The Ashes of Doctor Faust

United States President Barack Obama had an interesting situation under his radar for almost the past month.

A situation that had not been revealed to the general public.

Last month on the Moonlight Bunny Ranch in Nevada, an over 500 year old man had been set on fire and burnt to a crisp in one of the rooms.

The man was none other than Doctor Johann Georg Faust the famous Renaissance alchemist who was reputed to have sold his soul to the Devil.

The ashes of Doctor Faust had at first been delivered to a Las Vegas City police lab so the Las Vegas County coroner could indeed determine that Doctor Faust was in fact dead.

After the Las Vegas County coroner made the brilliant deduction that Doctor Faust was in fact dead (his body having been reduced to total ashes), the ashes were then taken to the FBI Crime Lab in Virginia to await further analysis.

Various scientists throughout the world who were into immortality research were demanding to study the ashes and their DNA composition to determine how a person could live so long.

The Chinese government in Beijing were demanding the ashes as payment for helping to keep the U.S. dollar afloat.

The Russians were demanding the ashes because Vladimir Putin thought the urn containing the ashes would look nice on the neo-Byzantine style coffee table in his office.

And some eccentric agent at Interpol by the name of Peter Whitstable was wanting the ashes to examine them for possible supernatural influences.

President Obama was unsure what to do about the ashes.

Just as he as unsure about the direction Health Care reform would take.

Just as he was unsure whether today he'd be labelled a Nazi fascist or a Marxist Communist by the same gang of vociferous critics who kept changing the political labels for him every other day.

The phone rang on his Oval Office desk.

"I hope that's not Michelle asking me to take out the garbage again," the President nervously reached for the phone.

He breathed a sigh of relief.

It was one of his national security advisors phoning about a national security emergency.

"The ashes of Doctor Faust have been stolen from the Arlington, Virginia FBI Crime Lab," his advisor informed him.

"How did that happen?" the President asked.

"Believe it or not, sir, a rat broke into the lab and stole it," his advisor replied.

"How did the CEO of a Health Management Organization manage to get into the Arlington crime lab?" Obama asked.

"No, sir, this was a real rat," his advisor explained, "at least a rodent of some sort. Possibly a mouse, maybe gerbil or even hamster."

"Hamster?" the President sounded incredulous.


* * *


Meanwhile in London, England at the colossal home of the multi-millionaire (and formerly billionaire) ancient Egyptian vampire Set, Renfield R. Renfield the shapeshifting hamster/human who was Chief of Security and Espionage for Set Enterprises gazed at the urn on the vampire's mantelpiece.

"The lab at Set Enterprises shall examine these ashes and see what profitable use can be made of them," Renfield smiled, "Perhaps this will be what my boss needs to make him a billionaire again. And we'll be back to the way things were before last autumn's global economic meltdown."


To be continued.