Renfield's Idea For The Return of Dr. Cadbury Rocher
Renfield angrily threw down his copy of The U.S. Senate Report on CIA Torture In Interrogations that he had just finished reading.
"What a bunch of wimps, wusses, pussies and pansies the CIA actually are," Renfield remarked, "it's a wonder they found out any information at all using such namby pamby methods."
"No wonder they eventually brought you in as a consultant for you to show them how it's done," Amadeus commented without looking up from the book he was reading.
"That's very true," Renfield grinned.
Amadeus yawned.
"I of course expect to be knighted by the Queen for my efforts in battling Islamist terrorism this year," Renfield stuck his chest out.
"Well don't hold your breath," Amadeus flipped a page, "otherwise you'll die for lack of oxygen."
"The boss is still ticked about his top scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher now working for his archenemy and rival Isis," Renfield decided to change the subject.
"No, Set Enterprises hasn't been the same without Dr. Rocher," Amadeus agreed.
"Of course what brought about the rift was the $2 billion that was slashed from Dr. Cadbury Rocher's laboratory research budget," Renfield noted.
"That's right," Amadeus helped himself to a stick of black licorice.
"But as you know I recently sold the cyborg Sophia back to Vladimir Putin (which he gave me as a gift a few years ago) for the handy sum of $7 billion U.S. thus making myself a nice $7 billion profit," Renfield smiled.
"Yes, you've endlessly droned on about it for almost the past month," Amadeus flipped another page of his book.
"Anyhow," Renfield went on, " in order to make the boss happy, I've decided to give $2 billion of that to the Set Enterprises laboratories' research budget in order to make Dr. Cadbury Rocher happy and bring him back to work for the Boss again."
"Your generosity exceeds that of the redeemed Ebenezer Scrooge," Amadeus took a sip of his eggnog.
Renfield, totally obvious to the fact that Amadeus had discovered the art of sarcasm a few months ago, replied with a wide grin, "I know. Dr. Cadbury Rocher won't be able to refuse my $2 billion offer. As Ron Jeremy once said, 'Walk softly and carry a big stick'."
"That wasn't Ron Jeremy," Amadeus looked up from his book on Lives Of The U.S. Presidents, "that was Teddy Roosevelt."
"Teddy Roosevelt was a porn star?" Renfield sounded genuinely shocked.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 22nd
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Friday, December 12, 2014
U. F. O. Crash In The High Arctic
U. F. O. Crash In The High Arctic
The Royal Canadian Navy icebreaker HMS Sir John Franklin was in the cold frigid waters of the Arctic Ocean 72 kilometres northeast of the Canadian Northwest Territories hamlet of Tuktoyaktuk.
An airplane was believed to have crashed in the immediate vicinity.
The DEW (Distant Early Warning) line radar station at Tuktoyaktuk first established in the late 1950s at the height of the original Cold War (and secretly reactivated on Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper's orders as the Second Cold War- this one against Vladimir Putin's Russia- was beginning) had picked up a speedy high- flying aerial craft on the radar just before it crashed into the Arctic seas.
Fearing that it was a Russian plane that had crashed, the Defence Department in Ottawa had immediately sent the icebreaker Franklin to the vicinity to retrieve the
plane before the Russian Navy mobilized to attempt a rescue of the wrecked craft.
Even though the craft had gone down in Canadian territorial waters, as someone in the Defence Department quipped, "Putin doesn't let things such as borders, lines on a map and international law get in the way of getting something that he wants" so it was necessary to dispatch a ship right away before the Russians came breezing in to attempt their own rescue and salvage operation.
"We found it," the ship's sonar officer said to the captain of HMS Sir John Franklin.
"How far down is it?" Captain William Washburn asked.
"Let me just try to get an exact reading," the sonar officer pushed a few buttons, "but it's within a safe range for us to salvage and bring to the surface."
"All right begin salvage operations," Captain Washburn ordered the crew.
. . .
As the craft was hoisted aboard the ship, those present knew they were not looking at a plane.
They were looking at a round flying saucer disc shaped craft- what U.F.O. buffs would have called a U.F.O. had they seen it.
"Any signs of radiation?" Captain Washburn asked the ship's radiation officer.
The ship's radiation officer checking his Geiger counter replied, "Some but it's at safe levels."
"Let's see if it can be opened," Captain Washburn directed his crew.
Various attempts were made but nothing successful.
"Well we better get this back to land and see what can be done from there," Captain Washburn ordered the ship to embark to the harbour at nearby Tuktoyaktuk.
"Do you mind if I try something?" A voice asked.
Captain Washburn looked in the direction of the voice.
It belonged to Israeli Naval Lt. Enoch Elijah Ben Eitan.
Lt. Ben Eitan was a guest observer from the Israeli Navy.
"Sure, go ahead," Captain Washburn nodded.
Lt. Ben Eitan opened his briefcase which he always carried with him.
He reached into his briefcase and pulled out what looked to be a foot long key- a key made out of lapis lazuli.
The lapis lazuli key seemed to have ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs on it.
"We find this is able to open such craft when they occasionally crash in the Negev Desert," explained Ben Eitan.
The statement was greeted with a stunned silence.
Lt. Ben Eitan walked around the craft while holding the lapis lazuli key in his hand.
He stopped when the key suddenly seemed to glow.
He held the key over this portion of the craft and this part of the craft opened like a door.
The Franklin captain and the Israeli lieutenant peered through the door and inside were the bodies of 6 dead ET grays and one dead humanoid looking figure with a Middle Eastern appearance.
"I think we better get to Tuktoyaktuk as soon as possible," Captain Washburn ordered, "and radio the Defence Department in Ottawa right away as to what we've found."
. . .
On the shore waiting for the ship were members of the Canadian Army, representatives of NORAD, officers from the RCMP and FBI and a special team of M.I.B. (Men In Black) dispatched from Washington D.C.
Also standing on the shore near Tuktoyaktuk was a mysterious figure- the same figure who had stood atop Mount Moriah when the lights and electricity and power had suddenly shut off over Jerusalem.
(For more on this, please read
http://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/11/30/the-mysterious-figure-atop-mount-moriah/
)
As the craft was brought on to the shore, the mysterious figure suddenly vanished into the darkness of the Arctic night.
And a cold wind blew on to the shore.
And the lights from Aurora Borealis - the Northern Lights- that had been in the sky- they seemed to go out- like some dark switch had turned them off.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 8th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
The Royal Canadian Navy icebreaker HMS Sir John Franklin was in the cold frigid waters of the Arctic Ocean 72 kilometres northeast of the Canadian Northwest Territories hamlet of Tuktoyaktuk.
An airplane was believed to have crashed in the immediate vicinity.
The DEW (Distant Early Warning) line radar station at Tuktoyaktuk first established in the late 1950s at the height of the original Cold War (and secretly reactivated on Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper's orders as the Second Cold War- this one against Vladimir Putin's Russia- was beginning) had picked up a speedy high- flying aerial craft on the radar just before it crashed into the Arctic seas.
Fearing that it was a Russian plane that had crashed, the Defence Department in Ottawa had immediately sent the icebreaker Franklin to the vicinity to retrieve the
plane before the Russian Navy mobilized to attempt a rescue of the wrecked craft.
Even though the craft had gone down in Canadian territorial waters, as someone in the Defence Department quipped, "Putin doesn't let things such as borders, lines on a map and international law get in the way of getting something that he wants" so it was necessary to dispatch a ship right away before the Russians came breezing in to attempt their own rescue and salvage operation.
"We found it," the ship's sonar officer said to the captain of HMS Sir John Franklin.
"How far down is it?" Captain William Washburn asked.
"Let me just try to get an exact reading," the sonar officer pushed a few buttons, "but it's within a safe range for us to salvage and bring to the surface."
"All right begin salvage operations," Captain Washburn ordered the crew.
. . .
As the craft was hoisted aboard the ship, those present knew they were not looking at a plane.
They were looking at a round flying saucer disc shaped craft- what U.F.O. buffs would have called a U.F.O. had they seen it.
"Any signs of radiation?" Captain Washburn asked the ship's radiation officer.
The ship's radiation officer checking his Geiger counter replied, "Some but it's at safe levels."
"Let's see if it can be opened," Captain Washburn directed his crew.
Various attempts were made but nothing successful.
"Well we better get this back to land and see what can be done from there," Captain Washburn ordered the ship to embark to the harbour at nearby Tuktoyaktuk.
"Do you mind if I try something?" A voice asked.
Captain Washburn looked in the direction of the voice.
It belonged to Israeli Naval Lt. Enoch Elijah Ben Eitan.
Lt. Ben Eitan was a guest observer from the Israeli Navy.
"Sure, go ahead," Captain Washburn nodded.
Lt. Ben Eitan opened his briefcase which he always carried with him.
He reached into his briefcase and pulled out what looked to be a foot long key- a key made out of lapis lazuli.
The lapis lazuli key seemed to have ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs on it.
"We find this is able to open such craft when they occasionally crash in the Negev Desert," explained Ben Eitan.
The statement was greeted with a stunned silence.
Lt. Ben Eitan walked around the craft while holding the lapis lazuli key in his hand.
He stopped when the key suddenly seemed to glow.
He held the key over this portion of the craft and this part of the craft opened like a door.
The Franklin captain and the Israeli lieutenant peered through the door and inside were the bodies of 6 dead ET grays and one dead humanoid looking figure with a Middle Eastern appearance.
"I think we better get to Tuktoyaktuk as soon as possible," Captain Washburn ordered, "and radio the Defence Department in Ottawa right away as to what we've found."
. . .
On the shore waiting for the ship were members of the Canadian Army, representatives of NORAD, officers from the RCMP and FBI and a special team of M.I.B. (Men In Black) dispatched from Washington D.C.
Also standing on the shore near Tuktoyaktuk was a mysterious figure- the same figure who had stood atop Mount Moriah when the lights and electricity and power had suddenly shut off over Jerusalem.
(For more on this, please read
http://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/11/30/the-mysterious-figure-atop-mount-moriah/
)
As the craft was brought on to the shore, the mysterious figure suddenly vanished into the darkness of the Arctic night.
And a cold wind blew on to the shore.
And the lights from Aurora Borealis - the Northern Lights- that had been in the sky- they seemed to go out- like some dark switch had turned them off.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 8th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Krampus: The Evil Sidekick of Saint Nicolas
Krampus: The Evil Sidekick of Saint Nicolas
Rod Serling (host of the Twilight Zone):
Gather around kiddies on this night of Saint Nicolas Day
try to avoid the evil fairies or as they say in Wales, the wicked fay
there is a place beyond time and space
that is known to all the human race
a realm of the imagination
you can reach with contemplation
where dawn and dusk meet
and light and dark greet
a place just beyond reach
like the tree with forbidden peach
a place where one's home ET cannot phone
for this is the realm of the Twilight Zone.
In the land of the Dutch
of which we've heard so much
is the figure of Sinterklauss
jovial bloke like your dog with paws
and his wicked sidekick is Black Pete
a guy whose appearance is not neat
he might put you in a sack
and carry you on his back
to a place in far-off Spain
where on the plain it does so rain
or he might drop in your stocking a lump of coal
or place in your favourite sock a gaping hole.
But in the lands of Germanic alpine
over which the Hapsburgs ruled so fine
that kindly Eastern rite bishop Saint Nick
had a much darker sidekick
his name was Krampus
born from Hell's dark arts campus
A beast-like creature
and that was his best feature
He was a demon
from dark cauldrons steamin'
The Horned God of the Witches
those nocturnal hag bitches.
In appearance he is hairy
unlike a beautiful fairy
He has the horns and cloven hooves of a goat
and a long lolling tongue that can reach down your throat
so if you want to be French kissed by frog prince turned horned toad
just ask to encounter Krampus as you walk down a dark road.
He carries ruten- bundles of birch
and avoiding the Cross on the Church
he uses these to swat bad children with
those on the dark side like the Sith
Krampus carries a washtub and sack on his back
to drown bad children and carry them to Hell's torturous rack.
Sometimes Krampus appears with one human foot and one cloven hoof
so at medical check-ups he sends the doc through the roof.
But now to tonight's tale
that shall make your hearts fail
it was on the late night of December 5th
a night much darker than the Sith
and the early morn of December 6
that heralds the start of the day that's Saint Nick's
in the year of Our Lord 1944
although to the Fuhrer Jesus was a bore
And Der Fuhrer was asleep in his room in Berlin
his Reich soon to fall like tonight's bottle of gin
And the Fuhrer dreamed of being a child again in his Austrian birthplace
in the days before he set out to create a Master race
He saw Saint Nicolas approaching and gave him a grin
but the Saint saw Adolf's future heart blackened by sin
and passed him by without even pinching his chin
Then Krampus approached and saw the boy's hands steeped in blood
impossible to wash off like the stickiest mud
and Krampus grabbed the lad and threw him in the sack
The boy then awakened on a demon's dark rack.
The Fuhrer's cries and screams then literally shook the room
As Germany's leader saw his future doom.
Some might remember
that 5th of December
in the year of Our Lord 1947
2 years past the time Der Fuhrer failed to make Heaven
for on that night Der Fuhrer's bunker was destroyed
reminding us to be in Krampus' hands is a fate to avoid.
-A poem written by Christopher
Saturday December 6th 2014
The Night of Saint Nicolas' Day
Sent from my iPhone
Rod Serling (host of the Twilight Zone):
Gather around kiddies on this night of Saint Nicolas Day
try to avoid the evil fairies or as they say in Wales, the wicked fay
there is a place beyond time and space
that is known to all the human race
a realm of the imagination
you can reach with contemplation
where dawn and dusk meet
and light and dark greet
a place just beyond reach
like the tree with forbidden peach
a place where one's home ET cannot phone
for this is the realm of the Twilight Zone.
In the land of the Dutch
of which we've heard so much
is the figure of Sinterklauss
jovial bloke like your dog with paws
and his wicked sidekick is Black Pete
a guy whose appearance is not neat
he might put you in a sack
and carry you on his back
to a place in far-off Spain
where on the plain it does so rain
or he might drop in your stocking a lump of coal
or place in your favourite sock a gaping hole.
But in the lands of Germanic alpine
over which the Hapsburgs ruled so fine
that kindly Eastern rite bishop Saint Nick
had a much darker sidekick
his name was Krampus
born from Hell's dark arts campus
A beast-like creature
and that was his best feature
He was a demon
from dark cauldrons steamin'
The Horned God of the Witches
those nocturnal hag bitches.
In appearance he is hairy
unlike a beautiful fairy
He has the horns and cloven hooves of a goat
and a long lolling tongue that can reach down your throat
so if you want to be French kissed by frog prince turned horned toad
just ask to encounter Krampus as you walk down a dark road.
He carries ruten- bundles of birch
and avoiding the Cross on the Church
he uses these to swat bad children with
those on the dark side like the Sith
Krampus carries a washtub and sack on his back
to drown bad children and carry them to Hell's torturous rack.
Sometimes Krampus appears with one human foot and one cloven hoof
so at medical check-ups he sends the doc through the roof.
But now to tonight's tale
that shall make your hearts fail
it was on the late night of December 5th
a night much darker than the Sith
and the early morn of December 6
that heralds the start of the day that's Saint Nick's
in the year of Our Lord 1944
although to the Fuhrer Jesus was a bore
And Der Fuhrer was asleep in his room in Berlin
his Reich soon to fall like tonight's bottle of gin
And the Fuhrer dreamed of being a child again in his Austrian birthplace
in the days before he set out to create a Master race
He saw Saint Nicolas approaching and gave him a grin
but the Saint saw Adolf's future heart blackened by sin
and passed him by without even pinching his chin
Then Krampus approached and saw the boy's hands steeped in blood
impossible to wash off like the stickiest mud
and Krampus grabbed the lad and threw him in the sack
The boy then awakened on a demon's dark rack.
The Fuhrer's cries and screams then literally shook the room
As Germany's leader saw his future doom.
Some might remember
that 5th of December
in the year of Our Lord 1947
2 years past the time Der Fuhrer failed to make Heaven
for on that night Der Fuhrer's bunker was destroyed
reminding us to be in Krampus' hands is a fate to avoid.
-A poem written by Christopher
Saturday December 6th 2014
The Night of Saint Nicolas' Day
Sent from my iPhone
Sunday, November 30, 2014
The Mysterious Figure Atop Mount Moriah
The Mysterious Figure Atop Mount Moriah
A mysterious figure walked atop Mount Moriah.
