Coca-Cola And The Phoenix

Can of Coca-Cola served in a Vancouver Korean nightclub
on the can two snowflakes shaped like reindeer horns
but when you look at it from a certain angle
it forms the perfect shape of the Phoenix bird
that mythical bird of folklore
that is said to immolate itself
and then rise again from its own ashes.
Does Coke see the rise of a new Phoenix 
this Christmas 
that will teach the world to sing in perfect harmony?
What Phoenix is it that will rise from its own ashes
this Christmas season?
Bird of fire, bird of rebirth
what will you do on this earth?


-written by Christopher
9:15 PM Saturday evening
December 8th 2012

The Angry Sea

Waves crash

waves smash

wave upon wave

whitecaps rise

with defiant fist

"Seig Heil,

Hail Poseidon!"

Poseidon ruler

over a watery grave

Fuhrer of an

oceanic Reich

Stormy clouds

suddenly dissipate

and blue sky

suddenly appears

but it's a false light-

the Golden Dawn-

darkness posing 

as light-

Greece falls to

the gods of old

-and the sea rages

in celebration-

shaking of the 

trident

shaking of the

waves

-the ocean roars

from watery graves.

-written by Christopher

1:05 PM Friday afternoon

December 7th 2012

Ghost White Tree Against Dark Sky

Ghost white tree against dark sky

the dark dark clouds moved upon

English Bay

there to the north of the beach 

was a penthouse tower.

On the balcony of the penthouse

its owner had planted a tall tree

Tonight men stood on ladders

against the tree

putting up bright bright white lights.

A miss-step and they'd hit the ground

plunging to their deaths 

and become ghosts themselves.

When the lights were turned on

they were so bright

they cast a ghostly luminescence 

against the dark sky.

The leafless branches when lit with such

intense white light

looked like silvery serpents

climbing the tree against 

the darkened sky.

Further down south

on the beach

trees on Beach Avenue

are decorated with multi-coloured

Christmas lights

emitting a warmth and joy

with its bright and vast

array of colours-

various shades of red, green and blue.

These lights like Joseph's coat of many colours

seem to bid welcome to the Christ Child 

in this city.

This tree on the penthouse tower

from which I suppose one could metaphorically

imagine all the kingdoms of the world

from such a height-

this tree- devoid of leaves- devoid of life-

with its intense bright bright white lights

that shine like silvery serpents

climbing the tree against this darkened sky

seem to hold no welcome for the Christ Child.

It seems they welcome the Advent of Antichrist.

Who will this city welcome this Christmas?

Christ or Antichrist?

Who will the world welcome this Christmas?

Christ or Antichrist?

-written by Christopher

 9:32 PM Tuesday evening

 December 4th 2012

Renfield Comments On Prince William's and Kate Middleton's Baby

"Do you suppose Prince William and Kate Middleton would consider naming their baby after me?" Renfield asked Amadeus in all seriousness.

Amadeus spit out a mouthful of hot buttered popcorn all over the floor.

"I think Renfield would be a great name for the next heir to the throne,"  Renfield calmly sipped his cup of Earl Grey tea.

Amadeus was having a nervous breakdown as he was trying to pick up the pieces of hot buttered popcorn while guffawing at the same time.

"King Renfield,"  Renfield helped himself to a marmalade covered crumpet.

"What if the baby's a girl?" Amadeus put the kernels of popcorn back in his mouth one at a time.

"Queen Renfielda," Renfield poured himself more tea.

"Renfielda?" Amadeus inhaled a kernel of popcorn through his nose.

"Yes," Renfield nodded, "Renfield or Renfielda would be a great name for Prince William and Kate's child."

"Not bloody likely," Prince Philip the Duke of Edinburgh shouted in answer to a reporter's question on the TV news.

To be continued.

The Black Squirrel And The Drunken Sailboat

A black squirrel ran up the sidewalk

and up the tree.

A black squirrel?

I didn't know there was such an animal.

In Alberta, the only squirrels I saw 

were either red, gray or brown.

But walking a Vancouver street 

I encounter a black squirrel.

So I guess there are black squirrels.

Either that or this squirrel is 

the black sheep of the family.  :p

But I wonder...

would a black squirrel

ever sail the Black Pearl

with the mummy of a Pharaoh

and Captain Jack Sparrow?

-written by Christopher

 3:30 PM Monday afternoon

 December 3rd 2012

The Drunken Sailboat

I think I see a drunken sailboat

how I wonder does it keep afloat?

with its captain a gizzard

and its helmsman a goat.

-written by Christopher

 circa 2:30 PM Monday afternoon

 December 3rd 2012.

