"Who are you calling?" Amadeus Emanon asked as he noticed Renfield yacking on the phone.
"Buckingham Palace," Renfield replied, "I'm trying to see if I can get an invitation to Prince William and Kate Middleton's wedding next year."
"Oh," Amadeus bit into an apple.
"Am I a friend of Prince William?" Renfield repeated the question of the person on the line, "Yes, I am. Where did I first meet His Highness? Well, he was standing outside a London pub and as I sped by in a sports car I had just stolen, I splashed His Highness with a great deal of mud from a huge puddle that was in front of the pub as I sped through in the stolen sports car. His Highness will probably remember that incident very well."
Sound of a click on the other end.
"Hello? Hello?" Renfield still spoke into the receiver, "Is there anyone there?".
* * *
"Isn't there anyone on the air?" the voice of Orson Welles from his famous 1938 The War of the Worlds radio broadcast spoke, "isn't there anyone on the air?".
"Turn the radio off, Charlie," Camilla spoke to the Prince of Wales, "listening to the deep baritone voice of Orson Welles is sending me off into orgasms I can't possibly handle at the moment."
"I know," Prince Charles grinned, "it's not everyday that one's boy gets engaged."
"Kate will soon realize what a royal pain in the ass the British press are," Camilla mused.
"Almost as big a royal pain in the ass as attending an all-boys' British public school," Prince Charles recalled an impromptu off-stage performance of Oscar Wilde Meets Lord Alfred Douglas in a broom closet at the school from his own school days.
"Don't be a bore, Charlie," Camilla sighed.
"Funny, that's exactly what the head of my house at the school said to me," the Prince of Wales poured himself a glass of fruit juice.
"What's that package on the dresser?" Camilla asked,
"I'm not sure," Prince Charles replied, "it looks like someone sent me a gift."
"Kind of unusual to send the father of the groom a gift isn't it?" Camilla asked.
"Why, yes," Prince Charles went over to the package and opened it.
The Prince of Wales then stood back in horror and exclaimed "Good Lord."
Camilla looked in the direction of the package and screamed.
For inside the opened package was a severed human ear.
* * *
"Prince Charles can no doubt expect an earful at the next family dinner he attends over controversial remarks he gave in a speech today on the importance of talking to plants to help them grow," the CNN News Announcer intoned, "in fact in California a pot grower who has become so enthused by Prince Charles' previous talks and writings on the subject has put the Prince of Wales' ideas into practice where his marijuana plants in his back yard grew an astounding 20 feet tall where it turned out they were easily visible from the nearest police station. After a raid where the man was arrested, he could be heard lamenting the failure of a Yes vote in California's recent pot referendum as he was lead away in handcuffs.
In Sacramento, California Governor-Elect Jerry Brown was asked whether the 20 foot high marijuana plants could replace the Redwood tree as a symbol for California..."
"Oh, God," Hyung exclaimed.
Dracul Van Helsing was licking whipped cream and strawberries off her breasts.
To be continued.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment