The Difference Between Jesus and Zombies and Vampires

So how did the Death Metal Lord Stryker come to rise from the dead that Easter Sunday morn of 2011?

Back on Saturday night, April 23rd 2011, three scientists were drinking dark ale and having steak and kidney pie in a pub called The George and Dragon (quite appropriate since April 23rd is the Feast Day of Saint George The Dragonslayer).

Since the three men noted they were drinking the same ale and eating the same type of pie, they decided to sit together at the same table.

The 3 men were-

1) Dr. Cadbury Rocher- the Chief Scientist at the laboratory of Set Enterprises- the company owned and operated by the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

2) Dr. Sterling Makabo- a Xhosa witch doctor from South Africa. He was both a Medical Doctor (M.D.) and a practitioner of his tribe's traditional Black Magical practices (including the power to raise corpses as zombies). With his knowledge of both Western medicine as well as traditional African black magic, Dr. Makabo was naturally a frequent guest on The Oprah Show as well as a regular guest speaker at Rick Warren's Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California.

3) Dr. Nicht Werhoffen- formerly a leading scientist for the former East German Stasi Intelligence Service in the former East Berlin (since 1991 he has worked for the Russian FSB Intelligence Service as one of their leading scientists).

Dr. Makabo and Dr. Werhoffen were listening to a magazine article being read aloud by Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

The article was written by Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and was entitled What's The Difference Between Jesus and Zombies and Vampires?


What's The Difference Between Jesus and Zombies and Vampires?
by Christopher Dracul Van Helsing

Zombies have no souls. They are soulless corpses animated either by an energy wielded by the witch doctor or shaman who has raised them or else they are temporarily animated by demonic spirits. Unlike Jesus with His Resurrection Body, they can be put down again.

Zombies also are incapable of love or feeling or emotion or pain. All they are capable of is eating and devouring with their soulless husks.

Vampires do have souls. This is what distinguishes them from zombies. Vampires are not walking corpses. They are neither Living Dead nor Walking Dead. They are the Un-Dead- not quite alive in the way that ordinary mortal humans are neither are they dead like the dead who lie in the graves or in urns with their bodies and souls separated.

Vampires and vampiresses are capable of feeling love and hate and emotion and feeling and pain. Many vampires and vampiresses use their powerful seemingly immortal state (immortal unless they are staked through the heart or beheaded) for purposes of evil. There are some vampires and vampiresses however who try to use their existence for good and for performing acts of love.

Vampires and vampiresses could theoretically live forever. But practically... no they can be killed by a stake through the heart or being beheaded or being burned and consumed by fire.

Jesus has a soul. Being true Man (as well as true God), He has both a human body and a human soul.

Jesus is very capable of love and hate (He hates sin but not the individual sinner) and emotion and feeling and pain.

In HIs Resurrection Body, He does live forever and can never die again. He is the first individual in history to have truly conquered Death forever and ever.

Jesus always uses His existence for good and for performing acts of love.

-Christopher Dracul Van Helsing is a vampire hunter as well as a writer and an analyst in the fields of Geopolitics and International Relations.



* * *

Dr. Nicht Werhoffen took a sip of his ale, "Gentlemen, I put it to you with our knowledge of genetics and DNA and Artificial Intelligence and robotics and nanotechnology and vampires and zombies, could we not create a 2nd Jesus? Bring back from the dead someone who is neither vampire nor zombie nor Jesus but a transhuman Messiah for this era?".

Both Dr. Makabo and Dr. Rocher looked at Dr. Werhoffen and nodded.

"So gentlemen," Dr. Werhoffen smiled, "let's do it. In fact, let's do it tonight."

On the television screen in the pub which had the sound turned down, a Catholic priest was being interviewed on BBC television and was just asked the question, "What ultimately is the Blasphemy Against the Holy Ghost that Jesus talked about?".


To be continued.