The Red Horse
The ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith
bit Ukraine's President Viktor Yanukovych on the neck
and he fell into a deep sickness
and the Ukrainian government did announce that he was taking sick leave.
And the Red Horse rode into the desert
kicking up a storm
And even the children of the desert
found it a little warm.
The dust from the hooves swirled and twirled forming a cloud so vast
That even the vultures wondered what has come to pass?
The Syrian Peace Talks in Geneva ended in collapse
so the UN mediator hailed it a success
causing the dogs of war to laugh.
And the Red Horse rode into the desert
kicking up a storm
And even the children of the desert
found it a little warm.
The dust from the hooves swirled and twirled forming a cloud so vast
That even the vultures wondered what has come to pass?
In Egypt the Muslim Brotherhood howled and raged and set off many a bomb
while Gen. Abdel Fattah al-Sisi said he might run for Prez 'midst much aplomb.
And the Red Horse rode into the desert kicking up a storm
And even the children of the desert found it a little warm.
The dust from the hooves swirled and twirled forming a cloud so vast
That even the vultures wondered what has come to pass?
The U.S. says that Russia is simply not following the treaty IMF
while its own nuclear missile launch officers cheat to avoid the grade of F.
And the Red Horse rode into the desert kicking up a storm
And even the children of the desert found it a little warm.
The dust from the hooves swirled and twirled forming a cloud so vast
That even the vultures wondered what has come to pass?
-A vampire novel chapter
written in the form of a poem
written by Christopher
Friday January 31st
2014.
Friday, January 31, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Lilith In Kiev
Lilith In Kiev
Former U. S. President Jimmy Carter looked out the residence of his Georgia home as a rare and fierce snow storm raged outside.
In addition to the snow he was surprised to see the ancient Norse god Thor stumbling through the raging snow drifts clutching his hammer Mjolnir.
Following Thor and growling at him was the Norse wolf Fenrir.
Fenrir had around his neck a small barrel flask (like those worn by Saint Bernard dogs in the Swiss Alps) that had on it the words RAGNAROK OR BUST.
. . .
Ukrainian Prime Minister Mykola Azarov had just announced his resignation and that of the entire governing cabinet.
When the protesting crowds in the streets of the Ukrainian capital of Kiev heard the news, they erupted into loud cheers.
Standing in the midst of the protestors looking conspicuous in a long flowing white evening gown was the ancient but extremely young looking Babylonian vampiress Lilith (who was History's first vampiress).
Lilith was checking her Nokia Lumia smart phone and had read on her BBC News app that Russian President Vladimir Putin had come down with severe heartburn following a dinner of Belgian waffles he had after an EU-Russia Summit held in Brussels.
Just then she got a text message from the Demon Asmodeus who was standing atop the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.
Asmodeus asked her to call him right away as he said something of great cosmic significance was about to happen.
Lilith also got a text message from one of Paris' most exclusive fashion shoe stores saying the custom made order she had given for a pair of exclusive high fashion footwear had now come in and would she please call them right away.
Lilith pushed a button and sped dialed the number of the Paris shoe store.
A few seconds later she pushed another button and put an incoming call from the demon Asmodeus on hold.
. . .
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 28th
2014.
Former U. S. President Jimmy Carter looked out the residence of his Georgia home as a rare and fierce snow storm raged outside.
In addition to the snow he was surprised to see the ancient Norse god Thor stumbling through the raging snow drifts clutching his hammer Mjolnir.
Following Thor and growling at him was the Norse wolf Fenrir.
Fenrir had around his neck a small barrel flask (like those worn by Saint Bernard dogs in the Swiss Alps) that had on it the words RAGNAROK OR BUST.
. . .
Ukrainian Prime Minister Mykola Azarov had just announced his resignation and that of the entire governing cabinet.
When the protesting crowds in the streets of the Ukrainian capital of Kiev heard the news, they erupted into loud cheers.
Standing in the midst of the protestors looking conspicuous in a long flowing white evening gown was the ancient but extremely young looking Babylonian vampiress Lilith (who was History's first vampiress).
Lilith was checking her Nokia Lumia smart phone and had read on her BBC News app that Russian President Vladimir Putin had come down with severe heartburn following a dinner of Belgian waffles he had after an EU-Russia Summit held in Brussels.
Just then she got a text message from the Demon Asmodeus who was standing atop the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.
Asmodeus asked her to call him right away as he said something of great cosmic significance was about to happen.
Lilith also got a text message from one of Paris' most exclusive fashion shoe stores saying the custom made order she had given for a pair of exclusive high fashion footwear had now come in and would she please call them right away.
Lilith pushed a button and sped dialed the number of the Paris shoe store.
A few seconds later she pushed another button and put an incoming call from the demon Asmodeus on hold.
. . .
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 28th
2014.
