Mysteries of The Wax Museum

Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont paid the admission and entered the Wax Museum.

A security guard who looked like Vincent Price spoke at the entrance,

Darkness falls across the land
the midnight hour is close at hand
and whosoever shall be found
without the soul for getting down
must stand and face the Hounds of Hell
and rot inside a corpse's shell...

"I thought you were supposed to be dead," Amadeus spoke to the security guard, "didn't speaking on a Michael Jackson album put an end to your career?".

"That isn't the real Vincent Price," Angelique nudged Amadeus, "it's a wax effigy."

"Darn," Amadeus looked disappointed, "and just when I was going to ask him for his autograph."

In the next room, they encountered an oil painting.

"I thought this was supposed to be a wax museum not an art gallery," Angelique looked surprised.

"It's Vincent Van Gogh's self portrait," Amadeus Emanon proudly proclaimed as if he had a Ph.D in Art History, "and look, there's his ear on the palette beside it..."

Angelique screamed.

A boy scout came over and looked at the severed ear on the palette and walked away disappointed saying, "I don't think that's a real ear..."

"Darn," spoke up a wax effigy of Sir Anthony Hopkins as Doctor Hannibal Lector, "and just when I was getting a craving for a midnight snack."

In the next room, a wax effigy of Vincent Van Gogh said, "Boy, did the boss ever talk my ear off today."

"Squawk, what are you gawking at?" a wax effigy of Rosebob, Orson Welles' pet parrot interjected.

"Indeed," spoke up a wax effigy of Orson Welles who was eating a rainbarrel full of frozen peas and a rainbarrel full of Norwegian cod and drinking a rainbarrel full of Paul Masson wines, "the proper pronounciation of Vincent's last name is Van Gawk not Van Go!".

"I can't believe you said Van Gawk," spoke up a wax effigy of Woody Allen.

"The director of Citizen Kane is quite correct," spoke up a wax effigy of no one that Angelique nor Amadeus could possibly recognize, "to quote Marshall McLuhan, the medium is the message..."

"Where do you get off quoting Marshall McLuhan?" Woody Allen asked.

"I'm a professor of Communications at Harvard University and I've studied Marshall McLuhan," the wax effigy replied.

"Well, there's Marshall McLuhan standing over there," said Allen, "let's go ask him..."

Marshall McLuhan's wax effigy spoke up, "You say you're a teacher at Harvard. You shouldn't be teaching anywhere. You're an idiot..."

"Idiot professors at Harvard can get themselves acclaimed leaders of the Canadian Federal Liberal Party," Rosebob squawked.

"Don't you wish this happened in real life?" Woody Allen smiled.

"It already has," Rosebob squawked.

"Don't you wish this happened in real life?" Freddy Krueger's wax effigy came over and decapitated Woody Allen.

"I was promised sex with the Lady From Shanghai," Orson Welles started weeping into the rain barrel of Paul Masson wines.

"Put the blame on Mame, boys, put the blame on Mame," a wax effigy of Rita Hayworth dressed as Gilda in her nightclub evening dress started to sing.

"This is a wonderful exhibit," Amadeus smiled.

"Let's go down to the Chamber of Horrors," Angelique suggested.

They walked down the steps that looked like they were descending into the medieval dungeons of the Tower of London.

They came upon a street scene that looked like East London in 1888.

And as the voice of singer Don McLean came out of nowhere,

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick,
Jack flash sat on a candle stick

a figure dressed in a black top hat and long black trench coat and carrying an elegantly carved walking cane with a silver wolf's head leapt over a street gas lamp in front of them...

and then vanished.

To be continued.