The mount called Temple Mount by the Jews.
And Haram al-Sharif (Noble Sanctuary) by the Muslims.
The man was not seen by either Israeli or Palestinian as he walked atop the mount.
A strong wind suddenly blew down on top of the Mount as he walked.
A voice seemed to echo out of the wind as it engulfed the mount, "What angel directs this whirlwind?".
The man suddenly vanished.
And darkness fell over the city of Jerusalem as a major massive power outage occurred and a huge dark cloud settled over the city blocking out the stars.
"The lights have gone out over Jerusalem," a voice said in the darkness.
"And we shall not see them lit again in our lifetime," a voice next to him answered.
The sound of machine gun fire echoed through the night.
Then the sound of two bodies dropping to the ground.
And then silence.
An eerie silence.
And then the howl of a jackal.
The Night of the Jackal was at hand.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 30th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
A mysterious figure walked atop Mount Moriah.
The mount called Temple Mount by the Jews.
And Haram al-Sharif (Noble Sanctuary) by the Muslims.
The man was not seen by either Israeli or Palestinian as he walked atop the mount.
A strong wind suddenly blew down on top of the Mount as he walked.
A voice seemed to echo out of the wind as it engulfed the mount, "What angel directs this whirlwind?".
The man suddenly vanished.
And darkness fell over the city of Jerusalem as a major massive power outage occurred and a huge dark cloud settled over the city blocking out the stars.
"The lights have gone out over Jerusalem," a voice said in the darkness.
"And we shall not see them lit again in our lifetime," a voice next to him answered.
The sound of machine gun fire echoed through the night.
Then the sound of two bodies dropping to the ground.
And then silence.
An eerie silence.
And then the howl of a jackal.
The Night of the Jackal was at hand.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 30th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Renfield Does A Web Show and Vladimir Putin Gets Blown By A Cyborg
Renfield Does A Web Show and Vladimir Putin Gets Blown By A Cyborg
Amdeus Emanon was in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set's colossal London mansion.
Renfield R. Renfield was in the mansion's broadcast and recording studio and satellite and computer monitoring room.
Amadeus was on his iPad.
He was watching a web cast show that Renfield was doing live from the broadcast room.
After Renfield discovered that actor Alec Baldwin was doing his own web cast show from the back of a New York City taxicab giving relationship advice to unsuspecting couples, Renfield decided to do his own web cast show in which he interviewed the spouses of well known celebrities.
Amadeus looked at the time.
It looked like Renfield's very first web cast show with his very first guest was about to start.
. . .
"So," Renfield beamed at the camera as his guest appeared on the satellite TV screen in the studio, "we're proud to have as our first guest... Mrs. Bill Cosby. Nice to have you with us today, Camille."
"Good to be here, Mr. Renfield," Mrs. Cosby smiled.
"So," Renfield asked his first question, "what's it like being the wife of a serial rapist?".
The interview came to an abrupt end far far sooner than Renfield had anticipated.
. . .
Russian President Vladimir Putin was in his office in the Kremlin getting a blow job from his bodyguard the red-headed female cyborg Sophia.
Putin had been missing his blow jobs for quite a long time recently.
After all being a despotic ruler was quite a strenuous and stressful job.
He used to get good blow jobs from his former bodyguard the Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva of the FSB.
But back in August of this year, Svetlana Kireeva had been abducted by persons unknown in Munich, Bavaria.
She was now being held in an MI-6 interrogation center in London.
Then a couple of weeks ago, Vladimir Putin received a call on his personal phone from Renfield R. Renfield.
Several years ago, Renfield had been given the Russian built cyborg Sophia as a gift from Vladimir Putin.
Sophia had originally been created back in September 2010 by the former East German Stasi scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen who now worked for the Russian FSB.
(For background on the creation of the red headed female cyborg Sophia please read:
http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/doing-molochs-work.html?m=1
http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/sex-and-cyborgs-and-politics.html?m=1
http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/renfield-finds-interesting-photo.html?m=1
http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/tea-with-renfield-and-dr-nicht.html?m=1
http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/amadeus-meets-sophia.html?m=1
)
In the phone conversation a couple of weeks ago, Renfield said he'd sell back the cyborg Sophia to Putin for the sum of $7 billion U. S.
Putin sighed.
Dr. Nicht Werhoffen was never able to create another cyborg as sexually pleasurable as the red-headed female cyborg Sophia.
And Putin also missed Svetlana Kireeva's breathtakingly ecstatic Midnight Serenades played so lovingly on his instrument by her delicately sensual and exquisitely luscious red lips.
Putin was also tiring of using a saxophone as a substitute sex doll on his own personal instrument (which he had been doing since August).
So Putin seized the property of some poor snook Russian oligarch whom he suddenly accused of treason and then using the back-door money laundering operations of several major Western banks (to avoid the sanctions the West had imposed on Russia over the war in Ukraine), he
paid the $7 billion to Renfield.
In doing so, Putin was totally oblivious to the fact that it had been Renfield R. Renfield who had abducted Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva from an antique store in Munich, Bavaria in the first place.
And that it had also been Renfield who was the anonymous seller on eBay who had sold Putin some antique Bavarian beer mugs (that the Russian leader had been looking for) back in August.
Renfield had stolen the antique beer mugs from Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva in the first place (she had purchased them for her boss Putin) when he had abducted her from the antique store in Munich Bavaria.
Read all about it here:
http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2014/08/renfield-puts-ad-on-ebay.html?m=1
It was quite a relief to Putin when Sophia arrived in Moscow.
(Renfield had sent Putin the cyborg within 24 hours of receiving the $7 billion U.S. in his personal numbered Swiss bank account).
Putin had positively gorged himself on receiving Sophia's blow jobs.
Plus Sophia had also saved Putin's life from a CIA trained koala bear assassin who had tried to assassinate him at the G-20 Summit in Brisbane Australia on the evening of November 15th to 16th of this year (a preliminary investigation of the incident by the Russian FSB had determined that the assassin was a koala bear personally trained by American CIA agent Bob Belfor).
For more on the cyborg Sophia's saving of Vladimir Putin's life, read here:
https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/11/15/of-androids-and-koalas/
Putin decided to add to his pleasure by putting on a video as Sophia blew him.
The video he put on was an exclusive FSB filmed video (for Putin's eyes only) of professional Russian Army soldiers serving as "volunteers" in eastern Ukraine using a BUK surface-to-air missile to shoot down Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17 back on July 17th 2014.
As the video showed debris falling from the sky and bodies dropping to the ground, Putin came with the full force of Mount Vesuvius erupting in 79 AD.
"Oh, what sweet and joyful ecstasy!" Putin screamed.
Sophia started choking.
That was quite a mouthful for her to swallow.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
during the period
Friday November 21st
to
Wednesday November 26th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Amdeus Emanon was in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set's colossal London mansion.
Renfield R. Renfield was in the mansion's broadcast and recording studio and satellite and computer monitoring room.
Amadeus was on his iPad.
He was watching a web cast show that Renfield was doing live from the broadcast room.
After Renfield discovered that actor Alec Baldwin was doing his own web cast show from the back of a New York City taxicab giving relationship advice to unsuspecting couples, Renfield decided to do his own web cast show in which he interviewed the spouses of well known celebrities.
Amadeus looked at the time.
It looked like Renfield's very first web cast show with his very first guest was about to start.
. . .
"So," Renfield beamed at the camera as his guest appeared on the satellite TV screen in the studio, "we're proud to have as our first guest... Mrs. Bill Cosby. Nice to have you with us today, Camille."
"Good to be here, Mr. Renfield," Mrs. Cosby smiled.
"So," Renfield asked his first question, "what's it like being the wife of a serial rapist?".
The interview came to an abrupt end far far sooner than Renfield had anticipated.
. . .
Russian President Vladimir Putin was in his office in the Kremlin getting a blow job from his bodyguard the red-headed female cyborg Sophia.
Putin had been missing his blow jobs for quite a long time recently.
After all being a despotic ruler was quite a strenuous and stressful job.
He used to get good blow jobs from his former bodyguard the Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva of the FSB.
But back in August of this year, Svetlana Kireeva had been abducted by persons unknown in Munich, Bavaria.
She was now being held in an MI-6 interrogation center in London.
Then a couple of weeks ago, Vladimir Putin received a call on his personal phone from Renfield R. Renfield.
Several years ago, Renfield had been given the Russian built cyborg Sophia as a gift from Vladimir Putin.
Sophia had originally been created back in September 2010 by the former East German Stasi scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen who now worked for the Russian FSB.
(For background on the creation of the red headed female cyborg Sophia please read:
http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/doing-molochs-work.html?m=1
http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/sex-and-cyborgs-and-politics.html?m=1
http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/renfield-finds-interesting-photo.html?m=1
http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/tea-with-renfield-and-dr-nicht.html?m=1
http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/amadeus-meets-sophia.html?m=1
)
In the phone conversation a couple of weeks ago, Renfield said he'd sell back the cyborg Sophia to Putin for the sum of $7 billion U. S.
Putin sighed.
Dr. Nicht Werhoffen was never able to create another cyborg as sexually pleasurable as the red-headed female cyborg Sophia.
And Putin also missed Svetlana Kireeva's breathtakingly ecstatic Midnight Serenades played so lovingly on his instrument by her delicately sensual and exquisitely luscious red lips.
Putin was also tiring of using a saxophone as a substitute sex doll on his own personal instrument (which he had been doing since August).
So Putin seized the property of some poor snook Russian oligarch whom he suddenly accused of treason and then using the back-door money laundering operations of several major Western banks (to avoid the sanctions the West had imposed on Russia over the war in Ukraine), he
paid the $7 billion to Renfield.
In doing so, Putin was totally oblivious to the fact that it had been Renfield R. Renfield who had abducted Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva from an antique store in Munich, Bavaria in the first place.
And that it had also been Renfield who was the anonymous seller on eBay who had sold Putin some antique Bavarian beer mugs (that the Russian leader had been looking for) back in August.
Renfield had stolen the antique beer mugs from Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva in the first place (she had purchased them for her boss Putin) when he had abducted her from the antique store in Munich Bavaria.
Read all about it here:
http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2014/08/renfield-puts-ad-on-ebay.html?m=1
It was quite a relief to Putin when Sophia arrived in Moscow.
(Renfield had sent Putin the cyborg within 24 hours of receiving the $7 billion U.S. in his personal numbered Swiss bank account).
Putin had positively gorged himself on receiving Sophia's blow jobs.
Plus Sophia had also saved Putin's life from a CIA trained koala bear assassin who had tried to assassinate him at the G-20 Summit in Brisbane Australia on the evening of November 15th to 16th of this year (a preliminary investigation of the incident by the Russian FSB had determined that the assassin was a koala bear personally trained by American CIA agent Bob Belfor).
For more on the cyborg Sophia's saving of Vladimir Putin's life, read here:
https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/11/15/of-androids-and-koalas/
Putin decided to add to his pleasure by putting on a video as Sophia blew him.
The video he put on was an exclusive FSB filmed video (for Putin's eyes only) of professional Russian Army soldiers serving as "volunteers" in eastern Ukraine using a BUK surface-to-air missile to shoot down Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17 back on July 17th 2014.
As the video showed debris falling from the sky and bodies dropping to the ground, Putin came with the full force of Mount Vesuvius erupting in 79 AD.
"Oh, what sweet and joyful ecstasy!" Putin screamed.
Sophia started choking.
That was quite a mouthful for her to swallow.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
during the period
Friday November 21st
to
Wednesday November 26th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Kim Kardashian Meets The Vampire Set
Kim Kardashian Meets The Vampire Set
The London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had been laid up in his sarcophagus for the past month with a very severe case of irregularity.
It was a result of eating an entire horse in a fancy London restaurant almost a month ago.
On the table beside his sarcophagus were several Get Well cards sent to him by various people.
A Get Well card from Watson Holmes the man who was the Executive Vice-President of Set Enterprises (the Egyptian vampire's research and development firm).
A Get Well Card and a bouquet of flowers from Miss Miranda Singh who was the secretary and office manager for Watson Holmes.
An I Heard You Were Sick card sent to him by a disgruntled former employee Dr. Cadbury Rocher.
Dr. Rocher had sent along a wooden stake as well along with the note Insert Directly Into Heart.
He also received a Get Well card from a London private eye- a Mr. Randall Hopkins.
Set wondered if it was the same man who stood outside the windows of his room every night after sundown and took photos of him with his iPhone when Set's sarcophagus was open.
The man left just before sunrise (at the same time Set was closing his sarcophagus lid).
Set also received a Get Well card as well as a basket of fruit from his own personal concert pianist Mr. Amadeus Emanon.
From Michelangelo his company's genetically created psychic lobster, he received a gift certificate for a seafood restaurant- good for all items on the menu with the exception of all lobster entrees.
From Renfield R. Renfield his shapeshifting hamster/human Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering, he received... an autographed photo... of Renfield R. Renfield (the same gift Renfield gave to everybody on birthdays, anniversaries and at Christmas).
For his ailment, Set tried every laxative and enema method under the sun.
No laxative seemed to work.
No enema...
... seemed to work...
... until...
... Kim Kardashian visited him this evening...
... with a bottle of champagne...
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday November 17th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
The London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had been laid up in his sarcophagus for the past month with a very severe case of irregularity.
It was a result of eating an entire horse in a fancy London restaurant almost a month ago.
On the table beside his sarcophagus were several Get Well cards sent to him by various people.
A Get Well card from Watson Holmes the man who was the Executive Vice-President of Set Enterprises (the Egyptian vampire's research and development firm).
A Get Well Card and a bouquet of flowers from Miss Miranda Singh who was the secretary and office manager for Watson Holmes.
An I Heard You Were Sick card sent to him by a disgruntled former employee Dr. Cadbury Rocher.
Dr. Rocher had sent along a wooden stake as well along with the note Insert Directly Into Heart.
He also received a Get Well card from a London private eye- a Mr. Randall Hopkins.
Set wondered if it was the same man who stood outside the windows of his room every night after sundown and took photos of him with his iPhone when Set's sarcophagus was open.
The man left just before sunrise (at the same time Set was closing his sarcophagus lid).
Set also received a Get Well card as well as a basket of fruit from his own personal concert pianist Mr. Amadeus Emanon.
From Michelangelo his company's genetically created psychic lobster, he received a gift certificate for a seafood restaurant- good for all items on the menu with the exception of all lobster entrees.
From Renfield R. Renfield his shapeshifting hamster/human Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering, he received... an autographed photo... of Renfield R. Renfield (the same gift Renfield gave to everybody on birthdays, anniversaries and at Christmas).
For his ailment, Set tried every laxative and enema method under the sun.
No laxative seemed to work.
No enema...
... seemed to work...
... until...
... Kim Kardashian visited him this evening...
... with a bottle of champagne...
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday November 17th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
A Cup of Trembling Unto All People
A Cup of Trembling Unto All People
United States President Barack Obama was dreaming although he did not know it.
He was approaching a table in the White House that had food on it.
He happened to notice an exquisitely beautiful cup.
He picked it up only to notice he had cut his hand on it.
And the blood flowed from his hand.
And wouldn't stop flowing.
. . .
Russian President Vladimir Putin was also dreaming.
He was dreaming that he was at a fancy ball at the Kremlin after winning a successful referendum in which the Russian people had voted to elect him Tsar and Autocrat of All the Russias for life.
Putin was feasting at a fancy table when he happened to notice a beautiful golden cup (with the most sumptuous looking red wine in it) on the table.
He immediately picked up the cup and as he did so, he cut his hand on it.
The blood flowed from his hand.
And wouldn't stop flowing.
. . .
Pope Francis was dreaming that he was saying Mass in the Basilica of Santa Maria Maggiore.
As he raised the cup of wine to speak Christ's words, "This is my blood of the new covenant which is shed for you and for many for the remission of sins..."
... he cut his hand on the cup.
And the blood flowed from his hand.
And wouldn't stop flowing.
. . .
The man at Mossad they called the Controller of the Golem was arranging the blowing up of the homes of the attackers involved in the attack on the West Jerusalem synagogue in which 4 rabbis were killed and 7 worshippers were seriously wounded.
"By the time I'm finished," the Controller of the Golem said to himself, "these people are going to realize that Jerusalem is the eternal undivided capital of Israel."
