Renfield Sings of Being A Highwayman

Renfield R. Renfield was having a dream where he was the director, writer and star of a West London musical.

In the musical, Renfield played an 18th Century English highwayman- one of those colourful masked bandits who rode on horseback and held up stagecoaches with a gun.

Renfield was having great fun singing this song which he wrote entitled I Am A Highwayman:

I am a highwayman

I am a highwayman

I go behind a tree

instead of go to the can

because I am a highwayman.

I ride upon a horse

but not side saddle of course

because I am a highwayman

so catch me if you can.

The open road is where I ride

the countryside is where I hide

because I am a highwayman

I sweat because I don't use Ban

or any deodorant

save spice of the Orient

so smell me as I tan

because I am a highwayman.

I'm dashing

not trashing

I kiss the ladies fair

and pull the old men's hair

as I rob the stagecoach

of this diamond broach

and many a splendid thing

including this golden ring

so smile as I sing 

and say with a zing

that I am a highwayman

now catch me if you can.

I'm riding to the hills

but not for the thrills

because I am a highwayman

running from the King's law while I can

because if I'm caught

it's the hangman's knot

and I'm left to rot

food for a vulture's pot.

This fair head is all I've got

so I'll flee this spot

and wish you not

Godspeed till

my horse is hot to trot.

-Renfield

To be continued.