Dark Ocean

Dark ocean

dark night 

dark ship

dark pirate.

Black like the river Styx

the ocean moves

dark waves crash 

the pirate laughs.

Skull and crossbones flag rises

ship sails into the dark abyss.

-written 9:00 PM

 Friday night

 November 30th 2012

The Renfield Chainsaw Massacre

Renfield was waiting in a phone store to get his iPhone activated to a new service.

He was next in line but there was a stupid old bat senior citizen in front of him who kept asking the clerk annoying questions.

"I want my old pic on my phone back," she said, "I pushed a button and it went missing."

Then she said, "I want my old ring tone back. I lost the music when I pushed a button I didn't want to push."

Then she asked, "How do I listen to my messages? How do I delete my messages? I've got hundreds of messages? What do I do with them?".

Finally Renfield had had enough.

He pulled out his gun and shot the old bat dead.

"You stupid old fool," he growled as he put his gun away, "if you're too stupid and senile to upgrade to modern technology, then don't upgrade. You're making life miserable for the rest of us, you stupid old bat."

Renfield received a standing ovation (namely because they were already standing) from the customers behind him.

"This man should be drafted to become Canada's next Prime Minister," someone suggested.

The crowd agreed and cheered.

Renfield got his phone activated and then thanked the crowd saying he'd think about their draft.

He then decided to put on his Jason Friday the 13th hockey mask and his Freddy Krueger Nightmare on Elm Street clawed glove and grab his Texas-bought chainsaw and went down to the beach and dismembered a few people to pass the time.

Priyanka the mermaid watched in horror.

She said to Swiss scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius, "I hope Osiris puts a stop to Renfield when he returns to Earth."

Dr. Celsius answered, "I hope so too."

Then Renfield's laugh could be heard along the beach, "When Osiris returns, I shall dismember him like the Boss (Renfield's boss was the ancient Egyptian vampire Set who was Osiris' brother) did millenia ago."


To be continued.

Lost In Translation, Clueless In Seattle

Renfield came barging through the door of the hotel room, threw an I Love Seattle t-shirt in Amadeus' direction and then sat down on the sofa and went "Harrumph."

"I take it that it did not go well," Amadeus removed his sweater to try on the t-shirt, "seeing as how I watched CNN News all day and there was nothing about a Zombie Turkey Apocalypse taking place."

"It did not," Renfield swallowed a bunch of whisky from the bottle in his coat pocket,  "Sterling used an English translation of a Hecate mystery cult spell that was originally written in ancient Greek. But instead of translating Hecate (the name of the ancient Greek goddess of witchcraft), the translator translated Socrates' name for Hecate. So Sterling kept invoking Socrates' name while reciting the spell and apparently Socrates is totally uninterested in raising turkeys from the dead. So it didn't work."

"Well, the trip wasn't a total waste," Amadeus put on the I Love Seattle t-shirt and smiled, "at least the t-shirt fits."  

To be continued.

Zombie Turkey Apocalypse

"So I'll be taking a Russian submarine down to Seattle, Washington this evening," Renfield R. Renfield put his Russian-English Dictionary into his coat pocket.

"What for?" Amadeus was watching A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving on television.

"To get back at the Americans for deporting me last weekend," Renfield swallowed some whisky, "The Russians have hired South African witch doctor Sterling Makabo to go to the top of the Seattle Space Needle and to cast a spell to raise all the turkeys (who have been eaten this Thanksgiving Day) to rise from the dead and kill their eaters. Tomorrow millions of Americans when they wake up will find themselves dead."

"If they're dead, how will they be able to wake up?" Amadeus asked.

Renfield ignored the question.

"What angered Putin so much that he's hired a witch doctor to do this?" Amadeus asked another question.

"It's apparently an American billionaire that's been providing the anti-Putin Russian girls' punk rock group Pussy Riot with so much financial support," Renfield counted his rubles, "so this is Putin's way of getting back at him. I'm to stand on top of the Space Needle and help Makabo recite his spell."

"Can you buy me an I Love Seattle t-shirt while you're down there?" Amadeus ate some popcorn.

"All right," Renfield shut the door and hurried from the room down the stairs into the lobby and out the hotel door into the Vancouver night.


To be continued.

ET Won't Be Phoning Home.

The coroner and the paramedic examined the body that had washed up on the beach.

"Is that what I think it is?" the paramedic asked.

