Much Ado About Tiger Kilimoto

Inspector Depp of Scotland Yard was reading a report while Constable Shrewsbury stood at the windows wondering why the office was so dark.

"Open the curtains, would you, Constable Shrewsbury?" Inspector Depp asked.

"Oh, of course, sir," Constable Shrewsbury opened the curtains.

"One thing bothers me about this case of the serial killer whom the British tabloids have dubbed the Serial Killer," Inspector Depp put down the report, "is that with the exception of the fat ugly woman that the Serial Killer cut apart, the Serial Killer had sex with most of his victims both male and female before cutting them apart."

"I think most people would object to your use of the term the fat ugly woman as the fat ugly woman with all due respect, sir," Constable Shrewsbury sneezed as he caught a whiff of dust off one of the curtains.

"Yes, well I'm a police detective," Inspector Depp shrugged, "I deal in facts and not let's all be nice to each other platitudes like all the nauseating guests who used to appear on the Oprah Show did."

"What's bothering you, sir?" Constable Shrewsbury asked.

"Well, why didn't all the victims scream and put up a fuss while he was cutting them apart?" Depp inhaled from his electronic cigarette.

"That's a good question,"  Constable Shrewsbury scratched his chin.

"I've just been reading a report written by Peter Whitstable of Interpol," Depp pointed at the document in front of him, "Peter Whitstable is Interpol's resident expert on the occult, UFOs and unusual phenomena. He's sometimes called the Fox Mulder of Interpol. Anyways in the report he's recounting the crimes in the Tokyo of the 1990s of one Tiger Kilimoto the last surviving member of an ancient sect of Ninja assassins who were said to have incredible psychic powers. It is said that these Ninja assassins could instantaneously hypnotize their victims into having sex with them and then after performing the sex act, this sex act itself would leave the victims paralyzed so that these Ninja assassins could cut them up into tiny pieces without any fuss or resistance which they did."

"And what became of this Ninja assassin Tiger Kilimoto?" Constable Shrewsbury asked.

"He committed hara kiri in his Tokyo apartment back in 1999 when he found out that Tokyo would probably NOT be getting an NHL Hockey team in the foreseeable future," Inspector Depp replied.

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"So, Dr. Rocher," Renfield asked Set Enterprises' resident mad scientist, "did you use any other strange DNA besides the DNA of the homicidal maniac heavy metal singer Stryker in creating your first specimen of the Greek satyr Pan?".

"I used the DNA of a Ninja assassin called Tiger Kilimoto that a friend of mine who works in the Tokyo Coroner's Office sent me back in 1999," Dr. Rocher replied.

"Tiger Kilimoto?" Renfield blinked.

"Yes," Dr. Rocher sipped his glass of ale, "It was interesting that his name was Kilimoto because he did kill a lot of people named Moto during his 1990s Tokyo Reign of Terror due to a pathological hatred he had of the late 1930s Hollywood movie Japanese detective character Mr. Moto who was played by Peter Lorre."

To be continued.