The Were-Zomb-ire

"So, what was it you invited me down to the lab to show me?" Amadeus asked as he ate a large piece of garlic sausage.

"I have created the world's first were-zomb-ire," Renfield laughed an evil laugh.

"What's a were-zomb-ire?" Amadeus checked his Eagle Scout's Iban-English Dictionary to see if he could find the word there.

"It's part werewolf, part zombie and part vampire," Renfield explained, "hence were-zomb-ire."

"How did you create it?" Amadeus took a salt shaker out of his pocket and poured more salt on his garlic sausage.

"I extracted DNA from our Boss who as we know is a vampire, extracted some DNA from Welsh werewolf Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley and extracted some DNA from that late 19th Century Irish-Canadian boxer Gordon "The Black Irish" Donnelly who as we know was raised from the dead as a zombie a couple of years ago and has subsequently never lost a fight in this century," Renfield boasted, "put all that DNA together in a test tube and shook it while I danced to that old Harry Belafonte song Day-O The Banana Boat Song and now you can see the finished results on the lab table- the world's first were-zomb-ire."

"Can I take a closer look?" Amadeus asked as he raised the blanket covering the creature on the lab table.

"Be my guest," Renfield smiled triumphantly.


* * *

As the pair entered the front door of the London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set, Renfield had an angry pissed-off look on his face and Amadeus was smiling as he whistled Day-O The Banana Boat Song.

"I take it your were-zomb-ire experiment didn't work out so well, sir," the valet and butler Athelstan remarked as he helped Renfield remove his jacket.

"Harrumph," Renfield walked to his room.

"Well," Amadeus remarked as he ate some hot buttered popcorn he had purchased on his way back from the lab, "I accidently spilled some garlic sausage and salt on the creature. Garlic disagrees with vampires as we know and it turns out salt kills zombies- something I didn't know- I would have thought it would have been hot chili peppers as it is for the rest of us. Then after I spilled the garlic sausage and salt- I took out a bottle of water to quench my thirst- water I had picked up from the fount at Saint Francis Xavier Catholic Church- and I dropped the water on the creature- turned out to be Holy Water. Then when I dropped my contact lens on the floor and couldn't find where it went, I opened the curtain and the window to let in some sunlight which fried the creature and then it turns out the lab's neighbour the Duke of Marlborough was firing silver bullets into the air to protect his gold supply from thieves and one of the silver bullets came in through the window and struck the hairy werewolf face of the creature..."

"Say no more, sir," Athelstan raised his hand, " say no more..."

To be continued.