. . .
"Behold, I will make Jerusalem a cup of trembling unto all the people round about, when they shall be in the siege both against Judah and against Jerusalem.
And in that day will I make Jerusalem a burdensome stone for all people: all that burden themselves with it shall be cut in pieces, though all the people of the earth be gathered against it."
Zechariah Ch. 12 vs. 2-3
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 18th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
United States President Barack Obama was dreaming although he did not know it.
He was approaching a table in the White House that had food on it.
He happened to notice an exquisitely beautiful cup.
He picked it up only to notice he had cut his hand on it.
And the blood flowed from his hand.
And wouldn't stop flowing.
. . .
Russian President Vladimir Putin was also dreaming.
He was dreaming that he was at a fancy ball at the Kremlin after winning a successful referendum in which the Russian people had voted to elect him Tsar and Autocrat of All the Russias for life.
Putin was feasting at a fancy table when he happened to notice a beautiful golden cup (with the most sumptuous looking red wine in it) on the table.
He immediately picked up the cup and as he did so, he cut his hand on it.
The blood flowed from his hand.
And wouldn't stop flowing.
. . .
Pope Francis was dreaming that he was saying Mass in the Basilica of Santa Maria Maggiore.
As he raised the cup of wine to speak Christ's words, "This is my blood of the new covenant which is shed for you and for many for the remission of sins..."
... he cut his hand on the cup.
And the blood flowed from his hand.
And wouldn't stop flowing.
. . .
The man at Mossad they called the Controller of the Golem was arranging the blowing up of the homes of the attackers involved in the attack on the West Jerusalem synagogue in which 4 rabbis were killed and 7 worshippers were seriously wounded.
"By the time I'm finished," the Controller of the Golem said to himself, "these people are going to realize that Jerusalem is the eternal undivided capital of Israel."
. . .
"Behold, I will make Jerusalem a cup of trembling unto all the people round about, when they shall be in the siege both against Judah and against Jerusalem.
And in that day will I make Jerusalem a burdensome stone for all people: all that burden themselves with it shall be cut in pieces, though all the people of the earth be gathered against it."
Zechariah Ch. 12 vs. 2-3
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 18th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Saturday, November 15, 2014
Of Androids and Koalas
Of Androids And Koalas
Pope Francis picked up the phone on this Saturday evening of November 15th 2014 to make another one of his surprise phone calls to ordinary people.
The man he was calling was a journalist and a writer and Francis wished to discuss an article that the man had written.
The man answered the phone but it turned out that the 1939 film Of Mice and Men (based on the novella by John Steinbeck) was on TV and it was just starting and he didn't want to miss it so he said to Francis, "Some other time, Your Holiness" and hung up the phone.
Francis had to chuckle.
As he put the phone down, it rang again.
Francis picked it up.
It was a Vatican museum curator calling.
Apparently they had just found in one of their hundreds of thousands of crates the actual robotic automaton called Androides that had been invented, built and designed by Saint Albertus Magnus (Saint Albert the Great born 1193? - died 1280) one of the greatest philosophers and scientists of the High Middle Ages.
Most Church historians had just thought the story of Albertus Magnus building the automaton Androides was a medieval legend.
Now it turned out to be true.
Pope Francis then looked at the date on the calendar again.
November 15th.
Albertus Magnus' automaton creation had been found on the Feast Day of Saint Albertus Magnus.
. . .
American CIA agent Bob Belfor (whose family owned a property restoration business) was in Brisbane Australia at the G-20 Summit.
Belfor was on a rogue operation.
He had been hired to assassinate Russian President Vladimir Putin at the summit.
So now Belfor was outside the place in Brisbane where the Russian leader was staying.
He was using the camera on an iPad tablet to record the event and send it via the Internet to his superiors as it happened.
A koala bear was climbing up the side of the building and carrying a gun at the same time.
"I trained the koala myself," Belfor spoke into the iPad mic.
Belfor was lying to impress his superiors of course (the koala was really the shapeshifting genetically created half-man half goat satyr serial killer and hired U.S. government assassin Pan Goatee who had shapeshifted into a koala for the occasion).
The koala entered through the window of Putin's room.
He was immediately kicked out of the room and thrown out the window by the Russian leader's red headed female cyborg Sophia who was acting as Putin's bodyguard.
"The best laid plans of mice and men," Belfor wept as the koala hit the street, "they often go astray."
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 15th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Pope Francis picked up the phone on this Saturday evening of November 15th 2014 to make another one of his surprise phone calls to ordinary people.
The man he was calling was a journalist and a writer and Francis wished to discuss an article that the man had written.
The man answered the phone but it turned out that the 1939 film Of Mice and Men (based on the novella by John Steinbeck) was on TV and it was just starting and he didn't want to miss it so he said to Francis, "Some other time, Your Holiness" and hung up the phone.
Francis had to chuckle.
As he put the phone down, it rang again.
Francis picked it up.
It was a Vatican museum curator calling.
Apparently they had just found in one of their hundreds of thousands of crates the actual robotic automaton called Androides that had been invented, built and designed by Saint Albertus Magnus (Saint Albert the Great born 1193? - died 1280) one of the greatest philosophers and scientists of the High Middle Ages.
Most Church historians had just thought the story of Albertus Magnus building the automaton Androides was a medieval legend.
Now it turned out to be true.
Pope Francis then looked at the date on the calendar again.
November 15th.
Albertus Magnus' automaton creation had been found on the Feast Day of Saint Albertus Magnus.
. . .
American CIA agent Bob Belfor (whose family owned a property restoration business) was in Brisbane Australia at the G-20 Summit.
Belfor was on a rogue operation.
He had been hired to assassinate Russian President Vladimir Putin at the summit.
So now Belfor was outside the place in Brisbane where the Russian leader was staying.
He was using the camera on an iPad tablet to record the event and send it via the Internet to his superiors as it happened.
A koala bear was climbing up the side of the building and carrying a gun at the same time.
"I trained the koala myself," Belfor spoke into the iPad mic.
Belfor was lying to impress his superiors of course (the koala was really the shapeshifting genetically created half-man half goat satyr serial killer and hired U.S. government assassin Pan Goatee who had shapeshifted into a koala for the occasion).
The koala entered through the window of Putin's room.
He was immediately kicked out of the room and thrown out the window by the Russian leader's red headed female cyborg Sophia who was acting as Putin's bodyguard.
"The best laid plans of mice and men," Belfor wept as the koala hit the street, "they often go astray."
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 15th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Friday, November 14, 2014
Will Rosetta's Philae Comet Lander Battery Die?
Will Rosetta's Philae Comet Lander Battery Die?
Renfield R. Renfield had just heard on the BBC Radio's World News Report that the battery on the European Space Agency's Rosetta spacecraft's Philae robotic comet lander might not last as long as the space agency had hoped.
So Renfield decided to go down to the Set Enterprises laboratory and ask Michelangelo the genetically created psychic lobster if he could pick up any TV transmissions from the future on what would be the final photographic image of the comet sent back from the Philae robotic comet lander to the European Space Agency before the battery on the lander finally died.
Amadeus Emanon decided to join Renfield in this endeavour.
Once down at the lab, Renfield carefully hooked up Michelangelo's lobster antennae to wires running to the computer.
He then typed on the computer keyboard the information he required Michelangelo to seek out.
Michelangelo's eyes then turned red, blue and green in succession as his psychic antennae tried to pick up the relevant TV transmission from the future.
"Funny, his eyes go through the same effects when he's been drinking heavily," Renfield noted.
Suddenly Michelangelo's eyes turned sapphire and then turquoise as he received the relevant transmission.
"Eureka!" Renfield shouted.
"I hope that's not the name of a new shooter drink," said Amadeus who was starting to get concerned about Michelangelo's eye colour.
"The transmission is showing up on the computer screen now," Renfield ejaculated before wiping himself and the screen.
The images showed a slow fading away of the comet's surface as the audio played the "bleep... bleeep... bleeeeppppp..." sound of the battery slowly dying.
Before the battery died completely, the last photographic video image transmitted was of a pink bunny wearing dark sunglasses and beating a drum and moving along the comet's surface as an announcer style voice said, "Energizer... it just keeps going... and going..."
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 13th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Renfield R. Renfield had just heard on the BBC Radio's World News Report that the battery on the European Space Agency's Rosetta spacecraft's Philae robotic comet lander might not last as long as the space agency had hoped.
So Renfield decided to go down to the Set Enterprises laboratory and ask Michelangelo the genetically created psychic lobster if he could pick up any TV transmissions from the future on what would be the final photographic image of the comet sent back from the Philae robotic comet lander to the European Space Agency before the battery on the lander finally died.
Amadeus Emanon decided to join Renfield in this endeavour.
Once down at the lab, Renfield carefully hooked up Michelangelo's lobster antennae to wires running to the computer.
He then typed on the computer keyboard the information he required Michelangelo to seek out.
Michelangelo's eyes then turned red, blue and green in succession as his psychic antennae tried to pick up the relevant TV transmission from the future.
"Funny, his eyes go through the same effects when he's been drinking heavily," Renfield noted.
Suddenly Michelangelo's eyes turned sapphire and then turquoise as he received the relevant transmission.
"Eureka!" Renfield shouted.
"I hope that's not the name of a new shooter drink," said Amadeus who was starting to get concerned about Michelangelo's eye colour.
"The transmission is showing up on the computer screen now," Renfield ejaculated before wiping himself and the screen.
The images showed a slow fading away of the comet's surface as the audio played the "bleep... bleeep... bleeeeppppp..." sound of the battery slowly dying.
Before the battery died completely, the last photographic video image transmitted was of a pink bunny wearing dark sunglasses and beating a drum and moving along the comet's surface as an announcer style voice said, "Energizer... it just keeps going... and going..."
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 13th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Monday, November 10, 2014
Renfield's Messenger Birds and Vladimir Putin's Sword
Renfield's Messenger Birds and Vladimir Putin's Sword
Amadeus Emanon was now back home from hospital.
He was in the garden of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set's colossal London estate watching Renfield R. Renfield talking to a pigeon by a statue of the great ancient Egyptian scientist Imhotep.
"What are you doing?" Amadeus asked as he quietly chewed a piece of black licorice.
"I'm bringing back the lost art of carrier pigeons," Renfield said, "Back during the Second World War, carrier pigeons were often used to deliver messages. Now in this age of smart phones and tablets, people seemed to have forgotten nature's messengers and our fine feathered friends."
"I wonder what opinion Imhotep would hold about nature's messengers and our fine feathered friends," Amadeus asked as he watched the outburst of abstract expressionism bursting forth from the pigeon as he decorated the head of Imhotep.
"I have no idea," Renfield shrugged.
A cockatoo suddenly flew down and landed on the head of the carrier pigeon.
"That's weird," Amadeus said as he watched the spectacle.
"I've trained these two to work together," Renfield grinned, "in the old days written messages were attached to one of the legs of the carrier pigeon. Now instead the cockatoo learns an oral message and then the two are sent off together. The cockatoo rides as a passenger on the head of the carrier pigeon. When the two reach the intended recipient of the message, the cockatoo disembarks off the head of the pigeon and the cockatoo orally recites the message."
"Amazing," Amadeus remarked sarcastically.
Renfield not noticing the sarcasm replied, "Even I can't help being impressed by my own genius."
"So have you got any clients lined up for your carrier pigeon/cockatoo express messenger service?" Amadeus asked as he put on dark sunglasses and lay back on his hammock as he remembered a lesson from the Book of Tobit.
"As a matter of fact I do," Renfield grinned.
"You do?" Amadeus raised his head in surprise from the hammock.
"Yes," Renfield smiled like the cat who ate the canary causing a canary in a nearby tree to fly away in haste, "you'll never guess who it is."
"Who is it?" asked Amadeus who was too lazy to guess.
"British Prime Minister David Cameron," Renfield beamed like the beam in a Pharisee's eye.
Exclaimed a thoroughly surprised Amadeus, "Holy shit!".
Imhotep's head would not have agreed with Amadeus' opinion.
"And who is the intended recipient of David Cameron's message?" Amadeus asked.
Renfield grinned again.
. . .
European Commission President Jean-Claude Juncker was in his office in the European Commission Building in Brussels.
An aide-de-camp was in the room with him.
Suddenly both men heard a "tapping, as of some one gently rapping, rapping" at the window pane.
"Who is it?" Jean-Claude Juncker asked.
"A pigeon with a cockatoo on its head," the aide-de-camp replied as he looked out the window, "Only this and nothing more."
"Better let them in," said Juncker.
The aide-de-camp opened the window and the pigeon with the cockatoo on its head flew into the room.
The pigeon sat on a bust of Pallas Athena while the cockatoo flew over to the desk of Jean-Claude Juncker and squawked, "Message for you from the Prime Minister of Britain. Message for you from the Prime Minister of Britain. Gawk!".
"Oh yes," Juncker scratched his chin, "and what is Mr. Cameron's message for me?".
The pigeon flew off the bust of Pallas Athena and on to the head of Jean-Claude Juncker.
It then let out an outburst of abstract expressionism as it had done so many times on the head of the statue of Imhotep in the garden of the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
. . .
Russian President Vladimir Putin was in his office in the Kremlin.
He was examining a sword on his desk.
The sword belonged to an FSB agent who was found dead in his Moscow apartment a week ago.
The FSB suspected that the man was probably murdered by Western intelligence agencies.
This new Cold War was really starting to heat up Vladimir Putin thought to himself as he picked up his knife and fork and proceeded to make mincemeat out of the Ukrainian sausage on the plate in front of him.
A curator specializing in near eastern and oriental antiquities at one of the Kremlin museums had examined the sword.
He had determined that the sword belonged to the Ottoman Turkish Sultan Mehmed II (known to history as Mehmed The Conqueror) and indeed, according to the curator, this was the very sword he held in his hands when he conquered the Byzantine capital of Constantinople in 1453 at the age of 21 and ended the Byzantine empire.
After the city fell, when Mehmed II stepped into the ruins of the Palace of the Caesars that had been built over a thousand years before by the Emperor Theodosius II, he spoke these words,
"The spider weaves the curtains in the palace of the Caesars,
The owl calls the watches in the towers of Afrasiab."
As Putin examined the sword, he happened to notice a spider crawling up one of the curtains in his office.
Outside his office window, an owl hooted a cry from one of the Kremlin towers.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
during the time period
Friday November 7th
to
Monday November 10th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Amadeus Emanon was now back home from hospital.
He was in the garden of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set's colossal London estate watching Renfield R. Renfield talking to a pigeon by a statue of the great ancient Egyptian scientist Imhotep.
"What are you doing?" Amadeus asked as he quietly chewed a piece of black licorice.
"I'm bringing back the lost art of carrier pigeons," Renfield said, "Back during the Second World War, carrier pigeons were often used to deliver messages. Now in this age of smart phones and tablets, people seemed to have forgotten nature's messengers and our fine feathered friends."
"I wonder what opinion Imhotep would hold about nature's messengers and our fine feathered friends," Amadeus asked as he watched the outburst of abstract expressionism bursting forth from the pigeon as he decorated the head of Imhotep.
"I have no idea," Renfield shrugged.
A cockatoo suddenly flew down and landed on the head of the carrier pigeon.
"That's weird," Amadeus said as he watched the spectacle.
"I've trained these two to work together," Renfield grinned, "in the old days written messages were attached to one of the legs of the carrier pigeon. Now instead the cockatoo learns an oral message and then the two are sent off together. The cockatoo rides as a passenger on the head of the carrier pigeon. When the two reach the intended recipient of the message, the cockatoo disembarks off the head of the pigeon and the cockatoo orally recites the message."
"Amazing," Amadeus remarked sarcastically.
Renfield not noticing the sarcasm replied, "Even I can't help being impressed by my own genius."
"So have you got any clients lined up for your carrier pigeon/cockatoo express messenger service?" Amadeus asked as he put on dark sunglasses and lay back on his hammock as he remembered a lesson from the Book of Tobit.
"As a matter of fact I do," Renfield grinned.
"You do?" Amadeus raised his head in surprise from the hammock.
"Yes," Renfield smiled like the cat who ate the canary causing a canary in a nearby tree to fly away in haste, "you'll never guess who it is."
"Who is it?" asked Amadeus who was too lazy to guess.
