"Well I've come up with yet another plan to save Xanga," Renfield R. Renfield the genetically created shapeshifting hamster/human Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set told Amadeus Emanon the genetically created personal concert pianist to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
"Really?" Amadeus sighed.
"Yes, sell Xanga to the American CIA," Renfield grinned.
Amadeus choked on his Langley, Virginia ham and cheese sandwich, "And why would the American CIA be interested in buying Xanga?".
"To keep tabs on American citizens," Renfield explained, "something they're always trying to do anyways."
Amadeus closed the door to the living room when he noticed snow blowing through the window into the den and landing besides the bust of King Edward VII.
"Plus they can also keep tabs on citizens in other countries," Renfield enthused, "since Xanga has members across the globe. They can track trolls in Malaysia and also find out just how restless the butterflies really are in that country."
"I see," Amadeus could hear the neighbour singing the Hitler Youth song Tomorrow Belongs To Me and so closed the living room window.
"President Barack Obama would probably find it useful," Renfield grinned, "he'd find out what kind of seditious questions TheTheologiansCafe is asking and decide whether or not to ask the IRS to audit DanTheo (
@TheTheologiansCafe )."
"Why couldn't President Obama find that out for himself by just reading TheTheologiansCafe blog on his own instead of reading it in a CIA report?" Amadeus asked.
"Because," Renfield pointed out, "the U.S. government always believes in doing things the hard way through truckloads of red tape and a massive spying and surveillance apparatus that would make Josef Stalin's face turn red with envy when it wasn't turning red from Hellfire."
Amadeus choked on his roasted Georgian caviar.
"And if the American CIA isn't interested," Renfield added, "then perhaps the Russian FSB would be. Vladimir Putin could use it to keep tabs on people in other countries. Already I can see the ghost of Nikita Krushchev banging a ghostly shoe on top of some Xangan's computer and saying 'We shall bury you'. "
Amadeus choked on the licorice shoelace he was eating.
"And," Renfield went on, "if the Russian FSB wasn't interested, then perhaps the Chinese Secret Service in Beijing would be. They'd be able to give their computer hackers a longer lunch hour since they'd have direct access to a western website and wouldn't have to lay aside their chopsticks for a while as they were busy on their keyboards hacking in."
Amadeus choked on his Egg Foo Yung.
"And if they're not interested," Renfield concluded, "then perhaps the Mexican drug cartels would be. They could use Xanga as a money laundering front to launder their drug money."
. . .
"And that dear children," the transhumanist envisioned electronic babysitting cyborg teddy bear mixed panda bear koala bear polar bear hybrid 2.0 closed his electronic kindle storybook and said, "is how the Xanga blogging site became the object of a bidding war between the American CIA, the Russian FSB, the Chinese Secret Service and the Mexican drug cartels..."
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