Lilith-Belfor Axis To Destroy Israel

Lilith-Belfor Axis To Destroy Israel


The sight was somewhat unusual.


A beautiful red headed woman wearing a green evening dress walking alongside a man who looked the part of what a middle-aged Mormon missionary suffering a mid-life crisis might look like if he was trying to recapture the glory days of his youth.


The background was even more unusual.


It was the bombed out remnants of a Syrian town recently hit by Russian war planes.


Back in Washington D.C., U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry was pulling his hair out over the possibility of World War III breaking out in Syria.


A Kerry aide was already on the line trying to get hold of Donald Trump to see what colour of spider monkeys' fur the Republican Party Presidential front runner used for his hair pieces.


Another Kerry aide was trying to get hold of President Obama to stop the outbreak of World War III.


But President Obama was already on another line trying to deal with what he considered a far more pressing issue- trying to arrange a diplomatic tete a tete between Sir Elton John and Russian President Vladimir Putin to resolve their differences on the issue of gay rights.


Meanwhile back in the bombed out ruins of the Syrian town, the woman in the green evening dress spoke to the middle-aged Mormon missionary looking man who looked to be suffering a mid-life crisis.


"Well," the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith asked, "what do you think?".


"Well," CIA agent Bob Belfor answered, "it looks like the Russian Air Force have inflicted damage unlike our Air Force when we hit Islamic State targets. The only time we get it right on target on IS  is when we're supposed to be dropping supplies to our allies and we end up dropping them safe and intact into Islamic State hands by mistake."


"Yes, you Americans seem to be bungling this war quite nicely," Lilith looked around.


"We try our best," Belfor smiled.


"But the reason I called you here," Lilith drew closer to Belfor, "is can you arrange an incident to happen between Russia and the Israelis?".


Lilith had made it her life long vampiric mission to destroy the nation of Israel ever since rabbinic commentators had slandered her good name in the Babylonian Talmud.


As for the mid-life crisis suffering CIA agent Bob Belfor, he wasn't too pleased with the Israelis either ever since the Mossad agent code named the Controller of The Golem had referred to him Bob Belfor as a "total jackass" at an international secret agents' cocktail party in Geneva 5 years ago.


"I think," Bob Belfor grinned, "that can be arranged."


To be continued.


-A vampire novel chapter
 written by Christopher
 Wednesday September 30th
 2015.


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Renfield's Take On Liquid Water Being Found On Mars

Renfield's Take On Liquid Water Being Found On Mars


"Now that NASA has found signs of flowing water on Mars, their next most important step should be to find signs of flowing beer on Mars."


-Renfield R. Renfield

Renfield's Dream of The Mercutio Dachshund Commercial

Renfield's Dream of The Mercutio Dachshund Commercial


Renfield R. Renfield had taken several aspirins to get rid of his massive headache and had then gone to bed.


He dreamed he was in the living room of the White House in Washington D.C. where the First Family were weeping over a commercial on the large screen TV they were watching.

As President Obama blew his nose into a handkerchief, the commercial began by showing an image of a sad looking Dachshund.


Announcer (with sad voice): Meet Mercutio.  You might think that looking at Mercutio that you're looking at one sad looking Dachshund.


But you'd be wrong. We as a society only see what we see on the outside. We forget that wise old saying that you can't judge a book by its cover.  We allow our preconceived prejudiced notions to reflect our external reality outside.

For you see poor Mercutio isn't really a Dachshund.  He's a giraffe trapped in a Dachshund's body.

When Mercutio was a young Dachshund pup, he realized he was different than other Dachshunds.


His friends teased him and told him that he was weird.

Alas! Poor Mercutio. He felt like a total outcast.


Mercutio did not know what was wrong with him until he watched an African safari documentary on the Discovery channel on his owner's TV set.

That's when he realized he was actually a giraffe.

A giraffe trapped in a Dachshund's body.


How little Mercutio longed to stick his neck out and eat the leaves off the tallest trees.


Something that was next to impossible for him to do as a Dachshund.


But which would be as easy as pie (instead of pi) if he were a giraffe.


But alas poor Mercutio!


Most health insurance plans in America do not cover the cost of Transpecies operations to turn him from Dachshund to giraffe.


Most people in America today refuse to accept the reality of the Transpecies community.

They can't believe that it's possible to be born into one species' body while actually being another species.


And that's why Mercutio looks sad.

That's why Mercutio feels sad.

That's why Mercutio IS sad.

Mercutio feels excluded.

Mercutio feels an outsider.

No one accepts Mercutio for who he truly is.


