"I'm going to the U.S. for a few days," Renfield said as he looked at where the U.S. was located on his globe of the world.
"What for?" Amadeus asked as he munched a pumpkin popsicle.
"To sleep with Gen. David Petraeus' biographer Paula Broadwell," Renfield replied.
"And why do you want to boldly go where a U.S. general has gone before?" Amadeus flipped through the remote to see what time the original Star Trek series was on the Nostalgia TV Channel.
"To find out U.S. government secrets," Renfield grinned, "if Gen. Petraeus revealed anything to Paula Broadwell during post-coital chat, then maybe she'll reveal the same information to me during post-coital chat. Such secret confidential information would be invaluable to me and the boss."
"You're really going to sleep with Paula Broadwell?" Amadeus looked shocked.
"I'm not one for promiscuous sex," Renfield remarked casually as his nose started to grow bigger, "but sometimes I have to make immense personal sacrifices on behalf of my job of intelligence gathering for the Boss."
"And what makes you think Paula Broadwell will sleep with you?" Amadeus inquired.
"What woman would not want to sleep with me?" Renfield brushed the tuna fish sandwich crumbs out of his hair and whiskers.
"Then what will you do after you sleep with Paula Broadwell?" Amadeus yawned.
"Sleep with Florida socialite Jill Kelley," Renfield grinned again.
"What for?" Amadeus started googling possible reincarnations of Roman Emperor Caligula to see if Renfield's name was mentioned.
"Well in case she did anything with Gen. John Allen," Renfield explained, "then I can gain post-coital access to Gen. Allen's secrets as well. And if she didn't do anything with Gen. Allen, then if I should happen to appear as a guest with either Erin Burnett or Piers Morgan or Anderson Cooper on CNN and they ask me which woman was the bettter lay, I'll be able to answer that question."
To be continued.
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