Herr Hans looked at the name on the call display of his cell phone.
"Hello, Anne," Herr Hans gushed, "it's good to have you on board."
He talked for a few minutes and then ended the call.
* * *
Addressing the crowd of dark robed and cassocked seminarians, Herr Hans shouted, "Osiris is Earth's true god."
The seminarians leapt to their feet shouting, "Osiris is Earth's true god."
* * *
In London, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set felt uneasy for some reason.
* * *
In his hotel room in Rome, Dracul Van Helsing was having trouble sleeping.
* * *
An Israeli astronomer noted a strange phenomenon from his observatory.
It looked like a star he had been observing directly over the West Bank town of Bethlehem had been extinguished.
To be continued.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
The Eternal City At Nightfall
Dracul Van Helsing and Hyung Grace Kwan were in a quiet cappuccino bar in downtown Rome.
A TV was playing in the restaurant although the sound was down.
"Do you have any idea who the fellow in the red Ferrari was?" Hyung asked.
"Yes, I seem to remember who he is now," Dracul answered.
On the TV came a news story about two Canadian CF-18 fighter planes repelling two Russian TU-95 bombers flying close to Canadian air space.
"What's up with that?" Hyung asked.
"It's curious," Dracul said, "Russia has been probing Canadian airspace quite heavily since 2007."
"What do you think is going on?" Hyung queried.
"Not quite sure," Dracul answered, "Putin is quite the chess player. It's difficult to see what he's up to."
At that moment, a red Ferrari whizzed by the cappuccino bar.
"Do you suppose that was your mysterious friend?" Hyung asked.
"I suspect it was," Dracul nodded.
On the radio inside the cappuccino bar, an old Beatles song played, "In times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me speaking words of wisdom, let it be..."
To be continued.
A TV was playing in the restaurant although the sound was down.
"Do you have any idea who the fellow in the red Ferrari was?" Hyung asked.
"Yes, I seem to remember who he is now," Dracul answered.
On the TV came a news story about two Canadian CF-18 fighter planes repelling two Russian TU-95 bombers flying close to Canadian air space.
"What's up with that?" Hyung asked.
"It's curious," Dracul said, "Russia has been probing Canadian airspace quite heavily since 2007."
"What do you think is going on?" Hyung queried.
"Not quite sure," Dracul answered, "Putin is quite the chess player. It's difficult to see what he's up to."
At that moment, a red Ferrari whizzed by the cappuccino bar.
"Do you suppose that was your mysterious friend?" Hyung asked.
"I suspect it was," Dracul nodded.
On the radio inside the cappuccino bar, an old Beatles song played, "In times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me speaking words of wisdom, let it be..."
To be continued.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
The Immortal In The Eternal City
Rome, 1963.
The figure had been seen driving his red Ferrari sports car around Rome for months and months.
As night fell, the red Ferrari pulled up outside the Bernini Hotel on the Plazza Barberini at the foot of the Via Veneto.
"Herr Hans," a woman in a scarlet evening dress that matched the colour of the red Ferrari spoke to the driver.
The driver took off his glasses and gazed at her, "Do I know you?".
"The name is Isis," the woman smiled and huge fang like incisors could be seen.
"Like the Egyptian goddess," said the driver.
"Would you believe me if I told you I am the Egyptian goddess Isis?" she approached him.
"Actually I would," he answered.
"Herr Hans, you've been worshipping me a long time," Isis kissed him on his forehead, "I've read your work. And I have a job for you. A job that will last your lifetime."
* * *
Rome, 2010.
Dracul Van Helsing stood next to the Fountain of Trevi.
He was waiting for his associate the vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan.
As evening twilight fell on Rome, he felt someone's gaze on him.
He turned away from the Fountain.
There standing in front of a red Ferrari sports car was a distinguished gray haired looking gentleman.
Dracul thought he recognized him. The face looked so familiar. Television perhaps?
The man got into the red Ferrari and drove off.
An elderly gentleman stopped by the fountain and gazed in the direction of the speeding red Ferrari.
