Renfield And Old Spice

Renfield R. Renfield was in Long Beach, California holding auditions for a porno movie he was making at the porno film studios he owned there.

When Renfield had finished interviewing and breaking in the actresses, he sighed as it now came time to audition the actors.

One man who claimed to be a leading Spanish Malaysian male fashion model and who was dressed in the costume of a reckless eagle was immediately laughed at by Renfield.

"Get out of here," Renfield chuckled, "I've seen larger and better working equipment on men who worked as guards in the Sultan's harem."

"I just got an email from Athelstan," Amadeus Emanon said in reference to their boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set's butler and valet, "he asks if you've seen the latest Old Spice commercial."

"I have," Renfield smiled, "Love it."

"What's the meaning of this cryptic email?" Amadeus asked as he ate a candied jellied figure of James Bond.

"Well, the Boss asked me to vet a politician for him who could probably serve as his political puppet as the Boss works to establish a One World Government under his control," Renfield explained, "and I suggested far Left British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley from Wales.  Petley is a werewolf who hasn't yet brought his lycanthropy out of the closet and thus makes him highly susceptible to blackmail. Heh! Heh! Heh!".

"But what's Magog Rhys Petley got to do with this Old Spice commercial?" Amadeus checked the price of tea in China on the stock market page.

"Well, I thought it might be psychologically useful to condition the masses of the world to accept Magog Rhys Petley as their Saviour," Renfield grinned, "and since Old Spice commercials seem to be so immensely popular, I had our resident mad scientist at Set Enterprises Laboratories Dr. Cadbury Rocher get our genetically created psychic lobster Michelangelo to infiltrate the dreams of the advertising writer who was going to write the next Old Spice commercial. And I had this image of the wolf's head/human hybrid embedded in this writer's dream and thus in the commercial to condition television viewing audiences into accepting wolfman Magog Rhys Petley as their Saviour."

"That's positively brilliant," Amadeus opened up a package containing a low-energy but highly luminescent lightbulb.

"I know," Renfield sat back and grinned.

From Dorian Gray To Magog Rhys Petley- Portraits Painted

Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley looked out his apartment window and pondered the letter sent to him a few weeks ago.

It was from the billionaire President of Set Research And Development Corporation- a mysterious individual known only as Set.

Rumour had it that he was a vampire.

At one time Magog Rhys Petley would not have believed in vampires.

But ever since he got turned into a werewolf, his mental horizons had broadened somewhat.

Set was requesting a meeting.

Hm, Magog thought to himself, what would a billionaire want with him a far Left-wing member of the Labour Party caucus in the British Parliament?

He still hadn't made up his mind whether he'd agree to the meeting with this mysterious billionaire.

On the other hand, there was something he had agreed to just today.

His neighbour Constance Elleroy, an eccentric artist, had for years wanted to paint his portrait.

Constance, who often painted using classical themes, had for years pointed out that most statues and paintings of the Greek god Apollo had always painted him as being beardless.

She was going to paint a bearded Apollo.

And she always thought Magog Rhys Petley fit perfectly her idea of what a bearded Apollo should look like.

Finally this morning Magog had given in and agreed to the request.

This afternoon he would be going next door to her apartment/studio to begin the process of posing.

Magog looked at his watch.

Well he supposed he better be heading over there.

He turned off the TV just as BBC News showed Pope Benedict XVI giving his final Apostolic blessing to the City (of Rome) and the World.

Magog Rhys Petley had never thought of himself as a bearded Apollo but he'd give it a shot.

To be continued.

The Cardinal's Secretary

The Cardinal woke up the next morning and headed to his office.

He was still thinking about his conversation with the ancient Greek god Zeus the night before.

The Cardinal was known to others by his initials JM.

Although those initials didn't stand for what people thought they did.

For Cardinal JM was a member of a secret society.

And his moniker in that secret society was Judas Manasseh.

Judas from Judas Iscariot.

And Manasseh from an ancient king of Judah who reigned from 687-643 BC and who restored polytheistic worship into the Temple in Jerusalem and built altars to pagan gods.

As he entered his office, his secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe was waiting for him.

Father Wardenclyffe handed the Cardinal documents relating to the most pressing matters of the day and then left the office.

The Cardinal's secretary Father Wardenclyffe had been an Episcopalian priest in Long Island, New York for most of his life.