"British Prime Minister David Cameron," Renfield beamed like the beam in a Pharisee's eye.
Exclaimed a thoroughly surprised Amadeus, "Holy shit!".
Imhotep's head would not have agreed with Amadeus' opinion.
"And who is the intended recipient of David Cameron's message?" Amadeus asked.
Renfield grinned again.
. . .
European Commission President Jean-Claude Juncker was in his office in the European Commission Building in Brussels.
An aide-de-camp was in the room with him.
Suddenly both men heard a "tapping, as of some one gently rapping, rapping" at the window pane.
"Who is it?" Jean-Claude Juncker asked.
"A pigeon with a cockatoo on its head," the aide-de-camp replied as he looked out the window, "Only this and nothing more."
"Better let them in," said Juncker.
The aide-de-camp opened the window and the pigeon with the cockatoo on its head flew into the room.
The pigeon sat on a bust of Pallas Athena while the cockatoo flew over to the desk of Jean-Claude Juncker and squawked, "Message for you from the Prime Minister of Britain. Message for you from the Prime Minister of Britain. Gawk!".
"Oh yes," Juncker scratched his chin, "and what is Mr. Cameron's message for me?".
The pigeon flew off the bust of Pallas Athena and on to the head of Jean-Claude Juncker.
It then let out an outburst of abstract expressionism as it had done so many times on the head of the statue of Imhotep in the garden of the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
. . .
Russian President Vladimir Putin was in his office in the Kremlin.
He was examining a sword on his desk.
The sword belonged to an FSB agent who was found dead in his Moscow apartment a week ago.
The FSB suspected that the man was probably murdered by Western intelligence agencies.
This new Cold War was really starting to heat up Vladimir Putin thought to himself as he picked up his knife and fork and proceeded to make mincemeat out of the Ukrainian sausage on the plate in front of him.
A curator specializing in near eastern and oriental antiquities at one of the Kremlin museums had examined the sword.
He had determined that the sword belonged to the Ottoman Turkish Sultan Mehmed II (known to history as Mehmed The Conqueror) and indeed, according to the curator, this was the very sword he held in his hands when he conquered the Byzantine capital of Constantinople in 1453 at the age of 21 and ended the Byzantine empire.
After the city fell, when Mehmed II stepped into the ruins of the Palace of the Caesars that had been built over a thousand years before by the Emperor Theodosius II, he spoke these words,
"The spider weaves the curtains in the palace of the Caesars,
The owl calls the watches in the towers of Afrasiab."
As Putin examined the sword, he happened to notice a spider crawling up one of the curtains in his office.
Outside his office window, an owl hooted a cry from one of the Kremlin towers.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
during the time period
Friday November 7th
to
Monday November 10th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Quetzalcoatl On Dia de Los Muertos
Quetzalcoatl On Dia de los Muertos
Two young Mormon missionaries were in Mexico City on this particular Sunday November 2nd- All Souls Day on the Roman Catholic Church calendar- or as they called this festival in Mexico- Dia de los Muertos- Day of the Dead.
Both young men happened to be from Salt Lake City- the home of the global headquarters of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
Mexico City was their assigned missionary outreach.
They were encouraged to take in the cultural festivities of the people they were evangelizing.
So here they were on the evening of Dia de los Muertos taking in a colourful and festive parade.
Leading the parade seemed to be a beautiful young dancing girl who happened to look a lot like actress Salma Hayek.
The young woman was not Salma Hayek.
In fact, she was a lot older than she looked.
She was the some 600-years-old Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.
She was wearing a white blouse and long flowing red skirt.
Suddenly a strange looking creature flew down from the sky and stood in front of the parade.
It was a huge giant serpent with feathers and wings.
Terror seized the crowd (as it did the two young Mormon missionaries).
But the dancing girl cried out, "Be not afraid. It's our father and our king and our emperor Quetzalcoatl finally returned from a far planet."
The crowd cheered.
The giant feathered serpent started leading the dance in colourful fashion- like some colourful dancing giant hybrid cross between a gargantuan Goliath of Gath sized peacock and a radioactive fire-breathing Godzilla.
One of the Mormon missionaries started filming the parade and its leader on his smart phone.
He immediately sent the images to his Mormon bishop back home in Salt Lake City.
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec happened to notice the young missionary who was filming Quetzalcoatl and the parade.
She smiled and went over to him and his fellow missionary and put her arms around both boys.
"Do come back to my apartment," her voice was as soft as the whispering wind rustling through the trees at the dawn of a glorious new morn, "and tell me all about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter- Day Saints."
A Catholic priest on the other side of the crowd happened to notice Qonzilqointec's sharp vampiric fangs protruding as she smiled.
The priest immediately crossed himself.
-To be continued.
- A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 2nd
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Two young Mormon missionaries were in Mexico City on this particular Sunday November 2nd- All Souls Day on the Roman Catholic Church calendar- or as they called this festival in Mexico- Dia de los Muertos- Day of the Dead.
Both young men happened to be from Salt Lake City- the home of the global headquarters of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
Mexico City was their assigned missionary outreach.
They were encouraged to take in the cultural festivities of the people they were evangelizing.
So here they were on the evening of Dia de los Muertos taking in a colourful and festive parade.
Leading the parade seemed to be a beautiful young dancing girl who happened to look a lot like actress Salma Hayek.
The young woman was not Salma Hayek.
In fact, she was a lot older than she looked.
She was the some 600-years-old Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.
She was wearing a white blouse and long flowing red skirt.
Suddenly a strange looking creature flew down from the sky and stood in front of the parade.
It was a huge giant serpent with feathers and wings.
Terror seized the crowd (as it did the two young Mormon missionaries).
But the dancing girl cried out, "Be not afraid. It's our father and our king and our emperor Quetzalcoatl finally returned from a far planet."
The crowd cheered.
The giant feathered serpent started leading the dance in colourful fashion- like some colourful dancing giant hybrid cross between a gargantuan Goliath of Gath sized peacock and a radioactive fire-breathing Godzilla.
One of the Mormon missionaries started filming the parade and its leader on his smart phone.
He immediately sent the images to his Mormon bishop back home in Salt Lake City.
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec happened to notice the young missionary who was filming Quetzalcoatl and the parade.
She smiled and went over to him and his fellow missionary and put her arms around both boys.
"Do come back to my apartment," her voice was as soft as the whispering wind rustling through the trees at the dawn of a glorious new morn, "and tell me all about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter- Day Saints."
A Catholic priest on the other side of the crowd happened to notice Qonzilqointec's sharp vampiric fangs protruding as she smiled.
The priest immediately crossed himself.
-To be continued.
- A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 2nd
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Friday, October 31, 2014
The Halloween Resurrection of Osiris
The Halloween Resurrection of Osiris
Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was at Interpol's International Headquarters in Lyon, France.
He was viewing some videos on his office computer.
For a while now, Whitstable suspected that the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis was up to something in her secret laboratory below Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris.
His suspicions heightened when he videotaped the Vampiress Isis pushing Swiss scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius to his death off the bell tower of Notre Dame Cathedral on the 1st of this month.
Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius landed on top of a Paris street corner poetry reciter who was reciting John Donne's poem on For Whom The Bell Tolls at the time killing the poetic thespian in the process.
As Peter Whitstable was busy videotaping the whole thing and uploading it to his YouTube account, a young French woman standing next to him was busy calling 112 (the French emergency number equivalent of the North American 911 emergency number) on her cell phone.
Whitstable saw the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec fly by as he was videotaping (quite literally fly by for the sexy evening dress wearing Vampiress suddenly turned from a beautiful woman into a midnight black vampire bat).
Then last Friday evening the 24th of October as he sat in a Parisienne cafe enjoying some fresh oysters and sipping champagne, he videotaped the Vampiress Isis having filet mignon and red Bordeaux wine with Dr. Cadbury Rocher the Chief Research Scientist for Set Enterprises in London.
He gathered while eavesdropping on their conversation that Dr. Cadbury Rocher no longer worked for the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian Vampire Set.
Apparently a dinner of steak and lobster, steak tartare and la viande de cheval at the St. James' Court Hotel main dining room in London had gone horribly wrong the evening of Wednesday October 22nd 2014.
The result was Dr. Cadbury Rocher stood up at the table, quit his job and left (sticking the Vampire Set with the cheque).
As he exited, Dr. Rocher said he saw Dr. Henry Kissinger sitting at a table and overheard him tell former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin on his cell phone that she should really buy herself a nuclear radioactive protection suit and start learning Russian.
"We will deal with the Russians when the appropriate time comes," Isis ground her Black Sea oyster into fine dust with her bright gold painted fingernails.
Dr. Rocher had accepted Isis' dinner table offer to come work for her.
On condition that she provide him with the necessary funding for his latest pet project Pegasus- an effort to genetically create the winged horse of Classical Greek mythology.
Isis agreed but first Dr. Rocher must for her re-assemble the sub-atomic particles of her brother, husband and lover Osiris and put them back together again.
Osiris had been vapourized into non-existence by a laser death ray fired at his returning spaceship by a Russian submarine when he attempted to return to Earth on December 21st 2012.
Hence Isis' intense hatred of Vladimir Putin's Russia.
. . .
Cardinal JM was gazing at a mysterious envelope placed on his desk in his Vatican office.
He did not recognize the handwriting on the envelope.
And he had no idea who put it there.
For his own personal secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe had gone down to Rome's Sexually Transmitted Diseases Clinic for some reason.
Cardinal JM used his 3-headed dog Cerberus letter opener to open the envelope.
He reached inside.
What he read shocked him.
For it purported to be the text of The Third Secret of Fatima.
Although Cardinal JM did not personally believe in the apparitions of the Blessed Virgin Mary said to have appeared to three shepherd children near the village of Fatima, Portugal on 6 different occasions from May 13th to October 13th 1917 (although he never publicly expressed those views aloud during the pontificates of Popes John Paul II and Benedict XVI), what he read still intrigued him immensely.
Ever since Italian journalist Antonio Socci published his book The Fourth Secret of Fatima back in 2006, people had always wondered about Socci's claim that it was only the "vision" associated with the Third Secret that the Vatican had released to the public back on June 26th 2000.
In the previous Two Secrets of Fatima, there were visions that the 3 children at Fatima were alleged to have seen and then there were accompanying texts- words alleged to have been spoken by the Virgin Mary to the 3 children explaining what the visions meant.
But in the Third Secret that the Vatican released back in 2000, there was only a "vision"- a vision of a Bishop dressed in white climbing up a steep mountain at the top of which was a big Cross of rough-hewn trunks- while climbing the mountain, the Bishop in White passed through a big city half in ruins and when he reached the top of the mountain- as he was on his knees at the foot of the Cross- he was killed by a group of soldiers who fired bullets and arrows at him.
But there was no text released- or words by the Virgin Mary explaining to the 3 children at Fatima what the vision meant.
Now here in front of him were supposedly the words (accompanying the vision) that were spoken by the Virgin Mary to the 3 shepherd children at Fatima.
Hm.
Very interesting.
As a worshipper of the Ancient Greek gods (in secret of course!), Cardinal JM longed to see such chaos in the Church and the world that the worship of the ancient gods would be restored to bring back stability.
Let's say he were to fax a copy of the contents of this envelope to say... Russian President Vladimir Putin... would that not bring about the chaos in the Church and the world that he longed to see?
Cardinal JM went over to his old photocopier and copied the document that was inside the sealed envelope.
Then he went over to his fax machine and faxed the copy to Vladimir Putin's office in the Kremlin.
He then stood at his office window overlooking Saint Peter's Square.
He noticed a figure in the street below his window wearing a black Venetian masquerade mask, a black cape, a black hat and holding a black walking stick.
The figure looked up at Cardinal JM and spoke in a whisper.
But the words of the whisper seemed to echo through Saint Peter's Square.
"Jacques de Molay, thou art avenged!".
. . .
Renfield R. Renfield went to see his friend Amadeus Emanon in the hospital on this Halloween night.
For Amadeus was still in hospital recovering from shrapnel wounds he received when Renfield led a commando rescue mission on a Cornwall farmhouse to, as the British media put it, "Free his friend from the ISIS terrorists who were holding him hostage here in this sceptered isle."
Renfield figured his friend would probably be feeling depressed because normally Amadeus liked going out trick or treating on Halloween night.
Renfield brought along a bag of chocolate bar and candy treats that Watson Holmes the Executive Vice-President of Set Enterprises had sent along as a gift for Amadeus.
He also brought along a pumpkin pie that had been baked for Amadeus by Miss Miranda Singh the secretary and office manager for Watson Holmes.
As his own gift Renfield brought along a couple of videos- the 1982 film Halloween III: Season of the Witch and the 1993 film The Nightmare Before Christmas for them to watch together as they ate the Halloween treats and the pumpkin pie.
Renfield also brought along a poster that said Halloween At The Hindenburg (The Hindenburg was a nightclub on Canada's West Coast) and hung it on the wall in Amadeus' room.
"Ever since a friend of mine sent me this poster a few weeks ago, I thought it would be cool to dress a dirigible up as the Hindenburg on Halloween and re-enact that May 1937 airship disaster," Renfield beamed as he looked at the poster.
He then put on the video Halloween III: Season of the Witch for them to watch.
Outside Amadeus' hospital window, a witch flew by on a broomstick.
. . .
Inside the secret laboratory of the Vampiress Isis below Notre Dame Cathedral, Dr. Cadbury Rocher was putting the finishing touches on all the equipment.
Rocher had discovered that the problem Isis and the late Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius had in trying to re-assemble the sub-atomic particles of Osiris was that they were not working with an original ET gray's laser death ray gun.
They were working with a 3-D printer copy of an original.
And Dr. Rocher knew this because he recognized the gun as one he had made with a 3-D printer he had invented.
As brilliant as Dr. Cadbury Rocher was, even he hadn't reached the level of intellectual sophistication of the ET grays he had to admit.
But Rocher knew how to get the original.
He knew where Renfield R. Renfield kept it on the Set Enterprises premises.
Isis passed this information along to her London private eye gumshoe spy Randall Hopkins who broke into Set Enterprises and stole the original ET gray's laser death ray gun.
Now with the original in his possession, Rocher fired the laser death ray at the spot in the lab which held the sub-atomic particles of Osiris and then through the use of electromagnets, he reversed the flow of the ray.
Sure enough the sub-atomic particles of Osiris re-assembled themselves and came together again.
Isis shrieked with ecstasy.
Then she looked on in horror.
The sub-atomic particles of the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl also started to re-assemble themselves (Quetzalcoatl was the spiritual godfather of her female vampiric arch-enemy and rival the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec).
Isis had forgotten that Quetzalcoatl's returning spaceship had also been destroyed by the Russian submarine's laser death ray.
And of course Quetzalcoatl's sub-atomic particles would also have been collected along with Osiris' when Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius was using his small scale working model of the CERN Large Hadron Collider to collect sub-atomic particles along the beach at Vancouver's English Beach after the laser attack on the returning spaceships.
Osiris looked down at his re-assembled body and then screamed.
Dr. Cadbury Rocher looked down at the mathematical equation of the re-assembly process he had scribbled on a notepad and suddenly, noticing a slight miscalculation, said in a very very low voice, "Oops."
"Of all the cosmic bad luck," the ancient Egyptian vampire cried out in anguish, "it's once again my phallus that's missing whenever I'm put back together again."
Isis screamed as well.
Her valet Cedarman who was on his cell phone immediately cancelled the order of Viagra he had placed on his mistress' orders to celebrate this happy occasion.
Quetzalcoatl roared and breathed fire.
He then flapped his wings and flew out the air vent of the secret underground laboratory.
He made the air vent a lot larger by doing so due to his enormous size.
As he flew out over the City of Paris, he passed by a dirigible made up to look like the 1930s German airship The Hindenburg.
The Halloween Hindenburg burst into flames near the top of the Eiffel Tower.
To be continued.
-A Halloween vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
during the time period
Thursday October 30th
to
Friday October 31st
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was at Interpol's International Headquarters in Lyon, France.
He was viewing some videos on his office computer.
For a while now, Whitstable suspected that the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis was up to something in her secret laboratory below Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris.
His suspicions heightened when he videotaped the Vampiress Isis pushing Swiss scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius to his death off the bell tower of Notre Dame Cathedral on the 1st of this month.
Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius landed on top of a Paris street corner poetry reciter who was reciting John Donne's poem on For Whom The Bell Tolls at the time killing the poetic thespian in the process.
As Peter Whitstable was busy videotaping the whole thing and uploading it to his YouTube account, a young French woman standing next to him was busy calling 112 (the French emergency number equivalent of the North American 911 emergency number) on her cell phone.
Whitstable saw the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec fly by as he was videotaping (quite literally fly by for the sexy evening dress wearing Vampiress suddenly turned from a beautiful woman into a midnight black vampire bat).
Then last Friday evening the 24th of October as he sat in a Parisienne cafe enjoying some fresh oysters and sipping champagne, he videotaped the Vampiress Isis having filet mignon and red Bordeaux wine with Dr. Cadbury Rocher the Chief Research Scientist for Set Enterprises in London.
He gathered while eavesdropping on their conversation that Dr. Cadbury Rocher no longer worked for the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian Vampire Set.
Apparently a dinner of steak and lobster, steak tartare and la viande de cheval at the St. James' Court Hotel main dining room in London had gone horribly wrong the evening of Wednesday October 22nd 2014.
The result was Dr. Cadbury Rocher stood up at the table, quit his job and left (sticking the Vampire Set with the cheque).
As he exited, Dr. Rocher said he saw Dr. Henry Kissinger sitting at a table and overheard him tell former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin on his cell phone that she should really buy herself a nuclear radioactive protection suit and start learning Russian.
"We will deal with the Russians when the appropriate time comes," Isis ground her Black Sea oyster into fine dust with her bright gold painted fingernails.
Dr. Rocher had accepted Isis' dinner table offer to come work for her.
On condition that she provide him with the necessary funding for his latest pet project Pegasus- an effort to genetically create the winged horse of Classical Greek mythology.
Isis agreed but first Dr. Rocher must for her re-assemble the sub-atomic particles of her brother, husband and lover Osiris and put them back together again.
Osiris had been vapourized into non-existence by a laser death ray fired at his returning spaceship by a Russian submarine when he attempted to return to Earth on December 21st 2012.
Hence Isis' intense hatred of Vladimir Putin's Russia.
. . .
Cardinal JM was gazing at a mysterious envelope placed on his desk in his Vatican office.
He did not recognize the handwriting on the envelope.
And he had no idea who put it there.
For his own personal secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe had gone down to Rome's Sexually Transmitted Diseases Clinic for some reason.
Cardinal JM used his 3-headed dog Cerberus letter opener to open the envelope.
He reached inside.
What he read shocked him.
For it purported to be the text of The Third Secret of Fatima.
Although Cardinal JM did not personally believe in the apparitions of the Blessed Virgin Mary said to have appeared to three shepherd children near the village of Fatima, Portugal on 6 different occasions from May 13th to October 13th 1917 (although he never publicly expressed those views aloud during the pontificates of Popes John Paul II and Benedict XVI), what he read still intrigued him immensely.
Ever since Italian journalist Antonio Socci published his book The Fourth Secret of Fatima back in 2006, people had always wondered about Socci's claim that it was only the "vision" associated with the Third Secret that the Vatican had released to the public back on June 26th 2000.
In the previous Two Secrets of Fatima, there were visions that the 3 children at Fatima were alleged to have seen and then there were accompanying texts- words alleged to have been spoken by the Virgin Mary to the 3 children explaining what the visions meant.
But in the Third Secret that the Vatican released back in 2000, there was only a "vision"- a vision of a Bishop dressed in white climbing up a steep mountain at the top of which was a big Cross of rough-hewn trunks- while climbing the mountain, the Bishop in White passed through a big city half in ruins and when he reached the top of the mountain- as he was on his knees at the foot of the Cross- he was killed by a group of soldiers who fired bullets and arrows at him.
But there was no text released- or words by the Virgin Mary explaining to the 3 children at Fatima what the vision meant.
Now here in front of him were supposedly the words (accompanying the vision) that were spoken by the Virgin Mary to the 3 shepherd children at Fatima.
Hm.
Very interesting.
As a worshipper of the Ancient Greek gods (in secret of course!), Cardinal JM longed to see such chaos in the Church and the world that the worship of the ancient gods would be restored to bring back stability.
Let's say he were to fax a copy of the contents of this envelope to say... Russian President Vladimir Putin... would that not bring about the chaos in the Church and the world that he longed to see?
Cardinal JM went over to his old photocopier and copied the document that was inside the sealed envelope.
Then he went over to his fax machine and faxed the copy to Vladimir Putin's office in the Kremlin.
He then stood at his office window overlooking Saint Peter's Square.
He noticed a figure in the street below his window wearing a black Venetian masquerade mask, a black cape, a black hat and holding a black walking stick.
The figure looked up at Cardinal JM and spoke in a whisper.
But the words of the whisper seemed to echo through Saint Peter's Square.
"Jacques de Molay, thou art avenged!".
. . .
Renfield R. Renfield went to see his friend Amadeus Emanon in the hospital on this Halloween night.
For Amadeus was still in hospital recovering from shrapnel wounds he received when Renfield led a commando rescue mission on a Cornwall farmhouse to, as the British media put it, "Free his friend from the ISIS terrorists who were holding him hostage here in this sceptered isle."
Renfield figured his friend would probably be feeling depressed because normally Amadeus liked going out trick or treating on Halloween night.
Renfield brought along a bag of chocolate bar and candy treats that Watson Holmes the Executive Vice-President of Set Enterprises had sent along as a gift for Amadeus.
He also brought along a pumpkin pie that had been baked for Amadeus by Miss Miranda Singh the secretary and office manager for Watson Holmes.
As his own gift Renfield brought along a couple of videos- the 1982 film Halloween III: Season of the Witch and the 1993 film The Nightmare Before Christmas for them to watch together as they ate the Halloween treats and the pumpkin pie.
Renfield also brought along a poster that said Halloween At The Hindenburg (The Hindenburg was a nightclub on Canada's West Coast) and hung it on the wall in Amadeus' room.
"Ever since a friend of mine sent me this poster a few weeks ago, I thought it would be cool to dress a dirigible up as the Hindenburg on Halloween and re-enact that May 1937 airship disaster," Renfield beamed as he looked at the poster.
He then put on the video Halloween III: Season of the Witch for them to watch.
Outside Amadeus' hospital window, a witch flew by on a broomstick.
. . .
Inside the secret laboratory of the Vampiress Isis below Notre Dame Cathedral, Dr. Cadbury Rocher was putting the finishing touches on all the equipment.
Rocher had discovered that the problem Isis and the late Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius had in trying to re-assemble the sub-atomic particles of Osiris was that they were not working with an original ET gray's laser death ray gun.
They were working with a 3-D printer copy of an original.
And Dr. Rocher knew this because he recognized the gun as one he had made with a 3-D printer he had invented.
As brilliant as Dr. Cadbury Rocher was, even he hadn't reached the level of intellectual sophistication of the ET grays he had to admit.
But Rocher knew how to get the original.
He knew where Renfield R. Renfield kept it on the Set Enterprises premises.
Isis passed this information along to her London private eye gumshoe spy Randall Hopkins who broke into Set Enterprises and stole the original ET gray's laser death ray gun.
Now with the original in his possession, Rocher fired the laser death ray at the spot in the lab which held the sub-atomic particles of Osiris and then through the use of electromagnets, he reversed the flow of the ray.
Sure enough the sub-atomic particles of Osiris re-assembled themselves and came together again.
Isis shrieked with ecstasy.
Then she looked on in horror.
The sub-atomic particles of the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl also started to re-assemble themselves (Quetzalcoatl was the spiritual godfather of her female vampiric arch-enemy and rival the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec).
Isis had forgotten that Quetzalcoatl's returning spaceship had also been destroyed by the Russian submarine's laser death ray.
And of course Quetzalcoatl's sub-atomic particles would also have been collected along with Osiris' when Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius was using his small scale working model of the CERN Large Hadron Collider to collect sub-atomic particles along the beach at Vancouver's English Beach after the laser attack on the returning spaceships.
Osiris looked down at his re-assembled body and then screamed.
Dr. Cadbury Rocher looked down at the mathematical equation of the re-assembly process he had scribbled on a notepad and suddenly, noticing a slight miscalculation, said in a very very low voice, "Oops."
"Of all the cosmic bad luck," the ancient Egyptian vampire cried out in anguish, "it's once again my phallus that's missing whenever I'm put back together again."
Isis screamed as well.
Her valet Cedarman who was on his cell phone immediately cancelled the order of Viagra he had placed on his mistress' orders to celebrate this happy occasion.
Quetzalcoatl roared and breathed fire.
He then flapped his wings and flew out the air vent of the secret underground laboratory.
He made the air vent a lot larger by doing so due to his enormous size.
As he flew out over the City of Paris, he passed by a dirigible made up to look like the 1930s German airship The Hindenburg.
The Halloween Hindenburg burst into flames near the top of the Eiffel Tower.
To be continued.
-A Halloween vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
during the time period
Thursday October 30th
to
Friday October 31st
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Vampiress Isis Meets Dr. Cadbury Rocher In Paris
Vampiress Isis Meets Dr. Cadbury Rocher In Paris
The Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis felt like a school girl for some reason as she sat in a white dress in a Parisienne cafe on this Friday evening in mid-October.
And it had been well over 3000 years since she had last been a school girl.
She was about to meet Dr. Cadbury Rocher who was probably the greatest scientific mind of the early 21st Century.
Although few people had heard of him or known about his ability.
For Dr. Cadbury Rocher worked as a research scientist for her brother, brother-in-law, rival and arch-enemy the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian Vampire Set.
No one knew how much money Set paid him for Set kept it a secret.
That way no government or private individual or corporation knew how much money to offer him to snatch his services away from Set.
Plus Dr. Cadbury Rocher was also bound to Set in some sort of strange Egyptian Black Magic blood oath ceremony involving the burning of 9 tana leaves, the drinking of 100 tea leaves and the smoking of 666 marijuana leaves.
Still that wasn't as bad as a bunch of wealthy country club Republicans running around in the nude and burning an effigy of an infant to a giant 40 foot owl in a bizarre form of Moloch and Ishtar worship like what happens at the Bohemian Grove every summer near San Francisco.
Whenever Isis went through one of her dieting crazes, she always watched the unedited version of the Alex Jones filming of the Bohemian Grove ceremony which immediately killed her appetite.
She also could never bring herself to shake Henry Kissinger's hand ever again whenever she met him after seeing the unedited version of that video.
A Parisienne lady of the evening had also given up one of her most frequent fellatio receiving clients after viewing the unedited video in Isis' Paris penthouse apartment.
However despite Dr. Cadbury Rocher's blood oath to Set, something had happened this past week that changed the nature of the relationship between Dr. Rocher and Set.
Isis found out about it in a phone call when a constantly yawning Randall Hopkins had phoned her in a very irritating phone call last Friday evening.
( For the reason why Randall Hopkins Private Eye was yawning please read
http://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/10/20/randall-hopkins-private-eye/ )
So Randall Hopkins had found out that Set Enterprises (the scientific research and development firm owned by Set) needed to cut $2 billion in expenditures from its operating budget according to an audit conducted by professional chartered accountant Ian Mandell Boring who went by his initials I. M. Boring.
Then two days ago on Wednesday morning Isis received a phone call from her London hired private eye gumshoe spy Randall Hopkins saying that he had just received a phone call from his Deep Throat source within Set Enterprises Miss Miranda Singh who was the secretary to Set Enterprises' Executive Vice-President Watson Holmes.
Apparently Watson Holmes and the billionaire Egyptian vampire Set would be having a dinner meeting with
Dr. Cadbury Rocher that night in the main dining room of London's St. James' Court Hotel hoping that a good meal of steak and lobster would help ease the pain as they gently broke the news to Dr. Rocher that the $2 billion in cuts would be coming out of the good doctor's laboratory research budget.
Miranda told the private eye that Dr. Rocher had consulted Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster (a lobster with amazing psychic abilities that Dr. Rocher had genetically created in the lab) at the morning coffee break on the Set Enterprises' premises and asked him what would happen at the St. James' Court Hotel steak and lobster dinner meeting with Set and Watson Holmes.
Michelangelo used his lobster antennae hooked up with wires to Dr. Rocher's computer to communicate telepathically to the computer screen the cryptic remark that he had a bad feeling about the whole thing.
Randall Hopkins Private Eye maxed out his credit card by booking a last-minute reservation to the St. James' Court Hotel main dining room and more specifically to a table right next to where Set, Watson Holmes and Dr. Cadbury Rocher would be sitting.
Fearing that Set and Watson Holmes might recognize him as the man who had sat next to their table at the Savoy Hotel main dining room last Friday night, Randall Hopkins wore a Halloween style pair of dark glasses and Groucho Marx mustache so as not to draw attention by making a spectacle of himself.
At the table on the other side of Randall Hopkins sat former U. S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger who was on his cell phone talking to elderly Hollywood actress and former sex symbol Mamie Van Doren.
Dr. Kissinger cooed and purred in his thick German accent over the phone, "Oooh, baby... I really loved you in that movie High School Confidential" as his glasses fogged up over the phone.
Mamie Van Doren.
That name sounded familiar to Randall Hopkins for some reason.
He had seen an old movie trailer for a Mamie Van Doren film on YouTube.
The announcer's voice for the movie trailer said, "Mamie Van Doren in 3-D. She'll knock both your eyes out" as the camera focused in on two huge protruding points near the top of Mamie Van Doren's tight fitting sweater.
Meanwhile at the table on the other side of Randall Hopkins, Set and Watson Holmes had just informed Dr. Cadbury Rocher the unhappy news that $2 billion would be axed from his laboratory research budget.
"$2 billion?!" The lobster tail that Dr. Rocher spit out of his mouth upon hearing this news landed in Dr. Kissinger's Baked Alaska as the former U.S. Secretary of State received an incoming phone call from Vladimir Putin threatening a nuclear missile attack on America.
"It could have been worse," Watson Holmes sent back his over cooked steak tartare, "it could have been £2 billion that I. M. Boring suggested needed to be cut. Lucky for you that Mr. Boring got his accounting degree at an American rather than a British business school."
"Still $2 billion," Dr. Rocher wept into his lime sorbet, "this will mean the death of the Pegasus project."
"I'm afraid so," said Set who was so hungry that he was eating a horse although the menu listed it as la viande de cheval.
"But after all the things I've created and developed for you over the years that made you billions and billions," Dr. Rocher did his best impersonation of astronomer Carl Sagan, "and this is the thanks I get."
"Well it's like the whip-wielding dominatrix said," Set replied while remembering an experience he had in a nightclub of the Berlin of the 1920s, "it's the bottom line that counts."
"But it's been my lifelong dream," Dr. Cadbury Rocher licked the whipped cream off the gingerbread cookie gingerbread woman figure of Penelope Cruz, "to genetically create a winged horse like Pegasus of classical myth."
"Well," Set sighed as he ate the horse's tail, "sometimes our dreams don't always come true."
He recalled his dream of banging his sister Isis on a hot steamy and sultry Egyptian night millenia ago- a dream that never came true.
(Psychiatrists and reality TV shows would have had a field day if they had been around in the days of ancient Egyptian royalty!)
"That does it," Dr. Cadbury Rocher stood up to leave, "I quit. I resign my position at Set Enterprises. Blood oath or no blood oath. You can take your blood oath and shove it up your ass."
Considering the immense constipation problem Set would have that night as a result of eating a whole horse, that might have made for an excellent enema.
. . .
And now the Vampiress Isis was hoping to convince Dr. Cadbury Rocher to come work for her.
And put her brother, husband and lover Osiris' sub-atomic particles back together again.
At that moment a cock crew on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
during the time period
Friday October 24th
to
Wednesday October 29th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
The Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis felt like a school girl for some reason as she sat in a white dress in a Parisienne cafe on this Friday evening in mid-October.
And it had been well over 3000 years since she had last been a school girl.
She was about to meet Dr. Cadbury Rocher who was probably the greatest scientific mind of the early 21st Century.
Although few people had heard of him or known about his ability.
For Dr. Cadbury Rocher worked as a research scientist for her brother, brother-in-law, rival and arch-enemy the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian Vampire Set.
No one knew how much money Set paid him for Set kept it a secret.
That way no government or private individual or corporation knew how much money to offer him to snatch his services away from Set.
