Russian Assistant Deputy Foreign Minister Nikolai Sonavitch was in London, England for a secret conference to see if the conflicts in Ukraine and Syria could be solved simultaneously.
The meeting was very hush hush and top secret.
Not even Barack Obama or even Alex Jones knew about it.
The chairman for the meeting would be a British parliamentarian named Magog Rhys Petley.
Nikolai was in his hotel room at the Saint James Hotel and had not been called to the meeting yet because apparently Petley was busy scouring the streets of London trying to find a carton of buttermilk.
Meanwhile reports on the radio said that a werewolf was seen walking the streets of London.
Nikolai turned off the radio and put on the television.
The TV was showing the Mountain Dew Kickstart commercial with Puppy Monkey Baby:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=
"How did the capitalist warmongers at Mountain Dew find out about Dr. Nicht Werhoffen's secret Puppy Monkey Baby creation in his top secret Moscow lab?" The lifelong Bolshevik Sonavitch wanted to know.
Dr. Nicht Werhoffen was the Russian FSB's leading mad scientist.
Dr. Werhoffen was formerly a mad scientist for the Stasi (the East German Secret Police) but had to seek employment elsewhere when the Berlin Wall came down.
The commercial it turned out (as Nikolai Sonavitch started to feel thirsty) was part of a documentary the BBC was doing on the Puppy Monkey Baby phenomenon.
As Sonavitch phoned down to the front desk and asked them to send up 3 cans of Mountain Dew Kickstart, the BBC was interviewing Set Enterprises' chief corporate mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.
Said Rocher, "The Puppy Monkey Baby is so yesterday. I created one back in 2001. Unfortunately it was applying for a job on the upper floors of one of the World Trade Center towers the morning of September 11th 2001. Set Enterprises' corporate lawyers still aren't sure whether to sue the Estate of Osama Bin Laden, the trio of George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld or the Illuminati over that loss."
Shit, the British beat us in creating a Puppy Monkey Baby, Sonavitch thought to himself as the hotel porter brought in the 3 cans of Mountain Dew Kickstart.
Sonavitch opened the first can and started drinking.
That old movie from 1942 The Cat People with Simone Simon was on one of the other channels so he started watching.
He was soon on his 3rd can of Mountain Dew Kickstart.
On the screen, the old Black and White movie suddenly turned into a coloured film and a beautiful leather skirted Asian dominatrix woman who called herself Sherrielock Holmes was standing there in the midst of a bunch of fiery red coloured cats.
"That's funny, I don't remember this scene," Nikolai Sonavitch commented.
The hotel room door suddenly opened and a Puppy Monkey Baby entered the room.
"Puppy Monkey Baby," the Puppy Monkey Baby kept repeating over and over.
The Puppy Monkey Baby jumped up on the coffee table in front of Sonavitch and did a little dance.
He then jumped on to Sonavitch's lap and proceeded to lick him on the face all the while saying Puppy Monkey Baby.
He then kissed Sonavitch on the lips and then pulled a carving knife out of his diaper and slashed the assistant deputy foreign minister of Russia to death.
The Puppy Monkey Baby then shapeshifted into his natural form of satyr serial killer and hired contract assassin Pan Goatee.
Said Goatee, "That was fun. I always thought it would be cool to play the part of Judas Iscariot but be quick about it."
He picked up the remaining can of Mountain Dew Kickstart and finished it saying, "There's no need to let this new Holy Trinity or 3-in-1 to go to waste."
He downed the Kickstart, belched and put the can back on the table.
"I'll let the cleaning staff pocket the return deposit money for this," Pan Goatee couldn't help but grin at his own personal generosity.
He turned back into a Puppy Monkey Baby again, "My audience- the hotel security cameras- awaits."
He went out the door and into the hall saying over and over again, "Puppy Monkey Baby... Puppy Monkey Baby... Puppy Monkey Baby... "
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 18th
2016
No comments:
Post a Comment