A Day That Shall Live In...?

"It was 208 years ago today that Napoleon Bonaparte had himself crowned Emperor of the French," Dracul Van Helsing noted.

"Thank you for sharing that," Hyung Grace Kwan tossed back her hair, "The evening wouldn't have been complete if you hadn't spoken that."

"You're welcome," Dracul poured himself some Napoleon brandy.

"I was being sarcastic," Hyung smoothed her evening dress.

"So was I,"  Dracul smiled at her, "Now will you be my Josephine to my Napoleon?".

                                     *      *       *

"December 2nd 2012,"  Renfield poured himself a glass of Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum, "a day that shall live in history. The day I found Hades' Plunder. Boy did that pirate captain from the early 18th Century look pissed when I told him that I had beat him to his treasure.  I didn't know Michelangelo our Psychic Lobster could pick up thought processes from space/time wormholes. That's useful to know.  That could prove helpful in preventing Osiris' return to Earth."

"Can you get good worms out of those wormholes for fishing?" Amadeus asked as he ate his salmon burger.

"It's a different type of wormhole," Renfield replied as he took some worm medicine to get rid of his pinworms. The constant itching in his rear end had kept him awake all night last night.

"Did that pirate try to kill you?" Amadeus finished his salmon burger and reached for his potato chips.

"He did," Renfield admitted, "so I tasered him. Then I managed to calm him down by announcing he could land himself an important job if he became my ally."

"What important job was that?" Amadeus reached for the salsa dip.

"Well apparently at last week's meeting of the UN Security Council," Renfield ate his Manhattan corned beef sandwich, "it was decided behind closed doors to name a United Nations Secretary For the Oceans.  They decided in secret who'd get that job and one of the United Nations Deputy Assistant Secretary-Generals was to be in Vancouver today (because the UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon himself was too busy learning how to do the Gangnam Style dance from South Korean pop singer Psy) to make the announcement at today's Santa Claus Parade in the City. So I swiped the envelope with the individual's name that was decided by the Security Council and inserted into the UN Deputy Assistant Secretary-General's hand an envelope containing the name of the early 18th Century pirate Captain although I did change his name somewhat so as not to arouse suspicions."

"Did you get a candy cane from Santa Claus for me?" Amadeus finished his last potato chip.

"I knew you were going to ask me that," Renfield sighed as he handed Amadeus a candy cane.

Amadeus unwrapped the candy cane, "So a pirate is now the UN's Secretary For the Oceans?".

"That's right," Renfield nodded.

On BC Global TV's News, the UN Deputy Assistant Secretary-General could be seen sitting on Santa's lap as he made the announcement. Behind him, one could see Renfield sitting on the lap of one of Santa's short skirted red mini dress female little helpers.

Both men seemed to be enjoying themselves immensely.

"And the new position of UN Secretary For The Oceans," the Deputy Assistant Secretary-General of the United Nations belched through his Irish whisky, "is none other than Mr. Baird Black."

"Baird Black?" Amadeus looked quizzical as he licked his candy cane.

"Blackbeard originally," Renfield answered as he started to shave.

To be continued.