"I remember a Ferrari exactly like that," the gentleman told Dracul, "you'd often see it speeding around the streets of Rome. My gosh so long ago. But I remember it well. The Second Vatican Council was starting to enter its second year."
To be continued.
The figure had been seen driving his red Ferrari sports car around Rome for months and months.
As night fell, the red Ferrari pulled up outside the Bernini Hotel on the Plazza Barberini at the foot of the Via Veneto.
"Herr Hans," a woman in a scarlet evening dress that matched the colour of the red Ferrari spoke to the driver.
The driver took off his glasses and gazed at her, "Do I know you?".
"The name is Isis," the woman smiled and huge fang like incisors could be seen.
"Like the Egyptian goddess," said the driver.
"Would you believe me if I told you I am the Egyptian goddess Isis?" she approached him.
"Actually I would," he answered.
"Herr Hans, you've been worshipping me a long time," Isis kissed him on his forehead, "I've read your work. And I have a job for you. A job that will last your lifetime."
* * *
Rome, 2010.
Dracul Van Helsing stood next to the Fountain of Trevi.
He was waiting for his associate the vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan.
As evening twilight fell on Rome, he felt someone's gaze on him.
He turned away from the Fountain.
There standing in front of a red Ferrari sports car was a distinguished gray haired looking gentleman.
Dracul thought he recognized him. The face looked so familiar. Television perhaps?
The man got into the red Ferrari and drove off.
An elderly gentleman stopped by the fountain and gazed in the direction of the speeding red Ferrari.
"I remember a Ferrari exactly like that," the gentleman told Dracul, "you'd often see it speeding around the streets of Rome. My gosh so long ago. But I remember it well. The Second Vatican Council was starting to enter its second year."
To be continued.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Vampiress Isis Hears The News of Vampire Set's Marriage Proposal
Cedarman was feeling a little dainty on his feet today as he walked towards the colossal drawing room of the colossal Paris mansion.
And it wasn't because he had watched a movie last night in which the late Truman Capote had made an appearance.
No, he was feeling dainty on his feet because he felt afraid.
The English butler and valet who had left his native land of bulldogs and steak and kidney pie for this land of poodles and puff pastries had to tell his mistress the ancient Egyptian vampiress Isis that her arch-enemy (and brother as well as brother-in-law) Set was getting married.
He wasn't sure how she'd take the news.
As Cedarman entered the room, a spiked stiletto high-heeled shoe flew by his nose.
"I take it you heard the news, Madame," he said as he picked up her heel.
"I have," Isis' face was about blue as her navy blue coloured evening dress.
Cedarman put the stiletto back on the vampiress' right foot.
She proceeded him to trample him under foot.
"You know I read somewhere," Cedarman remarked casually, "that some men get off on this."
"I suppose that would explain your erection then I notice which is currently emerging," Isis pressed her stiletto down hard on his stomach.
"Indeed, Ma'am," Cedarman nodded.
The broadcast of the Larry King Show on the TV set explained how his mistress Isis had heard the news of Set's impending nuptials.
"Now, Mr. Renfield R. Renfield," the bow-tie and suspenders wearing talk show host addressed the bow-tie and suspenders wearing shapeshifting hamster/human, "would you be willing to play again for us the song you were playing on your banjo the night your boss Set proposed to the Romanov billions heiress vampiress Martini?".
"Do you want me to use the ostrich I was riding as well?" Renfield asked.
"Should we use the ostrich?" Larry King looked over in the direction of his floor director.
The floor director nodded.
Larry King addressed the viewing audience, "As Anderson Cooper chases after the ostrich which has apparently left the building following an Elvis impersonator, we'll be right back after this message from KFC..."
To be continued.
And it wasn't because he had watched a movie last night in which the late Truman Capote had made an appearance.
No, he was feeling dainty on his feet because he felt afraid.
The English butler and valet who had left his native land of bulldogs and steak and kidney pie for this land of poodles and puff pastries had to tell his mistress the ancient Egyptian vampiress Isis that her arch-enemy (and brother as well as brother-in-law) Set was getting married.