Monday, January 27, 2014
And So The Winter Sun Starts To Set On January 2014
And So The Winter Sun Starts To Set On January 2014
The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set walked the streets of London in search of blood.
After biting a few Londoners and draining them of their blood, he showed them what a pain in the neck he could be in London after midnight.
An even bigger pain in the neck than silent film star Lon Chaney Sr.
In cyberspace, he was also searching for blood.
After a recent conversation he had with his company Set Enterprises Laboratories' resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher, he needed some of the late Pope John Paul II's blood for the Rocher plan to succeed.
So Set put an ad on eBay saying he'd pay £2 million to anyone who could bring him a genuine vial of the late Pope John Paul II's blood.
As Set checked the BBC News app on his Galaxy Android phone while draining the blood of and at the same time having coital relations with a beautiful mini skirted Russian girl on the sidewalks of London, he noticed a news story that a holy relic containing the blood of the late Pope John Paul II had been stolen from a chapel in Italy.
Hm, that's a good sign, Set thought.
"I'm an Aquarius," was the beautiful mini skirted Russian girl's last words as she died trying to fix the holes in her torn nylon stockings.
. . .
Pan Goatee was sitting in his Washington DC apartment getting a blow job from a young Monica Lewinsky lookalike while reading a personally autographed copy of former U. S. President Bill Clinton's autobiography.
On the television screen in the room was a news story about Pope Francis freeing two doves from the window of the Apostolic Palace in the Vatican with the help of two small children.
Only minutes before the two papal peace doves were released, Pope Francis had called for peace in Ukraine.
Then no sooner had the two doves been released by the two children at the window then both birds were attacked much to the horror of tens of thousands of on-lookers in St. Peter's Square.
An enormous seagull and a huge black crow attacked the two doves.
One dove managed to escape the seagull but the black crow continued to peck at the other dove drawing blood.
"I've got a stain on my blue dress!" The Monica Lewinsky lookalike shouted as Pan Goatee came with the full force of a volcanic eruption from Mount Vesuvius.
"Here take this," Pan Goatee handed her a gift card for a full steam cleaning at a DC Chinese laundry.
. . .
Russian President Vladimir Putin was sitting in his office.
His shortwave radio was picking up a radio station from Texas.
"Hi friends, this is Texe Marrs," the Texan voice on the radio drolled.
Putin was reading an intercepted CIA report where the CIA agent had written that he had it on the highest authority of a retired U.S. Air Force officer in Texas that the recent anti-government protests in Kiev Ukraine (the current Ukrainian government were staunch allies of Putin's Russia) was the direct result of a Jewish conspiracy based on an obscure passage in a medieval Khazar translation of the Babylonian Talmud.
Putin pounded the table, "Damn Jews."
. . .
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was sitting in his office.
He had in front of him a handwritten note written and sent to him by the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis.
Isis offered to help him build a Third Jewish Temple on the Temple Mount provided he promised to erect a statue of her husband Osiris within the Temple.
Netanyahu sighed.
How was it he was getting messages from all the crazies today?
Earlier he had received an email from a Chinese-Canadian using a Government of Canada Dept. of Health Canada email address offering to sell him the original Golem of Prague if the price was right.
The fellow claimed he had won it in a Destinations Europe contest he had entered.
. . .
Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was in Geneva Switzerland ostensibly to attend the Geneva II Conference of Peace Talks on Syria.
But an extremely cold Swiss winter had frozen the country's buttermilk supply.
And Magog used drinking buttermilk as an antidote to his turning into a werewolf.
So instead of attending the conference, Magog walked around the streets of Geneva on all furry fours growling and snarling and eating people.
The people he ate were for the most part tourists who remained stationary long enough for them to take pics of him with their smart phones and upload them to Instagram and Facebook.
And in the process, they remained stationary long enough for him to eat them.
Magog belched loudly as he passed the evening prayer service of a Swiss Reformed Church whose congregation was singing that old southern U.S. spiritual song, "Ezekiel saw the wheel way up in the middle of the air..."
. . .
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 27th
2014.
The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set walked the streets of London in search of blood.
After biting a few Londoners and draining them of their blood, he showed them what a pain in the neck he could be in London after midnight.
An even bigger pain in the neck than silent film star Lon Chaney Sr.
In cyberspace, he was also searching for blood.
After a recent conversation he had with his company Set Enterprises Laboratories' resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher, he needed some of the late Pope John Paul II's blood for the Rocher plan to succeed.
So Set put an ad on eBay saying he'd pay £2 million to anyone who could bring him a genuine vial of the late Pope John Paul II's blood.
As Set checked the BBC News app on his Galaxy Android phone while draining the blood of and at the same time having coital relations with a beautiful mini skirted Russian girl on the sidewalks of London, he noticed a news story that a holy relic containing the blood of the late Pope John Paul II had been stolen from a chapel in Italy.
Hm, that's a good sign, Set thought.
