Streets of Metropolis Flow Blood Red

Towering skyscrapers
but a recession below
zombies trudge
beneath the sunset's glow.

Vampires fly in the night air
werewolves gnaw and tear
the streets of Metropolis flow blood red
on this night of the living dead.

Shiva may dance at the core of the atom
and up rises the Babylonian Mammon
demon god of commerce and trade
Wall Street guardian of financial aid.

And Quetzalcoatl has developed a new flu
he's a serpent through and through
feathered and plumed
with Mexico doomed
his talons grab the rest of the world
and Hell on earth has unfurled.


-A poem written by
Dracul Van Helsing
April 27th, 2009

If You Had A Million Dollars, You'd Be Rich?

The London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was having a night time meeting with his stock broker.

"Ummm... Mr. Set," Charles Rodney Tuppingham swallowed hard, "I have some very bad news for you."

Set scratched the arms of his Louis XIV armchair with his talons.

As he did so, his valet and proper English gentleman Athelstan winced.

"And what is this bad news?" Set inquired in a deep eerie voice that sounded like it came from the pits of Hell itself.

"Well, as you know since last September, the world has been in a deep economic downturn... " Tuppingham immediately stopped talking when Set grabbed the broker's throat with one of his taloned hands.

"I'm well aware of the fact that we are in the worst recession since the Great Depression of the 1930s," Set hissed and then let go of Tuppingham's throat.

"Of course, you're aware of that, Mr. Set," Tuppingham rubbed his throat, "well, needless to say your investments have taken quite the hit so when we tally the state of your investments, you're... er... currently closer to being a multimillionaire than you are a billionaire."

On the other side of London, British Prime Minister Gordon Brown dropped his teacup when he heard a huge animalistic cry that seemed to shake all of London.

To be continued.

Stakes and Stilettos

"What are we doing standing on this beach in the middle of the pouring rain anyways?" Amadeus asked Renfield while he was busy licking a popsicle.

"Set Enterprises intercepted an email message to Dracul Van Helsing from what we thought was Gregorio Palamas' Yahoo account," Renfield explained, "only I just got a text message on my Blackberry saying that it turns out the email was sent from a public library in this town."

"Gregorio Palamas should use gmail instead of Yahoo," Amadeus carefully placed the popsicle wrapper into a garbage container on the beach, "they have a lot better built in security features. Less prone to hacking."

"So anyways since that message was not from Gregorio Palamas the President of the International Federation of Vampire Hunters," Renfield shivered in the cold wet drizzle, "in all probability what Dracul Van Helsing and Hyung Grace Kwan are doing in that lighthouse is of no concern to us."

"So we have no place in the lighthouses of the nation?" Amadeus paraphrased a well known Canadian Marxist, "Yet I imagine they're a lot warmer than we are." He was starting to feel the cold as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a fudgesicle.

Inside the lighthouse, Hyung Grace Kwan had tied up the brunette vampiress and was about to stake her.

"I think we should give the poor woman a chance and let her find out who she is before you bump her off," Dracul suggested.

"You've always had a soft heart when it comes to beautiful vampiresses," Hyung glared at Dracul, "in fact while you've killed tens of thousands of vampires, I don't think you've ever killed a beautiful vampiress have you?".

"No," Dracul agreed, "I've killed several ugly ones but never a beautiful vampiress."

"One thing before I stake you," Hyung looked down at the woman's stilettos, "I'm dying to know where you bought your shoes?".

"I can't remember," the vampiress said, "I must have bought them before I developed amnesia."

"All right," Hyung put the stake down, "we'll help you to find out who you are but only because I have to know where you bought your shoes so I can get myself a pair."


To be continued.

Tussle With A Vampiress

"What are you doing here anyways?" Hyung Grace Kwan asked the brunette vampiress as she gave her a spanking.

"I've come to see Dracul Van Helsing," the vampiress locked Hyung into a bear hug.

"Was it you who sent us that message asking us to come to the lighthouse?" Dracul Van Helsing asked as he dipped a potato chip into the French Onion chip dip.

"Yes, it was," the vampiress tried to put Hyung's hands into a pair of handcuffs.

"Why?" Dracul asked.

"I saw you on the Jay Leno Show last week," the vampiress started to tie ropes around Hyung, "talking about vampires and vampiresses. And I wanted to speak to you."

"Speak to me?" Dracul poured himself a glass of chardonay wine, "about what?".

"To find out who I am," the brunette vampiress suddenly found herself in an armlock by Hyung who managed to get out of the handcuffs and ropes.

"To find out who you are?" Dracul gazed at the vampiress, "but I'll have you know I'm not a psychiatrist nor a motivational guru."

"I don't need those," the vampiress answered, "You don't understand... I'm a vampiress with amnesia."

"If you're a vampiress with amnesia, how do you know you're a vampiress?" Dracul asked.

"Well, you see it's like this... umfff.... umfff... umfff..." the vampiress sputtered.

"Hyung would you mind taking that ball gag out of her mouth?" Dracul pointed, "I can't understand a word she's saying."

Hyung sighed and removed the ball gag.

"Maybe later," the vampiress winked at Hyung and then turned to Dracul, "I arrived in this town a couple of months ago not knowing who I was. To support myself, I gathered seashells and sold them. I also discovered I only felt truly alive at night. And when my hand turned skeletal one morning with an extremely severe searing sunburn when I tried to walk out of my cheap motel room, that's when I realized there was something different about me. Well that and the fact that the town dentist said he couldn't really do anything about these," she pointed to her vampiric incisors, "plus I found the need to give extreme hickeys to people and take their blood. Then when I saw you on Jay Leno last Thursday talking about vampires and vampiresses and their characteristics, I put two and two together and got four."

"You put two and two together and got four?" Dracul bit his thumb thoughtfully, "then whoever you are, you must have
received schooling before the advent of John Dewey's influence on public education since most modern graduates are unable to do that."


To be continued.

Steaming Up The Lighthouse and Text On The Beach

"I touch myself, I want you to love me," the brunette vampiress with the bucket of seashells sang the hit song from The Divinyls as she floated through the door.

"Well, that's interesting to know," Dracul smiled, "but shouldn't we be formally introduced first?".

"How do you know she wasn't talking to me?" Hyung adjusted her bra.

"I love it when you do that," Dracul gazed at Hyung, "and as Roger Whittaker used to sing 'I can feel a new tomorrow coming on'. "

"The sun will come out tomorrow," the vampiress then added her own lyrics to the song from Annie, "although it seems to have popped out a lot sooner."

Dracul picked up his trenchcoat and held it in front of himself.

"Why do I feel like I'm in a sleazy adult cinema?" Hyung asked.

Outside on the beach, Amadeus asked Renfield, "What does coitus interruptus mean?".

"What?" Renfield gazed at Amadeus, "where did you get that expression?".

"It's this guy I'm following on Twitter," Amadeus was looking down at his iPhone, "he puts Latin expressions for his updates in answering the question What are you doing now?".

"My Latin is a little rusty these days," Renfield avoided answering.

"J. K. Rowling the author of Harry Potter is on Twitter," Amadeus noted, "she knows Latin. Maybe I should send her a text message asking her what it means."

"Why don't you do that?" Renfield suggested.

Inside the lighthouse, Hyung Grace Kwan and the brunette vampiress were engaged in a huge catfight, skirts and heels flying in every direction.

"This is better than a movie," Dracul Van Helsing settled down on to the sofa with some hot buttered popcorn to watch the fight, "particularly since the television doesn't seem to be working."

To be continued.

A Voice In The Night

"I hear singing," Hyung held her ear to the window.

"Singing?" Dracul paused, "you hear singing in the middle of this loud pouring rain?".

"I guess it's not coming from outside," Hyung stated.

"It isn't Amadeus out there singing 'I was walking in Memphis in the middle of the pouring rain' and Renfield is replying something to the effect of 'You idiot, we're thousands of miles away from Memphis'?" Dracul queried.

Coincidentally enough, those very words were being spoken outside on the beach.

"So I guess we won't be seeing the ghost of Elvis then?" Amadeus asked Renfield.

Inside the lighthouse, Hyung said, "It sounded like a woman's voice singing. A soft feminine operatic style voice. With an Italian lilt to it."

"And it was coming from outside?" Dracul asked.

"No," Hyung looked at Dracul, "it's coming up the staircase."


To be continued.

Pearly Whites and Oysters

"You know," Hyung brushed her hair, "it's strange that Gregorio hasn't called us yet to tell us what our mission is supposed to be spending the night in this lighthouse."

"That is strange," Dracul admitted, "Gregorio is usually so on top of everything."

Hyung picked up her Samsung cell phone, "I think I'll give him a call and find out what this is all about."

Outside on the windswept rainswept seashore, the mysterious woman in the black evening dress had located some oyster shells.

"Here's some," the woman proudly smiled.

"Great," Amadeus grabbed them and banged them open on a large rock and then swallowed the oysters.

"Ahem," the woman looked at Amadeus.

"Say, boss," Amadeus looked at Renfield, "would you mind paying the woman?".

"Me?!" Renfield looked shell shocked.

"I didn't bring any money with me," Amadeus explained.

Renfield reached into his pocket and paid the woman.

She smiled and continued to walk along the beach.

"You know oysters are great with lemons," Amadeus sighed in ecstasy, "you don't happen to see any lemons around here, do you?".

At that moment, a couple of old Chrysler K-Cars from the 1980s washed up on the beach.

Back in the lighthouse, Hyung put down her cell phone and looked at Dracul, "That's strange, Gregorio said he never sent us any message telling us to spend the night in this lighthouse."

"That is strange," Dracul bit his lip, "so who would want us here?".

The woman in the black evening dress and high-heeled shoes who carried the bucket of seashells walked up the steps towards the lighthouse.

She smiled a sweet smile showing her teeth as she did so. A couple of pearly white beautiful vampiric incisors seemed to glisten in the rain.

To be continued.