He wasn't sure how she'd take the news.
As Cedarman entered the room, a spiked stiletto high-heeled shoe flew by his nose.
"I take it you heard the news, Madame," he said as he picked up her heel.
"I have," Isis' face was about blue as her navy blue coloured evening dress.
Cedarman put the stiletto back on the vampiress' right foot.
She proceeded him to trample him under foot.
"You know I read somewhere," Cedarman remarked casually, "that some men get off on this."
"I suppose that would explain your erection then I notice which is currently emerging," Isis pressed her stiletto down hard on his stomach.
"Indeed, Ma'am," Cedarman nodded.
The broadcast of the Larry King Show on the TV set explained how his mistress Isis had heard the news of Set's impending nuptials.
"Now, Mr. Renfield R. Renfield," the bow-tie and suspenders wearing talk show host addressed the bow-tie and suspenders wearing shapeshifting hamster/human, "would you be willing to play again for us the song you were playing on your banjo the night your boss Set proposed to the Romanov billions heiress vampiress Martini?".
"Do you want me to use the ostrich I was riding as well?" Renfield asked.
"Should we use the ostrich?" Larry King looked over in the direction of his floor director.
The floor director nodded.
Larry King addressed the viewing audience, "As Anderson Cooper chases after the ostrich which has apparently left the building following an Elvis impersonator, we'll be right back after this message from KFC..."
To be continued.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Billionaire Ancient Egyptian Vampire Set Proposes Marriage
Renfield R. Renfield had been planning this for months.
In an effort to make his boss Set a billionaire again, he had been writing love letters to the Vampiress Martini the world-famous vampiress with amnesia and signing those love letters with Set's name.
The Vampiress Martini turned out to be the heiress to the Romanov billions as she had been married back in 1931 to George Count Brasov (a nephew of Czar Nicholas II) and the heir to the Russian Imperial Throne.
Now of course his boss Set was a billionaire again when Set won billions by betting all his fortune on Spain winning the 2010 World Cup FIFA Final in Johannesburg South Africa.
Set had followed the advice of a psychic octopus named Paul in making this bet.
However after consulting with a talented female banker in Malaysia (who just happened to be a fan of the Liverpool Football Club), Renfield made the brilliant deduction that Set would be an even richer vampire if he merged his billions with the billions of the Vampiress Martini.
Therefore he told Set that he should take Martini on a romantic getaway to a Caribbean island and propose to her.
And so there they were on the island of Saint Kitts in the Caribbean- it was a moonlit night with a full moon, the stars were shining in the night sky and the starfish were shining under neon lights that Renfield had put up along the sandy beach.
Set handed Martini a beautiful red rose in (coincidentally enough!) a martini glass.
As she sniffed the rose and Sean Connery on television intoned, "The name's Bond... James Bond" and the voice of Leonardo Dicaprio intoned on the TV set from the adjacent hotel room, "Don't you die on me, Rose..."
Renfield R. Renfield and Amadeus Emanon entered the room riding bareback on live ostriches and playing on their respective banjos the song Some Enchanted Evening from the late 1940s musical South Pacific.
Set got down on one knee accidently crushing the vuvuzela Renfield had left for him on the floor to play romantic love songs on.
"Martini," he asked, "will you marry me?".
From the next room, the voice of Celine Dion could be heard singing, "My heart will go on..."
In the room upstairs, one of the world's leading heart surgeons who was on vacation just died of cardiac arrest.
To be continued.
In an effort to make his boss Set a billionaire again, he had been writing love letters to the Vampiress Martini the world-famous vampiress with amnesia and signing those love letters with Set's name.
The Vampiress Martini turned out to be the heiress to the Romanov billions as she had been married back in 1931 to George Count Brasov (a nephew of Czar Nicholas II) and the heir to the Russian Imperial Throne.
