A Birthday In North Korea and A Night In Switzerland

A Birthday In North Korea and A Night In Switzerland


North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un was hoping to get some nookie on his birthday from the Welsh vampiress Morgana a rising pop star in the west who often shot music videos in North Korea because she didn't have to pay her extras there.

Kim already had his uncle executed last month for daring to make sexual advances on Morgana although the story manufactured for the Western press was that he was guilty of treason against the state (although for Kim Jong-un like England's King Henry VIII many centuries before him, to dally or to try to dally with the object of the tyrant's sexual desires was treason against the state).



"Please, please, Morgana," Kim begged, "after all it's my birthday."


"Beat it creep," Morgana slapped his face, turned into a bat and flew away.


Retired basketball star Dennis Rodman had walked into Kim's bedroom at that moment and saw what happened.


"She won't give me any nookie for my birthday," Kim bawled.


Rodman said, "Wow, bummer."


"No thanks," Kim replied.  




                  .         .         .


The Invisible Man elusive Swiss billionaire Lester Mittendorf had finally managed to track down where exactly the Vampiress Martini was living in Switzerland.


Mittendorf had become invisible back in the early 1980s when he had drunk an invisibility potion made for him by a promising young sanity challenged scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

Dr. Rocher had neglected to tell the Swiss billionaire that he hadn't yet developed an antidote for it.

And so Lester Mittendorf had remained invisible ever since.


Dr. Cadbury Rocher went on to become the Chief Scientist at Set Enterprises Laboratories the scientific research and development firm owned by the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.


As for Mittendorf, he thought he had finally stumbled upon the answer to his invisibility problem last year.


In an ancient alchemical text he came across, it was written that if one had drunk an invisibility potion and had become invisible and couldn't get back to becoming visible again, to get bit on the neck by a vampiress would make one visible again.



Mittendorf had heard that the Vampiress Martini the heiress to the Romanov billions (she had been married back in 1931 to George Count Brasov a nephew of Czar Nicholas II and the heir to the Russian Imperial Throne) was alive and undead and well and living in Switzerland.


Ironically the Vampiress Martini had been briefly married to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (the current employer of sanity challenged scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher).


Set and Martini had separated due to irreconcilable differences (translation: Viagara didn't work so well for vampires).


Mittendorf had traced Martini down to this particular Swiss chalet.


At first, Martini was somewhat surprised to encounter an invisible man.

She had never seen one before (although she still hadn't seen one).

She agreed to bite Mittendorf on the neck.


They went up to her bed room to make out.


After all, why settle for a bite on the neck when you can have the whole package?



                    .         .          .




Russian billionaire Mikhail Khodorkovsky knocked on the door of the Vampiress Martini's Swiss chalet.


The ex-oil tycoon had been released from jail in Russia last month when he got a Presidential pardon from Russian President Vladimir Putin who was anxious to build up good PR for himself ahead of next month's Sochi Winter Olympics.



Khodorkovsky was now living in Switzerland for the next 3 months.  His two sons already attended school there.

He had heard about the vampiress Martini and checked Google Maps to find out where in Switzerland she was living  (something Mittendorf hadn't done which is what took him so long to locate her).


No answer on the door.


Khodorkovsky opened it.


He heard a strange noise coming from upstairs.


He decided to investigate.


He walked up the stairs of the chalet and then down the hall to the bedroom.

He opened the door and there on the blanketless bed was the Vampiress Martini making out with elusive Swiss billionaire Lester Mittendorf who was only half-way to becoming visible again.


"Oh my God," Khodorkovsky gasped.



To be continued.



-A vampire novel chapter
 written by Christopher
 Tuesday January 7th
  2014.