Off Louisiana Shores

Renfield R. Renfield and Amadeus Emanon are in a boat off the Louisiana coast.

"It's too bad you weren't able to track down the Greek gods Zeus and Apollo," Amadeus said while eating some Greek feta cheese.

"I'd have had an easier time if there weren't so many damn anti-IMF riots going on in the streets of Greece," Renfield noted sourly.

Amadeus handed him some sweet and sour sauce to put on his fried rice.

"Thanks," Renfield poured it all over his rice.

"So what are we doing off the Louisiana coast?" Amadeus asked.

"Well, I suppose you heard about the oil spill?" Renfield asked as he spilled his oil and vinegar salad dressing all over his rice instead of his salad.

"The one that Barack Obama says BP will have to pay the bill to clean up?" Amadeus asked.

"That's the one," Renfield smiled, "You may have noticed attached to our boat is a sophisticated wave-making machine- one of the boss' great inventions developed by Set Enterprises- it's really making waves."

"But why?" Amadeus asked.

"To hamper clean-up efforts on the oil slick," Renfield laughed.

"Is there a purpose for doing that?" Amadeus queried.

"There's always method to my madness," Renfield cackled with great relish as he put mustard on his slices of cold roast beef, "I placed a major stock market bet against the Louisiana fishing and shrimp industry. So if the oil makes it all the way to shore and goes up the Mississippi Delta and all through the bayou, I'll stand to make a fortune in my bet against the Louisiana seafood industry."

The evil shapeshifting hamster/human grinned impeccably as he bit into his cold roast beef sandwich.

"Where did you learn such an evil scheme?" Amadeus asked.

"From America's most pre-eminent global investment bank Goldman Sachs," Renfield smiled orgiastically like a recently arrested Hindu swami caught cavorting in the nude with some of his young beautiful female disciples, "who bet against the U.S. housing market just before it suspiciously collapsed in the autumn of 2008 leading to the world's vast global financial meltdown."

To be continued.