Dracul Van Helsing had been invited to a meeting with Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell the Executive Vice-President of Aulos Music and Recording.
"Thank you for coming, Mr. Van Helsing," the record exec shook the vampire hunter's hand, "I thought I would see you while that insidious individual Renfield R. Renfield still lies in a coma in a hospital here in London."
"I understand he kidnapped and held your pet cat, Oysterella hostage last year," the vampire hunter stated sympathetically.
Oysterella jumped up on Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell's lap and started purring.
"Yes, and my poor pussy has never been the same, have you?" Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell started stroking Oysterella.
"You brought me here to see something?" Van Helsing asked.
"Yes, you may have heard that Renfield R. Renfield occasionally flies out to California to make hard-core porn videos," Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell straightened his wire-rimmed glasses.
"Yes, so I've heard," Van Helsing nodded, "I also understand he freelances hard-core interrogation techniques on terrorist suspects for both the CIA and Scotland Yard."
"Yes, they say he was the one who finally broke the camel's back in the hunt to find Osama bin Laden's whereabouts last summer," sniffed Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell.
"Yes, it's my understanding that the particular suspect he was questioning Abdullah bin Mohammed was somewhat of a pervert as any Arabic ruler of Masons posing as a lapsed Seventh Day Adventist would be," Van Helsing sat down, "and the said Abdullah bin Mohammed really loved his camel in more ways than one. He would gladly walk more than a mile for his camel to paraphrase old cigarette ads of mid-20th century America. And so when Renfield broke his camel's back which meant no more humping between Abdullah bin Mohammed and his camel, that's when the said bestial pervert broke down and finally revealed the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden's hideout in the compound near the Pakistani military base at Abbottabad. And the rest as they say is history."
"What's become of Abdullah bin Mohammed now?" Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell asked.
"I believe he's currently a would-be serial killer with his own blog where he writes down his rambling incoherent pseudo-intellectual idiocies that only appeal to nutty female New Agers who are very much into New Age psychobabble and alleged self-esteem and self-improvement preaching," Van Helsing replied.
"Oh, one of those," Heathcliff sniffed.
"You said you have something to show me?" Van Helsing again asked.
"Yes, I was told that Renfield R. Renfield played a huge part in the scripting and making of this rather disturbing music video, I was wanting you to watch it and tell me what you think of it," said Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell, "I suppose you've heard of Monarch programming?".
"The programming and brainwashing techniques that were developed by the Nazi SS in the late 1930s and then later adapted by the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency in several infamous brainwashing experiments of the 1950s?" Van Helsing queried.
"That's right," Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell nodded, "I think our friend Renfield R. Renfield seems to be an expert in this area of Monarch programming."
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