Now of course his boss Set was a billionaire again when Set won billions by betting all his fortune on Spain winning the 2010 World Cup FIFA Final in Johannesburg South Africa.
Set had followed the advice of a psychic octopus named Paul in making this bet.
However after consulting with a talented female banker in Malaysia (who just happened to be a fan of the Liverpool Football Club), Renfield made the brilliant deduction that Set would be an even richer vampire if he merged his billions with the billions of the Vampiress Martini.
Therefore he told Set that he should take Martini on a romantic getaway to a Caribbean island and propose to her.
And so there they were on the island of Saint Kitts in the Caribbean- it was a moonlit night with a full moon, the stars were shining in the night sky and the starfish were shining under neon lights that Renfield had put up along the sandy beach.
Set handed Martini a beautiful red rose in (coincidentally enough!) a martini glass.
As she sniffed the rose and Sean Connery on television intoned, "The name's Bond... James Bond" and the voice of Leonardo Dicaprio intoned on the TV set from the adjacent hotel room, "Don't you die on me, Rose..."
Renfield R. Renfield and Amadeus Emanon entered the room riding bareback on live ostriches and playing on their respective banjos the song Some Enchanted Evening from the late 1940s musical South Pacific.
Set got down on one knee accidently crushing the vuvuzela Renfield had left for him on the floor to play romantic love songs on.
"Martini," he asked, "will you marry me?".
From the next room, the voice of Celine Dion could be heard singing, "My heart will go on..."
In the room upstairs, one of the world's leading heart surgeons who was on vacation just died of cardiac arrest.
To be continued.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
The Happy Billionaire and The Lonely Prince
London, England. The colossal mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
Set was whistling a happy tune as he bit the necks of various beautiful S&M escorts he had called up upon once again becoming a billionaire.
"Spank me and I'll suck your blood," Set sang in a very operatic sounding baritone voice.
Athelstan, Set's valet, was happily making vuvuzela shaped crumpets in the kitchen.
Renfield R. Renfield was happily telling a member of the British tabloid press that he was the one responsible for setting up the Russian spy ring in the U.S. in order to bring about a war between post-Soviet Russia and the United States.
When the reporter pointed out to the evil shapeshifting hamster/human that he hadn't even been genetically cloned and created yet at the time the Russian spy ring was set up in the U.S., Renfield immediately called an end to the interview.
Renfield then went up to the library, grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and wrote at the top of the piece of paper 10 PLACES WHERE I'VE HAD SEX.
He then sat there scratching his head.
"What are you doing?" Amadeus asked as he sat down at the same table.
"This is the latest craze on the Internet," Renfield replied, "Writing down 10 places where one has had sex."
"I assume then since it's a craze," Amadeus started munching on his bag of hot buttered popcorn, "that it's something only crazy people do."
Renfield ignored the remark and continued to sit there scratching his head.
Finally he wrote something down.
Amadeus glanced over and remarked, "Somehow I don't think masturbation counts."
Renfield crumpled up the piece of paper and threw it in the garbage can.
* * *
Outside the rain continued to pour.
The lightning continued to flash.
Dracul Van Helsing looked out the window.
Inside the house, it was deathly quiet.
No more could Dracul hear the sound of his dad shuffling papers as the elder man worked on his trilogy of history books.
That sound would be forever gone.
Dracul had always felt a special bond and kinship with the literary character of Harry Potter.
Now he felt it more than ever. For like Harry, he too was now without a living father.
And now he felt that he too would be facing a confrontation with his own personal Voldemort.
That was fine. Whatever must be must be.
The only thing he wondered was where was his own personal Ron Weasley and his own personal Hermione Granger to help him through this.
For as the great English poet John Donne wrote, "No man is an island."
To be continued.
Set was whistling a happy tune as he bit the necks of various beautiful S&M escorts he had called up upon once again becoming a billionaire.
"Spank me and I'll suck your blood," Set sang in a very operatic sounding baritone voice.
Athelstan, Set's valet, was happily making vuvuzela shaped crumpets in the kitchen.
