Persian Or Ottoman Wall-to-Wall Carpeting In Jerusalem?
U.S. President Barack Obama slept at his desk in the Oval Office while his teddy bear that he named Maxwell Smart Jr. whispered sweet nothings in his ear.
. . .
Meanwhile in the Iranian holy city of Qom, Nimrod the builder of the Tower of Babel (who had since been turned into a frog as a result of a vampiric kiss gone awry) whispered satanic somethings in the ear of the Ayatollah Ali Khamenei as Iran's Supreme Leader slept.
. . .
As Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan strolled into his gold plated and mirror ceilinged bedroom, he was startled to see the beautiful and sexy ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith standing there in a very low-cut silk nightgown.
As he gazed at this vision, he secretly hoped that what an Islamic televangelist in Turkey (who was about as nutty as some of the so-called Christian televangelists in America) had recently said about Muslim men who masturbate excessively in this lifetime- that their hands would be eternally pregnant in the next lifetime- wasn't true.
"I've come to offer you something," Lilith approached him.
Erdogan smiled.
He just might be spared an evening that might have put his right hand in eternal maternal jeopardy.
Lilith reached under her nightgown and pulled out the crown of the Sultan of Constantinople- ruler of the Ottoman Empire.
"This I will give you," Lilith smiled seductively, "if you will fall down and worship me."
"I hope she's not asking me to kiss her pussy," Erdogan thought to himself as he heard a cat meowing from under the bed.
. . .
In Jerusalem, the Mossad agent they called the Controller of The Golem sat in his office reading disturbing reports about recent speeches given by Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan.
In a speech last week, Erdogan had called for the restoration of Ottoman rule over Jerusalem.
In a campaign speech yesterday as he campaigned on behalf of his Islamist party for next week's Turkish parliamentary elections, Erdogan had called for the "conquering fires of Istanbul to again be lit across the world".
Outside the Controller's office could be heard the screeching of a night owl.
The Controller looked out his office window and noticed a raven attacking a dove within the light of a bright street lamp.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 31st
2015.
Sent from my iPhone
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
The Disco Clown: A Poem
The Disco Clown: A Poem
They called him the Disco Clown
he wore an upside down frown
you might call it a smile
but if you walked a mile
in his shoes
you'd make the news
as the killer in the clown suit
If you see him, then scoot
for he'll slash your throat
while invoking a goat
the dreaded Baphomet
a demon's pet
half-goat and half-man
a transgendered ram
half-male half-female
goat's horns and tail
and he's worshipped by the Disco Clown
who hums disco tunes all over town
while dispatching human souls to the Underground.
-A horror poem
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 26th
2015.
They called him the Disco Clown
he wore an upside down frown
you might call it a smile
but if you walked a mile
in his shoes
you'd make the news
as the killer in the clown suit
If you see him, then scoot
for he'll slash your throat
while invoking a goat
the dreaded Baphomet
a demon's pet
half-goat and half-man
a transgendered ram
half-male half-female
goat's horns and tail
and he's worshipped by the Disco Clown
who hums disco tunes all over town
while dispatching human souls to the Underground.
-A horror poem
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 26th
2015.
Sunday, May 24, 2015
Michelangelo's Prophetic Vision of The Middle East
Michelangelo's Prophetic Vision of The Middle East
Renfield R. Renfield still feeling blue over his loss of leadership of the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti-Bio Conservative Party decided to go down to the Set Enterprises lab to see what chaos he could unleash on the world down there.
He realized he hadn't seen what Michelangelo the genetically created psychic lobster had been up to for quite a while.
Michelangelo (a special genetic creation of Set Enterprises' resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher) had the ability to enter people's dreams and see what they were dreaming.
He also had the ability to pick up radio transmissions from the future on his lobster antennae.
Renfield decided to see what the future held.
He hooked up Michelangelo's lobster antennae to a computer that had the ability to track and interpret what the lobster was seeing and hearing.