"If you think the body is of what they call in ET extraterrestrial X-Files style folklore- a gray," the coroner replied, "then you'd be correct."

"How did it wash up on the beach here?" the paramedic scratched his head.

"His spaceship crashed in the ocean maybe," the coroner shrugged.

At that moment, a boat containing U.S. Navy SEALS landed on the beach.

"We'll take that body," said the commander of the SEALS unit.

"Go ahead," said the coroner not wanting to argue with a group of armed men.

"But this is Canadian soil," the paramedic grumbled to the coroner after the SEALS spirited away the body of the gray.

"Yes," the coroner admitted, "but another country's territory has never bothered America before. They just go and take what they can."

"Do you suppose that was an extraterrestrial Osama bin Laden?" the paramedic asked.

"Damn, did those SEALS beat me to the body of another gray?" Renfield asked in a cursing fashion as he arrived on the scene.


To be continued.

Renfield Back To Normal Self

When Renfield was deported from the U.S. back to Canada and thus was unable to complete his mission of sleeping with both Gen. David Petraeus' biographer Paula Broadwell and Florida socialite Jill Kelley (a good friend of Gen. John Allen), the psychopathic genetically created shapeshifting hamster/human was feeling a little down and depressed.

But by today, he was back to his normal self.

His spirits started to lift last night when he shot dead a blind woman who made the mistake of accidently bumping into him on the street.

Then today he sold a whole bunch of property he didn't own on Vancouver Island to a couple of unsuspecting gullible people for a cool $2 million.

He then shot a porn movie with a group of female exotic dancers in the studio of a Vancouver nightclub.

Now he was back in his hotel room listening to Amadeus play Beethoven's Ninth Symphony on a very good toy piano when his iPhone rang.

"Hello?" Renfield answered.

"Rennie old boy," the caller was the President of Russia and the black belt karate champion whose last name was Putin, "it's your old friend Vladimir here. How would you like to get back at the U.S.A. for deporting you?".

"Oh boy, would I," Renfield had an orgasm of delight right on the spot, "tell me what you've got in mind?".

Amadeus stopped playing Beethoven's Ninth and picked up the hotel phone, "Hello, front desk? I think the sofa in this room requires instant steam cleaning."


To be continued.

Night At The Museum British Style

Wilfrid was a security guard at the British Museum.

Tonight Wilfrid was working in the Syrian Antiquities Room of the Museum.

Unfortunately the night before (during one of his rare nights off) he had made the mistake of watching with his eight-year-old nephew Richard the 2006 movie Night At The Museum that starred Ben Stiller and Carla Gugino.

Now as a result he was imagining all sorts of voices and noises and goings on here in the Syrian Antiquities Room.

As he looked at the bust of the Syrian-Greek King Antiochus Epiphanes (who ruled as King Antiochus IV of Syria from 175 BC to 164 BC), he heard a noise behind him.

He whisked around and saw a ghostly figure who looked very much like Antiochus Epiphanes had been standing behind him.

"I am the spirit of Antiochus Epiphanes," the spectre spoke, "the ruler of the Abyss has granted me permission to leave the Abyss for a while and roam the Earth."

"Antiochus Epiphanes," said the Oxford educated security guard, "your name Epiphanes meaning God manifest. Many Bible scholars consider you a prototype of the Antichrist since the Abomination of Desolation you ordered in the Temple of Jerusalem when a statue of Zeus was erected in the spot of the Holy of Holies and a pig was sacrificed to Zeus there."

"I had my moments," Antiochus laughed, "and now I'll have my moments again. Since my spirit and the fallen angel who was my demonic mentor have returned up to the Earth's surface."

"I don't know what you mean," said Wilfrid.

"Tune in to BBC News on your iPhone," Antiochus suggested.

Wilfrid did so.

Rioting in Greece.

More barbarities and atrocities going on in the Syrian civil war.

Increasing bloodshed between Israel and Palestine.

The possibility of all out war throughout the region of the Middle East.

"See," Antiochus laughed, "I told you my time has come."


To be continued.

Incident On Washington State/British Columbia Border

"Hello, Amadeus," the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was phoning his employee from London, England, "I'd like to speak to Renfield."

"Renfield isn't here at the moment," Amadeus combed his hair in front of a mirror in his Vancouver hotel room, "he's been arrested at U.S. Customs on the British Columbia/Washington state border and charged with distributing pornography to U.S. government officials."