Renfield R. Renfield was happily telling a member of the British tabloid press that he was the one responsible for setting up the Russian spy ring in the U.S. in order to bring about a war between post-Soviet Russia and the United States.
When the reporter pointed out to the evil shapeshifting hamster/human that he hadn't even been genetically cloned and created yet at the time the Russian spy ring was set up in the U.S., Renfield immediately called an end to the interview.
Renfield then went up to the library, grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and wrote at the top of the piece of paper 10 PLACES WHERE I'VE HAD SEX.
He then sat there scratching his head.
"What are you doing?" Amadeus asked as he sat down at the same table.
"This is the latest craze on the Internet," Renfield replied, "Writing down 10 places where one has had sex."
"I assume then since it's a craze," Amadeus started munching on his bag of hot buttered popcorn, "that it's something only crazy people do."
Renfield ignored the remark and continued to sit there scratching his head.
Finally he wrote something down.
Amadeus glanced over and remarked, "Somehow I don't think masturbation counts."
Renfield crumpled up the piece of paper and threw it in the garbage can.
* * *
Outside the rain continued to pour.
The lightning continued to flash.
Dracul Van Helsing looked out the window.
Inside the house, it was deathly quiet.
No more could Dracul hear the sound of his dad shuffling papers as the elder man worked on his trilogy of history books.
That sound would be forever gone.
Dracul had always felt a special bond and kinship with the literary character of Harry Potter.
Now he felt it more than ever. For like Harry, he too was now without a living father.
And now he felt that he too would be facing a confrontation with his own personal Voldemort.
That was fine. Whatever must be must be.
The only thing he wondered was where was his own personal Ron Weasley and his own personal Hermione Granger to help him through this.
For as the great English poet John Donne wrote, "No man is an island."
To be continued.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Spain Wins World Cup 2010 Final
The ghostly crew of the Flying Dutchman succeeded in commandeering a bus from Port Elizabeth to Johannesburg.
The bus they shared belonged to the heavy metal group Primal Scream.
By the time they reached the stadium in Johannesburg, they were high on pot.
At the stadium entrance they were arrested and charged with wearing illegal brands.
Meanwhile inside the stadium, Renfield R. Renfield had let a swarm of bees loose figuring no one would notice since they would just mistake the sound for vuvuzelas.
The Vampiress Isis who was wearing a beautiful red coloured dress and red hat in the stands suddenly jumped up out of her seat.
"Looks like she's got a bee in her bonnet," Renfield laughed.
At that very moment, Andres Iniesta scored with just four minutes left in extra time to give Spain their first World Cup victory.
In London, the formerly multi-millionaire and now multi-billionaire again ancient Egyptian vampire Set wept over his copy of War and Peace as he watched, "I'm now a billionaire again."
He had bet all his fortune on Spain winning the World Cup.
Meanwhile Spanish commandos surrounded Paul the Psychic Octopus' glass tank at the Oberhausen Sea Life Aquarium in Germany to protect him from both angry Dutch and German fans.
Meanwhile in Singapore, Mani the Predicting Parakeet was gunned down by a machine gun toting Siamese cat who was a specially trained feline assassin and who had been immediately hired for the job by a Sicilian mobster who had followed Mani's rather than Paul's advice in betting for the World Cup.
"All's well that ends well," Renfield remarked as he poured champagne down the end tube of his vuvuzela and started inhaling.
To be continued
The bus they shared belonged to the heavy metal group Primal Scream.
By the time they reached the stadium in Johannesburg, they were high on pot.
At the stadium entrance they were arrested and charged with wearing illegal brands.
Meanwhile inside the stadium, Renfield R. Renfield had let a swarm of bees loose figuring no one would notice since they would just mistake the sound for vuvuzelas.
The Vampiress Isis who was wearing a beautiful red coloured dress and red hat in the stands suddenly jumped up out of her seat.
"Looks like she's got a bee in her bonnet," Renfield laughed.
At that very moment, Andres Iniesta scored with just four minutes left in extra time to give Spain their first World Cup victory.
