The Renfield Chainsaw Massacre

Renfield was waiting in a phone store to get his iPhone activated to a new service.

He was next in line but there was a stupid old bat senior citizen in front of him who kept asking the clerk annoying questions.

"I want my old pic on my phone back," she said, "I pushed a button and it went missing."

Then she said, "I want my old ring tone back. I lost the music when I pushed a button I didn't want to push."

Then she asked, "How do I listen to my messages? How do I delete my messages? I've got hundreds of messages? What do I do with them?".

Finally Renfield had had enough.

He pulled out his gun and shot the old bat dead.

"You stupid old fool," he growled as he put his gun away, "if you're too stupid and senile to upgrade to modern technology, then don't upgrade. You're making life miserable for the rest of us, you stupid old bat."

Renfield received a standing ovation (namely because they were already standing) from the customers behind him.

"This man should be drafted to become Canada's next Prime Minister," someone suggested.

The crowd agreed and cheered.

Renfield got his phone activated and then thanked the crowd saying he'd think about their draft.

He then decided to put on his Jason Friday the 13th hockey mask and his Freddy Krueger Nightmare on Elm Street clawed glove and grab his Texas-bought chainsaw and went down to the beach and dismembered a few people to pass the time.

Priyanka the mermaid watched in horror.

She said to Swiss scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius, "I hope Osiris puts a stop to Renfield when he returns to Earth."

Dr. Celsius answered, "I hope so too."

Then Renfield's laugh could be heard along the beach, "When Osiris returns, I shall dismember him like the Boss (Renfield's boss was the ancient Egyptian vampire Set who was Osiris' brother) did millenia ago."


To be continued.