Lunar New Year The Year of The Snake

Renfield R. Renfield decided to mark the start of the Lunar New Year the Year of the Snake by driving from Nevada to San Diego, California to visit the world-famous San Diego Zoo to look at their snake collection.

As Renfield put on his sunglasses and drove at top speed his red sports car along the Nevada desert highway crossing a bridge that had a sign (no doubt put up by a worker who left his glasses at home) BEWARE OF ICY CONDITIONS ON BRIDGE, he casually remarked to Amadeus, "I hear that Snowstorm Nemo is creating a lot of chaos in the northeastern U.S. and Canada. Bwahahaha! Good thing I'm not there."

"That's right!  Snowstorm Nemo! Have you noticed that Nemo is omen spelled backwards," Amadeus Emanon reached into his bag of reasonably priced No Name potato chips, "Ummm! These are good. I wonder who make these?."

Renfield declined a potato chip from Amadeus, "I hear there's an excellent diner in San Diego that's supposed to make the best tuna fish sandwiches in California. I plan to buy a whole bunch of those sandwiches and eat them at the Zoo while I make funny faces at the snakes."

When Renfield arrived in San Diego, the first thing he did was locate the diner that made the tuna fish sandwiches and he quickly bought himself 13 tuna fish sandwiches.

"13 for good luck in the Year of the Snake," Renfield smiled as he put the bag in the back seat.

When they got to the zoo, they were told by the ticket seller to be on the lookout for a cobra that a deranged San Diego based fortune cookie maker (who thought he was possessed by the spirit of late Chinese Communist dictator Chairman Mao Tse-tung) had let loose by opening up its cage this morning.

"Don't worry," Renfield growled, "I ain't afraid of no snake."

"He's just afraid of grammar dictionaries," Amadeus smiled at the ticket seller.

Renfield and Amadeus walked all over the zoo.

Amadeus decided to sit down on a bench and eat the fudgesicle he had just bought.

Renfield put down his bag of tuna fish sandwiches on the bench alongside Amadeus and decided that now was the time to eat them.

"Hey, I just saw that guy who beat me badly at poker during that card game I had in Vegas,"  Renfield suddenly stood up, "I'm going to go shoot him. And I don't want any blood on my tuna fish sandwiches so watch my bag, okay, Amadeus?".

"Okay," said Amadeus as he spilled some fudgesicle all over his white shirt.

As Renfield went to shoot the winner of that Vegas poker game, Amadeus pulled out the Superman comic book he had bought earlier in the day and started reading.

Meanwhile the escaped cobra was behind the bench and was about to swallow the unsuspecting Amadeus.

Then the cobra smelled the bag of tuna fish sandwiches and decided to swallow them first and then swallow the unsuspecting Amadeus who was engrossed in the subject matter of Lois Lane spanking Jimmy Olsen over her knee because Jimmy Olsen had accidently spilled chocolate milk on Lois' new white skirt.

Renfield arrived on the scene just as the cobra swallowed the 13th of the 13 tuna fish sandwiches.

"Hey, that snake ate my tuna fish sandwiches," Renfield foamed at the mouth.

He pulled a huge knife out of his belt, ran up to the cobra, seized it by the throat and then cut it up into two thousand and thirteen body parts.

"So this is the Year of the Snake," Amadeus remarked as he heard fireworks going off over the San Diego skyline.

"It may be the Year of the Snake," Renfield replied as he angrily kicked away the last tiny piece of cobra, "but it wasn't the year of THIS snake."

To be continued.