Renfield R. Renfield had invited the Russian FSB's leading scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen to a Russian tea shop in the midst of downtown London.
"Thanks," Dr. Werhoffen coughed after he swallowed the lemon in his tea, "we certainly don't have samovars or tea with lemon in Moscow."
"That's funny, I thought they did," Amadeus Emanon squeezed the lemon in his tea.
"I was being facetious when I said that," Dr. Werhoffen looked with annoyance at Amadeus.
"You're probably wondering why I invited you to drink Russian tea in London," Renfield smiled.
"I was actually," Dr. Werhoffen looked intently at Renfield.
"Funny, I've never been invited to drink British tea in Moscow," Amadeus remarked while looking to see if they had Fish and Chips on The Czar Nicholas II Tea Shop Menu.
"Shut up, Amadeus," Renfield and Dr. Werhoffen both snapped.
"I'll have the Black Sea sturgeon and a side of beets," Amadeus told the waitress figuring it was the nearest thing to British cod and chips.
"So why am I here?" Dr. Werhoffen asked.
"You know man has asked that question since the time of Socrates and Plato," Amadeus interjected, "even Jean-Paul Sarte had trouble answering it while he was busy banging Simone de Beauvoir in the bedroom of their Paris apartment."
Renfield and Dr. Werhoffen looked sharply at Amadeus.
Renfield when he had received the tuna fish sandwich spoke, "I understand you've created a sexy looking female redheaded cyborg?".
"How did you know that?" Dr. Werhoffen looked surprised.
"Through Michelangelo the psychic lobster," Amadeus said as he helped himself to a lobster leg on a bun appetizer.
Renfield kicked Amadeus under the table.
"So what about it?" Dr. Werhoffen asked.
"I would like to borrow it (or her if you have feelings for the cyborg) for six months," Renfield said.
"Impossible," Dr. Werhoffen shook his head, "the Prime Minister of Russia wouldn't allow it."
"Well, why don't you email dear old Vladimir and ask him?" Renfield smiled.
Dr. Werhoffen took out his iPhone and emailed the Prime Minister of Russia.
"Mein Gott," Dr. Werhoffen slipped back into his native German, "he says ja."
Earlier that morning, Renfield had emailed a very interesting photo he had stolen from the Russian Secret Archives a couple of years ago. He thought the photo would come in handy some day. The photo showed the late former Russian President Boris Yeltsin doing very strange things in a hot tub with the current Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin.
"I'll expect the cyborg Sophia at my door sometime tomorrow afternoon," Renfield instructed.
"Wow, this is pretty hot for National Geographic," Amadeus remarked as he was reading a description of her masturbatory fantasies written by a young and beautiful Malaysian Iban woman- a descendent of head hunters on the island of Borneo.
To be continued.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
London At Night
Sometimes it was nice to get away from Renfield.
To get away from the mansion.
To get away from the feeling of darkness that hovered over him in the mansion and with Renfield.
Amadeus stood looking at the bright lights of London.
How alive this city felt.
It indeed felt like the hub of the world.
It was no longer the capital of a vast empire but it felt like the place where everything happened.
What was parliament planning?
What were the money markets of the City of London planning?
Who was asleep in the City tonight?
Who was awake in the City tonight?
What was stirring?
His boss the multi-billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set would be out walking the streets in search of human blood.
Renfield would be on his computer in the mansion or down at the Set Enterprises lab hatching his latest scheme for power and control and ultimately world domination.
And he?
What was he Amadeus doing?
Observing the bright lights of the City of London.
For one brief hour- freedom.
Freedom from Renfield.
Freedom from Set.
Freedom from- well God knows what.
Amadeus strolled the streets towards home- if indeed home is what one could call the Set mansion.
Worshipped as a deity in ancient Egypt, Set was considered the god of the night and of the desert.
When one considered Set and his mansion in the great metropolis of London, Amadeus thought to himself, how little has changed in 3000 years.
To be continued.