Renfield then threw a pair of dice on a poster showing Albert Einstein after he had stuck his finger in a light socket while discussing the space/time continuum.
Michelangelo's antennae started to sizzle and crackle and discharge electricity.
"I think he's picked up something," Renfield remarked to Amadeus Emanon who had come into the lab to see what Renfield was doing.
Renfield put up the volume on the computer loudspeaker to see what radio transmission from the future was coming in on Michelangelo's antennae.
It turned out to be a news story from the very near future.
Radio news announcer: And so the entire countries of Iraq and Syria have now fallen under the control of ISIS. ISIS militants are now crossing the border into the neighbouring countries of Lebanon and Jordan...
... Meanwhile in Washington D.C., U.S. President Barack Obama told an interviewer that he still does not believe that the United States is losing the war against ISIS...
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 24th
2015.
Sent from my iPhone
Renfield R. Renfield still feeling blue over his loss of leadership of the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti-Bio Conservative Party decided to go down to the Set Enterprises lab to see what chaos he could unleash on the world down there.
He realized he hadn't seen what Michelangelo the genetically created psychic lobster had been up to for quite a while.
Michelangelo (a special genetic creation of Set Enterprises' resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher) had the ability to enter people's dreams and see what they were dreaming.
He also had the ability to pick up radio transmissions from the future on his lobster antennae.
Renfield decided to see what the future held.
He hooked up Michelangelo's lobster antennae to a computer that had the ability to track and interpret what the lobster was seeing and hearing.
Renfield then threw a pair of dice on a poster showing Albert Einstein after he had stuck his finger in a light socket while discussing the space/time continuum.
Michelangelo's antennae started to sizzle and crackle and discharge electricity.
"I think he's picked up something," Renfield remarked to Amadeus Emanon who had come into the lab to see what Renfield was doing.
Renfield put up the volume on the computer loudspeaker to see what radio transmission from the future was coming in on Michelangelo's antennae.
It turned out to be a news story from the very near future.
Radio news announcer: And so the entire countries of Iraq and Syria have now fallen under the control of ISIS. ISIS militants are now crossing the border into the neighbouring countries of Lebanon and Jordan...
... Meanwhile in Washington D.C., U.S. President Barack Obama told an interviewer that he still does not believe that the United States is losing the war against ISIS...
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 24th
2015.
Sent from my iPhone
Saturday, May 23, 2015
The Mongolian Death Worm: A Poem
The Mongolian Death Worm: A Poem
Within the blowing desert sands of southern Mongolia
far from Pizza Hut , KFC or Pepsi-Cola
the southern Gobi Desert stretches far and wide
many would cross it but few have tried
And of those few who did, most have died.
Within those shifting sands is said to lie the elusive Olgoi-Khorkoi
who despite the name would not be a female Russian companion to Myrna Loy
Olgoi-Khorkoi is the local tribesmen's name for the Mongolian Death Worm
such is the meaning of that mysterious sounding term.
The Mongolian Death Worm is said to be red in colour
Bright red like Mystery Babylon the Harlot Mother
The worm is said to be 3 feet long
so longer than a male porn star's dong
It is red like an intestine filled with blood
a sight far worse than white socks stained with mud
It has a gaping round mouth filled with inward-pointing teeth
but wasn't designed just for biting tops off beer bottles made by O'Keefe
Some say the creature has a spiky pointed end
so in a gay bath house, it would not be considered a friend
Some say it has the ability to spray deadly burning acid at a target
so if you shop at that store, you might consider another market
They also say it can discharge electricity from its body
although a Picasso print of this event might be considered gaudy
Without warning the death worm will shoot up from beneath the sand
like from a stage floor rises a heavy metal band
And it will often eat camels and rodents
I don't know about Tim Horton's donuts
but they say unwary humans can be prey as well
so pray you don't encounter this creature from Hell.