Ironically it was in 2005 the same year that John Paul II had died and Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger had been elected Pope Benedict XVI that Father Wardenclyffe had left the U.S. Episcopal Church and had joined the Roman Catholic Church studying to become a Catholic priest.

Father Wardenclyffe had gone to Rome for his priestly studies where he met Cardinal JM.

Cardinal JM had taught a course on the astronomical theories of Giordano Bruno (who had been burnt at the stake as a heretic by the Church back in 1600) which was an option at the seminary where Father Wardenclyffe had studied.

When Father Wardenclyffe was ordained a Catholic priest in 2009, the Cardinal invited him to be his secretary.

Ironically 2009- the same year that Father Wardenclyffe had been ordained a Roman Catholic priest- was the same year that Pope Benedict XVI issued his Apostolic Constitution Anglicanorum Coetibus  inviting groups of Anglicans to enter Personal Ordinariates in full communion with the Bishop of Rome.

Father Wardenclyffe was actually quite upset by Benedict's issuing of that document.

"Those enemies of progress that the Pope has invited to enter the Church hold on to such unworthy pieces of antediluvian trash such as the Book of Common Prayer and the King James Bible," Father Wardenclyffe snivelled.

The Book of Common Prayer and the King James Bible were never read or said aloud in the services Father Wardenclyffe had held in his Episcopal Church on Long Island, New York.

Cardinal JM smiled as he reflected on this.

He went to his desk and started phoning his fellow Cardinals to push them to vote for the papabile of his choice- the man who as Pope would abandon Christ and re-embrace the ancient pagan gods of old.

Meanwhile Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe went to his personal chapel where he prayed in front of a statue of Hecate the ancient Greek goddess of witchcraft.

To be continued.

Zeus And The Cardinal

The Cardinal lay in bed but he wasn't able to get to sleep.

He lay in bed thinking about who should be the next Pope.

He was glad that old fuddy duddy Pope Benedict XVI was resigning.

All his talk about God, Christ, Mary and the Saints.

So out of touch with the 21st Century modern world.

And of course the 21st Century modern world would be the ancient world reborn.

A gust of wind blew through his open window.

His entire room became arrayed by a bright glow of light.

And the being inside the bright array of light was none other than the ancient Greek god Zeus.

Zeus had been visiting the Cardinal on and off since he had been a small boy.

"You know who you have to choose as the next Pope," Zeus instructed him, "the Pope who will announce and proclaim that my son Apollo is the true Saviour of the World not the individual known to history as Jesus of Nazareth."

"I understand O great Zeus, my Lord and my God," the Cardinal bowed his head to the ancient Greek deity.

To be continued.

London 1888

Jack was nimble

Jack was quick

Jack snuffed out life's candlestick

he cut like a knife

no one's wife

but women of the night

he left a grisly sight

the streets of London were his killing fields

to death's sharp edge some one yields 

and the Ripper ripped

while aristocrats sipped

from glasses of champagne

and Jack achieved immortal fame.

-A poem about the world's first

 vastly publicized serial killer

 Jack the Ripper

 who terrorized the streets of London

 in 1888.

-written by Christopher 

 Monday February 11th 2013.

Signs In The Sky

"All sorts of signs in the sky this past week," Dracul Van Helsing stared out the window.

"Was that something else your dad mentioned to you in your disturbing dream?" Hyung Grace Kwan asked.

"Yes, he said in the week of Pope Benedict XVI's resignation due to his failing health (which then occurred immediately the day after my dream), there would appear all sorts of signs in the sky," Dracul said, "I thought he was talking about UFOs given what he talked about later but he didn't say UFOs, he just said signs in the sky.  And the day of the Pope's resignation, we have lightning strike Saint Peter's Dome... twice. Then today we have Asteroid 2012 D 14 passing over the Earth in a record breaking Earth pass. And on the same day, we have a meteor hitting Central Russia injuring almost 1000 people."

"Didn't the Blessed Virgin Mary say something about Russia in her messages to the 3 shepherd children at Fatima?" Hyung asked.