To get away from the mansion.
To get away from the feeling of darkness that hovered over him in the mansion and with Renfield.
Amadeus stood looking at the bright lights of London.
How alive this city felt.
It indeed felt like the hub of the world.
It was no longer the capital of a vast empire but it felt like the place where everything happened.
What was parliament planning?
What were the money markets of the City of London planning?
Who was asleep in the City tonight?
Who was awake in the City tonight?
What was stirring?
His boss the multi-billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set would be out walking the streets in search of human blood.
Renfield would be on his computer in the mansion or down at the Set Enterprises lab hatching his latest scheme for power and control and ultimately world domination.
And he?
What was he Amadeus doing?
Observing the bright lights of the City of London.
For one brief hour- freedom.
Freedom from Renfield.
Freedom from Set.
Freedom from- well God knows what.
Amadeus strolled the streets towards home- if indeed home is what one could call the Set mansion.
Worshipped as a deity in ancient Egypt, Set was considered the god of the night and of the desert.
When one considered Set and his mansion in the great metropolis of London, Amadeus thought to himself, how little has changed in 3000 years.
To be continued.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Renfield Finds An Interesting Photo
"Interesting," Renfield said as he looked at the photo generated from the computer.
"What's that?" Amadeus asked.
"This photo generated by the computer from the thought processes of Michelangelo the psychic lobster," Renfield replied, "apparently Dr. Nicht Werhoffen's security guard with narcolepsy fell asleep with his eyes open again in a room in the Palace of Peace and Harmony in Astana, Khazakhstan. Anyways it turns out a certain leading British cabinet minister who's also married was making out with some red-headed woman who wasn't his wife on the circular wooden altar inside this room."
"That is interesting," Amadeus chewed a peanut butter sandwich, "Made of wood you say? Did anybody get splinters while they were making out?".
"I don't know," Renfield shrugged, "but anyways this should give the boss and I leverage over this particular British cabinet minister."
* * *
Inside one of the offices of the Westminster Parliament, a British cabinet minister held his head buried in his hands as he showed his aide the photograph he just got in an email.
"If the British press and public get ahold of this not to mention your wife..." his aide said.
"And to top it off, if that photo gets out, the whole world shall know that I have photographs of Sir Winston Churchill emblazoned on my boxer briefs," the cabinet minister moaned.
To be continued.
"What's that?" Amadeus asked.
"This photo generated by the computer from the thought processes of Michelangelo the psychic lobster," Renfield replied, "apparently Dr. Nicht Werhoffen's security guard with narcolepsy fell asleep with his eyes open again in a room in the Palace of Peace and Harmony in Astana, Khazakhstan. Anyways it turns out a certain leading British cabinet minister who's also married was making out with some red-headed woman who wasn't his wife on the circular wooden altar inside this room."
"That is interesting," Amadeus chewed a peanut butter sandwich, "Made of wood you say? Did anybody get splinters while they were making out?".
"I don't know," Renfield shrugged, "but anyways this should give the boss and I leverage over this particular British cabinet minister."
* * *
Inside one of the offices of the Westminster Parliament, a British cabinet minister held his head buried in his hands as he showed his aide the photograph he just got in an email.
"If the British press and public get ahold of this not to mention your wife..." his aide said.
"And to top it off, if that photo gets out, the whole world shall know that I have photographs of Sir Winston Churchill emblazoned on my boxer briefs," the cabinet minister moaned.
To be continued.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Sex and Cyborgs and Politics
There is a wooden circular altar in the Palace of Peace and Harmony (also known as the Peace Pyramid) in Astana, Khazakhstan. In the center of the wooden altar is a wooden globe of the world surrounded by wooden spokes signed by representatives of 17 different religions across the globe.
Last night, a 14-year-old Russian girl named Maria had been killed in a human sacrifice performed by the Vampiress Morgana atop that altar.
This morning an Israeli secret agent and an Iranian secret agent had shot one another at point blank range at the altar.