"I'm an Aquarius," was the beautiful mini skirted Russian girl's last words as she died trying to fix the holes in her torn nylon stockings.
. . .
Pan Goatee was sitting in his Washington DC apartment getting a blow job from a young Monica Lewinsky lookalike while reading a personally autographed copy of former U. S. President Bill Clinton's autobiography.
On the television screen in the room was a news story about Pope Francis freeing two doves from the window of the Apostolic Palace in the Vatican with the help of two small children.
Only minutes before the two papal peace doves were released, Pope Francis had called for peace in Ukraine.
Then no sooner had the two doves been released by the two children at the window then both birds were attacked much to the horror of tens of thousands of on-lookers in St. Peter's Square.
An enormous seagull and a huge black crow attacked the two doves.
One dove managed to escape the seagull but the black crow continued to peck at the other dove drawing blood.
"I've got a stain on my blue dress!" The Monica Lewinsky lookalike shouted as Pan Goatee came with the full force of a volcanic eruption from Mount Vesuvius.
"Here take this," Pan Goatee handed her a gift card for a full steam cleaning at a DC Chinese laundry.
. . .
Russian President Vladimir Putin was sitting in his office.
His shortwave radio was picking up a radio station from Texas.
"Hi friends, this is Texe Marrs," the Texan voice on the radio drolled.
Putin was reading an intercepted CIA report where the CIA agent had written that he had it on the highest authority of a retired U.S. Air Force officer in Texas that the recent anti-government protests in Kiev Ukraine (the current Ukrainian government were staunch allies of Putin's Russia) was the direct result of a Jewish conspiracy based on an obscure passage in a medieval Khazar translation of the Babylonian Talmud.
Putin pounded the table, "Damn Jews."
. . .
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was sitting in his office.
He had in front of him a handwritten note written and sent to him by the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis.
Isis offered to help him build a Third Jewish Temple on the Temple Mount provided he promised to erect a statue of her husband Osiris within the Temple.
Netanyahu sighed.
How was it he was getting messages from all the crazies today?
Earlier he had received an email from a Chinese-Canadian using a Government of Canada Dept. of Health Canada email address offering to sell him the original Golem of Prague if the price was right.
The fellow claimed he had won it in a Destinations Europe contest he had entered.
. . .
Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was in Geneva Switzerland ostensibly to attend the Geneva II Conference of Peace Talks on Syria.
But an extremely cold Swiss winter had frozen the country's buttermilk supply.
And Magog used drinking buttermilk as an antidote to his turning into a werewolf.
So instead of attending the conference, Magog walked around the streets of Geneva on all furry fours growling and snarling and eating people.
The people he ate were for the most part tourists who remained stationary long enough for them to take pics of him with their smart phones and upload them to Instagram and Facebook.
And in the process, they remained stationary long enough for him to eat them.
Magog belched loudly as he passed the evening prayer service of a Swiss Reformed Church whose congregation was singing that old southern U.S. spiritual song, "Ezekiel saw the wheel way up in the middle of the air..."
. . .
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 27th
2014.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Haiku About Alfred Hitchcock's Movie Psycho
Haiku About Alfred Hitchcock's Movie Psycho
Anthony Perkins
cleaness next to godliness
take shower then death
Anthony Perkins
cleaness next to godliness
take shower then death
Friday, January 24, 2014
Pan Goatee Slaughters Cruise Ship Passengers
Pan Goatee Slaughters Cruise Ship Passengers
Serial killer Pan Goatee who now worked as a hired assassin for the U.S. government still enjoyed doing freelance slaughtering on his own now and again.
He also enjoyed doing reading on the philosophical topic of aesthetics which dealt with such questions as "What is art? What is beauty?".
Pan Goatee the genetically created half-man half-goat satyr had decided that it was his personal mission in his genetically created life to make the world a more beautiful and more aesthetically pleasing place.
And of course one way of doing this was to rid the world of ugly people.
Pan Goatee discovered that there were a lot of ugly people in the world especially when he accidentally walked into rooms where feminist groups were meeting.
Rush Limbaugh's famous remark that "Feminism was a movement designed to help ugly physically unattractive women enter the mainstream of society" was one of the few occasions on which the controversial talk show host was right in Pan Goatee's opinion.
When Pan Goatee compared photos of the past (before 1970) and portrait paintings from the past (in pre-photography days), he noticed that beautiful women seemed to be in the majority and ugly women were in the minority.
Today in the second decade of the 21st Century, it seemed the world had gone totally topsy-turvy.
Ugly women were in the majority and beautiful women were in the minority.
This probably constituted proof positive that the days of the Antichrist were upon us.
He thought he'd write to the Bible Prophecy teacher he saw on late night television last weekend and tell him so.
Pan Goatee had recently read a joke that one of his FB friends had posted as their status on their Facebook page.
