Qonzilqointec Weeps Over Hugo Chavez's Death

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec wept when she heard the news of the death of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.

Chavez had been her Comrade-in-Arms as she fought to help the conditions of the poor, workers and peasants of Latin America.

He had been a dear friend.

Qonzilqointec buried her head in her pillow.

Her tears poured out like rain.

                               *      *     *

Magog Rhys Petley drank a silent toast- in buttermilk- to his dear friend Hugo Chavez- his Comrade.

Although Chavez- particularly in the last few years of his life- had talked openly about his belief in Christ- a subject of irritation to Petley who was a true atheistic materialistic Marxist- he still admired the man.

                                             *      *     *

"Hugo Chavez was a great man," Dracul Van Helsing said to Hyung, "I didn't agree with all of his policies but he wasn't the ogre the brainless American right (to say nothing of our idiotic Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper) made him out to be.  He truly cared about the poor of his country and realized that an extreme form of laissez-faire capitalism like that espoused by those walking undead who make up the far U.S. Republican right wouldn't help them. An all-embracing Marxism isn't the way either but Chavez never did impose an all-embracing Marxism on Venezuela like Lenin did in Russia or Mao in China or Pol Pot in Cambodia.  And he did believe in Jesus Christ- something not true of most Marxists who are atheists."

"What will happen in Venezuela now?" Hyung asked.

"I don't know," Dracul said, "but I think history will judge it a tragic thing that Chavez succumbed to his cancer and wasn't able to complete his Presidency. What happens now could spell a dark future. But as for Chavez, a government statement issued hours before he died said that he was "clinging to Christ". And that's who we all should cling to. So I say of Hugo Chavez, Rest eternal grant him O Lord and may Light perpetual shine upon him."

Set Reads The Michelangelo Report

"I've just received the report from Dr. Cadbury Rocher down at Set Enterprises Laboratories, sir," Athelstan the butler addressed his employer, "he's been using Michelangelo your genetically created psychic lobster to probe Dracul Van Helsing's dreams."

"And did he find any reference to Dracul Van Helsing's possible prophetic dream of the night of February 10th, 2013," Set asked, "so we can gain some insight into what might happen at the next Conclave of Cardinals?".

"Yes, sir," Athelstan nodded, "according to the dream, the Cardinals are hopelessly divided into differing factions. At the next Conclave, one faction's candidate will come out on top. But the losing faction won't be so gracious. They'll either directly break away at the next Conclave or wait a few months and call for a Conclave of their own in which they elect their own man Pope. So the gist of the matter shall be- that there will be two men- two rival claimants- claiming to be Pope- something that hasn't happened in some 600 years."

"Just like a Pope hasn't resigned the Papacy and abdicated the Papal Throne in some 600 years," Set noted.

"True, sir," Athelstan agreed, "so essentially one man will be the true Pope and the other man will be an Antipope."

"And it says here in the report," Set shuffled some papers, "that the Antipope will be a False Prophet who issues a supposedly Infallible papal decree saying that the individual known as Jesus of Nazareth was not the Christ for all time but only the Christ for the Piscean Age and that there's a new Christ for the emerging Aquarian Age and he'll proclaim someone else to be this Christ for the Aquarian Age?".

"That is correct, sir," Athelstan started polishing Set's alligator shoes.

"And at the time the False Prophet Antipope issues this declaration, there will be UFOs with ETs aboard (who are actually demonic entities involved in a great deception) appearing in the skies over Earth who will say that the Antipope's declaration is indeed the correct and true one," Set put the report down.

"That's right, sir," Athelstan ran out of shoe polish so he started using his own spit.

"Then as the ancient Chinese proverb says, we live in interesting times," Set looked out the library window.

To be continued.

Renfield and His Rendition of The William Tell Overture

Renfield R. Renfield had been ordered by his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set to fly back to London, England.

Renfield decided to make a pit stop in Chicago, Illinois before flying home as he heard the Chicago Symphony Orchestra was going to do a performance of Rossini's William Tell Overture.

Renfield had always wanted to conduct the William Tell Overture plus he had an idea on how to make the performance even more spectacular.