"What a bloody mess," the Peace Pyramid's one-eyed, one-armed, one-legged janitor had remarked.
Although the bodies had been removed, all the blood hadn't been washed away yet since the Peace Pyramid's one-eyed, one-armed, one-legged janitor had not yet received his monthly order of Amway cleaning solution from the Amway corporate pyramid.
As that old 1960s song "He's a one-eyed one-horned flying purple people eater..." played on the Peace Pyramid's intercom system, the newly created red-headed cyborg Sophia wearing a purple mini dress, green silk nylons and purple spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes stood on top of the wooden globe on the wooden circular altar and performed an Irish dance routine from Michael Flatley's Riverdance.
Watching her perform was a leading cabinet minister from British Prime Minister David Cameron's new government who was on a state visit to Khazakhstan.
He had dropped in to see this Palace of Peace and Harmony aka the Peace Pyramid that was the architectual marvel creation of British architect Sir Norman Foster.
The red-headed cyborg Sophia suddenly stopped dancing when she noticed the British cabinet minister and then speaking in a sexy yet very automated computer sounding voice, she said, "My, what a big erection you have..."
"The better to fuck you with my dear," said the British cabinet minister whose hobby was rewriting old fairy tales as modern day rapper songs.
"Then do it to me now," the red-headed cyborg Sophia leaned back atop the globe, lifted her purple mini dress, pulled down her green silk pantyhose (she wasn't wearing any panties) and waited for his entry.
The British cabinet minister eagerly pulled down his pants and his Winston Churchill photographic image boxer shorts and mounted her atop the globe.
As Sophia moaned in cyborgic orgasm, the Peace Pyramid's intercom system played that old 1970s Captain and Tennille song, "Do that to me one more time, I can never get enough of a man like you..."
In the meantime, FSB scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen (of the former East German Stasi) silently watched his cyborgic creation perform all the right moves.
Dr. Werhoffen smiled.
Watching all those hard-core Japanese porn films had come in handy.
And to think the Russian Finance Ministry had complained when all those credit card bills for those sites had shown up on his expense accounts.
To be continued.
Last night, a 14-year-old Russian girl named Maria had been killed in a human sacrifice performed by the Vampiress Morgana atop that altar.
This morning an Israeli secret agent and an Iranian secret agent had shot one another at point blank range at the altar.
"What a bloody mess," the Peace Pyramid's one-eyed, one-armed, one-legged janitor had remarked.
Although the bodies had been removed, all the blood hadn't been washed away yet since the Peace Pyramid's one-eyed, one-armed, one-legged janitor had not yet received his monthly order of Amway cleaning solution from the Amway corporate pyramid.
As that old 1960s song "He's a one-eyed one-horned flying purple people eater..." played on the Peace Pyramid's intercom system, the newly created red-headed cyborg Sophia wearing a purple mini dress, green silk nylons and purple spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes stood on top of the wooden globe on the wooden circular altar and performed an Irish dance routine from Michael Flatley's Riverdance.
Watching her perform was a leading cabinet minister from British Prime Minister David Cameron's new government who was on a state visit to Khazakhstan.
He had dropped in to see this Palace of Peace and Harmony aka the Peace Pyramid that was the architectual marvel creation of British architect Sir Norman Foster.
The red-headed cyborg Sophia suddenly stopped dancing when she noticed the British cabinet minister and then speaking in a sexy yet very automated computer sounding voice, she said, "My, what a big erection you have..."
"The better to fuck you with my dear," said the British cabinet minister whose hobby was rewriting old fairy tales as modern day rapper songs.
"Then do it to me now," the red-headed cyborg Sophia leaned back atop the globe, lifted her purple mini dress, pulled down her green silk pantyhose (she wasn't wearing any panties) and waited for his entry.
The British cabinet minister eagerly pulled down his pants and his Winston Churchill photographic image boxer shorts and mounted her atop the globe.
