Ready, Set, Go!

Athelstan the personal valet to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set approaches his vampiric master in the study of the nocturnal stalker's colossal London mansion.

"A phone call for you, sir," Athelstan held out the phone.

"Is it Renfield?" Set asked, "Has he finally got that meteorite from that Madison County museum I asked him to get? The one that I believe contains DNA of Ra on it ?".

"No, sir," Athelstan shook his head, "The last I heard on that matter was a phone call from Amadeus' cell phone an hour ago. Apparently Renfield fell down an outhouse hole and he's currently in a shower in a Madison County motel somewhere trying to wash everything off."

"That damned fool!" Set seethed.

"Indeed sir," Athelstan continued to hold the phone.

"Well if it's not Renfield," Set growled, "who's on the phone?."

"It's Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak," Athelstan handed him the phone, "he wants your advice on how to handle the protestors seeing as how you used to be a big presence in Egypt yourself once upon a time."

"But that was 3 millenia ago," Set protested, "and then my obnoxious nephew Horus buried me alive and undead in a tomb for 3000 years. I only managed to escape the tomb when a British Egyptologist happened to find and open my tomb on November 11th, 1918 the day the First World War ended."

"Hello, Set," Mubarak's voice on the phone spoke.

"Good evening to you, Mr. President," Set replied, "I don't know how much help I can be to you in dealing with the Egyptian public. My last major public exposure in Egypt was over 3000 years ago and I was just telling Athelstan here I was buried alive and undead in a tomb for the next 3000 years. And since 1918, I've been living here in Britain."

"So you can't help me at all?" Mubarak sounded disappointed.

"Even when I did deal with the Egyptian public, I was never popular," Set explained, "I was looked upon as the god of night and the desert- the god of darkness. I was almost a demonic figure in the old Egyptian pantheon. My brother Osiris was a lot more popular than I was. My sister Isis who chose to marry my bum brother Osiris over me was a lot more popular than I was."

"Well I did try phoning your sister and sister-in-law Isis in Paris first but she wouldn't speak to me," Mubarak said.

"What? You mean you phoned Isis first?" Set started foaming at the mouth.

"Well, yeah she's a lot prettier and better looking than you are and seeing as how Osiris was exiled by one of your black magic spells to a planet near the star Sirius and can't return to Earth until the year 2012, I couldn't speak to him..."

Click.

"Hello? Hello?" Mubarak asked, "is anyone there?".

The old Egyptian God Set had just hung up on him.

To be continued.