The joke went thus:
Question: Why are Scandinavian women so beautiful?
Answer: Because the Vikings never brought back ugly women on their raids.
Probably a truer Facebook status had never been posted Pan thought.
Pan Goatee blamed today's aesthetically depreciated world on the U.S. Supreme Court's Roe vs. Wade decision of 1973.
As a result of abortion being legalized in the U.S. and then spreading across the world, beautiful women realized that now they didn't have to have children right away if they didn't want to and since they were beautiful, they always stood an excellent chance of being knocked up again and could have children if they so choose.
Ugly women on the other hand didn't have this luxury.
There was always the possibility that she as an ugly woman might never again find some male in a drunken stupor totally stoned out of his mind with possibly excellent taste in beer but definitely lousy taste in women to take her home and knock her up.
She might never have this chance to become pregnant again.
The end result was that ugly women carried their ugly offspring to term.
Beautiful women didn't.
So just as the 1930s and 1940s had the Greatest Generation to boast about, so too did the opening decades of the 21st Century have the Ugliest Generation- if that was something to boast about- which of course it wasn't.
Pan Goatee was looking at a FB Friend's Facebook page.
The friend was on a cruise ship to Alaska.
And had posted pictures.
My God, Pan thought as he looked at the photos, that cruise ship certainly had a lot of ugly looking people on it.
This was probably ruining his FB friend's cruise.
Although Pan had never met the man, the man had been nice enough to send him a Facebook friend invitation.
So Pan put on a t-shirt that said Let's Make Abortion Retroactive and astral projected to the cruise ship where he slaughtered all the ugly passengers.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 24th
2014.
Serial killer Pan Goatee who now worked as a hired assassin for the U.S. government still enjoyed doing freelance slaughtering on his own now and again.
He also enjoyed doing reading on the philosophical topic of aesthetics which dealt with such questions as "What is art? What is beauty?".
Pan Goatee the genetically created half-man half-goat satyr had decided that it was his personal mission in his genetically created life to make the world a more beautiful and more aesthetically pleasing place.
And of course one way of doing this was to rid the world of ugly people.
Pan Goatee discovered that there were a lot of ugly people in the world especially when he accidentally walked into rooms where feminist groups were meeting.
Rush Limbaugh's famous remark that "Feminism was a movement designed to help ugly physically unattractive women enter the mainstream of society" was one of the few occasions on which the controversial talk show host was right in Pan Goatee's opinion.
When Pan Goatee compared photos of the past (before 1970) and portrait paintings from the past (in pre-photography days), he noticed that beautiful women seemed to be in the majority and ugly women were in the minority.
Today in the second decade of the 21st Century, it seemed the world had gone totally topsy-turvy.
Ugly women were in the majority and beautiful women were in the minority.
This probably constituted proof positive that the days of the Antichrist were upon us.
He thought he'd write to the Bible Prophecy teacher he saw on late night television last weekend and tell him so.
Pan Goatee had recently read a joke that one of his FB friends had posted as their status on their Facebook page.
The joke went thus:
Question: Why are Scandinavian women so beautiful?
Answer: Because the Vikings never brought back ugly women on their raids.
Probably a truer Facebook status had never been posted Pan thought.
Pan Goatee blamed today's aesthetically depreciated world on the U.S. Supreme Court's Roe vs. Wade decision of 1973.
As a result of abortion being legalized in the U.S. and then spreading across the world, beautiful women realized that now they didn't have to have children right away if they didn't want to and since they were beautiful, they always stood an excellent chance of being knocked up again and could have children if they so choose.
Ugly women on the other hand didn't have this luxury.
There was always the possibility that she as an ugly woman might never again find some male in a drunken stupor totally stoned out of his mind with possibly excellent taste in beer but definitely lousy taste in women to take her home and knock her up.
She might never have this chance to become pregnant again.
The end result was that ugly women carried their ugly offspring to term.
Beautiful women didn't.
So just as the 1930s and 1940s had the Greatest Generation to boast about, so too did the opening decades of the 21st Century have the Ugliest Generation- if that was something to boast about- which of course it wasn't.
Pan Goatee was looking at a FB Friend's Facebook page.
The friend was on a cruise ship to Alaska.
And had posted pictures.
My God, Pan thought as he looked at the photos, that cruise ship certainly had a lot of ugly looking people on it.
This was probably ruining his FB friend's cruise.
Although Pan had never met the man, the man had been nice enough to send him a Facebook friend invitation.
So Pan put on a t-shirt that said Let's Make Abortion Retroactive and astral projected to the cruise ship where he slaughtered all the ugly passengers.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 24th
2014.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Renfield In Davos
Renfield In Davos
Renfield R. Renfield was in Davos Switzerland getting ready for the World Economic Forum.
He was disturbed by reports that his boss Set's estranged and separated wife the Vampiress Martini was seen all over Davos with Swiss billionaire Lester Mittendorf.