Plus Dr. Cadbury Rocher was also bound to Set in some sort of strange Egyptian Black Magic blood oath ceremony involving the burning of 9 tana leaves, the drinking of 100 tea leaves and the smoking of 666 marijuana leaves.
Still that wasn't as bad as a bunch of wealthy country club Republicans running around in the nude and burning an effigy of an infant to a giant 40 foot owl in a bizarre form of Moloch and Ishtar worship like what happens at the Bohemian Grove every summer near San Francisco.
Whenever Isis went through one of her dieting crazes, she always watched the unedited version of the Alex Jones filming of the Bohemian Grove ceremony which immediately killed her appetite.
She also could never bring herself to shake Henry Kissinger's hand ever again whenever she met him after seeing the unedited version of that video.
A Parisienne lady of the evening had also given up one of her most frequent fellatio receiving clients after viewing the unedited video in Isis' Paris penthouse apartment.
However despite Dr. Cadbury Rocher's blood oath to Set, something had happened this past week that changed the nature of the relationship between Dr. Rocher and Set.
Isis found out about it in a phone call when a constantly yawning Randall Hopkins had phoned her in a very irritating phone call last Friday evening.
( For the reason why Randall Hopkins Private Eye was yawning please read
http://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/10/20/randall-hopkins-private-eye/ )
So Randall Hopkins had found out that Set Enterprises (the scientific research and development firm owned by Set) needed to cut $2 billion in expenditures from its operating budget according to an audit conducted by professional chartered accountant Ian Mandell Boring who went by his initials I. M. Boring.
Then two days ago on Wednesday morning Isis received a phone call from her London hired private eye gumshoe spy Randall Hopkins saying that he had just received a phone call from his Deep Throat source within Set Enterprises Miss Miranda Singh who was the secretary to Set Enterprises' Executive Vice-President Watson Holmes.
Apparently Watson Holmes and the billionaire Egyptian vampire Set would be having a dinner meeting with
Dr. Cadbury Rocher that night in the main dining room of London's St. James' Court Hotel hoping that a good meal of steak and lobster would help ease the pain as they gently broke the news to Dr. Rocher that the $2 billion in cuts would be coming out of the good doctor's laboratory research budget.
Miranda told the private eye that Dr. Rocher had consulted Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster (a lobster with amazing psychic abilities that Dr. Rocher had genetically created in the lab) at the morning coffee break on the Set Enterprises' premises and asked him what would happen at the St. James' Court Hotel steak and lobster dinner meeting with Set and Watson Holmes.
Michelangelo used his lobster antennae hooked up with wires to Dr. Rocher's computer to communicate telepathically to the computer screen the cryptic remark that he had a bad feeling about the whole thing.
Randall Hopkins Private Eye maxed out his credit card by booking a last-minute reservation to the St. James' Court Hotel main dining room and more specifically to a table right next to where Set, Watson Holmes and Dr. Cadbury Rocher would be sitting.
Fearing that Set and Watson Holmes might recognize him as the man who had sat next to their table at the Savoy Hotel main dining room last Friday night, Randall Hopkins wore a Halloween style pair of dark glasses and Groucho Marx mustache so as not to draw attention by making a spectacle of himself.
At the table on the other side of Randall Hopkins sat former U. S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger who was on his cell phone talking to elderly Hollywood actress and former sex symbol Mamie Van Doren.
Dr. Kissinger cooed and purred in his thick German accent over the phone, "Oooh, baby... I really loved you in that movie High School Confidential" as his glasses fogged up over the phone.
Mamie Van Doren.
That name sounded familiar to Randall Hopkins for some reason.
He had seen an old movie trailer for a Mamie Van Doren film on YouTube.
The announcer's voice for the movie trailer said, "Mamie Van Doren in 3-D. She'll knock both your eyes out" as the camera focused in on two huge protruding points near the top of Mamie Van Doren's tight fitting sweater.
Meanwhile at the table on the other side of Randall Hopkins, Set and Watson Holmes had just informed Dr. Cadbury Rocher the unhappy news that $2 billion would be axed from his laboratory research budget.
"$2 billion?!" The lobster tail that Dr. Rocher spit out of his mouth upon hearing this news landed in Dr. Kissinger's Baked Alaska as the former U.S. Secretary of State received an incoming phone call from Vladimir Putin threatening a nuclear missile attack on America.
"It could have been worse," Watson Holmes sent back his over cooked steak tartare, "it could have been £2 billion that I. M. Boring suggested needed to be cut. Lucky for you that Mr. Boring got his accounting degree at an American rather than a British business school."
"Still $2 billion," Dr. Rocher wept into his lime sorbet, "this will mean the death of the Pegasus project."
"I'm afraid so," said Set who was so hungry that he was eating a horse although the menu listed it as la viande de cheval.
"But after all the things I've created and developed for you over the years that made you billions and billions," Dr. Rocher did his best impersonation of astronomer Carl Sagan, "and this is the thanks I get."
"Well it's like the whip-wielding dominatrix said," Set replied while remembering an experience he had in a nightclub of the Berlin of the 1920s, "it's the bottom line that counts."
"But it's been my lifelong dream," Dr. Cadbury Rocher licked the whipped cream off the gingerbread cookie gingerbread woman figure of Penelope Cruz, "to genetically create a winged horse like Pegasus of classical myth."
"Well," Set sighed as he ate the horse's tail, "sometimes our dreams don't always come true."
He recalled his dream of banging his sister Isis on a hot steamy and sultry Egyptian night millenia ago- a dream that never came true.
(Psychiatrists and reality TV shows would have had a field day if they had been around in the days of ancient Egyptian royalty!)
"That does it," Dr. Cadbury Rocher stood up to leave, "I quit. I resign my position at Set Enterprises. Blood oath or no blood oath. You can take your blood oath and shove it up your ass."
Considering the immense constipation problem Set would have that night as a result of eating a whole horse, that might have made for an excellent enema.
. . .
And now the Vampiress Isis was hoping to convince Dr. Cadbury Rocher to come work for her.
And put her brother, husband and lover Osiris' sub-atomic particles back together again.
At that moment a cock crew on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
during the time period
Friday October 24th
to
Wednesday October 29th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Monday, October 20, 2014
Randall Hopkins Private Eye
Randall Hopkins Private Eye
Randall Hopkins was a Private Eye.
He had been hired by the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis to spy on the activities of Set Enterprises- the scientific research and development firm owned by the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set who was Isis' main rival and arch-enemy.
But after trying to spy on Set Enterprises for the past 2 years, he had nothing to show for it.
Now Isis was threatening to cut him off- financially (in terms of his fees) as well as a certain part of his anatomy.
Randall Hopkins broke out in a sweat when he received this threat from Isis over the phone.
He had no desire to sing soprano in the Saint Paul's Cathedral Choir.
Then miraculously last weekend he happened to run into Miranda Singh who was a secretary to the Executive Vice-President of Set Enterprises Mr. Watson Holmes.
He ran into Miranda Singh in a cocktail bar in central London.
He remembered she had been wearing a very attractive purple dress.
They had struck up a conversation and then the next thing Randall Hopkins could remember after taking a sip of his Newcastle Brown Ale was waking up naked in her apartment.
There lying on top of her bed in a pink silk nightgown was the lovely Miranda Singh.
"So," she batted her eyelashes at him, "was it as good for you as it was for me?".
Randall Hopkins could not remember a single thing that happened so all he said was "Um, yes."
Miranda said she'd call him if anything came up in relation to Set Enterprises.
Yesterday morning he got a phone call from Miranda saying the owner and CEO of the company Set as well as Watson Holmes would be meeting with a chartered accountant in the main dining room of London's Savoy Hotel at 6 PM tonight.
So he Randall Hopkins had rented a tuxedo suit and bow tie and after spending the night before reading Mrs. Beeton's Guide To Etiquette and Good Manners was now sitting at a table trying to remember what fork he should use to eat his starter salad.
He sat next to the table reserved for Set, Watson Holmes and the chartered accountant.
The three came in.
Set was a very sinister looking figure- what one would expect from a 3000-year old vampire.
Watson Holmes looked like the sort of person that might have been produced if actors Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce had been gay and had a relationship and had been capable of producing a child together.
The chartered accountant looked like a typical chartered accountant- pinstriped trousers, dark suit, white shirt and dark framed glasses.
The accountant whose name was Ian Mandell Boring but went by his initials professionally I.M. Boring dove into his briefcase and brought out a document and read in a monotone voice all the financial earnings of Set Enterprises this past year.
When he had finished, he nudged both Set and Watson Holmes to wake them up.
Meanwhile Randall Hopkins was now on his 21st cup of coffee to keep him awake after listening to I.M. Boring's riveting reading of the Set Enterprises financial statements.
"So," Set asked after he had ordered a quadruple cappuccino from the waiter, "what does this mean?".
"It means," I.M. Boring replied in monotone, "that you're going to have to cut $2 billion somewhere in Set Enterprises' expenditures."
"I see," Set downed the quadruple cappuccino in one gulp.
Hm. Set Enterprises needed to cut $2 billion somewhere, Randall Hopkins thought to himself.
He better find a phone booth to telephone the Egyptian Vampiress Isis the news.
For his own smart phone battery had died of boredom after listening to the chartered accountant's spiel.
-To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 17th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Randall Hopkins was a Private Eye.
He had been hired by the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis to spy on the activities of Set Enterprises- the scientific research and development firm owned by the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set who was Isis' main rival and arch-enemy.
But after trying to spy on Set Enterprises for the past 2 years, he had nothing to show for it.
Now Isis was threatening to cut him off- financially (in terms of his fees) as well as a certain part of his anatomy.
Randall Hopkins broke out in a sweat when he received this threat from Isis over the phone.
He had no desire to sing soprano in the Saint Paul's Cathedral Choir.
Then miraculously last weekend he happened to run into Miranda Singh who was a secretary to the Executive Vice-President of Set Enterprises Mr. Watson Holmes.
He ran into Miranda Singh in a cocktail bar in central London.
He remembered she had been wearing a very attractive purple dress.
They had struck up a conversation and then the next thing Randall Hopkins could remember after taking a sip of his Newcastle Brown Ale was waking up naked in her apartment.
There lying on top of her bed in a pink silk nightgown was the lovely Miranda Singh.
"So," she batted her eyelashes at him, "was it as good for you as it was for me?".
Randall Hopkins could not remember a single thing that happened so all he said was "Um, yes."
Miranda said she'd call him if anything came up in relation to Set Enterprises.
Yesterday morning he got a phone call from Miranda saying the owner and CEO of the company Set as well as Watson Holmes would be meeting with a chartered accountant in the main dining room of London's Savoy Hotel at 6 PM tonight.
So he Randall Hopkins had rented a tuxedo suit and bow tie and after spending the night before reading Mrs. Beeton's Guide To Etiquette and Good Manners was now sitting at a table trying to remember what fork he should use to eat his starter salad.
He sat next to the table reserved for Set, Watson Holmes and the chartered accountant.
The three came in.
Set was a very sinister looking figure- what one would expect from a 3000-year old vampire.
Watson Holmes looked like the sort of person that might have been produced if actors Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce had been gay and had a relationship and had been capable of producing a child together.
The chartered accountant looked like a typical chartered accountant- pinstriped trousers, dark suit, white shirt and dark framed glasses.
The accountant whose name was Ian Mandell Boring but went by his initials professionally I.M. Boring dove into his briefcase and brought out a document and read in a monotone voice all the financial earnings of Set Enterprises this past year.
When he had finished, he nudged both Set and Watson Holmes to wake them up.
Meanwhile Randall Hopkins was now on his 21st cup of coffee to keep him awake after listening to I.M. Boring's riveting reading of the Set Enterprises financial statements.
"So," Set asked after he had ordered a quadruple cappuccino from the waiter, "what does this mean?".
"It means," I.M. Boring replied in monotone, "that you're going to have to cut $2 billion somewhere in Set Enterprises' expenditures."
"I see," Set downed the quadruple cappuccino in one gulp.
Hm. Set Enterprises needed to cut $2 billion somewhere, Randall Hopkins thought to himself.
He better find a phone booth to telephone the Egyptian Vampiress Isis the news.
For his own smart phone battery had died of boredom after listening to the chartered accountant's spiel.
-To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 17th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Thursday, October 16, 2014
Cameron's New Diplomatic Appointment
Cameron's New Diplomatic Appointment
On the advice of Welsh werewolf backbench British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley given during a post-mortem debriefing on the Scottish independence referendum campaign, British Prime Minister David Cameron named William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas the Scottish National Party MSP (Member of the Scottish Parliament) for the Eildon Hills to a British diplomatic post in Her Majesty's Foreign Service.
Magog said it would be good political strategy for two reasons:
First, it would show Scottish nationalists and their electoral supporters that the British government at Westminster in London held no ill will towards them.
Second, and this was most important, Magog pointed out, that it would get a charismatic figure like William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas out of the country.
The Eildon Hills MSP was probably about the 7th or 8th most influential figure in the Scottish National Party and given the party's loss in the independence referendum campaign, there was a possibility that he could move up in influence as some of the more senior figures in the Scottish National Party retired like Scottish First Minister and Scottish National Party leader Alex Salmond had done.
And given William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas' innate charisma, there might be no stopping the Scottish independence movement in the future, Magog had warned Cameron.
Magog understood that the post of deputy consul at the British Consulate in West Jerusalem was now available and William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas had always said he found it tragic that the embalmed heart of Robert the Bruce had never found its way to Jerusalem like Scotland's King Robert the Bruce had requested to his friend and lieutenant Sir James Douglas before the king died on June 7th 1329.
"Therefore," Magog said to Cameron, "William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas would now go to the city where the heart of Robert the Bruce should have been."
British Prime Minister David Cameron used that quote of Magog Rhys Petley when he made the announcement the morning of Wednesday October 15th 2014 that he was appointing the Scottish National Party MSP for the Eildon Hills William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas the new deputy consul at the British Consulate in West Jerusalem.
. . .
The mysterious figure within Mossad known as the Controller of the Golem was reflecting on a dream that an elderly rabbi at the synagogue he had attended had insisted on telling him at the previous Sabbath service.
The elderly rabbinical cleric had been a student of Kabbalah all his life and was prone to many mysterious dreams and visions.
In this dream, the rabbi said he saw the Archangel Raphael standing in a river of fishes while a river of blood flowed by on the other side.
A giant salmon leapt out of the water alongside Raphael.
The salmon went down and then a giant sturgeon leapt out of the water alongside Raphael.
A medieval knight rose out of the river of fishes and opened his suit of armour and cast his heart into the river of blood.
Spoke Raphael in the dream, "The so-called spring in the desert is but a river of blood and Israel will soon be surrounded by enemies seeking its destruction and annihilation. And when the salmon is replaced by the sturgeon, then shall a brave Scottish heart come to the Holy City and soon Israel's enemies will themselves be destroyed."
Bizarre dream, the Controller of the Golem thought.
The Controller of the Golem then checked a brief summary of the international news of the day.
Nicola Sturgeon had replaced Alex Salmond as leader of the Scottish National Party and was slated to become Scotland's next First Minister.
For some reason, that item leapt out at him as he scanned the page.
He put the international news summary aside and picked up a document listing the new diplomatic appointments by other countries to the State of Israel.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 15th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
On the advice of Welsh werewolf backbench British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley given during a post-mortem debriefing on the Scottish independence referendum campaign, British Prime Minister David Cameron named William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas the Scottish National Party MSP (Member of the Scottish Parliament) for the Eildon Hills to a British diplomatic post in Her Majesty's Foreign Service.
Magog said it would be good political strategy for two reasons:
First, it would show Scottish nationalists and their electoral supporters that the British government at Westminster in London held no ill will towards them.
Second, and this was most important, Magog pointed out, that it would get a charismatic figure like William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas out of the country.
The Eildon Hills MSP was probably about the 7th or 8th most influential figure in the Scottish National Party and given the party's loss in the independence referendum campaign, there was a possibility that he could move up in influence as some of the more senior figures in the Scottish National Party retired like Scottish First Minister and Scottish National Party leader Alex Salmond had done.
And given William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas' innate charisma, there might be no stopping the Scottish independence movement in the future, Magog had warned Cameron.