-A poem written by Christopher
Saturday May 23rd 2015.
Within the blowing desert sands of southern Mongolia
far from Pizza Hut , KFC or Pepsi-Cola
the southern Gobi Desert stretches far and wide
many would cross it but few have tried
And of those few who did, most have died.
Within those shifting sands is said to lie the elusive Olgoi-Khorkoi
who despite the name would not be a female Russian companion to Myrna Loy
Olgoi-Khorkoi is the local tribesmen's name for the Mongolian Death Worm
such is the meaning of that mysterious sounding term.
The Mongolian Death Worm is said to be red in colour
Bright red like Mystery Babylon the Harlot Mother
The worm is said to be 3 feet long
so longer than a male porn star's dong
It is red like an intestine filled with blood
a sight far worse than white socks stained with mud
It has a gaping round mouth filled with inward-pointing teeth
but wasn't designed just for biting tops off beer bottles made by O'Keefe
Some say the creature has a spiky pointed end
so in a gay bath house, it would not be considered a friend
Some say it has the ability to spray deadly burning acid at a target
so if you shop at that store, you might consider another market
They also say it can discharge electricity from its body
although a Picasso print of this event might be considered gaudy
Without warning the death worm will shoot up from beneath the sand
like from a stage floor rises a heavy metal band
And it will often eat camels and rodents
I don't know about Tim Horton's donuts
but they say unwary humans can be prey as well
so pray you don't encounter this creature from Hell.
-A poem written by Christopher
Saturday May 23rd 2015.
Sunday, May 17, 2015
Renfield Loses Party Leadership
Renfield Loses Party Leadership
So despite a brilliant webcast speech on the Net this past Tuesday where Renfield dressed in a Darth Vader costume and wearing a pair of Mr. Spock Vulcan-like ears on his Darth Vader helmet delivered a speech that political commentators were now calling the Chinese Checkers speech (to contrast it with Richard M. Nixon's famous Checkers speech of September 23rd 1952), the speech was not enough to save Renfield's leadership of the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti-Bio Conservative Party in the electronic phone- in vote whose results were announced today.
Renfield's Tuesday speech dressed as Darth Vader sporting a pair of Mr. Spock ears that managed to escape the wrath of an Edward Scissorhands wannabe (who imagined himself to be the reincarnation of a Vincent Van Gogh with a nasty projection complex) was not enough to compete with the Wednesday rebuttal given by Renfield's leadership opponent the Welsh Vampiress Morgana.
The Welsh Vampiress' Wednesday webcast rebuttal delivered to the Party's overwhelmingly male science- fiction loving nerd membership consisted of Morgana wearing a low-cut white top, short tight purple suede leather mini-skirt, black silk pantyhose and red super spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes and doing somersaults and acrobatics on the rug of her living room floor while saying nothing.
The Vampiress' body language speech so impressed the party's membership that after carefully wiping their computer and smart phone screens with Kleenex tissues and towels, they automatically keyed in their vote for Morgana electronically.
The final vote was Morgana's 666 to Renfield's 0.
Renfield accidentally voted for Morgana instead of himself when a part of his body (not his hands or feet) brushed against his smart phone screen casting the vote for Morgana.
Renfield had thought about re- enacting a personal body dismemberment said to have been performed by the third century theologian Origen of Alexandria but decided against it.
He would live to fight another day.
In the meantime, Renfield had been invited to a midnight cocktail party for defeated politicians at the residence of Vincent Cardinal Nichols the Roman Catholic Archbishop of Westminster.
Renfield couldn't remember from the invitation whether it was a masquerade costume party or not.
So to be on the safe side he decided to wear a costume anyways and go dressed as the pirate Baldassarre Cossa.
In his pirate vest pocket just above his sword, he found some very old Greek drachma coins.
Renfield thought he might he have a small fortune if Greece soon chose to leave the Euro zone.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 16th
2015.