Mittendorf himself had not been seen for 30 years.
Then a few weeks ago, Mittendorf suddenly appeared in public again- in the arms of the Vampiress Martini.
Martini and Mittendorf were seen partying in Geneva.
Mittendorf and Martini were seen partying in Zurich.
Martini and Mittendorf were seen eating basil leafs in Basel.
Mittendorf and Martini were seen yodeling on the Matterhorn.
Martini and Mittendorf were seen live on CNN being rescued by helicopter to escape an avalanche on the Matterhorn said to have been caused by the sound of lousy yodeling.
Renfield wondered whether these two might be secretly planning something against his boss.
Then to top it off, there were reports that agents of his boss' arch-enemy the Paris based Vampiress Isis were seen attending the Geneva II Peace Conference Talks on Syria that today were held in the Swiss city of Montreux.
Then agents of the Vampiress Isis were also seen in anti-government protests in the streets of the Ukrainian capital of Kiev.
Finally agents of Isis were seen in anti-government protests on the streets of Bangkok Thailand.
Renfield wondered what in the world was going on...
...especially as he viewed the unbelievable and incomprehensible positions he was now seeing on the Internet porn site he was at...
He looked over at his friend and fellow employee Amadeus Emanon to see how he was coping with the world situation.
Amadeus was contentedly munching on Swiss chocolates and humming, "The hills are alive with the sound of music..."
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 22nd
2014.
Renfield R. Renfield was in Davos Switzerland getting ready for the World Economic Forum.
He was disturbed by reports that his boss Set's estranged and separated wife the Vampiress Martini was seen all over Davos with Swiss billionaire Lester Mittendorf.
Mittendorf himself had not been seen for 30 years.
Then a few weeks ago, Mittendorf suddenly appeared in public again- in the arms of the Vampiress Martini.
Martini and Mittendorf were seen partying in Geneva.
Mittendorf and Martini were seen partying in Zurich.
Martini and Mittendorf were seen eating basil leafs in Basel.
Mittendorf and Martini were seen yodeling on the Matterhorn.
Martini and Mittendorf were seen live on CNN being rescued by helicopter to escape an avalanche on the Matterhorn said to have been caused by the sound of lousy yodeling.
Renfield wondered whether these two might be secretly planning something against his boss.
Then to top it off, there were reports that agents of his boss' arch-enemy the Paris based Vampiress Isis were seen attending the Geneva II Peace Conference Talks on Syria that today were held in the Swiss city of Montreux.
Then agents of the Vampiress Isis were also seen in anti-government protests in the streets of the Ukrainian capital of Kiev.
Finally agents of Isis were seen in anti-government protests on the streets of Bangkok Thailand.
Renfield wondered what in the world was going on...
...especially as he viewed the unbelievable and incomprehensible positions he was now seeing on the Internet porn site he was at...
He looked over at his friend and fellow employee Amadeus Emanon to see how he was coping with the world situation.
Amadeus was contentedly munching on Swiss chocolates and humming, "The hills are alive with the sound of music..."
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 22nd
2014.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
The Musings of David Cameron
The Musings of David Cameron
British Prime Minister David Cameron thought back on the week he had.
A couple of days ago, he had had a disastrous meeting with a concert pianist- a man he thought was the Ukrainian Ambassador to London.
He hoped the man would be discreet at what he had learned regarding the United Kingdom's agenda towards the countries that made up the former Soviet Union.
Now today he heard the news that former Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon had died.
Cameron couldn't help shaking off the feeling that Sharon's death wasn't a portent of something bigger to come.
He looked at his watch.
Now he had a meeting with a backbench member of the British Labour Party- the Welsh MP Magog Rhys Petley.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 11th
2014.
British Prime Minister David Cameron thought back on the week he had.
A couple of days ago, he had had a disastrous meeting with a concert pianist- a man he thought was the Ukrainian Ambassador to London.
He hoped the man would be discreet at what he had learned regarding the United Kingdom's agenda towards the countries that made up the former Soviet Union.
Now today he heard the news that former Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon had died.
Cameron couldn't help shaking off the feeling that Sharon's death wasn't a portent of something bigger to come.
He looked at his watch.
Now he had a meeting with a backbench member of the British Labour Party- the Welsh MP Magog Rhys Petley.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 11th
2014.
Friday, January 10, 2014
Pan Goatee At The Western Wall In Jerusalem
Pan Goatee At The Western Wall In Jerusalem
Pan Goatee the U. S. government hired assassin had been ordered by his employers to kill a bunch of Jews praying at the Western Wall on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.
Pan Goatee decided to take a few selfies on his smart phone as he went about his work and post them to his Facebook page.
When asked by one of his new Facebook friends why he was doing such a thing, Pan Goatee replied, "I'm just following orders."
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 10th
2014.