"I heard he had inadvertently emailed a photo of himself topless to the new General Secetary of the Chinese Communist Party Xi Jinping," Set spoke, "but how is that distributing pornography to U.S. government officials?".

"It turns out that instead of emailing those topless photos of himself to Jill Kelley and Paula Broadwell," Amadeus opened his hotel room window, "he hit the wrong button on his iPhone twice. One topless photo he sent to the private email address of Xi Jinping and the other photo of himself topless he inadverently sent to the private email address of U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton."

On the TV in Amadeus' hotel room, a shocked looking former U.S. President Bill Clinton was sitting at a desk being interviewed by CNN's Piers Morgan.

Whined Clinton, "It was always in the back of my mind that Hillary might want to get back at me for Monica but I never thought she'd sink this low..."

On the screen behind Piers Morgan and Bill Clinton was displayed a large photo of a topless looking Renfield R. Renfield.


To be continued.

Why China's New Leader Xi Jinping Is Ticked With Renfield

"So have you figured out how to woo both Paula Broadwell and Jill Kelley?" Amadeus asked as he choked on his hot chocolate.

"Well I heard on CNN last night that a FBI agent on the case once sent a photo of himself topless to Jill Kelley, " Renfield grinned, "so I've just emailed photos of myself topless to both Paula Broadwell and Jill Kelley." He pushed a button on his iPhone.

Amadeus looked over his shoulder, "Are you sure you emailed the correct addresses?".

"Of course I did," Renfield harrumphed, "to the private email addresses of both women... oops!... I inadvertently sent one to the private email address of Xi Jinping the new General Secretary of the Chinese Communist Party by mistake...."


* * *


Minutes later Renfield broke out into a cold sweat, "I just read on Xi Jinping's Twitter feed that he's ordered the Chinese Secret Service to bump me off..."

"Well," Amadeus ate his egg roll, "I'd be sure to watch how much monosodium glutamate is put on your food when you order in Chinese restaurants in the future."



To be continued.

Renfield Hopes To Sleep With Petraeus' Biographer

"I'm going to the U.S. for a few days," Renfield said as he looked at where the U.S. was located on his globe of the world.

"What for?" Amadeus asked as he munched a pumpkin popsicle.

"To sleep with Gen. David Petraeus' biographer Paula Broadwell," Renfield replied.

"And why do you want to boldly go where a U.S. general has gone before?" Amadeus flipped through the remote to see what time the original Star Trek series was on the Nostalgia TV Channel.

"To find out U.S. government secrets," Renfield grinned, "if Gen. Petraeus revealed anything to Paula Broadwell during post-coital chat, then maybe she'll reveal the same information to me during post-coital chat. Such secret confidential information would be invaluable to me and the boss."

"You're really going to sleep with Paula Broadwell?" Amadeus looked shocked.

"I'm not one for promiscuous sex," Renfield remarked casually as his nose started to grow bigger, "but sometimes I have to make immense personal sacrifices on behalf of my job of intelligence gathering for the Boss."

"And what makes you think Paula Broadwell will sleep with you?" Amadeus inquired.

"What woman would not want to sleep with me?" Renfield brushed the tuna fish sandwich crumbs out of his hair and whiskers.

"Then what will you do after you sleep with Paula Broadwell?" Amadeus yawned.

"Sleep with Florida socialite Jill Kelley," Renfield grinned again.

"What for?" Amadeus started googling possible reincarnations of Roman Emperor Caligula to see if Renfield's name was mentioned.

"Well in case she did anything with Gen. John Allen," Renfield explained, "then I can gain post-coital access to Gen. Allen's secrets as well. And if she didn't do anything with Gen. Allen, then if I should happen to appear as a guest with either Erin Burnett or Piers Morgan or Anderson Cooper on CNN and they ask me which woman was the bettter lay, I'll be able to answer that question."


To be continued.

Navy SEALS In Action

"There's something that bothers me," the shapeshifting hamster/human Renfield R. Renfield remarked as he tried to shave his hamster whiskers with an ancient Japanese samurai sword.

"What's that?" Amadeus asked as he painted the toenails on his right foot a bright orange coloured nailpolish that had been recommended to him by a lady Malaysian banker.

"Whatever became of the body of that giant Nephilim that Dracul Van Helsing slew on the English Bay beach?" Renfield looked quizzical.