Sent from my iPhone
So despite a brilliant webcast speech on the Net this past Tuesday where Renfield dressed in a Darth Vader costume and wearing a pair of Mr. Spock Vulcan-like ears on his Darth Vader helmet delivered a speech that political commentators were now calling the Chinese Checkers speech (to contrast it with Richard M. Nixon's famous Checkers speech of September 23rd 1952), the speech was not enough to save Renfield's leadership of the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti-Bio Conservative Party in the electronic phone- in vote whose results were announced today.
Renfield's Tuesday speech dressed as Darth Vader sporting a pair of Mr. Spock ears that managed to escape the wrath of an Edward Scissorhands wannabe (who imagined himself to be the reincarnation of a Vincent Van Gogh with a nasty projection complex) was not enough to compete with the Wednesday rebuttal given by Renfield's leadership opponent the Welsh Vampiress Morgana.
The Welsh Vampiress' Wednesday webcast rebuttal delivered to the Party's overwhelmingly male science- fiction loving nerd membership consisted of Morgana wearing a low-cut white top, short tight purple suede leather mini-skirt, black silk pantyhose and red super spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes and doing somersaults and acrobatics on the rug of her living room floor while saying nothing.
The Vampiress' body language speech so impressed the party's membership that after carefully wiping their computer and smart phone screens with Kleenex tissues and towels, they automatically keyed in their vote for Morgana electronically.
The final vote was Morgana's 666 to Renfield's 0.
Renfield accidentally voted for Morgana instead of himself when a part of his body (not his hands or feet) brushed against his smart phone screen casting the vote for Morgana.
Renfield had thought about re- enacting a personal body dismemberment said to have been performed by the third century theologian Origen of Alexandria but decided against it.
He would live to fight another day.
In the meantime, Renfield had been invited to a midnight cocktail party for defeated politicians at the residence of Vincent Cardinal Nichols the Roman Catholic Archbishop of Westminster.
Renfield couldn't remember from the invitation whether it was a masquerade costume party or not.
So to be on the safe side he decided to wear a costume anyways and go dressed as the pirate Baldassarre Cossa.
In his pirate vest pocket just above his sword, he found some very old Greek drachma coins.
Renfield thought he might he have a small fortune if Greece soon chose to leave the Euro zone.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 16th
2015.
Sent from my iPhone
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Renfield's Post-Election Defeat Stress Disorder
Renfield's Post-Election Defeat Stress Disorder
Renfield R. Renfield the leader of the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party was lying on the sofa in the living room.
His eyes were glazed as if he were in a total state of shock (or had been listening to Paris Hilton giving an oral presentation analyzing the Liebestod in Tristan und Isolde).
Renfield was suffering from PEDSD or Post-Election Defeat Stress Disorder.
All 11 of his independent candidates running on his British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party platform (including himself) had gone down to defeat in last Thursday's United Kingdom General Election.
Ten of them had wound up in last place in their respective constituencies including himself Renfield R. Renfield.
And he had done the worst of all the candidates running on behalf of his party- he had received only one vote in his constituency of London Collingwood Hills where his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian Vampire Set's colossal London mansion was located.
This further sent Renfield into a state of agony as if he were receiving a major enema up the bowels of his netherworld.
"Since I know I voted for myself," Renfield wept to Athelstan the mansion's butler and Amadeus Emanon the mansion's resident concert pianist, "since I always vote for the best candidate, what this means is that neither of you nor the Boss voted for me."
Both Athelstan and Amadeus looked at Renfield but said nothing.
The independent candidate for his British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party who had done the best was the Welsh Vampiress Morgana (a niece of the sorceress Morgan Le Fay of Arthurian fame) who had come in second behind Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley in the Welsh constituency of Newbridge.
Now there was a call among the country's science-fiction loving nerds who made up the bulk of the party's membership that Renfield be dumped as party leader and replaced with Morgana.