In London, the formerly multi-millionaire and now multi-billionaire again ancient Egyptian vampire Set wept over his copy of War and Peace as he watched, "I'm now a billionaire again."
He had bet all his fortune on Spain winning the World Cup.
Meanwhile Spanish commandos surrounded Paul the Psychic Octopus' glass tank at the Oberhausen Sea Life Aquarium in Germany to protect him from both angry Dutch and German fans.
Meanwhile in Singapore, Mani the Predicting Parakeet was gunned down by a machine gun toting Siamese cat who was a specially trained feline assassin and who had been immediately hired for the job by a Sicilian mobster who had followed Mani's rather than Paul's advice in betting for the World Cup.
"All's well that ends well," Renfield remarked as he poured champagne down the end tube of his vuvuzela and started inhaling.
To be continued
Saturday, July 10, 2010
The Vampiress Isis, Old Spice Commercials and South Africa The Eve of World Cup 2010
The Egyptian vampiress Isis was dressed in a white evening dress and gold plated spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.
She was attending a formal dinner in South Africa on the eve of the World Cup Final.
South African President Jacob Zuma had just emerged from the shower wearing only a towel for the dinner.
"I think he's been watching too many of those new American Old Spice commercials," Renfield R. Renfield whispered to Amadeus Emanon at the dinner, "I think he overdid it on the Old Spice."
Indeed an entire table of guests had passed out after President Zuma had walked by.
"Smell like a man, man," President Zuma said after walking over one of the passed out coaches.
The vampiress Isis began to sneeze as President Zuma approached since she was allergic to an overdose of Old Spice.
"What do you suppose the boss' sister and sister-in-law is doing here?" Amadeus asked Renfield.
For their boss Set was the brother of Osiris who was married to Set's sister Isis.
"Hm, maybe she's got something planned for the World Cup tomorrow," Renfield bit his lip.
Isis when she had finished sneezing picked up her cell phone and dialed Dracul Van Helsing's phone number.
"Hello, Drac-Man," she whispered in a sultry voice, "just thought I'd let you know that my brother and brother-in-law Set has bet all his fortune on Spain winning the World Cup tomorrow."
Renfield who had a long-distance listening device in his ear whispered to Amadeus, "Oh, oh. I've got to ensure Spain wins the World Cup tomorrow."
Meanwhile that ghostly ship the Flying Dutchman had appeared in the evening waters off Port Elizabeth, South Africa and its ghostly crew were trying to rent a bus to drive them to the game where they could cheer on the Netherlands.
To be continued.
She was attending a formal dinner in South Africa on the eve of the World Cup Final.
South African President Jacob Zuma had just emerged from the shower wearing only a towel for the dinner.
"I think he's been watching too many of those new American Old Spice commercials," Renfield R. Renfield whispered to Amadeus Emanon at the dinner, "I think he overdid it on the Old Spice."
Indeed an entire table of guests had passed out after President Zuma had walked by.
"Smell like a man, man," President Zuma said after walking over one of the passed out coaches.
The vampiress Isis began to sneeze as President Zuma approached since she was allergic to an overdose of Old Spice.
"What do you suppose the boss' sister and sister-in-law is doing here?" Amadeus asked Renfield.
For their boss Set was the brother of Osiris who was married to Set's sister Isis.
"Hm, maybe she's got something planned for the World Cup tomorrow," Renfield bit his lip.
Isis when she had finished sneezing picked up her cell phone and dialed Dracul Van Helsing's phone number.
"Hello, Drac-Man," she whispered in a sultry voice, "just thought I'd let you know that my brother and brother-in-law Set has bet all his fortune on Spain winning the World Cup tomorrow."
Renfield who had a long-distance listening device in his ear whispered to Amadeus, "Oh, oh. I've got to ensure Spain wins the World Cup tomorrow."
Meanwhile that ghostly ship the Flying Dutchman had appeared in the evening waters off Port Elizabeth, South Africa and its ghostly crew were trying to rent a bus to drive them to the game where they could cheer on the Netherlands.