Let's change that- you and I.

Together we are the change that we can become.

Let's pressure Congress to change the Medicare laws so that Transpecies operations will be covered under most health care plans.


Let's we as a nation become more acceptable and tolerant of the Transpecies community.


Let's understand and show more compassion to the elephant who wants to become a mouse.


The mongoose who wants to become a snake.


Or even our friend Mercutio here.

The Dachshund who wants to become a giraffe.


Let's make Mercutio's dream a reality.

(Mercutio starts to smile)


Let's make Mercutio feel accepted for who he truly is.

(Mercutio starts to grin)


Let's make Mercutio a giraffe.

(Mercutio starts to grin from ear to ear)


You see that happy smile on Mercutio's face.


You see what we can do when we become the change we can be.


We've just made Mercutio one happy Dachshund... pardon me... one happy giraffe. :)


As the First Family watered the living room carpet with their tears and the rainbow lights were once again turned on over the White House, Renfield woke up.


-A vampire novel chapter
 written by Christopher
 Tuesday September 22nd
 2015.









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Dulcinea Lucia And The Vatican Cardinal

Dulcinea Lucia And The Vatican Cardinal


The gypsy fortune teller Dulcinea Lucia lay on the sofa in the living room of the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

She had no cab fare to get home.


Renfield R. Renfield had invited her over to give him a private fortune telling reading.


It turned out that he wanted her to examine more than his palms.


So she had hit him over the head with an ancient clay tablet that listed the sexual escapades of the Greek god Zeus.

It had knocked Renfield out- probably for the next several hours.

In the meantime, she hoped either Amadeus Emanon or Athelstan the butler or some other person more civilized than Renfield (including the vampire Set who was best known for bodily dismembering his brother Osiris) would get home to the mansion soon to give her cab fare to get home to her own home.

She lay on the sofa in the low-cut red mini dress that Renfield had requested she'd wear for this occasion.

She fell asleep.

And dreamed a dream.


In the dream, she saw the Vatican Cardinal Walter Kasper whom she had once seen in a television interview.


In the dream, Cardinal Kasper did a little dance and sang to the tune of Monty Python's Lumberjack Song,


"Oh, I'm a heretic and I'm okay
 I read my Bible the Raymond Brown way
 Don't take it seriously, it just don't pay
 'Till you get 'round to Judgement Day..."


Dulcinea Lucia was awakened by a sudden clap of thunder and flash of lightning.


She then heard Amadeus Emanon and Athelstan walk in through the door.


Renfield could be heard mumbling to himself as he lay on the floor, "Did anybody get the license plate number of that white swan?".


To be continued.


-A vampire novel chapter
 written by Christopher
 Friday September 18th
 2015.


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Haiku About Dracula

Haiku About Dracula


Dracula was well
'till he had stakes at sunrise
gave him true heartburn

The Giant Rat of Sumatra Novella- Early Chapters

The Giant Rat of Sumatra


Back in late January and early February of 2010, I started writing a Sherlock Holmes novella called The Giant Rat of Sumatra.


I managed to write 13 chapters to it.


Then in mid-February of 2010, my dad started to come down with an illness that the doctors later diagnosed as cancer.

He died in June of 2010.


The next few years saw me dealing with legal battles over my father's Estate and dealing with incompetent lawyers and even more incompetent Estate executors.

So I never got around to finishing it- my novella.


A couple of days ago, I decided to go back and read those novella chapters I had written.


One thing that struck me as I went back to reading what I had written 5 years ago was the shear contempt with which I regarded lawyers- a contempt that struck me as being quite prophetic in lieu of what was to happen to me over the course of the next 4 years.


I had indeed quite an ensemble of memorable characters in those chapters- in addition to Conan Doyle's legendary detective figure of Sherlock Holmes, I had veterinarian Fred Clegg (modeled on my great-grandfather), Captain Heelander, Vittoria Donna Gina, Hemlock The Magician, Magus Steinenfrank and even Darwin the Sumatran orangutan and Krakatoa the Sumatran tiger.


Within the next few weeks, I'm going to see if I can't finally finish this novella.


