The Crunch Kraken of Notre Dame

The Crunch Kraken of Notre Dame

After the Kraken found out he was unable to defeat the Cherubim with their flaming swords that guarded the Tree of Life at the east of the Garden of Eden, he quickly fled the Middle East.


Medusa herself stayed behind to do some shopping in the fashion districts of Dubai.


She caught up with the Kraken in Paris.


The Kraken, who in his former pre-Kraken existence had been the noted Italian mad scientist Dr. Poseidon Prometheus, now called himself Napoleon VI.


Since today was December 2nd, he decided he'd officially Crown himself Emperor of the French since it was on this date back in 1804 that Napoleon I had crowned himself Emperor of France at Notre Dame Cathedral and it was on this date back in 1852 that Napoleon III had proclaimed himself Emperor of the French.


Napoleon VI went down to the Louvre and helped himself to the Crown of Napoleon I.

The security guards decided not to argue with him since he was a Kraken (they had seen the Geico Insurance TV commercials where a kraken had caused havoc on a golf course).


Outside the Louvre, he strangled a bunch of Islamist terrorists who got in his way (they had not seen the Geico kraken golf course commercials since their major entertainment fare these days consisted of producing and starring in beheading videos).


When Medusa arrived in their hotel room, the Kraken was standing there holding the Imperial Crown of Napoleon I in one of his eight spiked tentacle metallic hands.


He announced he was going down to Notre Dame Cathedral to have the Monsignor there crown him Emperor Napoleon VI of France.

Medusa insisted that was fine but she had better pick up a new dress for the Coronation first.

So some 3-4 hours later and now in their 66th dress shop in Paris' exclusive fashion district, the Kraken looked at the Rolex watch on one of his 8 tentacled arms and sighed, "I'd really like to get to Notre Dame before it closes."


"Oh, be quiet, you big grump," Medusa gazed in the mirror at the dress she was currently wearing, "being crowned Empress of the French is a once in a lifetime experience."


                 .          .        .


Later in Notre Dame Cathedral, Medusa wore a beautiful gold coloured evening dress that Helen of Troy would have probably dumped Paris for and the Kraken wore his post-human Transhuman cyborg octopus test tube birthday suit since he was unable to find a tux that would fit him at the All Night Men's Formal Wear Rental Store that they had visited.


The Monsignor of Notre Dame Cathedral was shocked when confronted with the sight of a Kraken wanting himself crowned Emperor Napoleon VI of France.


"I better phone my superiors for permission first," the Monsignor said.


                .            .           .


"The bells, the bells," the hunchback papal assistant Quasihomo held his hands over his ears as the papal cell phone went off.


Later Quasihomo entered the papal apartment where Pope Francis was in bed reading a book called How To Look Humble and Self- Effacing In Public (Hint:  Only Use A Compact Ford Or Volvo Or Similar Vehicle As Your Popemobile).


"Holy Father, the Monsignor of Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris is on the line," Quasihomo explained, "he says that a Kraken calling himself Napoleon VI and the former Gorgon called Medusa want themselves crowned Emperor and Empress of France inside the Cathedral."


Pope Francis reached for his copy of Dogmatic Theology For Dummies, "Did you say a Kraken calling himself Napoleon VI and the former Gorgon called Medusa want themselves crowned Emperor and Empress of France inside Notre Dame Cathedral ?".


"Yes," said Quasihomo.


"Well, who am I to judge?" said Pope Francis.


-A vampire novel chapter
 written by Christopher
 Wednesday December 2nd
 2015.


Sent from my iPhone