To be continued.
Friday, July 9, 2010
An Octopus' Garden In The Shade Is To Roll In Dough?
The multi-millionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set sighed.
"I'm so tired, Athelstan," he remarked to his valet and butler.
"But the sun has set, sir," Athelstan remarked, "you should feel more energetic."
"Hm," Set glanced at the bill for his satellites sending down holographic images of Charlie Chaplin during the Spain vs. Germany game in Durban, South Africa.
"Renfield promised me chaos and anarchy and said we would profit from this," Set sipped his Earl Grey tea with a dash of Type O blood.
"I myself have had a good week, sir," Athelstan noted, "I followed Paul the psychic octopus' advice and bet on Spain against Germany."
"Isn't he predicting Spain over the Netherlands?" Set asked.
"Yes, sir," Athelstan replied, "one should get kraken over what this octopus has to say."
"Hm," Set missed being a billionaire.
He had been reduced to being a mere multi-millionaire as a result of the economic crash of the autumn of 2008.
Set wondered should he bet all his fortune on Spain winning against the Netherlands on the advice of an octopus.
"Your calamari, sir," Athelstan presented him with his evening appetizer.
To be continued.
"I'm so tired, Athelstan," he remarked to his valet and butler.
"But the sun has set, sir," Athelstan remarked, "you should feel more energetic."
"Hm," Set glanced at the bill for his satellites sending down holographic images of Charlie Chaplin during the Spain vs. Germany game in Durban, South Africa.
"Renfield promised me chaos and anarchy and said we would profit from this," Set sipped his Earl Grey tea with a dash of Type O blood.
"I myself have had a good week, sir," Athelstan noted, "I followed Paul the psychic octopus' advice and bet on Spain against Germany."
"Isn't he predicting Spain over the Netherlands?" Set asked.
"Yes, sir," Athelstan replied, "one should get kraken over what this octopus has to say."
"Hm," Set missed being a billionaire.
He had been reduced to being a mere multi-millionaire as a result of the economic crash of the autumn of 2008.
Set wondered should he bet all his fortune on Spain winning against the Netherlands on the advice of an octopus.
"Your calamari, sir," Athelstan presented him with his evening appetizer.
To be continued.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
World Cup Spain vs. Germany
This is another chapter in my vampire novel:
Hyung Grace Kwan had phoned Dracul Van Helsing on the cell phone.
"So Spain beat Germany 1-0?" Hyung laughed, "I noticed before the game that Mr. Bean himself Rowan Atkinson was throwing salt all over the stadium field. Did that have anything to do with Germany's loss?".
"I'm not sure," Dracul smiled, "I asked Rowan to do that because it was blessed salt- blessed by a priest. The witch doctor Sterling Makabo was hoping to raise zombies from underneath the stadium field. And of course zombies don't rise when sprinkled with blessed salt."
"I heard also Renfield was supposed to send in holographic images of Voldemort's Death Eaters on to the field," Hyung said, "how did that go?".
"Someone intercepted his satellite signal," Dracul noted, "and a few holographic images of Charlie Chaplin did show up at half-time much to Renfield's dismay."
* * *
Meanwhile in a restaurant not far from Durban Stadium.
"I'll have fries please," Sterling Makabo ordered, "and please no salt."
"I never did like Charlie Chaplin movies," Renfield added some sweet and sour sauce to his tuna fish sandwich.
"In honour of Spain's win today, I'll have some enchiladas," Amadeus smiled.
To be continued.
Hyung Grace Kwan had phoned Dracul Van Helsing on the cell phone.
"So Spain beat Germany 1-0?" Hyung laughed, "I noticed before the game that Mr. Bean himself Rowan Atkinson was throwing salt all over the stadium field. Did that have anything to do with Germany's loss?".
"I'm not sure," Dracul smiled, "I asked Rowan to do that because it was blessed salt- blessed by a priest. The witch doctor Sterling Makabo was hoping to raise zombies from underneath the stadium field. And of course zombies don't rise when sprinkled with blessed salt."