Pan Goatee the U. S. government hired assassin had been ordered by his employers to kill a bunch of Jews praying at the Western Wall on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.
Pan Goatee decided to take a few selfies on his smart phone as he went about his work and post them to his Facebook page.
When asked by one of his new Facebook friends why he was doing such a thing, Pan Goatee replied, "I'm just following orders."
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 10th
2014.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Vampiress Morgana Visits Renfield
Vampiress Morgana Visits Renfield
The Welsh Vampiress Morgana knocked on the knockers of the door of the colossal London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
She was dressed in the tight brown skirted uniform of a member of the North Korean Army's Women's Corps.
She had recently left North Korea where she had been for celebrations marking the 31st birthday of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un.
Renfield R. Renfield the genetically created shapeshifting hamster/human Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set answered the door.
He was wearing a red velvet dressing robe and smoking a pipe.
He had been in the bathtub playing with his rubber ducky and making plans for the new political party he had just founded- The British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party.
"Rennie," Morgana spoke to him in an out-of-breath voice, "we need to talk."
. . .
Elton was walking on thin ground with his employers at Special Branch.
He had blown his last 10 assignments.
One more and he was out of his job with Special Branch.
His mission today was to stand at this street corner and wait for the Ukrainian Ambassador to London to walk towards him.
He was then to put the Ukrainian Ambassador into the waiting Rolls-Royce limousine which would then drive away to an undisclosed location where the Ambassador would have a top-secret meeting with British Prime Minister David Cameron to discuss the on-going political crisis in Ukraine.
Elton was wearing pink-framed and rose-coloured sunglasses like those worn by his mother's idol Sir Elton John (for whom he was named).
As such he had forgotten his regular eyeglasses at home.
Walking down the street was Amadeus Emanon the genetically cloned and laboratory created personal concert pianist to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (Amadeus had been cloned from the DNA of locks of hair from composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, California mass murderer Charles Manson and British actor Alan Rickman).
Amadeus just happened to be carrying a take-out dish of perogies and sour cream.
As soon as Elton caught the whiff of perogies and sour cream, he deduced that this must be the Ukrainian Ambassador and so immediately grabbed Amadeus and pushed him into the waiting Rolls-Royce limousine.
And so Amadeus was off- to an unexpected meeting with David Cameron the Prime Minister of Great Britain.
And Elton stood there on the street waving to the departing limousine- oblivious to the fact that he'd soon be out of a job.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 9th
2014.
The Welsh Vampiress Morgana knocked on the knockers of the door of the colossal London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
She was dressed in the tight brown skirted uniform of a member of the North Korean Army's Women's Corps.
She had recently left North Korea where she had been for celebrations marking the 31st birthday of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un.
Renfield R. Renfield the genetically created shapeshifting hamster/human Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set answered the door.
He was wearing a red velvet dressing robe and smoking a pipe.
He had been in the bathtub playing with his rubber ducky and making plans for the new political party he had just founded- The British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party.
"Rennie," Morgana spoke to him in an out-of-breath voice, "we need to talk."
. . .
Elton was walking on thin ground with his employers at Special Branch.
He had blown his last 10 assignments.
One more and he was out of his job with Special Branch.
His mission today was to stand at this street corner and wait for the Ukrainian Ambassador to London to walk towards him.
He was then to put the Ukrainian Ambassador into the waiting Rolls-Royce limousine which would then drive away to an undisclosed location where the Ambassador would have a top-secret meeting with British Prime Minister David Cameron to discuss the on-going political crisis in Ukraine.
Elton was wearing pink-framed and rose-coloured sunglasses like those worn by his mother's idol Sir Elton John (for whom he was named).
As such he had forgotten his regular eyeglasses at home.
Walking down the street was Amadeus Emanon the genetically cloned and laboratory created personal concert pianist to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (Amadeus had been cloned from the DNA of locks of hair from composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, California mass murderer Charles Manson and British actor Alan Rickman).
Amadeus just happened to be carrying a take-out dish of perogies and sour cream.
As soon as Elton caught the whiff of perogies and sour cream, he deduced that this must be the Ukrainian Ambassador and so immediately grabbed Amadeus and pushed him into the waiting Rolls-Royce limousine.
And so Amadeus was off- to an unexpected meeting with David Cameron the Prime Minister of Great Britain.
And Elton stood there on the street waving to the departing limousine- oblivious to the fact that he'd soon be out of a job.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 9th
2014.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Isis On Eiffel Tower and Dennis Rodman Sings Happy Birthday To Kim Jong-un
Isis On Eiffel Tower and Dennis Rodman Sings Happy Birthday To Kim Jong-un
The Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis was standing on top of the Eiffel Tower wearing her trademark red evening dress and black spiked stiletto high- heeled shoes.
She was standing on top of the Eiffel Tower hoping to get better reception for her BlackBerry Smart Phone as lousy weather seemed to be affecting the city's wi-fi transmission system.