"I noticed minutes after Van Helsing slew him," Amadeus replied, "that a group of U.S. Navy SEALS arrived on the beach and whisked the body away."

"They did?" Renfield looked incredulous, "why would they do that?".

"They've been doing it with the bodies of giant Nephilim that have been found in Iraq and Afghanistan as well," Amadeus was letting the nail polish dry as he wiggled his toes, "taking away the bodies and putting them in a secret CIA laboratory in Langley where they're undergoing dissection and genetic experimentation."

"How do you know all that?" Renfield was genuinely impressed.

"I read it all on a Julian Assange Fan Club website," Amadeus helped himself to an egg roll and a glass of chocolate milk.


* * *


In the Ecuadorian Embassy in London, one of Assange's aides told the beleagured founder of Wikileaks, "The body of yet another giant Nephilim has been spirited away by the U.S. government."

"It's getting to be an epidemic," Assange quipped as he ate from a can of Green Giant vegetables.


To be continued.

Sherlock Holmes and Angelina Jolie

Amadeus Emanon reflected on the events that transpired last night.

He remembered Dracul Van Helsing dressed as Sherlock Holmes pick up a stone on the beach and put it in his slingshot and aimed the stone against the Nephilim giant's forehead.

The Nephilim giant fell to the sand- dead.

Renfield R. Renfield (dressed as a tuna fish sandwich) who was about to be eaten by the giant- now look relieved.

"Good thing for you, Renfield," Van Helsing remarked, "that I happened to be in Sunday school class the day they taught us about David and Goliath."


* * *


"You have that shocked look on your face," Hyung Grace Kwan said as she smoothed her skirt, "as if you just found out something that you didn't know before."

"That's true," Van Helsing nodded, "I found out on television last night that Jonny Lee Miller who plays Sherlock Holmes on one of my two favourite television shows this season- Elementary (my other favourite TV show being Beauty and The Beast that stars Kristin Kreuk) was once married to Angelina Jolie. I DIDN'T know that and I always thought I was such a big Angelina Jolie fan."

"We can't all be perfect Angelina Jolie fans," Hyung answered.

"I suppose not," Van Helsing agreed, "and when I played Sherlock Holmes in a school production, I didn't have a Doctor Watson who looked like Lucy Liu."

On the radio, Rod Stewart could be heard singing, "Some guys have all the luck..."


To be continued.

The Secret Meeting

"Why are you dressed as a tuna fish sandwich?" Amadeus Emanon asked Renfield R. Renfield.

"Because I'm going to a clandestine meeting and I thought it would be a good thing to go disguised," said Renfield, "so I'm going dressed as my favourite food."

"Who are you meeting?" Amadeus asked as he ate a potato chip.

"Dracul Van Helsing," Renfield replied, "to see if we should get together in a secret alliance against the return of both the extraterrestrial vampires Osiris and Quetzalcoatl."

"What's Dracul going dressed as?" Amadeus opened a can of Coke.

"Sherlock Holmes," Renfield answered.


* * *


On the beach, the figure dressed as Sherlock Holmes approached the figure dressed as the tuna fish sandwich.

Just then one of the Nephilim giants (who were mentioned in Genesis Chapter 6 and who were for the most part buried in the depths of earth and sea after the flood of Noah's days) who had been awakened by recent earthquakes in the Pacific rose out of the waters of English Bay.

"A giant tuna fish sandwich," the Nephilim exclaimed, "I haven't had one of those for millenia."

The Nephilim picked up the large tuna fish sandwich which promptly emitted a loud scream sounding much like Renfield R. Renfield screaming.


To be continued.

The Day After

"In our continuing analysis and statistical breakdown of yesterday's vote," CNN's Anderson Cooper intoned, "among voters who are left-handed and wear pink nail polish on the toenails of their right feet, 52% of them voted for Obama and 48% voted for Romney..."

"I'm surprised that Romney got as high a percentage as he did among people who wear pink nail polish on the toenails of their right feet," Amadeus Emanon said as he ate a peanut butter and jam sandwich.

"It is odd indeed," Renfield admitted as he ate a tuna fish and mermaid sandwich.


* * *

"I've got the feeling that someone just swam over my grave," the mermaid Priyanka said to Swiss scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius as she shivered in the waters of English Bay.