Magog understood that the post of deputy consul at the British Consulate in West Jerusalem was now available and William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas had always said he found it tragic that the embalmed heart of Robert the Bruce had never found its way to Jerusalem like Scotland's King Robert the Bruce had requested to his friend and lieutenant Sir James Douglas before the king died on June 7th 1329.
"Therefore," Magog said to Cameron, "William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas would now go to the city where the heart of Robert the Bruce should have been."
British Prime Minister David Cameron used that quote of Magog Rhys Petley when he made the announcement the morning of Wednesday October 15th 2014 that he was appointing the Scottish National Party MSP for the Eildon Hills William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas the new deputy consul at the British Consulate in West Jerusalem.
. . .
The mysterious figure within Mossad known as the Controller of the Golem was reflecting on a dream that an elderly rabbi at the synagogue he had attended had insisted on telling him at the previous Sabbath service.
The elderly rabbinical cleric had been a student of Kabbalah all his life and was prone to many mysterious dreams and visions.
In this dream, the rabbi said he saw the Archangel Raphael standing in a river of fishes while a river of blood flowed by on the other side.
A giant salmon leapt out of the water alongside Raphael.
The salmon went down and then a giant sturgeon leapt out of the water alongside Raphael.
A medieval knight rose out of the river of fishes and opened his suit of armour and cast his heart into the river of blood.
Spoke Raphael in the dream, "The so-called spring in the desert is but a river of blood and Israel will soon be surrounded by enemies seeking its destruction and annihilation. And when the salmon is replaced by the sturgeon, then shall a brave Scottish heart come to the Holy City and soon Israel's enemies will themselves be destroyed."
Bizarre dream, the Controller of the Golem thought.
The Controller of the Golem then checked a brief summary of the international news of the day.
Nicola Sturgeon had replaced Alex Salmond as leader of the Scottish National Party and was slated to become Scotland's next First Minister.
For some reason, that item leapt out at him as he scanned the page.
He put the international news summary aside and picked up a document listing the new diplomatic appointments by other countries to the State of Israel.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 15th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
The Editor of Pravda Gets A Gift From Australia
The Editor of Pravda Gets A Gift From Australia
The editor of Pravda was awaiting a call from his Rome bureau for more news on the mysterious death of the Russian deputy Ambassador to Italy whose bloodless stone cold dead body was found in the apartments of a Vatican cardinal.
(For more details please read yesterday's vampire novel chapter:
http://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/10/13/isis-in-rome/ )
His secretary brought in a package that had just been delivered by courier.
The package read,
TO THE EDITOR OF PRAVDA,
A GIFT FROM HER MAJESTY'S GOVERNMENT OF AUSTRALIA
Well that was nice of them, the editor of Pravda thought.
Especially given the recent cool relations between Australia and Russia.
In the wake of the shooting down of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17 over eastern Ukraine in which all 298 passengers including 38 Australians were killed.
Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott said they were "murdered with Russian support".
Mr. Abbott was set to confront Russian President Vladimir Putin next month at the G-20 Summit in Brisbane.
Mr. Abbott told reporters yesterday, "Look, I'm going to shirtfront Mr. Putin. You bet I am."
Shirtfronting is an Australian football term which means aggressively charging and knocking down one's opponent.
Said Tony Abbott, "I'm going to say to Mr. Putin that Australians were murdered. They were murdered by Russian-backed rebels using Russian-supplied equipment."
So Pravda had said in an English language opinion piece editorial yesterday that Mr. Abbott was "insolent" and Australia had a "colonial chip on its shoulder".
And now the Australian government had sent him the editor of Pravda a gift.
That was very nice of them indeed.
Letting bygones be bygones.
The editor of Pravda opened the box
and inside was a little koala bear teddy bear wearing an Australian football team shirt.
The little koala teddy bear had a string attached to him.
So the editor of Pravda pulled the string and the little koala said in Russian, "Give me a hug. Give me a hug."
So the editor of Pravda gave the little koala teddy bear a hug and the bear exploded emitting the fragrance of koala dung all over him.
Of course it was not only the fragrance of koala dung that was emitted all over him.
"What the Hell is this all over my shirt?" The editor of Pravda screamed.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 14th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
The editor of Pravda was awaiting a call from his Rome bureau for more news on the mysterious death of the Russian deputy Ambassador to Italy whose bloodless stone cold dead body was found in the apartments of a Vatican cardinal.
(For more details please read yesterday's vampire novel chapter:
http://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/10/13/isis-in-rome/ )
His secretary brought in a package that had just been delivered by courier.
The package read,
TO THE EDITOR OF PRAVDA,
A GIFT FROM HER MAJESTY'S GOVERNMENT OF AUSTRALIA
Well that was nice of them, the editor of Pravda thought.
Especially given the recent cool relations between Australia and Russia.
In the wake of the shooting down of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17 over eastern Ukraine in which all 298 passengers including 38 Australians were killed.
Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott said they were "murdered with Russian support".
Mr. Abbott was set to confront Russian President Vladimir Putin next month at the G-20 Summit in Brisbane.
Mr. Abbott told reporters yesterday, "Look, I'm going to shirtfront Mr. Putin. You bet I am."
Shirtfronting is an Australian football term which means aggressively charging and knocking down one's opponent.
Said Tony Abbott, "I'm going to say to Mr. Putin that Australians were murdered. They were murdered by Russian-backed rebels using Russian-supplied equipment."
So Pravda had said in an English language opinion piece editorial yesterday that Mr. Abbott was "insolent" and Australia had a "colonial chip on its shoulder".
And now the Australian government had sent him the editor of Pravda a gift.
That was very nice of them indeed.
Letting bygones be bygones.
The editor of Pravda opened the box
and inside was a little koala bear teddy bear wearing an Australian football team shirt.
The little koala teddy bear had a string attached to him.
So the editor of Pravda pulled the string and the little koala said in Russian, "Give me a hug. Give me a hug."
So the editor of Pravda gave the little koala teddy bear a hug and the bear exploded emitting the fragrance of koala dung all over him.
Of course it was not only the fragrance of koala dung that was emitted all over him.
"What the Hell is this all over my shirt?" The editor of Pravda screamed.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 14th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Monday, October 13, 2014
Isis In Rome
Isis In Rome
The ancient Egyptian Vampiress Isis sat on top of the obelisk in Saint Peter's Square in Rome wearing a red blouse, short black leather skirt, black silk pantyhose and super spiked black stiletto high-heeled shoes.
She checked her prototype Apple iWatch (given her as a gift from the CEO of Apple ahead of next year's release date for the general public) and read on her News ticker that the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec's plane had arrived safely in Mexico City on its way back from London, England.
Damn.
She'd have to hire a better bomb maker next time.
In the distance, she noted a giant vampire bat entering one of the apartment windows of the Vatican.
"The fun and games look like they're about to start now," the Egyptian Vampiress thought to herself.
Isis stood atop the point of the obelisk and balanced herself on her right super spiked stiletto high-heeled shoe and then turned into a giant vampire bat herself and flew in the direction of the same Vatican apartment.
. . .
Cardinal JM was in the dining room of his apartment entertaining the deputy Russian Ambassador to Italy.
His openly gay secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe was in his own bedroom in an adjacent apartment entertaining an episcopal member of the Synod of Bishops on The Family and getting him to change his mind on the nature of homosexual relationships.
Father Wardenclyffe was doing an excellent impersonation of Captain James T. Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise as he was boldly going where no man had gone before.
Cardinal JM was entertaining the deputy Russian Ambassador to Italy with a lavish dinner because the Cardinal had been asked by Pope Francis to engage in diplomatic talks between officials of Russia and Ukraine to see if a permanent peace deal could not be reached in the current civil war in eastern Ukraine.
Cardinal JM was going to his study to reach for an old book he had on The History of the Crimean War 1853-1856 in order to quote to the deputy Russian Ambassador from it.
In order to reach his study, he'd have to pass through the bedroom of his apartment first.
As he walked through his bedroom, he noticed standing there was the ancient Babylonian Vampiress Ishtar wearing a red silk lace lingerie nightgown.
Ishtar grabbed him with her long red painted fingernails and threw him on top of his bed, ripped off his Cardinal's robes and made love to him.
Meanwhile back in the dining room of the Cardinal's apartment, the deputy Russian Ambassador to Italy was helping himself to some more scalloped potatoes and seafood lasagna when suddenly a rustling came through the curtains of the dining room.
Standing there was the Egyptian Vampiress Isis in her red blouse, black leather mini skirt, black silk pantyhose and black super spiked stiletto high- heeled shoes.
The deputy Russian Ambassador to Italy hadn't felt such a ping since he had once taken two Viagara tablets by mistake instead of two Aspirins just before bedtime.
The Vampiress Isis used her black silk nylon clad left leg to clear the food, dishes and cutlery off the dining room table.
She then grabbed the deputy Russian Ambassador by his neck with her own long nocturnal black painted fingernails and threw him on top of the dining room table and then bit his neck and drained his body of blood.
As he struggled, the deputy Russian Ambassador pushed a secret button on the side of Cardinal JM's dining room table.
The button was Cardinal JM's way of dealing with annoying dinner guests.
As the Cardinal put on a pair of totally dark goggles, he'd push the button and a surprise on a string came down from a secret hole in the ceiling and dangled in front of the annoying guest or guests.
For the Cardinal who was a collector of Classical Greek antiquities had the real Medusa the Gorgon's Head in his collection.
It was the Head dangling on the string that was the surprise for the Cardinal's annoying dinner guests.
After the deputy Russian Ambassador to Italy had pushed the secret button and the Cardinal's Surprise came down from the ceiling, the Vampiress Isis proved the falsity of that saying, "You can't squeeze blood from a stone."
- To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 13th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
The ancient Egyptian Vampiress Isis sat on top of the obelisk in Saint Peter's Square in Rome wearing a red blouse, short black leather skirt, black silk pantyhose and super spiked black stiletto high-heeled shoes.
She checked her prototype Apple iWatch (given her as a gift from the CEO of Apple ahead of next year's release date for the general public) and read on her News ticker that the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec's plane had arrived safely in Mexico City on its way back from London, England.
Damn.
She'd have to hire a better bomb maker next time.
In the distance, she noted a giant vampire bat entering one of the apartment windows of the Vatican.
"The fun and games look like they're about to start now," the Egyptian Vampiress thought to herself.
Isis stood atop the point of the obelisk and balanced herself on her right super spiked stiletto high-heeled shoe and then turned into a giant vampire bat herself and flew in the direction of the same Vatican apartment.
. . .
Cardinal JM was in the dining room of his apartment entertaining the deputy Russian Ambassador to Italy.
His openly gay secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe was in his own bedroom in an adjacent apartment entertaining an episcopal member of the Synod of Bishops on The Family and getting him to change his mind on the nature of homosexual relationships.
Father Wardenclyffe was doing an excellent impersonation of Captain James T. Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise as he was boldly going where no man had gone before.
Cardinal JM was entertaining the deputy Russian Ambassador to Italy with a lavish dinner because the Cardinal had been asked by Pope Francis to engage in diplomatic talks between officials of Russia and Ukraine to see if a permanent peace deal could not be reached in the current civil war in eastern Ukraine.
Cardinal JM was going to his study to reach for an old book he had on The History of the Crimean War 1853-1856 in order to quote to the deputy Russian Ambassador from it.
In order to reach his study, he'd have to pass through the bedroom of his apartment first.
As he walked through his bedroom, he noticed standing there was the ancient Babylonian Vampiress Ishtar wearing a red silk lace lingerie nightgown.
Ishtar grabbed him with her long red painted fingernails and threw him on top of his bed, ripped off his Cardinal's robes and made love to him.
Meanwhile back in the dining room of the Cardinal's apartment, the deputy Russian Ambassador to Italy was helping himself to some more scalloped potatoes and seafood lasagna when suddenly a rustling came through the curtains of the dining room.
Standing there was the Egyptian Vampiress Isis in her red blouse, black leather mini skirt, black silk pantyhose and black super spiked stiletto high- heeled shoes.
The deputy Russian Ambassador to Italy hadn't felt such a ping since he had once taken two Viagara tablets by mistake instead of two Aspirins just before bedtime.
The Vampiress Isis used her black silk nylon clad left leg to clear the food, dishes and cutlery off the dining room table.
She then grabbed the deputy Russian Ambassador by his neck with her own long nocturnal black painted fingernails and threw him on top of the dining room table and then bit his neck and drained his body of blood.
As he struggled, the deputy Russian Ambassador pushed a secret button on the side of Cardinal JM's dining room table.
The button was Cardinal JM's way of dealing with annoying dinner guests.
As the Cardinal put on a pair of totally dark goggles, he'd push the button and a surprise on a string came down from a secret hole in the ceiling and dangled in front of the annoying guest or guests.
For the Cardinal who was a collector of Classical Greek antiquities had the real Medusa the Gorgon's Head in his collection.
It was the Head dangling on the string that was the surprise for the Cardinal's annoying dinner guests.
After the deputy Russian Ambassador to Italy had pushed the secret button and the Cardinal's Surprise came down from the ceiling, the Vampiress Isis proved the falsity of that saying, "You can't squeeze blood from a stone."
- To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 13th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Friday, October 10, 2014
Qonzilqointec In London
Qonzilqointec In London
MI-6 Agent Diablos Nocturna was in his London apartment reading documents about the unstable political situation in Turkey over Kurdish anger at the Turkish government's refusal to use its military to defend the Syria-Turkey border town of Kobane.
A rustling came through the curtains of his apartment.
And standing there was the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec wearing a black evening dress and black spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.
"Well, hello," Diablos Nocturna put his folder of documents down.
"Hello, Diablos," the Aztec vampire princess smiled, "if I may call you by the first name of your MI-6 code name."
For Qonzilqointec had known Diablos Nocturna before he had become an MI-6 agent.
"Of course your Highness," Diablos smiled, "what brings you to London?".
"Well I spent a few days in Paris," Qonzilqointec answered, "where I was meeting with various art dealers trying to buy a painting that Toulouse-Lautrec had once painted of me."
"I didn't know that Toulouse-Lautrec had once painted a picture of you," Diablos Nocturna was suitably impressed.
"Yes," Qonzilqointec smiled as she touched her jade earring, "two actually. One of me wearing a fashionable Parisienne evening gown of the 1890s and the other of me in the nude."
"Toulouse painted one of you in the nude?" Diablos Nocturna had never heard this in the art history course he once took.
"Yes," Qonzilqointec sighed, "unfortunately that particular painting went down on the Titanic."
"No wonder there have been so many salvage trips down to the ocean depths to see what can be recovered from the Titanic," Diablos Nocturna poured two glasses of red wine.
"Thanks," the sexy and seductive Aztec vampire princess brushed back her hair as she accepted both the compliment and the glass of red wine.
"Anyone else try to paint a picture of you in the nude?" Diablos Nocturna was starting to regret not having taken any oil painting classes himself when he was younger.
"Pablo Picasso," Qonzilqointec answered, "but since I had no desire to look like a cube or an ear or an eye with two noses, I turned down his request."
Diablos Nocturna laughed.
In the distance sounded the howl of a wolf-like creature.
"That sounds like a werewolf," said Qonzilqointec who was familiar with such creatures.
"It does indeed," Diablos Nocturna agreed.
He too was familiar with such creatures.
"Never recalled hearing anything about there being a werewolf in the neighbourhoodtonight," Diablos sipped his wine, "there's a trade union meeting in the neighbourhood labour hall at which far-left Marxist British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley is the guest speaker."
"Maybe the meeting is turning out to be a howling success," the Aztec vampire princess suggested.
"Indeed," Diablos Nocturna laughed, "so did you locate the painting that Toulouse-Lautrec painted of you fully clothed?".
"I was fully clothed in an evening gown in the painting," Qonzilqointec answered, "Henri himself was in the nude when he painted it."
"I see," Diablos Nocturna was intrigued, "and did he paint it using a brush or looking at you was he inspired enough to paint it using something else?".
Now it was the Aztec vampire princess' turn to laugh.
"I take it from the look on your face that you managed to locate the painting," Diablos Nocturna poured two more glasses of red wine.
"Yes," the Aztec vampire princess smoothed her dress, "I found it-- this painting of me with its unique 'brush' strokes and mixes of paint and precious stains."
"And what did the art dealer have to say when you bought it?" Diablos Nocturna asked.