According to the original story of William Tell, the Swiss gentleman who was a master crossbow archer had been ordered by enemy soldiers to shoot an apple placed on top of his son's head splitting the apple in two and do so without managing to harm his son.

William Tell was successful in his feat.

Renfield's idea was to place apples on the heads of the musicians in the Chicago Symphony Orchestra and during the most exciting part of the Overture, the musicians would stand and a group of crossbow archers that Renfield had hired would shoot arrows through the apples on the heads of the musicians splitting the apples in two without harming the musicians.

                          *       *     *

It was performance night and maestro Renfield stepped up to the podium with his baton and started conducting the Chicago Symphony Orchestra in its performance of the William Tell Overture.

At the most critical moment of the Overture, Renfield waved for the apple on head-wearing musicians to stand...

                                            *       *    *

The next morning a Chicago radio station reported in its news broadcast, "And in the news today, the call has gone out for musicians to appear for auditions to replace the 95% of the members of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra whose positions suddenly became vacant last night as a result of last evening's disastrous rendition of Rossini's William Tell Overture.

"And in other news, Renfied R. Renfield has admitted that the archers he hired for last evening's performance could probably stand to use a lot more archery lessons..."

To be continued.

Darkened Streets and Cuban Cigars And What Shadowy Symbols Foretell

On a darkened street walked Magog Rhys Petley

smoking a Cuban cigar once given to him by Fidel Castro

his Marxist brother-in-arms.

Underneath a window of the darkened street

a light shone down upon him

it shone through the crossbars of a window

The crossbars forming the shape of the Cross

and as the light edged down towards the cigar smoke

of Magog' s cigar

it seemed to form the shape of an upside down Cross

over Petley's head

an upside down Cross where smoke and light intercepted

over the head of the Welshman who was a werewolf.

The Cross- symbol of Christ.

The Upside Down Cross- symbol of Antichrist.

And Magog Rhys Petley continued to walk...

to walk towards his destiny...

Although maybe his destiny is foretold

in that shadow that formed over where light and smoke

intercepted 

in that one moment in time.

-A poem about Welsh werewolf British Labour MP

 Magog Rhys Petley

 written by Christopher 

 Saturday evening March 2nd 2013

Renfield And Old Spice

Renfield R. Renfield was in Long Beach, California holding auditions for a porno movie he was making at the porno film studios he owned there.

When Renfield had finished interviewing and breaking in the actresses, he sighed as it now came time to audition the actors.

One man who claimed to be a leading Spanish Malaysian male fashion model and who was dressed in the costume of a reckless eagle was immediately laughed at by Renfield.

"Get out of here," Renfield chuckled, "I've seen larger and better working equipment on men who worked as guards in the Sultan's harem."

"I just got an email from Athelstan," Amadeus Emanon said in reference to their boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set's butler and valet, "he asks if you've seen the latest Old Spice commercial."

"I have," Renfield smiled, "Love it."

"What's the meaning of this cryptic email?" Amadeus asked as he ate a candied jellied figure of James Bond.

"Well, the Boss asked me to vet a politician for him who could probably serve as his political puppet as the Boss works to establish a One World Government under his control," Renfield explained, "and I suggested far Left British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley from Wales.  Petley is a werewolf who hasn't yet brought his lycanthropy out of the closet and thus makes him highly susceptible to blackmail. Heh! Heh! Heh!".

"But what's Magog Rhys Petley got to do with this Old Spice commercial?" Amadeus checked the price of tea in China on the stock market page.

"Well, I thought it might be psychologically useful to condition the masses of the world to accept Magog Rhys Petley as their Saviour," Renfield grinned, "and since Old Spice commercials seem to be so immensely popular, I had our resident mad scientist at Set Enterprises Laboratories Dr. Cadbury Rocher get our genetically created psychic lobster Michelangelo to infiltrate the dreams of the advertising writer who was going to write the next Old Spice commercial. And I had this image of the wolf's head/human hybrid embedded in this writer's dream and thus in the commercial to condition television viewing audiences into accepting wolfman Magog Rhys Petley as their Saviour."