As Sophia moaned in cyborgic orgasm, the Peace Pyramid's intercom system played that old 1970s Captain and Tennille song, "Do that to me one more time, I can never get enough of a man like you..."
In the meantime, FSB scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen (of the former East German Stasi) silently watched his cyborgic creation perform all the right moves.
Dr. Werhoffen smiled.
Watching all those hard-core Japanese porn films had come in handy.
And to think the Russian Finance Ministry had complained when all those credit card bills for those sites had shown up on his expense accounts.
To be continued.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
The Vampiress Morgana In Astana, Khazakhstan
The Welsh Vampiress Morgana was in the Kazakhstani capital of Astana.
She had received a text message from the ancient Canaanite god Moloch inviting her to be there.
Strange the Vampiress Morgana thought as she stood there in her red evening dress.
Everyone was using text messages these days.
Even ancient Canaanite gods.
A 14-year-old girl named Maria had been found wandering the streets of Moscow homeless by Dr. Nicht Werhoffen the FSB disciple of Moloch.
She was blonde and pretty.
She could easily have wound up in the Russian Mafia's sex trade if Dr. Werhoffen hadn't found her.
But this girl would now serve a more important purpose than serving the pleasures of men.
She would serve the pleasures of demons.
There were many pretty and young homeless girls walking the darkened streets and back alleys of Moscow if one knew where to look.
And Dr. Nicht Werhoffen knew where to look.
So why this girl and not some other?
"What is your name?" Dr. Werhoffen had asked the pretty young blonde girl with Mediterranean blue eyes.
"Maria," she had replied.
What's in a name? Shakespeare had once asked.
Well in the case of Maria, the fact that she had this name Maria explained why she was now tied in ropes aboard a circular wooden altar whose center was a wooden globe of the world and attached to the wooden globe were wooden spokes signed by representatives of 17 different religions across the globe.
And Moloch had been very specific.
A young virgin female named Maria must be sacrificed on this date- September 15th, 2010 in this very place.
Dr. Werhoffen had found a girl named Maria. An examination of her vagina showed an intact hymen.
Dr. Werhoffen was surprised that a 14-year-old virgin female would actually exist in post-Soviet Russia.
The Welsh Vampiress Morgana being a follower of the ancient Celtic religions knew how to sacrifice.
The knife the red dress vampiress held came down and cut out young Maria's ovaries.
She then placed the ovaries in a small statue of Moloch (whose center was a small fiery furnace) that sat atop the wooden globe in the pyramid shaped Palace of Peace and Harmony in the Kazakhstani capital of Astana.
The ovaries were then burnt.
Morgana then helped herself to a bottle of Coca-Cola from a nearby cooler.
She smiled with her vampiric incisors and then sat atop the wooden globe with her legs spread, singing, "I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony..."
"Are they filming a Lady Gaga music video in here?" a tourist asked his wife after he had inadvertently witnessed the spectacle.
To be continued.
She had received a text message from the ancient Canaanite god Moloch inviting her to be there.
Strange the Vampiress Morgana thought as she stood there in her red evening dress.
Everyone was using text messages these days.
Even ancient Canaanite gods.
A 14-year-old girl named Maria had been found wandering the streets of Moscow homeless by Dr. Nicht Werhoffen the FSB disciple of Moloch.
She was blonde and pretty.
She could easily have wound up in the Russian Mafia's sex trade if Dr. Werhoffen hadn't found her.
But this girl would now serve a more important purpose than serving the pleasures of men.
She would serve the pleasures of demons.
There were many pretty and young homeless girls walking the darkened streets and back alleys of Moscow if one knew where to look.
And Dr. Nicht Werhoffen knew where to look.
So why this girl and not some other?
"What is your name?" Dr. Werhoffen had asked the pretty young blonde girl with Mediterranean blue eyes.
"Maria," she had replied.
What's in a name? Shakespeare had once asked.
