Pan Goatee's Ongoing Efforts To Make The World A More Beautiful Place To Live

Pan Goatee's Ongoing Efforts To Make The World A More Beautiful
Place To Live


"Jesus fucking H. Christ, that woman's repulsively ugly," serial killer and U.S. government contract assassin Pan Goatee thought to himself when he noticed the walking outhouse droppings ugly woman cyclist standing at the corner holding on to her bicycle (what incredibly bad deeds had this ill-fated bicycle done in a past incarnation that assigned him such an incredibly Hellish fate of karma in this lifetime?).


One thing that Pan Goatee had noted in his existence since he was genetically created in a lab as a reborn satyr from Greek mythology 3 years ago was that most women cyclists were quite repulsively ugly.


He didn't know why (the more Sherlock Holmesian inclined genetic creation Renfield R. Renfield would have deduced that it was probably because beautiful women got driven to and fro in  luxury automobiles owned by guys while of course the ugly women didn't).


As such brainless big city mayors shouldn't be shutting down lanes of streets, roads and highways to allow for more bicycle lanes and paths.

This only encouraged the ugly of the world to leave their rooms and closets and dark holes (where they belonged!) and go out and about in the external world (ruining everyone's day when they were confronted with the sight of such disgraceful aesthetic abominations of nature gone horribly and terribly wrong).


As the ugly cyclist walked by, Pan Goatee lopped off her ugly head with a machete.


"You stupid ugly looking piece of shit," Pan Goatee shouted, "I'm going to make an example of you.."


He then used the machete to chop her entire body up into thinly sliced pieces of flesh and bone on the street.

 The video went viral.


"I like this guy," Renfield R. Renfield commented as he ate some popcorn and got a blow job from an admittedly beautiful woman.


"I like this guy," former U.S. President Bill Clinton said as he watched the video on a desktop computer.

"Bill, what are you doing?" Hillary screamed as she entered the office, "and what is that young female campaign intern doing between your legs?".


"I have no idea, dear," Bill gulped, "I didn't even know she was down there. I swear. I did not have..."


"I like this guy," the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl said as he watched the popular YouTube video while eating a bucket of human hearts and a bucket of KFC at the same time.


As he licked his fingers and wondered where his wet wipe finger tissues got to, he contemplated the idea of a Trump Presidency and wondered whether a wall built along the Mexico-U.S. border would block easy access to the Aztec gold that America Unearthed History Channel TV host Scott Wolter claimed was secretly buried somewhere in the American state of Utah.


-A vampire novel chapter
  written by Christopher
  Wednesday March 2nd
  2016.