"He said it was a good thing for art and history that the German businessman who bought the painting in the early 1930s took seriously ill the first week of May 1937 thus preventing both him and the painting from being aboard the Hindenburg that ill fated week," Qonzilqointec answered.
"A good thing for art and history indeed," Diablos Nocturna raised his glass of wine and drank a toast, "so anything else exciting happen to you in Paris?".
"Well I watched that sleezy harlot Isis push Swiss scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius off the bell tower of Notre Dame Cathedral which caused him to plunge to his death," the Aztec vampire princess seethed through her vampiric fangs.
"Yes, I heard about that murder on the news here," Diablos Nocturna finished his wine, "so it was the Vampiress Isis who committed it eh?".
"Yes," Qonzilqointec replied.
The news reported on BBC a week ago last Wednesday evening noted that not only had Dr. Celsius been killed but he had landed on top of a street corner poetry reciter killing him as well.
The street corner poetry reciter had just finished reciting John Donne's famous lines, "Therefore, send not to know For whom the bell tolls, It tolls for thee" when the bell tower plunging Swiss scientist fell on top of him.
As for the deep-rooted enmity between Qonzilqointec and Isis, that went back to the time when the French Emperor Napoleon III who served as an imperial puppet for the Vampiress Isis' plans for world domination attempted to place a Hapsburg on the throne of Mexico as the Emperor Maximilian I.
This ticked off the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec who believed that the throne of Mexico was reserved for her spiritual godfather Quetzalcoatl.
"So you went to Paris to purchase a painting that Toulouse-Lautrec painted of you," Diablos Nocturna smiled at Qonzilqointec, "what brings you to London?".
"I came to see Dr. Cadbury Rocher," Qonzilqointec answered, "and then I saw Renfield R. Renfield."
"You saw the Vampire Set's chief research scientist and then his shapeshifting hamster/human Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering?" Diablos Nocturna lit a pipe.
"That's right," the Aztec vampire princess nodded.
"So how's Renfield doing?" Diablos Nocturna looked up the term Severe Narcissistic Personality Disorder in the Complete Oxford Dictionary and noticed Renfield's picture was along side it.
"Well talking of oil paintings of people posing in the nude," Qonzilqointec laughed, "Renfield boasted to me that a well-known Malaysian woman artist who I had never heard of had painted two oil paintings of him posing in the nude."
"Really?" Diablos Nocturna started to choke on his pipe, "and whatever became of those paintings?".
"Well one of them disappeared along with the plane that it was on- Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370," the Aztec vampire princess replied, "and the other went down on Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17 when the Amsterdam art dealer who bought it was trying to return it to the Kuala Lumpur art gallery from which he bought it to demand his money back."
"I see," Diablos Nocturna remarked.
"Although," the Aztec vampire princess rubbed her chin, "there are rumours that it was found among the wreckage on the ground and its finding is responsible for giving recurring nightmares to Russian soldiers who are covertly operating in Ukrainian territory."
"That I can believe," Diablos Nocturna emptied his pipe.
"And now," Qonzilqointec approached him, "I have discussed with Dr. Cadbury Rocher and Renfield R. Renfield a project I have in mind. And now I'm going to discuss that project with you."
She leaned forward giving Diablos Nocturna a good view of her ample bosom down her low-cut evening dress.
"Well," Diablos Nocturna said, "as Dr. Frasier Crane used to say on his Seattle radio call- in show on that old 1990s TV comedy series Frasier, 'I'm listening'. "
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
during the time period
of Tuesday October 7th
to
Friday October 10th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
MI-6 Agent Diablos Nocturna was in his London apartment reading documents about the unstable political situation in Turkey over Kurdish anger at the Turkish government's refusal to use its military to defend the Syria-Turkey border town of Kobane.
A rustling came through the curtains of his apartment.
And standing there was the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec wearing a black evening dress and black spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.
"Well, hello," Diablos Nocturna put his folder of documents down.
"Hello, Diablos," the Aztec vampire princess smiled, "if I may call you by the first name of your MI-6 code name."
For Qonzilqointec had known Diablos Nocturna before he had become an MI-6 agent.
"Of course your Highness," Diablos smiled, "what brings you to London?".
"Well I spent a few days in Paris," Qonzilqointec answered, "where I was meeting with various art dealers trying to buy a painting that Toulouse-Lautrec had once painted of me."
"I didn't know that Toulouse-Lautrec had once painted a picture of you," Diablos Nocturna was suitably impressed.
"Yes," Qonzilqointec smiled as she touched her jade earring, "two actually. One of me wearing a fashionable Parisienne evening gown of the 1890s and the other of me in the nude."
"Toulouse painted one of you in the nude?" Diablos Nocturna had never heard this in the art history course he once took.
"Yes," Qonzilqointec sighed, "unfortunately that particular painting went down on the Titanic."
"No wonder there have been so many salvage trips down to the ocean depths to see what can be recovered from the Titanic," Diablos Nocturna poured two glasses of red wine.
"Thanks," the sexy and seductive Aztec vampire princess brushed back her hair as she accepted both the compliment and the glass of red wine.
"Anyone else try to paint a picture of you in the nude?" Diablos Nocturna was starting to regret not having taken any oil painting classes himself when he was younger.
"Pablo Picasso," Qonzilqointec answered, "but since I had no desire to look like a cube or an ear or an eye with two noses, I turned down his request."
Diablos Nocturna laughed.
In the distance sounded the howl of a wolf-like creature.
"That sounds like a werewolf," said Qonzilqointec who was familiar with such creatures.
"It does indeed," Diablos Nocturna agreed.
He too was familiar with such creatures.
"Never recalled hearing anything about there being a werewolf in the neighbourhoodtonight," Diablos sipped his wine, "there's a trade union meeting in the neighbourhood labour hall at which far-left Marxist British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley is the guest speaker."
"Maybe the meeting is turning out to be a howling success," the Aztec vampire princess suggested.
"Indeed," Diablos Nocturna laughed, "so did you locate the painting that Toulouse-Lautrec painted of you fully clothed?".
"I was fully clothed in an evening gown in the painting," Qonzilqointec answered, "Henri himself was in the nude when he painted it."
"I see," Diablos Nocturna was intrigued, "and did he paint it using a brush or looking at you was he inspired enough to paint it using something else?".
Now it was the Aztec vampire princess' turn to laugh.
"I take it from the look on your face that you managed to locate the painting," Diablos Nocturna poured two more glasses of red wine.
"Yes," the Aztec vampire princess smoothed her dress, "I found it-- this painting of me with its unique 'brush' strokes and mixes of paint and precious stains."
"And what did the art dealer have to say when you bought it?" Diablos Nocturna asked.
"He said it was a good thing for art and history that the German businessman who bought the painting in the early 1930s took seriously ill the first week of May 1937 thus preventing both him and the painting from being aboard the Hindenburg that ill fated week," Qonzilqointec answered.
"A good thing for art and history indeed," Diablos Nocturna raised his glass of wine and drank a toast, "so anything else exciting happen to you in Paris?".
"Well I watched that sleezy harlot Isis push Swiss scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius off the bell tower of Notre Dame Cathedral which caused him to plunge to his death," the Aztec vampire princess seethed through her vampiric fangs.
"Yes, I heard about that murder on the news here," Diablos Nocturna finished his wine, "so it was the Vampiress Isis who committed it eh?".
"Yes," Qonzilqointec replied.
The news reported on BBC a week ago last Wednesday evening noted that not only had Dr. Celsius been killed but he had landed on top of a street corner poetry reciter killing him as well.
The street corner poetry reciter had just finished reciting John Donne's famous lines, "Therefore, send not to know For whom the bell tolls, It tolls for thee" when the bell tower plunging Swiss scientist fell on top of him.
As for the deep-rooted enmity between Qonzilqointec and Isis, that went back to the time when the French Emperor Napoleon III who served as an imperial puppet for the Vampiress Isis' plans for world domination attempted to place a Hapsburg on the throne of Mexico as the Emperor Maximilian I.
This ticked off the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec who believed that the throne of Mexico was reserved for her spiritual godfather Quetzalcoatl.
"So you went to Paris to purchase a painting that Toulouse-Lautrec painted of you," Diablos Nocturna smiled at Qonzilqointec, "what brings you to London?".
"I came to see Dr. Cadbury Rocher," Qonzilqointec answered, "and then I saw Renfield R. Renfield."
"You saw the Vampire Set's chief research scientist and then his shapeshifting hamster/human Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering?" Diablos Nocturna lit a pipe.
"That's right," the Aztec vampire princess nodded.
"So how's Renfield doing?" Diablos Nocturna looked up the term Severe Narcissistic Personality Disorder in the Complete Oxford Dictionary and noticed Renfield's picture was along side it.
"Well talking of oil paintings of people posing in the nude," Qonzilqointec laughed, "Renfield boasted to me that a well-known Malaysian woman artist who I had never heard of had painted two oil paintings of him posing in the nude."
"Really?" Diablos Nocturna started to choke on his pipe, "and whatever became of those paintings?".
"Well one of them disappeared along with the plane that it was on- Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370," the Aztec vampire princess replied, "and the other went down on Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17 when the Amsterdam art dealer who bought it was trying to return it to the Kuala Lumpur art gallery from which he bought it to demand his money back."
"I see," Diablos Nocturna remarked.
"Although," the Aztec vampire princess rubbed her chin, "there are rumours that it was found among the wreckage on the ground and its finding is responsible for giving recurring nightmares to Russian soldiers who are covertly operating in Ukrainian territory."
"That I can believe," Diablos Nocturna emptied his pipe.
"And now," Qonzilqointec approached him, "I have discussed with Dr. Cadbury Rocher and Renfield R. Renfield a project I have in mind. And now I'm going to discuss that project with you."
She leaned forward giving Diablos Nocturna a good view of her ample bosom down her low-cut evening dress.
"Well," Diablos Nocturna said, "as Dr. Frasier Crane used to say on his Seattle radio call- in show on that old 1990s TV comedy series Frasier, 'I'm listening'. "
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
during the time period
of Tuesday October 7th
to
Friday October 10th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
Monday, October 6, 2014
Qonzilqointec Arrives On Scene After A Renfield Beheading of ISIS Fighter Video
Qonzilqointec Arrives On Scene After A Renfield Beheading of ISIS Fighter Video
In response to the ISIS beheading of British aid worker Alan Henning, British commandos turned over to Renfield R. Renfield yet another ISIS fighter they had captured and taken prisoner.
In previous videos he had made, Renfield had dressed an ISIS fighter in a clown suit and had electrocuted him using his own particular answer to the Ice Bucket Challenge that was all the craze during the summer of 2014.
Then in another video, he had dressed an ISIS fighter in a pink mini dress and long pink wig making him look like a transvestite drag queen of the decadent western world and then beheaded him to the tune of Culture Club's Boy George singing Karma Chameleon.
In this new video that Renfield was filming, the ISIS fighter was standing completely naked and had his hands tied above his head to a rope hanging from the ceiling. His legs were then spread-eagled and his ankles chained to the floor.
Before the man had been stripped naked and placed in this room, he had been forced to down 10 pitchers of dissolved laxative pill laced ice water.
A group of mini skirted hookers that Renfield had hired from London's East End then came into the room and put copies of The Quran in Arabic all over the floor and under the ISIS fighter.
Renfield then sat behind a mirrored window in the next room and had a beer and sampled some popcorn and wondered how long the ISIS fighter would be able to hold it before he ended up urinating and defecating on all those copies of The Quran.
It turned out the ISIS fighter wasn't able to hold it very long.
To the man's horror, his kidneys and bowels positively exploded and emptied all their contents all over those copies of the Quran.
Renfield then entered the room wearing an Ebola virus and infectious diseases style protection suit with protective masked helmet and protective boots.
He whistled the tune of the song Whistle While You Work as he approached the naked ISIS fighter.
He then took out his samurai sword and proceeded to behead the ISIS fighter in synchronized rhythm to the melody of Scheherazade the classical symphonic suite composed by Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov that he then had playing in the ceiling loudspeakers of the room.
He then placed the severed head on top of the urine and dung-covered copies of the Quran.
He then gave the raspberry as he put a red beret on top of the man's head.
He then proceeded to sing his own paraphrased version of Prince's mid-80s song,
"He wore raspberry beret..."
. . .
Renfield then hacked into the Islamic State's (IS) television broadcast signal where he inserted the video for the IS audience to watch.
The video ended with Renfield R. Renfield's trademark and copyrighted raised middle finger logo and a voice saying, "Brought to you by Renfield Raspberry To The Caliphate Productions. All rights reserved. No part or portion of this video may be reproduced or redistributed in whole or in part without written permission from Renfield Raspberry To The Caliphate Productions..."
. . .
The Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec was waiting for Renfield when he returned home from his London broadcasting studios.
As he entered the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set's colossal London mansion, there standing in the living room wearing a sunflower yellow coloured evening dress and ruby encrusted poppy red coloured super spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes was the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.
"Mr. Renfield," the Aztec vampire princess spoke in her sultry seductive voice, "I have something important to discuss with you."
In Renfield's mind, he could hear the melody of Roger Whittaker's lyrics "I can feel a new tomorrow coming on" playing although those lyrics for him had been changed to "I can feel a new erection coming on" as Qonzilqointec stood there smoothing her exquisite and shapely form-hugging dress.
. . .
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 6th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
In response to the ISIS beheading of British aid worker Alan Henning, British commandos turned over to Renfield R. Renfield yet another ISIS fighter they had captured and taken prisoner.
In previous videos he had made, Renfield had dressed an ISIS fighter in a clown suit and had electrocuted him using his own particular answer to the Ice Bucket Challenge that was all the craze during the summer of 2014.
Then in another video, he had dressed an ISIS fighter in a pink mini dress and long pink wig making him look like a transvestite drag queen of the decadent western world and then beheaded him to the tune of Culture Club's Boy George singing Karma Chameleon.
In this new video that Renfield was filming, the ISIS fighter was standing completely naked and had his hands tied above his head to a rope hanging from the ceiling. His legs were then spread-eagled and his ankles chained to the floor.
Before the man had been stripped naked and placed in this room, he had been forced to down 10 pitchers of dissolved laxative pill laced ice water.
A group of mini skirted hookers that Renfield had hired from London's East End then came into the room and put copies of The Quran in Arabic all over the floor and under the ISIS fighter.
Renfield then sat behind a mirrored window in the next room and had a beer and sampled some popcorn and wondered how long the ISIS fighter would be able to hold it before he ended up urinating and defecating on all those copies of The Quran.
It turned out the ISIS fighter wasn't able to hold it very long.
To the man's horror, his kidneys and bowels positively exploded and emptied all their contents all over those copies of the Quran.
Renfield then entered the room wearing an Ebola virus and infectious diseases style protection suit with protective masked helmet and protective boots.
He whistled the tune of the song Whistle While You Work as he approached the naked ISIS fighter.
He then took out his samurai sword and proceeded to behead the ISIS fighter in synchronized rhythm to the melody of Scheherazade the classical symphonic suite composed by Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov that he then had playing in the ceiling loudspeakers of the room.
He then placed the severed head on top of the urine and dung-covered copies of the Quran.
He then gave the raspberry as he put a red beret on top of the man's head.
He then proceeded to sing his own paraphrased version of Prince's mid-80s song,
"He wore raspberry beret..."
. . .
Renfield then hacked into the Islamic State's (IS) television broadcast signal where he inserted the video for the IS audience to watch.
The video ended with Renfield R. Renfield's trademark and copyrighted raised middle finger logo and a voice saying, "Brought to you by Renfield Raspberry To The Caliphate Productions. All rights reserved. No part or portion of this video may be reproduced or redistributed in whole or in part without written permission from Renfield Raspberry To The Caliphate Productions..."
. . .
The Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec was waiting for Renfield when he returned home from his London broadcasting studios.
As he entered the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set's colossal London mansion, there standing in the living room wearing a sunflower yellow coloured evening dress and ruby encrusted poppy red coloured super spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes was the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.
"Mr. Renfield," the Aztec vampire princess spoke in her sultry seductive voice, "I have something important to discuss with you."
In Renfield's mind, he could hear the melody of Roger Whittaker's lyrics "I can feel a new tomorrow coming on" playing although those lyrics for him had been changed to "I can feel a new erection coming on" as Qonzilqointec stood there smoothing her exquisite and shapely form-hugging dress.
. . .
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 6th
2014.
Sent from my iPhone
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