Amadeus Emanon addressed Renfield R. Renfield, "I heard you won a million dollars U.S. this past weekend on one of the televised poker games which passes for sports on some of the TV sports channels these days?".
"That's right, I did," Renfield R. Renfield smiled which was something the psychopathic shapeshifting hamster/human rarely did.
"Are you planning to use the money to help out around here financially?" Amadeus asked.
"Of course not," Renfield replied, "I did it to answer one of your taunts. You're always telling me that I lack a sense of humour. So I decided to do a good practical joke. But in order to do it, I needed a million dollars. So I figured winning at a poker match, I'd be able to come up with a cool million."
"i didn't know you were a good poker player," Amadeus looked quizzical.
"I'm not," Renfield replied, "but I am a good cheater."
"So why did you need a million dollars to go forth with a practical joke?" Amadeus still didn't understand.
"That's the fee South African witch doctor Sterling Makabo charges to raise somebody from the dead," Renfield grinned, "Seeing as how today is the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall, I thought it would be neat to have Josef Stalin's corpse raised from the dead with Stalin's ghost possessing the body and fly the said corpse to Berlin for tonight's 20th anniversary dinner celebrations."
* * *
Germany's most famous Elvis impersonator O. Vider Zing was the master of ceremonies at the 20th anniversary dinner in Berlin.
Dressed in his best diamond studded white Elvis suit and looking the spitting image of the overweight Elvis (all those heavy German sausages and buckets of sour kraut helped contribute to the look), O. Vider Zing said to the crowd, "Why thank you. Thank you very much."
With his Heartbreak Hotel rendition and his heartburn behind him, O. Vider Zing proceeded to introduce the most important guests at the main table.
"Ladies and gentlemen, here are the 3 people most responsible for the dismantling of the Berlin Wall," O. Vider Zing pointed, "first we have former U.S. President George Bush Sr..."
President Bush stood up to take a bow and was greeted with boos and cries of "Why didn't you and your wife practise birth control?".
"... next we have former West German Chancellor Helmut Kohl who was to become the first Chancellor of a post-WWII united Germany..."
Chancellor Kohl stood up to take a bow and was greeted with cheers and cries of "You look so much prettier and more feminine looking than current Chancellor Angela Merkel..."
"And finally, we have the man who brought us glasnost and perestroika and the dismantling of the Berlin Wall," O. Vider Zing pointed, "former Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev."
President Gorbachev stood up to take a bow and was greeted with cheers and cries of "Those were the days when people actually did something first before winning the Nobel Peace Prize..."
As President Gorbachev went up to speak at the microphone, he was rudely pushed aside by the corpse of former Soviet dictator Josef Stalin who acted with all the rudeness of a Kanye West at a Music Video Awards evening.
"I created the best political/economic system ever," Stalin screamed, "and look what you did to it? Now I know the Berlin Wall was erected after I kicked the bucket but Leonid Brezhnev told me all about it when he arrived in Hell. I must protest this celebration. I must protest this evening..."
O. Vider Zing was wondering what he could do to save the evening when his luscious blonde leather mini skirted dominatrix girlfriend Helga suggested that he show Stalin a copy of the power accorded to the unelected Brussels bureaucrats under the terms of the new Lisbon Treaty to take effect this coming December 1st.
As soon as Stalin looked at the terms of the treaty, he said, "What the fuck?..."
"That's WTF in this century," Helga shouted at him, "Just because you've been dead for the last 56 years is no excuse for not keeping up with the times."
"WTF," Stalin obeyed the blonde leather mini skirted dominatrix, "Marxism has triumphed after all. But despite that.. I'm still sad. That bastard Leon Trotsky was right. He said we needed a United States of Europe first before Communism could triumph in Europe. And then he said a United States of Europe would lead to a United States of The World where Communism would triumph everywhere. Today, the United States of Europe.. tomorrow? or when? the United States of the World?..."
"Wonderful, wonderful Copenhagen," O. Vider Zing started to sing the song from that old 1950s Danny Kaye movie Hans Christian Andersen while Al Gore looked at his copy of the coming treaty on Climate Change...
To be continued.
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