Well in the case of Maria, the fact that she had this name Maria explained why she was now tied in ropes aboard a circular wooden altar whose center was a wooden globe of the world and attached to the wooden globe were wooden spokes signed by representatives of 17 different religions across the globe.
And Moloch had been very specific.
A young virgin female named Maria must be sacrificed on this date- September 15th, 2010 in this very place.
Dr. Werhoffen had found a girl named Maria. An examination of her vagina showed an intact hymen.
Dr. Werhoffen was surprised that a 14-year-old virgin female would actually exist in post-Soviet Russia.
The Welsh Vampiress Morgana being a follower of the ancient Celtic religions knew how to sacrifice.
The knife the red dress vampiress held came down and cut out young Maria's ovaries.
She then placed the ovaries in a small statue of Moloch (whose center was a small fiery furnace) that sat atop the wooden globe in the pyramid shaped Palace of Peace and Harmony in the Kazakhstani capital of Astana.
The ovaries were then burnt.
Morgana then helped herself to a bottle of Coca-Cola from a nearby cooler.
She smiled with her vampiric incisors and then sat atop the wooden globe with her legs spread, singing, "I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony..."
"Are they filming a Lady Gaga music video in here?" a tourist asked his wife after he had inadvertently witnessed the spectacle.
To be continued.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Of Capstones and Pyramids and Isis In Astana, Khazakhstan
In the Khazakhstani city of Astana in what once was part of the former Soviet Union, a huge pyramid dominates the city skyline. Topped by a Pythagorean capstone of sun-drenched splendor, it seems to absorb the sunlight and casts its own bright illumination over the city's skyline at night.
The pyramid is affectionately known as the Peace Pyramid. Its official name is the Palace of Peace and Harmony. It was conceived and designed by British architect Sir Norman Foster and officially opened in September 2006.
The Egyptian vampiress Isis stood hovering in the air underneath the capstone of sun-drenched splendor. She was one of the few vampiresses in the world who because of a special power she had was immune to sunlight and could walk in the day as well as the night.
Arrayed in a magnificent white dress and gold spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes, she seemed to bask in the energy underneath the capstone.
Underneath her a 12-year-old boy sat on the floor directly beneath her, looking up her dress and doing what most 12-year-old boys are prone to do when greeted by such a sight.
"Nursultan," his mother shrieked, "what did I tell you about masturbating- never mind masturbating in public. If you don't stop it, you'll go blind."
The Egyptian vampiress Isis (who was busy contemplating how she and her lover and husband and brother Osiris would rule the world together from this palace when he returned to the Earth from his exile on a planet near the star Sirius in 2012) looked down when she heard the commotion.
When she saw what the young Nursultan was looking at and what he was doing, her eyes quite literally emitted fire.
The fire came down like an intense laser ray and burnt out the retinas and corneas of young Nursultan in both his eyes.
"Mom, you're right," Nursultan screamed, "I'm blind."
"See, what did I tell you?" his mother went over and slapped the blind boy.
The Egyptian vampiress Isis descended to the ground from the air and walked away.
To be continued.
The pyramid is affectionately known as the Peace Pyramid. Its official name is the Palace of Peace and Harmony. It was conceived and designed by British architect Sir Norman Foster and officially opened in September 2006.
The Egyptian vampiress Isis stood hovering in the air underneath the capstone of sun-drenched splendor. She was one of the few vampiresses in the world who because of a special power she had was immune to sunlight and could walk in the day as well as the night.
Arrayed in a magnificent white dress and gold spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes, she seemed to bask in the energy underneath the capstone.
Underneath her a 12-year-old boy sat on the floor directly beneath her, looking up her dress and doing what most 12-year-old boys are prone to do when greeted by such a sight.
"Nursultan," his mother shrieked, "what did I tell you about masturbating- never mind masturbating in public. If you don't stop it, you'll go blind."
The Egyptian vampiress Isis (who was busy contemplating how she and her lover and husband and brother Osiris would rule the world together from this palace when he returned to the Earth from his exile on a planet near the star Sirius in 2012) looked down when she heard the commotion.