* * *


"So what's going to happen now that Obama's been re-elected?" South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan asked Dracul Van Helsing.

The Canadian vampire hunter replied, "Well only time will tell."


* * *

The TIME Magazine head office in New York City was suddenly hit by a Nor'easter snow storm.



To be continued.

The Invisible Man- Elusive Swiss Billionaire Lester Mittendorf

The Invisible Man- Elusive Swiss Billionaire Lester Mittendorf

Elusive Swiss billionaire Lester Mittendorf was known to his friends as the Invisible Man.
For he was quite literally invisible.
Back in the 1980s he had drunk an invisibility potion that a scientist had made for him.
Unfortunately Mittendorf had forgotten to ask the scientist if he had developed a re-visibility potion.
For the scientist hadn't.
And Mittendorf had been pretty much invisible ever since.
Back in the 1990s, Mittendorf had tried to buy the Edmonton Oilers NHL Hockey Team using a New York based agent.
But because Mittendorf was an invisible financier, the deal fell through.
Now Mittendorf walked along Bourbon Street of Edmonton's West Edmonton Mall.
He had come to Edmonton to see the Edmonton Oilers play hockey- totally oblivious to the fact that there was a labour dispute and a lockout going on so there was no NHL Hockey this season.
Shoot, no NHL hockey game.
No seeing the Oilers- the team he tried to buy.
Mittendorf was sick.
Sick of not owning an NHL Hockey team.
Sick of women he dated telling him, "You never show me your real self."
In short he was sick of being invisible.
There was only one man who could help him become visible again.
A fellow Swiss citizen- Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius.
But Celsius was obsessed with time and space travel and extraterrestrials.
Mittendorf regretted the fact that he had given Celsius a copy of Erich von Daniken's Chariots of the Gods? when he visited the Swiss orphanage at Christmas where Celsius grew up as a boy.
He regretted the fact that one of his companies had been one of the original sponsors of the TV show Ancient Aliens which was Celsius' favourite show.
Celsius had helped develop CERN'S Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland.
Now he was in Vancouver, B.C awaiting the return of the extraterrestrial vampire Osiris at English Bay on December 21st 2012.
Mittendorf would fly to Vancouver and likewise await the return of Osiris.
In the meantime, he'd go back to his hotel room at the Fantasyland Hotel and await the results of the U.S. Presidential election.

To be continued.

Renfield On Guy Fawkes Day

Dr. Celsius Fahrenheit sat on a log by the water and chatted with the mermaid Priyanka- whose upper body and arms were out of the water on to the sand.

Suddenly they noticed a bon fire light up on the other side of the beach.

"I wonder what's going on?" Priyanka asked.

"That individual seems to be burning someone in effigy," said Celsius, "it must be a Brit. I believe today is Guy Fawkes Day."

"That's right," Priyanka nodded.

Dr. Celsius looked through his binoculars, "I think it's the notorious Renfield R. Renfield who always makes the Freud's 500 List of Well-Dressed Psychopaths every year."

"Renfield R. Renfield?" Priyanka gasped, "He is a psychopath. I hear he enjoys eating mermaid and tuna fish sandwiches. Hundreds of my sisters have been killed just to satisfy his culinary desires."

"He's also Chief of Security and Cyber-Intelligence for the London-based Egyptian vampire Set who's Osiris' evil brother," Celsius turned white in the dark of night, "I wonder if he's found out that English Bay will be the place that Osiris arrives from Sirius on December 21st of this year."

"Great heavens," Priyanka spat out out her seaweed chewing gum in shock.

Near the bon fire, a man with silver hair and glasses approached Renfield.

"Do you have a license for this bon fire?" the man demanded to know.

Renfield pulled out a gun and shot the man dead.

And that's how Renfield celebrated Guy Fawkes Day 2012.

To be continued.

The Mermaid of English Bay

Swiss scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celius sat on the huge rock overlooking English Bay not far from the entrance to Vancouver's Stanley Park.

As he sat there, a mermaid rose out of the waters to speak to him.

It was his friend Priyanka.

Priyanka had spent most of her life swimming the waters of the Indian Ocean just off India.

But then she had fallen in love with a dashing young mortal sea captain- Captain Ahab Albatross Mariner Singh.

She had swam after his ship The Taj Mahal of the Seas when it sailed to Canada.

Tragically, the ship struck a rock on the B.C. coast because the lighthouse that had been there for years had been shut down due to cutbacks in spending from the Canadian Federal government.