She happened to spot an Instagram photo of Russian billionaire Mikhail Khodorkovsky exiting a Swiss chalet looking ashen white after what the poster of the photo described as "an unexpected surprise meeting with the Romanov billions heiress the Vampiress Martini and elusive Swiss billionaire Lester Mittendorf".
"Hm, Khodorkovsky, eh?" The Vampiress Isis mused aloud, "He could be a potential ally for me in my fight against Putin."
The Vampiress Isis had been pissed at Putin ever since a Russian nuclear submarine fired a laser death ray at her husband Osiris' returning spaceship disintegrating both spaceship and her husband.
. . .
Dennis Rodman was going to sing Happy Birthday to the man he described as his "best friend" the North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un.
Mr. Rodman was wearing a sequined gold evening dress and a Marilyn Monroe style platinum blonde wig.
He approached the microphone and then sang in a sultry, sexy Marilyn Monroe style voice,
"Happy Birthday, Mr. President,
Happy Birthday to you..."
The wife of Kim Jong-un looked at her husband as he watched this performance and asked him, "Is that a chopstick in your trousers or do you just appreciate his singing?".
. . .
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 8th
2014.
The Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis was standing on top of the Eiffel Tower wearing her trademark red evening dress and black spiked stiletto high- heeled shoes.
She was standing on top of the Eiffel Tower hoping to get better reception for her BlackBerry Smart Phone as lousy weather seemed to be affecting the city's wi-fi transmission system.
She happened to spot an Instagram photo of Russian billionaire Mikhail Khodorkovsky exiting a Swiss chalet looking ashen white after what the poster of the photo described as "an unexpected surprise meeting with the Romanov billions heiress the Vampiress Martini and elusive Swiss billionaire Lester Mittendorf".
"Hm, Khodorkovsky, eh?" The Vampiress Isis mused aloud, "He could be a potential ally for me in my fight against Putin."
The Vampiress Isis had been pissed at Putin ever since a Russian nuclear submarine fired a laser death ray at her husband Osiris' returning spaceship disintegrating both spaceship and her husband.
. . .
Dennis Rodman was going to sing Happy Birthday to the man he described as his "best friend" the North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un.
Mr. Rodman was wearing a sequined gold evening dress and a Marilyn Monroe style platinum blonde wig.
He approached the microphone and then sang in a sultry, sexy Marilyn Monroe style voice,
"Happy Birthday, Mr. President,
Happy Birthday to you..."
The wife of Kim Jong-un looked at her husband as he watched this performance and asked him, "Is that a chopstick in your trousers or do you just appreciate his singing?".
. . .
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 8th
2014.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
A Birthday In North Korea and A Night In Switzerland
A Birthday In North Korea and A Night In Switzerland
North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un was hoping to get some nookie on his birthday from the Welsh vampiress Morgana a rising pop star in the west who often shot music videos in North Korea because she didn't have to pay her extras there.
Kim already had his uncle executed last month for daring to make sexual advances on Morgana although the story manufactured for the Western press was that he was guilty of treason against the state (although for Kim Jong-un like England's King Henry VIII many centuries before him, to dally or to try to dally with the object of the tyrant's sexual desires was treason against the state).
"Please, please, Morgana," Kim begged, "after all it's my birthday."
"Beat it creep," Morgana slapped his face, turned into a bat and flew away.
Retired basketball star Dennis Rodman had walked into Kim's bedroom at that moment and saw what happened.
"She won't give me any nookie for my birthday," Kim bawled.
Rodman said, "Wow, bummer."
"No thanks," Kim replied.
. . .
The Invisible Man elusive Swiss billionaire Lester Mittendorf had finally managed to track down where exactly the Vampiress Martini was living in Switzerland.
Mittendorf had become invisible back in the early 1980s when he had drunk an invisibility potion made for him by a promising young sanity challenged scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.
Dr. Rocher had neglected to tell the Swiss billionaire that he hadn't yet developed an antidote for it.
And so Lester Mittendorf had remained invisible ever since.
Dr. Cadbury Rocher went on to become the Chief Scientist at Set Enterprises Laboratories the scientific research and development firm owned by the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
As for Mittendorf, he thought he had finally stumbled upon the answer to his invisibility problem last year.
In an ancient alchemical text he came across, it was written that if one had drunk an invisibility potion and had become invisible and couldn't get back to becoming visible again, to get bit on the neck by a vampiress would make one visible again.
Mittendorf had heard that the Vampiress Martini the heiress to the Romanov billions (she had been married back in 1931 to George Count Brasov a nephew of Czar Nicholas II and the heir to the Russian Imperial Throne) was alive and undead and well and living in Switzerland.
Ironically the Vampiress Martini had been briefly married to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (the current employer of sanity challenged scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher).