In the meantime for readers here who never read my early chapters, here are the links to those chapters of my novella The Giant Rat of Sumatra- a story for which I think the world is now prepared:




Links Giant Rat of Sumatra

The Giant Rat of Sumatra Links


http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/01/giant-rat-of-sumatra.html


http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/01/giant-rat-of-sumatra-part-ii.html


http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/01/giant-rat-of-sumatra-part-iii.html


http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/01/giant-rat-of-sumatra-part-iv.html


http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/01/giant-rat-of-sumatra-part-v.html


http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/01/giant-rat-of-sumatra-part-vi.html


http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/02/giant-rat-of-sumatra-part-vii.html


http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/02/giant-rat-of-sumatra-part-viii.html


http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/02/giant-rat-of-sumatra-part-viiia-ix.html


http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/02/giant-rat-of-sumatra-part-x.html


http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/02/giant-rat-of-sumatra-part-xi.html


http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/02/giant-rat-of-sumatra-part-xii.html


http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/02/giant-rat-of-sumatra-part-xiii.html




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Oracle Tang At The Burning Man

Oracle Tang At The Burning Man


At the Black Rock Desert in northern Nevada,
They celebrate art work that they call dada
And whilst there, they set the Wicker Man on fire,
he goes up in smoke like a burning tire
They call it an act of self-expression
Pyromaniac might be a psychiatrist's impression.



For one week on this dry lake bed
as the scent of pot goes to the head
it becomes Black Rock City
an apocalypse so pretty
Now this year, they've got a holographic orangutan
One who doesn't have to use Ultra-Ban
an image that looks part orangutan
and part vampire bat
when he flaps his orange furry wings, you'll fall to the mat.


His two eyes suddenly merge into one cyclops eye
Horus' capstone eye showing theorem of pi
The Image of the Beast is here at last.
Head down to Black Rock- it will be a blast!


-A poem written by Christopher
 Monday September 7th
 2015.

Qonzilqointec Reads Report On Kraken and Medusa

Qonzilqointec Reads Report On Kraken and Medusa


The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec sat in her silk nightgown and read an email she had received from an MI-6 Agent whose code name was Diablos Nocturna.


She had never met Diablos Nocturna in person but the two had met on-line and had discovered they both had a mutual enemy.


They agreed to share information.


Diablos had sent her a copy of a report that he had received from an Israeli Mossad agent whose code name was The Controller of The Golem.

The report chronicled the movements of a Kraken sized octopus who was skateboarding across the state of Israel.


At his side as he skateboarded across Israel was a beautiful long haired redheaded woman who always wore the most elegant evening dresses and who had the ability to glide inches above the ground as she walked.


The Kraken and the redhead were first spotted at a global courier delivery service in downtown Tel Aviv where the woman arranged to have a dozen shopping bags couriered to her penthouse apartment in London.


They then went up to the Sea of Galilee at the woman's insistence so that she could walk on water up there.


"I'm giving these people something they haven't seen in 2000 years," she said to the Kraken as tourists hastily took pictures with their smart phones.


A divinity professor at Yale who thought all of Christ's miracles were strictly symbolic and that nobody could actually walk on water died of a heart attack when his daughter emailed him the picture.


He couldn't fathom the thought of having to revise all his theories and revise all those textbooks he had written.



They then went to Cana of Galilee where the Kraken, wanting to upstage the redhead's miracle of walking on water, tried to turn pitchers of water into lager beer at an American biker's outdoor motorcycle wedding.


When the attempted miracle failed abysmally, the Kraken found himself being pursued by a group of angry tattooed motorcycle gang members and their equally angry tattooed brides.


The redhead who called herself Medusa had wisely ascended into the sky and headed off to Jerusalem before the Kraken had even attempted his water into beer wedding miracle.


She had recently seen the Kraken attempt to pull a rabbit out of a silk hat at a Mafia wedding in Sicily and when he had pulled out the local Mafia don's mistress' personally monogrammed panties instead, that had not gone over so well.


The Kraken jumped on his skateboard and headed out of town just before sunset as the Hell's Angels followed on hot pursuit on their motorcycles.


"I don't recall this ever happening in Lady Gaga's music video about Judas," were the Kraken's last words as he skated past the sign that said You Are Now Leaving Cana of Galilee.



              .                .              .



The redheaded Medusa's descent on to the Temple Mount on August 27th 2015 (on the 40th Anniversary of Ethiopian Emperor Haile Selassie's death in Addis Ababa) frightened away both Orthodox Jewish wailer at the Western Wall and Muslim worshipper on the Temple Mount alike paving the way for the Kraken who called himself Napoleon VI to skateboard on to the Temple Mount on his skateboard bearing the image of former Rastafarian Bob Marley.


The report from the Controller of the Golem that Qonzilqointec was reading bore the notation that the Controller had been immediately summoned by the Office of the Prime Minister of Israel Benjamin Netanyahu to report immediately to a West Jerusalem police station to take a sobriety test.



-A vampire novel chapter
 written by Christopher
 Thursday August 27th
  2015.


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