More lighthouse closures on B.C.'s coast had also been announced this year by the Canadian Federal Government.

No doubt Canada's West Coast would soon be swarming with mermaids pining for their mortal lovers who had been killed in shipwrecks as a result of the lighthouse closures.

"A penny for your thoughts?" she asked the scientist.

Dr. Celsius laughed.

Because the Canadian Federal Government had announced the abolition of the penny as a coin of this particular Dominion realm of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

So in effect, Priyanka was unintentionally implying that his thoughts were worth nothing.

Priyanka suddenly dove back into the sea.

Dr. Celsius was wondering what was up.

He then looked up and noticed a stranger walking along this stretch of the Seawall path and walking trail.

"Was that a Bollywood actress swimming in the water that I just saw?" the stranger inquired.

"She probably could be a Bollywood actress if she didn't have fins," Dr. Celsius replied.

The stranger looked at him as if he were nuts and continued walking.

To be continued.

Swiss Scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius

World famous Swiss scientist and inventor Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius now lived in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.

He had left Switzerland earlier this year after he had disintegrated his home chalet on Lake Geneva when he tried to re-enact one of the great Serbian-American inventor Nikola Tesla's experiments using laser technology.

Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius had been raised in a Swiss orphanage.

He had been placed on the steps of the orphanage when he was about 2 years old.

He was called Fahrenheit Celsius because of his constant compulsion to sit down and write conversions of temperatures from Fahrenheit to Celsius and vice-versa on the walls of the orphanage.

According to a Julian Assange Fan Club website, Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius was in contact with extraterrestrials and was using extraterrestrial technology in his research.

On the beach at English Bay, Dr. Celsius was on the beach listening with headphones to a sea shell.

Dr. Celsius tapped on the sea shell as if he was sending a telegraph message.

The scientist spoke into the sea shell, "Osiris on Planet 9X20 in the stellar system of Sirius. Are you there? Osiris on Planet 9X20 in the stellar system of Sirius. Are you there?".

To be continued.

Naga Munchetty and The Vampire Hunter

BBC News Anchorwoman and Interviewer Naga Munchetty sat on the hotel sofa in front of the camera.

She was wearing a cream coloured wool sweater, a tight pink skirt, red silk nylons and pink spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

Sitting next to her on the sofa was Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing who was dressed like Raymond Chandler's fictional 1940s private eye Philip Marlowe.

"So Mr. Van Helsing," Naga spoke, "there's a connection between some vampires and extraterrestrials?".

"That is correct," Dracul nodded, "for example the ancient Egyptian vampire Osiris inhabits a planet in the star system of Sirius where he was exiled under terms of a black magic spell cast by his evil brother Set who is also a vampire- one who's currently undead and well and living in London."

"I understand Set has eaten fish and chips with British Prime Minister David Cameron at 10 Downing Street," Naga smiled.

"I've heard those rumours as well," Dracul acknowledged.

"What about the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl?" Naga inquired.

"He was exiled to Saturn's moon Titan under a black magic spell cast by Osiris' wife the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis," Van Helsing explained, "his spiritual god daughter the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec celebrated Dia de Los Muertos in Mexico City today where she performed a human sacrifice. She then formally endorsed Republican Mitt Romney as her choice for President of the United States."

"Don't Mormons believe that Quetzalcoatl and Christ are one and the same being?" Naga inquired.

"That is correct," Van Helsing answered.

At that moment, the door of the hotel room burst open and there stood Renfield R. Renfield who took a quick photo with a flash camera.

"Shoot," Renfield quipped when he looked around the room, "I was told by an anonymous tipster that I'd find vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing making out with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in this room."




"Well, you've really got egg on your face now," Naga laughed.

At that moment the hotel porter entered carrying a tray with a late evening brunch that Naga and Dracul had ordered.

The porter tripped over Renfield's long hamster tail that was starting to show as a result of the shapeshifting hamster/human's growing embarassment and an eggs benedict went off the tray landing on Renfield's face.

"I agree with your last statement, Naga," Van Helsing laughed.

"So Dracul, should we start making out," Naga uncrossed her legs and started smoothing her skirt, "so this will get the egg off Renfield's face?".

"Sounds like a good idea to me," Dracul smiled.

Renfield started peeling eggs benedict off his face.

To be continued.