dress emblazoned with black lace around the arm sleeves.


Dracul Van Helsing was wearing a Humphrey Bogart Casablanca white style dinner jacket tuxedo and black bow tie.


"We're having roast lobster as the main entree," Qonzilqointec smiled.


"Lovely," Dracul nodded, "as long as it's not my friend Michelangelo."


"Speaking of which," Qonzilqointec smiled showing her white vampiric incisor fangs, "how did Set Enterprises' resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher manage to genetically create Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster?".


"Well," Dracul sipped his Burgundy wine,"I understand he extracted DNA from lobsters in a certain region of the world which according to a rare and unknown work of Herodotus that he had in his possession- these lobsters were said to have advanced psychic powers according to Ancient Greek sailors of the time who had ingested too much of the opium poppy."


"Who had ingested too much of the opium poppy?" Qonzilqointec asked, "the lobsters or the Greek sailors?".





"I'm not quite sure," Dracul looked reflective, "Dr. Cadbury Rocher was somewhat incoherent after downing a dozen glasses of Tennessee bourbon."


"And who had downed the dozen glasses of Tennessee bourbon?" Qonzilqointec smiled again, "You or Dr. Rocher?".

"I believe we were tied for twelve apiece at that point," Dracul recalled.


"And where in the world did he get those psychic lobsters whose DNA he extracted to genetically create Michelangelo?" Qonzilqointec smiled yet again.

Qonzilqointec had been used to smiling all evening for the 550-year-old Aztec vampiress had been mistaken by numerous American tourists for actress Salma Hayek (whose identical twin sister she could have easily passed for) at Cinco de Mayo festivities and they wanted their selfies taken with Qonzilqointec for uploads to Facebook and Instagram.


"Well according to a friend of mine who's a former U.S. Army Special Operations officer and former DARPA employee," Dracul recalled, "Dr. Cadbury Rocher had sent a group of beautiful but fierce warrioresses  who called themselves the Sisterhood of the Black Dragons on a secret mission to the Black and Caspian Seas just prior to creating Michelangelo. So my friend who operated under the Special Ops code name Jack Daniels believes that it's probably in the Black Sea and Caspian Sea regions of the world where these psychic lobsters are found."

"That's interesting," Qonzilqointec wiped her mouth with a handkerchief after taking a large bite of lobster.





On the television in the living room which had the sound turned down, Donald Trump was telling Ohio Gov. John Kasich to take "Small bites. Small bites."


"Why is that interesting?" Dracul Van Helsing likewise took a large bite of lobster.


On the TV in the living room, Sarah Palin could be seen performing the Heimlich maneuver on John Kasich.


"Because these lobsters I ordered flown in fresh for this special occasion," Qonzilqointec sipped her Burgundy wine, "happen to come from the Black and Caspian Seas."


At that moment, both Qonzilqointec and Dracul Van Helsing had psychic visions by which they were teleported to the Vatican where they saw Pope Francis in his bedroom.


Pope Francis was on his way to an Ascension Day papal audience where he was to meet a group of real western cowboys from the western U.S. state of Wyoming.


Pope Francis had been advised by Cardinal Gianfranco Ravasi and Cardinal Walter Kasper that when the cowboys are in Rome to do as the cowboys do.


So Pope Francis was wearing a pair of tight fitting blue jeans, buckled leather belt, red and black plaid shirt and a 10 gallon white Stetson cowboy hat.

He was looking at himself in his full length dressing mirror.

Pope Francis began singing that old Mac Davis country and western song,




"Oh Lord, it's hard to be humble
  When you're perfect in every way...
   I guess it has somethin' to do with the way
   That I fill out my skin tight blue jeans."


Pope Francis looked down at the way he filled out his skin tight blue jeans.


-A vampire novel chapter
  written by Christopher
  Thursday May 5th
  2016.