Set and Martini had separated due to irreconcilable differences (translation: Viagara didn't work so well for vampires).
Mittendorf had traced Martini down to this particular Swiss chalet.
At first, Martini was somewhat surprised to encounter an invisible man.
She had never seen one before (although she still hadn't seen one).
She agreed to bite Mittendorf on the neck.
They went up to her bed room to make out.
After all, why settle for a bite on the neck when you can have the whole package?
. . .
Russian billionaire Mikhail Khodorkovsky knocked on the door of the Vampiress Martini's Swiss chalet.
The ex-oil tycoon had been released from jail in Russia last month when he got a Presidential pardon from Russian President Vladimir Putin who was anxious to build up good PR for himself ahead of next month's Sochi Winter Olympics.
Khodorkovsky was now living in Switzerland for the next 3 months. His two sons already attended school there.
He had heard about the vampiress Martini and checked Google Maps to find out where in Switzerland she was living (something Mittendorf hadn't done which is what took him so long to locate her).
No answer on the door.
Khodorkovsky opened it.
He heard a strange noise coming from upstairs.
He decided to investigate.
He walked up the stairs of the chalet and then down the hall to the bedroom.
He opened the door and there on the blanketless bed was the Vampiress Martini making out with elusive Swiss billionaire Lester Mittendorf who was only half-way to becoming visible again.
"Oh my God," Khodorkovsky gasped.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 7th
2014.
North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un was hoping to get some nookie on his birthday from the Welsh vampiress Morgana a rising pop star in the west who often shot music videos in North Korea because she didn't have to pay her extras there.
Kim already had his uncle executed last month for daring to make sexual advances on Morgana although the story manufactured for the Western press was that he was guilty of treason against the state (although for Kim Jong-un like England's King Henry VIII many centuries before him, to dally or to try to dally with the object of the tyrant's sexual desires was treason against the state).
"Please, please, Morgana," Kim begged, "after all it's my birthday."
"Beat it creep," Morgana slapped his face, turned into a bat and flew away.
Retired basketball star Dennis Rodman had walked into Kim's bedroom at that moment and saw what happened.
"She won't give me any nookie for my birthday," Kim bawled.
Rodman said, "Wow, bummer."
"No thanks," Kim replied.
. . .
The Invisible Man elusive Swiss billionaire Lester Mittendorf had finally managed to track down where exactly the Vampiress Martini was living in Switzerland.
Mittendorf had become invisible back in the early 1980s when he had drunk an invisibility potion made for him by a promising young sanity challenged scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.
Dr. Rocher had neglected to tell the Swiss billionaire that he hadn't yet developed an antidote for it.
And so Lester Mittendorf had remained invisible ever since.
Dr. Cadbury Rocher went on to become the Chief Scientist at Set Enterprises Laboratories the scientific research and development firm owned by the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
As for Mittendorf, he thought he had finally stumbled upon the answer to his invisibility problem last year.
In an ancient alchemical text he came across, it was written that if one had drunk an invisibility potion and had become invisible and couldn't get back to becoming visible again, to get bit on the neck by a vampiress would make one visible again.
Mittendorf had heard that the Vampiress Martini the heiress to the Romanov billions (she had been married back in 1931 to George Count Brasov a nephew of Czar Nicholas II and the heir to the Russian Imperial Throne) was alive and undead and well and living in Switzerland.
Ironically the Vampiress Martini had been briefly married to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (the current employer of sanity challenged scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher).
Set and Martini had separated due to irreconcilable differences (translation: Viagara didn't work so well for vampires).
Mittendorf had traced Martini down to this particular Swiss chalet.
At first, Martini was somewhat surprised to encounter an invisible man.
She had never seen one before (although she still hadn't seen one).
She agreed to bite Mittendorf on the neck.
They went up to her bed room to make out.
After all, why settle for a bite on the neck when you can have the whole package?
. . .
Russian billionaire Mikhail Khodorkovsky knocked on the door of the Vampiress Martini's Swiss chalet.
The ex-oil tycoon had been released from jail in Russia last month when he got a Presidential pardon from Russian President Vladimir Putin who was anxious to build up good PR for himself ahead of next month's Sochi Winter Olympics.
Khodorkovsky was now living in Switzerland for the next 3 months. His two sons already attended school there.
He had heard about the vampiress Martini and checked Google Maps to find out where in Switzerland she was living (something Mittendorf hadn't done which is what took him so long to locate her).
No answer on the door.
Khodorkovsky opened it.
He heard a strange noise coming from upstairs.
He decided to investigate.
He walked up the stairs of the chalet and then down the hall to the bedroom.
He opened the door and there on the blanketless bed was the Vampiress Martini making out with elusive Swiss billionaire Lester Mittendorf who was only half-way to becoming visible again.
"Oh my God," Khodorkovsky gasped.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 7th
2014.
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