Pan was his name.
He was a genetically created hybrid manufactured at the billionaire ancient
Egyptian vampire Set's research lab.
He was part-man and part-goat just like the fabled satyr of ancient Greek mythology.
Pan was also a serial killer.
Although that was just his hobby.
It wasn't how he earned his living.
He earned his living by playing the pan pipes for an American rock n' roll band Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers who were currently playing in London.
Pan killed strictly for pleasure.
Although now he felt like killing because he was angry.
There was some fat ugly blimp who kept walking through the neighbourhood where Pan rented a room.
Whenever he was out, it also seemed the fat ugly blimp was out walking through the neighbourhood at the same time ruining the Earth's beauty by the very fact of her existence and showing off her fat ugly pathetic looking face to the world.
Pan resolved to kill the fat ugly creature.
And he knew how he was going to do it.
This night he went walking through the neighbourhood.
Sure enough, Pan noticed, the fat ugly blimp was walking through the neighbourhood again.
Pan put up the noise level on his ipod and he wasn't wearing ear plugs.
This fat thing was going to hear the song.
The song being played was the Daphne and Celeste pop song U.G.L.Y.
As he approached the creature who was the ugliest thing ever to disgrace the name of womanhood, the song played...
You ain't got no alibi
you ugly...
What you really need is to wear a mask
and book that plastic surgeon fast...
you ugly...
"Are you talking to me?" the fat ugly thing asked.
"Yes, I am, bitch," the satyr pulled out a machete and cut the fat ugly blimp's head off.
Then he proceeded to cut her up into very tiny pieces.
"You look much better now," Pan grinned, "if I do say so myself."
Plus, Pan reflected as he walked down the street, he was so much more inexpensive than a plastic surgeon.
To be continued.
No comments:
Post a Comment