Renfield and Amadeus Go Swimming

Renfield and Amadeus Go Swimming

-A vampire novel chapter

 written by Christopher

 Saturday September 28th 2013

Renfield and Amadeus had been given a day off work by their boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

They decided to spend it inside an indoor Olympic sized swimming pool in London.

As they entered the pool, Amadeus asked Renfield, "What style of swim do you think I should try first?".

"The back stroke," Renfield suggested.

Amadeus swam to the far end of the pool doing the back stroke.

Then he swam back to where Renfield was- likewise doing the back stroke.

"Now," Renfield asked Amadeus, "what style of swim do you think I should try first?".

"The breast stroke," Amadeus suggested.

"I was thinking the same thing myself," Renfield smiled as he looked around the pool.

Renfield swam out to the middle of the pool.

Then he swam over to where a pair of bikini clad beautiful women were treading water.

Suddenly one of the women screamed.

Seconds later she slapped Renfield's face.

Renfield swam back to Amadeus.

"That breast stroke didn't work out so well," Renfield informed Amadeus.

To be continued.

Renfield's Lottery Ticket

Renfield's Lottery Ticket



The Greek vampire Zeus had a problem on his hands.


Ever since Cerberus had abandoned his guard post on the River Styx, hundreds of thousands of ghosts had fled the Underworld of Hades and were now causing havoc on the Earth above.


Zeus had even received a nasty email from the President of the World Atheist Association threatening legal action and complaining that many of his members were undergoing post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of having to re-evaluate their belief in the non-existence of the afterlife.


The trouble had been caused millennia ago by a boast that his brother Hades had made to his brother Poseidon.


The pair had been discussing mortal lotteries and Hades had boasted that there was one series of numbers  that no mortal would ever pick.


Poseidon had disagreed.


And Hades said if any mortal picked them, then quote, "May my loyal faithful  Cerberus abandon his post on the River Styx and the souls of the departed depart the Underworld."


No mortal had picked them until the shapeshifting hamster/human Renfield R. Renfield had done so.


The numbers entered his mind shortly after he had gunned down a pompous arrogant American millionaire as the latter was entering a Rolls-Royce limousine outside a London restaurant.



The only way the decree of Hades could be reversed was if the said mortal would reverse the numerals of each two digit number he used in his lottery pick and play those numbers.



However the said Renfield kept winning £300 a week by playing those numbers and was unlikely to stop playing those numbers while he was on a roll (like so much golden butter).




And so the Greek vampire Zeus spent the past while pulling his hair and beard out while he tried to think up a solution.


Not relishing a future as a bald and beardless vampiric immortal (fearing this might put an end to his ability to attract mortal women and end his Bill Clintonesque and Jack Kennedyesque style dalliances with them),  he turned to his daughter the Greek vampiress Athena for advice as she always seemed to be full of wisdom.




Athena suggested that Zeus send Aphrodite to work her charms on Renfield for as Athena pointed out quoting Vincent Price,  "For no mere mortal can resist the evil of the Thriller."


The Thriller was the nickname given to Aphrodite among the gods of Olympus.



The "evil of the Thriller" was the euphemism given to Aphrodite's sensual charms among the goddesses of Olympus.





                     .            .           .




And it came to pass that Aphrodite went unto Renfield R. Renfield to convince him to reverse the digits of some of his numerals on his winning lottery ticket that he had been using the past month.


And what transpired when the sensual vampiress Aphrodite came unto Renfield as the Boney M. lyrics Nightflight To Venus played in the background?



Well to sum it up in one sentence as Great Caesar's ghost put it when he saw it,  "She came, he saw, he came, she conquered."





-A vampire novel chapter
 written by Christopher
 Friday September 13th 2013