Cannibal's Home Recipes

Hector smiled as the homeless man fell face forward into the soup.

The soup was heavy laden with arsenic.

Hector then dragged the man into his bathtub where he had a huge chainsaw and proceeded to cut the man up. The head, arms and torso he wrapped up in tiny packages and put downstairs in the freezer.

He was feeling like some thighs and legs tonight for dinner so that's what he had.

Hector had been into cannibalism for some five years now.

It had started when he had been stranded in a log cabin in the woods during a snowstorm and the only books he had to read were Silence of The Lambs and Hannibal Rising by Thomas Harris.

He had had nothing to eat during those 3 days he was stranded so when a rescue party arrived, he rewarded his rescuers by knocking them on the head and promptly eating them.

The first couple of years of his new found appetite had been difficult.

For Hector had made the mistake of knocking off and eating some of his acquaintances.

The police would then be around asking annoying questions about the disappeared.

But by concentrating on total strangers and knocking them off and eating them, he discovered no nosy police detectives would come to his house.

Hector cooked the homeless man's thighs and legs in a garlic and olive oil sauce laced with a touch of paprika. It was absolutely delicious.

When he had finished eating, Hector belched loudly and decided to go for a walk to ease his digestion.

While walking through the neighbourhood, he happened to come across a new vegetarian restaurant. For some reason, despite the heavy meal he had eaten, Hector felt a sudden craving for vegetarian food.

He walked inside the restaurant and ordered a salad.

The restaurant was a small place and over the counter was a small TV set.

The Larry King Show was on.

Larry: So we are continuing our conversation with Gabby Mugabe the noted African voodoo witch doctor. Mr. Mugabe, will you be willing to give us a demonstration of your powers?

Gabby Mugabe: Certainly, in this city, I call on all murder victims who have been murdered in the past 24 hours to come back to life.

20 minutes later, a woman who had been sitting at the table by the window suddenly screamed.

There outside a headless torso and arms could be seen rolling down the street.

A frost covered head followed along.


The body parts stopped outside the door of the vegetarian restaurant.

Hector meanwhile was undergoing what he thought was the worst case of indigestion in his life.

It felt like his guts were literally being ripped open.

Which is what they were.

A pair of human legs ripped their way out of Hector's stomach.

Hector naturally died as a result of this occuring.

The arms that were outside managed to get the door of the vegetarian restaurant open.

And soon head, torso, arms and legs were reunited and the walking dead man walked down the street.

Meanwhile Hector lay dead on the floor with his guts ripped open.

"Must have been something he ate," the local newspaper's restaurant reviewer and food critic stated.

That night, dozens of people who had been in that restaurant swore off the vegetarian lifestyle.


The End.