Magog Rhys Petley brought the papers out of his briefcase and addressed North Korean leader Kim Jong-un, "So you're thinking of nuking America?".
"Well I was," Kim Jong-un adjusted his dark sunglasses, "but now I'm seriously considering nuking Chechnya."
"Chechnya?" Magog blinked, "why Chechnya?".
"Because," Kim foamed at the mouth, "ever since those two stupid Chechen brothers set off those pressure cooker bombs at the Boston Marathon and killed a few people and injured several others, my name has gone off the front pages of most American newspapers and is no longer mentioned as the leading news headline on most major American TV news broadcasts. CNN's Anderson Cooper is no longer even talking about me. Instead they're yacking about those two idiots Dzhokhar Tsarnaev and Tamerlan Tsarnaev."
"Well..." Magog tried to speak.
Kim waved him off, "Some American airhead called Amanda Palmer even wrote a poem for one of them called A Poem For Dzhokhar. No American airhead has ever written a poem about me."
"Well," Magog cleared his throat, "if you'd like, I could place a long-distance phone call to Paris Hilton and put in a special request..."
Kim shook his head, "No, the moment has passed. I wouldn't have been Number One in an American airhead's heart, I'd only have been a Number Two. What kind of name is Dzhokhar anyways? It's a pretty stupid name in my opinion. It doesn't have the ring Jong-un does."
"No," Magog tried to agree and appease him.
"Besides if I nuked Chechnya, my name would get back on the front pages of American newspapers again and the lead headline on their TV news broadcasts. My Andy Warholesque 15 minutes of fame would be extended again. I'd even be hailed as a great hero in America since the Americans are probably pissed at the Chechens for the Boston Marathon bombing. The U.S. National Rifle Association would probably even start a petition suggesting that I be awarded the U.S. Congressional Gold Medal of Freedom. I can just picture Barack Obama giving a speech to a joint session of Congress in which he says, "Wherever the names of heroes of freedom are spoken of or mentioned, the name Kim Jong-un will be among them." I can even see Arizona Sen. John McCain praising my name on the floor of the U.S. Senate where he has previously condemned me."
"Well..." Magog again tried to speak.
Kim interrupted again, "It's a win-win situation all around. Americans won't be pissed at me for nuking America. The Chechens with their amateur pressure cooker bombs will all be dead. Even the Russians will like me since they've been the victims of Chechen terrorist attacks in the past. Vladimir Putin will probably award me the Hero of the Russian Federation Gold Star Medal. America and Russia will probably get together and co-sponsor a joint nomination that I be awarded this year's Nobel Peace Prize for nuking Chechnya."
"Well.." Magog again tried to interject.
"That's it then," Kim Jong-un beamed, "I'm nuking Chechnya. Dirty rascals taking my name off the front pages of newspapers in the West."
Magog thought he better phone his new mentor the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set and see if nuking Chechnya would upset his plans for establishing a One World government.
To be continued.
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