"That's positively brilliant," Amadeus opened up a package containing a low-energy but highly luminescent lightbulb.

"I know," Renfield sat back and grinned.

From Dorian Gray To Magog Rhys Petley- Portraits Painted

Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley looked out his apartment window and pondered the letter sent to him a few weeks ago.

It was from the billionaire President of Set Research And Development Corporation- a mysterious individual known only as Set.

Rumour had it that he was a vampire.

At one time Magog Rhys Petley would not have believed in vampires.

But ever since he got turned into a werewolf, his mental horizons had broadened somewhat.

Set was requesting a meeting.

Hm, Magog thought to himself, what would a billionaire want with him a far Left-wing member of the Labour Party caucus in the British Parliament?

He still hadn't made up his mind whether he'd agree to the meeting with this mysterious billionaire.

On the other hand, there was something he had agreed to just today.

His neighbour Constance Elleroy, an eccentric artist, had for years wanted to paint his portrait.

Constance, who often painted using classical themes, had for years pointed out that most statues and paintings of the Greek god Apollo had always painted him as being beardless.

She was going to paint a bearded Apollo.

And she always thought Magog Rhys Petley fit perfectly her idea of what a bearded Apollo should look like.

Finally this morning Magog had given in and agreed to the request.

This afternoon he would be going next door to her apartment/studio to begin the process of posing.

Magog looked at his watch.

Well he supposed he better be heading over there.

He turned off the TV just as BBC News showed Pope Benedict XVI giving his final Apostolic blessing to the City (of Rome) and the World.

Magog Rhys Petley had never thought of himself as a bearded Apollo but he'd give it a shot.

To be continued.

The Cardinal's Secretary

The Cardinal woke up the next morning and headed to his office.

He was still thinking about his conversation with the ancient Greek god Zeus the night before.

The Cardinal was known to others by his initials JM.

Although those initials didn't stand for what people thought they did.

For Cardinal JM was a member of a secret society.

And his moniker in that secret society was Judas Manasseh.

Judas from Judas Iscariot.

And Manasseh from an ancient king of Judah who reigned from 687-643 BC and who restored polytheistic worship into the Temple in Jerusalem and built altars to pagan gods.

As he entered his office, his secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe was waiting for him.

Father Wardenclyffe handed the Cardinal documents relating to the most pressing matters of the day and then left the office.

The Cardinal's secretary Father Wardenclyffe had been an Episcopalian priest in Long Island, New York for most of his life.

Ironically it was in 2005 the same year that John Paul II had died and Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger had been elected Pope Benedict XVI that Father Wardenclyffe had left the U.S. Episcopal Church and had joined the Roman Catholic Church studying to become a Catholic priest.

Father Wardenclyffe had gone to Rome for his priestly studies where he met Cardinal JM.

Cardinal JM had taught a course on the astronomical theories of Giordano Bruno (who had been burnt at the stake as a heretic by the Church back in 1600) which was an option at the seminary where Father Wardenclyffe had studied.

When Father Wardenclyffe was ordained a Catholic priest in 2009, the Cardinal invited him to be his secretary.

Ironically 2009- the same year that Father Wardenclyffe had been ordained a Roman Catholic priest- was the same year that Pope Benedict XVI issued his Apostolic Constitution Anglicanorum Coetibus  inviting groups of Anglicans to enter Personal Ordinariates in full communion with the Bishop of Rome.

Father Wardenclyffe was actually quite upset by Benedict's issuing of that document.

"Those enemies of progress that the Pope has invited to enter the Church hold on to such unworthy pieces of antediluvian trash such as the Book of Common Prayer and the King James Bible," Father Wardenclyffe snivelled.

The Book of Common Prayer and the King James Bible were never read or said aloud in the services Father Wardenclyffe had held in his Episcopal Church on Long Island, New York.

Cardinal JM smiled as he reflected on this.

He went to his desk and started phoning his fellow Cardinals to push them to vote for the papabile of his choice- the man who as Pope would abandon Christ and re-embrace the ancient pagan gods of old.

Meanwhile Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe went to his personal chapel where he prayed in front of a statue of Hecate the ancient Greek goddess of witchcraft.

To be continued.