A Gift From Comrade Kim

In Tehran, the Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad received a phone call from Kim Jong-un the designated heir to North Korea's dictator Kim Jong-il.

"Thank you, Comrade Kim," Ahmadinejad smiled.

He then turned to his aide and spoke, "Comrade Kim has given me a gift. And with this gift I shall liberate al-Quds. And I shall finish the job Hitler should have finished. Most of the Jews will be dead by the time I finish using Comrade Kim's gift."

"Finish the job Hitler should have finished?" his aide blinked, "But I thought you always said there was no Holocaust. That six million Jews didn't really die."

"That was just for public consumption, you moron," Ahmadinejad spat at his aide, "Hitler was a great man. But not as great as I am."


* * *

"Megalomaniacs," CNN's Anderson Cooper looked at the camera, "what makes them tick? On the next 360."

"Enough current affairs for the day," vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan grabbed the remote and shut it off.

"Are you opposed to all current affairs?" Dracul asked as he poured a glass of champagne.

"Distant current affairs can go away," Hyung took the glass of champagne, "Intimate and very close current affairs may commence."

Hyung sipped the champagne, put a strawberry in her mouth and then brushed against Dracul Van Helsing's lips.


* * *

Renfield R. Renfield was sitting at his computer eating a tuna fish sandwich which was his favourite sandwich.

"Using my superior computer hacking skills, I just discovered something," Renfield grinned in Amadeus Emanon's direction.

"Really?" Amadeus looked up from his copy of The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam, "what did you discover?".

"Just a minute, my Persian is a little rusty," Renfield reached for his English-Persian Dictionary.

"But the maid vacuums the carpet everyday," Amadeus stated.

When Renfield gave Amadeus an angry glare, Amadeus then understood.

He looked at the back of his copy of The Rubaiyat and spoke, "It's too bad Edward FitzGerald wasn't alive today to translate for you."

"Ummm," Renfield ignored Amadeus, "That's interesting. That would be quite the major calamity and loss of life should this go ahead. Should I warn the intended target? Nah, there's nothing in it for me to warn them so I won't."

"Warn who about what?" Amadeus was curious.

"Nothing," Renfield finished the last of his tuna fish sandwich.

He then looked at the can of tuna fish on his desk and also the slices of bread.

While looking at the bread, Renfield bit his thumb, "This type of rye bread that's my favourite. I love it with my tuna fish sandwiches. Where is it made again?".

"Jerusalem," Amadeus Emanon replied.

"Did you say Jerusalem?" Renfield looked over at Amadeus.

"Yes," Amadeus nodded.

"Oh," Renfield looked downtrodden.

He then picked up the phone and called the headquarters of the Israeli Mossad where he relayed certain information.

"It turned out there was something in it for me to warn them after all," Renfield reached for another slice of rye bread.

To be continued.