"Yes, she said Russia would spread her errors throughout the world," Dracul nodded, "and most people thought this was just referring to Communism. Communism was certainly one of Russia's errors and it did spread throughout the world covering almost half the globe at one point in history but since the Fall of the Berlin Wall, Communism has been in retreat throughout the globe. And it was always my personal opinion that the New Age Movement is another one of Russia's errors that has spread throughout the world. Most people forget that Helena Petrovna Blavatsky the founder of Theosophy (and the woman who's considered the founder of what has come to be called the New Age Movement) was Russian. And the New Age Movement is still spreading across the globe (with no signs of retreat) especially thanks to one woman called Oprah Winfrey who I always used to jokingly refer to as the Anti-John the Baptist preceding the Antichrist but given what my dad said in my dream, it may not be so much of a joke anymore."

"You think that the New Age Movement founded by Helena Petrovna Blavatsky is one of Russia's errors that the Blessed Virgin Mary was warning about at Fatima?",

Hyung asked.

"Yes, given what my dad said the AntiPope False Prophet would say when he proclaims as Christ the individual who is actually the Antichrist," Dracul noted, "the Antipope will say that this coming Saviour of the World is actually the embodiment of the Christ Consciousness for this age in the same way that Jesus of Nazareth was the embodiment of the Christ Consciousness for the age that is now passing away.  The term Christ Consciousness has always been a term used by many New Age groups. The AntiPope False Prophet will say that Christ is a consciousness not an individual person.  As the Apostle Saint John put it in his Epistle 1 John 2:22, 'Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ?  He is antichrist that denieth the Father and the Son.'   Which is interesting because this same AntiPope False Prophet will deny the Trinity and the Incarnate Deity of Jesus Christ."

"Is there just an Antipope to come or will there be a true Pope as well?" Hyung asked.

"Well if what my dad said in the dream is really true and prophetic, there will be both a true Pope and an Antipope," Dracul answered, "at the next Conclave the College of Cardinals will be hopelessly split into differing factions and one faction will elect one man Pope and the other faction will elect another man Pope. Now whether this will occur all at once at the next Conclave or whether the losing faction at the next Conclave will decide a few weeks or a few months later that they will hold a Conclave of their own and elect another man Pope, my dad didn't specify. But it's interesting that some interpretations of the text of the Third Secret of Fatima did say that "bishop will be against bishop and cardinal will be against cardinal" as if there is some sort of civil war being fought in the Church. And it's interesting that one BBC news analyst and commentator said that Pope Benedict XVI seems to be a King Lear style figure.  An interesting choice of words because civil war does break out in the land after King Lear abdicates.  And Pope Benedict XVI in his last homily at his last public Mass this past Ash Wednesday did issue a plea for an end to infighting among clerics in the Church.  He said that the face of the Church has been marred by divisions and rivalry among the clergy. As if the Pope himself realizes what will happen if there isn't unity and charity among the bishops and Cardinals."

"Wow, so how will we know which man is the true Pope and which man is the Antipope False Prophet?" Hyung inquired.

"Well, my dad did say before the AntiPope False Prophet makes his public blasphemy against the Trinity and the Incarnate Deity of Christ, it will be the man claiming to be Pope, that is the papal claimant most admired and approved of by the vast majority of political leaders of the Western world, who will be the AntiPope and False Prophet," Dracul replied.

"Well, given the types of people who are the political leaders of the Western world, that really comes as no surprise," Hyung remarked.

To be continued.

Ash Wednesday and The Festival of the Lupercalia

The date February 13th 2013.

As Pope Benedict XVI celebrated his last public Mass on this year's Ash Wednesday, Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was also in Rome marking the 2-day start of the old pagan Roman Festival of the Lupercalia.

He read someone was reviving the Festival this year and decided to try it.

He ran through the streets of Rome totally naked except for a girdle of goatskin (he found it a bit nippy at this time of year).

As he ran through the streets of Rome, his newly found girlfriend Lepardia Marango (cultural attache at the South African Embassy in London) wearing a goatskin sweater, black leather micro mini skirt, black silk fishnet nylons and black spiked dominatrix boots whipped him on the backside.

A photographer for one of London's tabloid newspapers snapped a picture.

And so that was how Wednesday February 13th 2013 was marked in Rome.

The last public Mass of Pope Benedict XVI's Petrine Ministry marked Ash Wednesday.

And Magog Rhys Petley celebrated the start of the Lupercalia by running through the streets naked and getting whipped on his buttocks.

As that old Age of Aquarius song Desiderata from the 1960s would have put it, "No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should..."

To be continued.