"I heard also Renfield was supposed to send in holographic images of Voldemort's Death Eaters on to the field," Hyung said, "how did that go?".
"Someone intercepted his satellite signal," Dracul noted, "and a few holographic images of Charlie Chaplin did show up at half-time much to Renfield's dismay."
* * *
Meanwhile in a restaurant not far from Durban Stadium.
"I'll have fries please," Sterling Makabo ordered, "and please no salt."
"I never did like Charlie Chaplin movies," Renfield added some sweet and sour sauce to his tuna fish sandwich.
"In honour of Spain's win today, I'll have some enchiladas," Amadeus smiled.
To be continued.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Stranger In A Strange Land
The stranger stood gazing across the South African plain.
It was actually quite incredible how portions of the South African plains reminded him of the Canadian prairies
He had first noticed that as a boy in the town of Peachland in British Columbia's Okanagan Valley.
For he had gone into a small commercial art gallery in the town with his parents.
And there he saw an oil painting.
The painting reminded him of the blue sky and rolling grass prairie of his home province Alberta.
But there were giraffes running to and fro on the rolling grass prairie against the blue sky.
And there weren't too many giraffes running on the rolling grass prairie against the blue sky in Alberta.
None at all in fact.
The artist who owned the gallery explained it was a picture he had done in South Africa.
So here he was. Africa.
The continent of The Lion King.
Of all the motion pictures he had seen over the years and he had seen many scary ones, for him the scariest scene he had ever encountered was in the movie The Lion King when Simba's father had died.
For him, that was the most terrifying scene of all.
He tried to imagine what it would be like if his own father had died.
He had felt so sorry for Simba.
He tried to imagine what it would be like.
For the Canadian vampire hunter, he no longer had to imagine anymore.
The sun was beginning to set on the South African plain.
To be continued.
It was actually quite incredible how portions of the South African plains reminded him of the Canadian prairies
He had first noticed that as a boy in the town of Peachland in British Columbia's Okanagan Valley.
For he had gone into a small commercial art gallery in the town with his parents.
And there he saw an oil painting.
The painting reminded him of the blue sky and rolling grass prairie of his home province Alberta.
But there were giraffes running to and fro on the rolling grass prairie against the blue sky.
And there weren't too many giraffes running on the rolling grass prairie against the blue sky in Alberta.
None at all in fact.
The artist who owned the gallery explained it was a picture he had done in South Africa.
So here he was. Africa.
The continent of The Lion King.
Of all the motion pictures he had seen over the years and he had seen many scary ones, for him the scariest scene he had ever encountered was in the movie The Lion King when Simba's father had died.
For him, that was the most terrifying scene of all.
He tried to imagine what it would be like if his own father had died.
He had felt so sorry for Simba.
He tried to imagine what it would be like.
For the Canadian vampire hunter, he no longer had to imagine anymore.
The sun was beginning to set on the South African plain.
To be continued.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Sterling Makabo and The Stadium
The stadium was empty as witch doctor Sterling Makabo walked across the turf.
Makabo smiled.
Did the builders of this stadium know that they had built this site over the remains of an ancient graveyard?
An acquaintance of his Renfield R. Renfield was going to use satellites to send down holographic images of Voldemort's Death Mark and Voldemort's Death Eaters during the big game.
How even more exciting Makabo thought when he would also summon demonic spirits to enter the bones of the dead and rise up from under the turf during the big game?
This would be one FIFA World Cup match that people would never forget.
To be continued.
Makabo smiled.
Did the builders of this stadium know that they had built this site over the remains of an ancient graveyard?
An acquaintance of his Renfield R. Renfield was going to use satellites to send down holographic images of Voldemort's Death Mark and Voldemort's Death Eaters during the big game.
How even more exciting Makabo thought when he would also summon demonic spirits to enter the bones of the dead and rise up from under the turf during the big game?
This would be one FIFA World Cup match that people would never forget.
To be continued.
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