When she saw what the young Nursultan was looking at and what he was doing, her eyes quite literally emitted fire.
The fire came down like an intense laser ray and burnt out the retinas and corneas of young Nursultan in both his eyes.
"Mom, you're right," Nursultan screamed, "I'm blind."
"See, what did I tell you?" his mother went over and slapped the blind boy.
The Egyptian vampiress Isis descended to the ground from the air and walked away.
To be continued.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Doing Moloch's Work
Inside the Moscow crematorium, the bodies of still living people were sent into the fiery furnace.
The living screamed and screamed but no one heard their cries.
Doctor Nicht Werhoffen a former scientist for the former East German Stasi who now worked for the Russian FSB ever since the collapse of Communism in Central and Eastern Europe smiled as he heard their screams.
The furnace was in a peculiar shape- the shape of the ancient Canaanite god Moloch.
When the last living victim had gone through the furnace, Dr. Werhoffen took an elevator to a lab underneath the crematorium.
There Dr. Werhoffen communicated via computer with another entity.
The entity was the ancient god Moloch.
"Do you approve of the offering?" the former dialectical materialist asked the ancient deity.
An icon of Moloch on the computer screen grinned.
"So will you breathe life into the cyborg?" Dr. Werhoffen asked.
The icon nodded.
Dr. Werhoffen pushed a button and from a huge glass cylinder on a table emerged what looked to be the nude body of a very attractive redheaded woman.
"Behold the fair Sophia," Dr. Werhoffen smiled.
At his post at the lab door, the narcoleptically inclined security guard slept with his eyes open.
* * *
At Set Enterprises Laboratory in London, Renfield was in computer conversation with the psychic lobster Michelangelo- the genetically created lobster with the power to enter people's dreams.
On the computer screen, Renfield could observe what Michelangelo the psychic lobster was observing.
"This is interesting," Renfield remarked to Amadeus, "I don't think what I'm seeing is entirely a dream."
"No," Amadeus helped himself to some Turkish Delight candies, "what is it?".
Renfield looked at the screen as a beautiful curvacious naked redhead opened her eyes and stood up.
"Not quite sure," Renfield smiled, "but I've got an idea."
To be continued.
The living screamed and screamed but no one heard their cries.
Doctor Nicht Werhoffen a former scientist for the former East German Stasi who now worked for the Russian FSB ever since the collapse of Communism in Central and Eastern Europe smiled as he heard their screams.
The furnace was in a peculiar shape- the shape of the ancient Canaanite god Moloch.
When the last living victim had gone through the furnace, Dr. Werhoffen took an elevator to a lab underneath the crematorium.
There Dr. Werhoffen communicated via computer with another entity.
The entity was the ancient god Moloch.
"Do you approve of the offering?" the former dialectical materialist asked the ancient deity.
An icon of Moloch on the computer screen grinned.
"So will you breathe life into the cyborg?" Dr. Werhoffen asked.
The icon nodded.
Dr. Werhoffen pushed a button and from a huge glass cylinder on a table emerged what looked to be the nude body of a very attractive redheaded woman.
"Behold the fair Sophia," Dr. Werhoffen smiled.
At his post at the lab door, the narcoleptically inclined security guard slept with his eyes open.
* * *
At Set Enterprises Laboratory in London, Renfield was in computer conversation with the psychic lobster Michelangelo- the genetically created lobster with the power to enter people's dreams.
On the computer screen, Renfield could observe what Michelangelo the psychic lobster was observing.
"This is interesting," Renfield remarked to Amadeus, "I don't think what I'm seeing is entirely a dream."
"No," Amadeus helped himself to some Turkish Delight candies, "what is it?".
Renfield looked at the screen as a beautiful curvacious naked redhead opened her eyes and stood up.
"Not quite sure," Renfield smiled, "but I've got an idea."
To be continued.
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