A Day That Shall Live In...?

"It was 208 years ago today that Napoleon Bonaparte had himself crowned Emperor of the French," Dracul Van Helsing noted.

"Thank you for sharing that," Hyung Grace Kwan tossed back her hair, "The evening wouldn't have been complete if you hadn't spoken that."

"You're welcome," Dracul poured himself some Napoleon brandy.

"I was being sarcastic," Hyung smoothed her evening dress.

"So was I,"  Dracul smiled at her, "Now will you be my Josephine to my Napoleon?".

                                     *      *       *

"December 2nd 2012,"  Renfield poured himself a glass of Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum, "a day that shall live in history. The day I found Hades' Plunder. Boy did that pirate captain from the early 18th Century look pissed when I told him that I had beat him to his treasure.  I didn't know Michelangelo our Psychic Lobster could pick up thought processes from space/time wormholes. That's useful to know.  That could prove helpful in preventing Osiris' return to Earth."

"Can you get good worms out of those wormholes for fishing?" Amadeus asked as he ate his salmon burger.

"It's a different type of wormhole," Renfield replied as he took some worm medicine to get rid of his pinworms. The constant itching in his rear end had kept him awake all night last night.

"Did that pirate try to kill you?" Amadeus finished his salmon burger and reached for his potato chips.

"He did," Renfield admitted, "so I tasered him. Then I managed to calm him down by announcing he could land himself an important job if he became my ally."

"What important job was that?" Amadeus reached for the salsa dip.

"Well apparently at last week's meeting of the UN Security Council," Renfield ate his Manhattan corned beef sandwich, "it was decided behind closed doors to name a United Nations Secretary For the Oceans.  They decided in secret who'd get that job and one of the United Nations Deputy Assistant Secretary-Generals was to be in Vancouver today (because the UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon himself was too busy learning how to do the Gangnam Style dance from South Korean pop singer Psy) to make the announcement at today's Santa Claus Parade in the City. So I swiped the envelope with the individual's name that was decided by the Security Council and inserted into the UN Deputy Assistant Secretary-General's hand an envelope containing the name of the early 18th Century pirate Captain although I did change his name somewhat so as not to arouse suspicions."

"Did you get a candy cane from Santa Claus for me?" Amadeus finished his last potato chip.

"I knew you were going to ask me that," Renfield sighed as he handed Amadeus a candy cane.

Amadeus unwrapped the candy cane, "So a pirate is now the UN's Secretary For the Oceans?".

"That's right," Renfield nodded.

On BC Global TV's News, the UN Deputy Assistant Secretary-General could be seen sitting on Santa's lap as he made the announcement. Behind him, one could see Renfield sitting on the lap of one of Santa's short skirted red mini dress female little helpers.

Both men seemed to be enjoying themselves immensely.

"And the new position of UN Secretary For The Oceans," the Deputy Assistant Secretary-General of the United Nations belched through his Irish whisky, "is none other than Mr. Baird Black."

"Baird Black?" Amadeus looked quizzical as he licked his candy cane.

"Blackbeard originally," Renfield answered as he started to shave.

To be continued.

The Pirate Who Went To Hell And Back

"I can't believe you did it, Captain,"  the pirate said to his Captain.

"Yes, " the Captain smiled, "I've been to Hell and back. And I've taken Hades' plunder."

The pirate crew buried the chest.

"When will we come back for this, Captain?" the crew asked.

"It will be a while," the Captain smiled.

As the crew approached the beach, one of the pirates shouted, "By Hades' beard, it's the Royal Navy."

"Who the Hell alerted the Royal Navy of our whereabouts," the pirate lieutenant shouted, "Captain, who do you suppose..."

He looked around but the Captain was gone.

On one of the high-hills overlooking the beach, the Captain said, "I'm afraid it was me, me laddies. I don't intend to share my treasure."

He drank a bottle of rum as the Royal Navy mowed down his mates with their muskets.

The pirate captain walked over to where the big rock was, "Well, I certainly hope the calculations in this book are correct and the space-time wormhole will open up over here."

He walked to the spot.

"Year 2012, here I come," the pirate captain said, "Boy, I'm starting to feel hungry. I hope they still know how to cook a good lobster in 300 years' time."

                                                     *         *         *

Michelangelo the genetically created Psychic Lobster screamed inside his tank in the Set Enterprises Laboratory near London, England.

The technician looked at the computer screen whose cable cord was attached to Michelangelo's antenna.

What Michelangelo was seeing in his mind could be viewed on the computer screen.

The technician picked up the phone to call a number in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, "The Boss' chief Intelligence operative Renfield is going to have to hear about this."

To be continued.