So Renfield had rented a Darth Vader costume along with a pair of Mr. Spock ears (that he'd place on either side of his Darth Vader helmet) to give a live webcast speech to the party's membership tonight defending his leadership.
Renfield picked up from the coffee table a copy of the speech he had written to deliver to the party later that evening.
The speech began, "My fellow Transhumanists, I may never have owned a dog called Checkers but I once played the game of Chinese checkers..."
He put down the speech, sat back on the sofa and looked depressed again.
Amadeus put on the radio to listen to the program The Galloping Guru- a self-help and motivational program hosted by a New Age speaker who gave beatitudes of inspiration and enlightenment while riding on a horse through the Tennessee countryside.
As the emergency sound of a train whistle blowing and the anguished neighing of a horse could be heard, this was then followed by a moment of silence.
Then the somewhat agonized voice of the not-so-Galloping Guru spoke while ambulance sirens were heard in the background, "I'm reminded of something Robert Downey Jr. once said... Just because you hit bottom doesn't mean you have to stay there."
"Just because you hit bottom doesn't mean there aren't other movie roles out there besides the male lead in Fifty Shades of Grey either," Renfield remarked in punishing fashion.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 12th
2015.
Sent from my iPhone
Renfield R. Renfield the leader of the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party was lying on the sofa in the living room.
His eyes were glazed as if he were in a total state of shock (or had been listening to Paris Hilton giving an oral presentation analyzing the Liebestod in Tristan und Isolde).
Renfield was suffering from PEDSD or Post-Election Defeat Stress Disorder.
All 11 of his independent candidates running on his British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party platform (including himself) had gone down to defeat in last Thursday's United Kingdom General Election.
Ten of them had wound up in last place in their respective constituencies including himself Renfield R. Renfield.
And he had done the worst of all the candidates running on behalf of his party- he had received only one vote in his constituency of London Collingwood Hills where his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian Vampire Set's colossal London mansion was located.
This further sent Renfield into a state of agony as if he were receiving a major enema up the bowels of his netherworld.
"Since I know I voted for myself," Renfield wept to Athelstan the mansion's butler and Amadeus Emanon the mansion's resident concert pianist, "since I always vote for the best candidate, what this means is that neither of you nor the Boss voted for me."
Both Athelstan and Amadeus looked at Renfield but said nothing.
The independent candidate for his British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party who had done the best was the Welsh Vampiress Morgana (a niece of the sorceress Morgan Le Fay of Arthurian fame) who had come in second behind Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley in the Welsh constituency of Newbridge.
Now there was a call among the country's science-fiction loving nerds who made up the bulk of the party's membership that Renfield be dumped as party leader and replaced with Morgana.
So Renfield had rented a Darth Vader costume along with a pair of Mr. Spock ears (that he'd place on either side of his Darth Vader helmet) to give a live webcast speech to the party's membership tonight defending his leadership.
Renfield picked up from the coffee table a copy of the speech he had written to deliver to the party later that evening.
The speech began, "My fellow Transhumanists, I may never have owned a dog called Checkers but I once played the game of Chinese checkers..."
He put down the speech, sat back on the sofa and looked depressed again.
Amadeus put on the radio to listen to the program The Galloping Guru- a self-help and motivational program hosted by a New Age speaker who gave beatitudes of inspiration and enlightenment while riding on a horse through the Tennessee countryside.
As the emergency sound of a train whistle blowing and the anguished neighing of a horse could be heard, this was then followed by a moment of silence.
Then the somewhat agonized voice of the not-so-Galloping Guru spoke while ambulance sirens were heard in the background, "I'm reminded of something Robert Downey Jr. once said... Just because you hit bottom doesn't mean you have to stay there."
"Just because you hit bottom doesn't mean there aren't other movie roles out there besides the male lead in Fifty Shades of Grey either," Renfield remarked in punishing fashion.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 12th
2015.
Sent from my iPhone
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