Renfield In Southern California

Renfield In Southern California



"A young woman's buttocks are still stinging after a drive-by spanking that occurred at a street corner in West Hollywood last night..."




Renfield turned off the alarm clock radio in his hotel room.



Yes, he was definitely in Southern California all right.


Southern California would be the only place on Earth where such a news story would happen.



               .           .           .



Renfield contacted an entertainment reporter he knew at KTLA Channel 5 News in Los Angeles for the scoop on Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers.



He had deduced from stories on the Internet that this band knew the whereabouts of the ET gray who crashed his UFO in the desert near Mesa, Arizona.


He learned they were playing at The Tropicana Nightclub in downtown Los Angeles.


Renfield would attend their concert tonight.




                   .               .            .




Renfield R. Renfield passed a shoe shine stand as he walked along the street.


That was interesting, Renfield thought to himself.


He had often seen shoe shine stands in old classic American movies from the '30s, '40s, '50s and '60s.


He didn't know they still existed.


Renfield continued walking in what he presumed was the direction of The Tropicana Nightclub.


He happened to pass a Chinese restaurant where he noticed that embattled Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling was sitting and complaining in a loud voice, "Why are there so many Asians in this place?".



This gave Renfield an idea.


He still had an hour to kill before the Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers concert at The Tropicana.



He returned to the shoe shine stand where he bought some black shoe polish from the shoe shine boy.


He then borrowed a compact mirror from a woman wearing a sexy Halloween nurse's outfit who said her name was Akira and she was trying to find her way to West Hollywood.


Renfield replied in his British accent that he was a stranger in Los Angeles and had no idea where West Hollywood was located.


As Akira held the compact mirror for him, Renfield applied the black shoe polish to his face, neck, arms and hands.

He borrowed some rouge lipstick from her and made his lips much bigger.


He soon looked like a blackface Al Jolson about to perform in one of those minstrel shows from the 1920s.


He thanked Akira for the use of the red lipstick and the compact mirror and continued walking down the street.


He then went into the Chinese restaurant where Donald Sterling was sitting.


Upon entering the restaurant and helping himself to both a top hat and walking stick from the coat check, Renfield immediately burst into a rendition of that old Al Jolson song Mammy.


He sang (mixing up the lyrics of the two old Al Jolson songs Mammy and Swanee), "Mammy, how I love ya. How I love ya."


He then went up to Donald Sterling and gave him a kiss on the lips.


As Renfield left the restaurant and continued down the street, he could hear the restaurant's doorman shouting up and down the street, "Paging an ambulance for Mr. Sterling.  Ambulance for Mr. Sterling."


To be continued.




-A vampire novel chapter
 written by Christopher
 Saturday May 24th
 2014.


Sent from my iPhone