Freedom On Robbie Burns Day

Deep in a cave below the Himalayas of the Tibet-Nepal border region lived the golden cobra whose name was known to few.

It was gazing admiringly at its own reflection in a diamond studded golden mirror.

For like all narcissistic creatures, it was deeply in love with its own self.

Suddenly the snake turned away from its own reflection- something it rarely did.

For it sensed a presence.

A presence that shouldn't be there in this cave.

The cobra turned...

... hissed....

... and spat...

"Dracul Van Helsing vampire hunter and slayer, do you think you can kill me?" the cobra advanced menacingly towards the slayer's head then stopped.

"That sliver of wood you have around your neck," the golden serpent backed away, "at one time they said there was enough of it to make an entire forest in medieval Europe but they were mainly false relics. You have a sliver of the Real Thing if I may quote a Coca-Cola commercial."

"Despite your appearance of being a cobra, I know you're in fact pure spirit and not a material substance and therefore I can't kill you," Dracul said, "but still I haven't come for that. And I find it a relief that demons watch Coca-Cola commercials. It's nice to know that it's not only humanity who suffers."

The cobra glared at the vampire hunter.

"And you're right, I do have a sliver of the True Cross around my neck," Dracul touched its comforting presence, "one personally blessed by both Pope John Paul II and Pope Benedict XVI. I wouldn't venture into this cave without it."

"Sad most visitors who wander in here by mistake only have their American Express cards," the cobra smirked, "something that doesn't help them here."

"I don't imagine the new Visa card with its new technologically enhanced pin code system that the voice of Morgan Freeman assures us is a breakthrough and doesn't work 70% of the time in reality wouldn't help here either," Dracul stated.

"No, it wouldn't," the cobra licked its fangs, "however I'm sure you haven't come here to exchange Oscar Wilde like witticisms on the advertising slogans of modern Madison Avenue."

"No, I haven't, _ _ _ _ _ _," Dracul named the cobra.

The cobra arched its back towards the cave wall and spat and hissed, "You know my name?".

"I do," Dracul said.

"How did you get here anyways?" the cobra asked.

But it then answered its own question using its third eye atop its head.

"Inna Huculak the vampiress secret agent for the Republic of Ukraine," the cobra hissed, "flying one of the lithium battery powered Nikola Tesla prototype flying saucers."

"That's right," Dracul nodded.

"Inna Huculak, a vampiress whose life you spared," the cobra acted the Accuser against the vampire hunter.

"She's good in her heart and she was made a vampiress against her will," Dracul answered.

"What about Svetlana Kireerva the Russian vampiress and agent for the KGB's successor the FSB? A vampiress whose life you also spared on several occasions? Is she good in her heart? She certainly wasn't made a vampiress against her will," the cobra laughed.

Dracul said nothing.

"What do you want from me?" the cobra hissed.

Dracul threw down the note that Renfield R. Renfield had written on the napkin in the Mobius Dyck's House of Tuna Fish Cafe in London.

"Yes," the cobra hissed, "I do owe Renfield a favour. And he's passed that favour on to you? What is it?".

Dracul told him.

The cobra nodded.

Dracul left the cave and walked towards the Nikola Tesla prototype flying saucer driven by the mini skirted vampiress Inna Huculak who flew the craft back towards the United Kingdom.

On the way back, more UFO spotters were posting their cell phone cam shot videos on YouTube.

* * *


The cobra danced and bowed towards its own reflection of itself in the mirror.

As it danced and moved, holographic images of various gods and deities and prophets and messianic style figures in turn danced in a circle around the cobra.

One of the images- an image of the Imam Mahdi left the circle and went across the world to Tehran in the Islamic Republic of Iran and appeared in the bedroom of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad where it ordered Ahmadinejad to order the release of the political prisoner and accused foreign spy Manuel de Rivera y Vargas (the famous Spanish vampire concert pianist) and his immediate transport out of the country.



* * *

Dracul Van Helsing and Inna Huculak were now in a Scottish pub in Edinburgh, Scotland celebrating Robbie Burns Day.

They were enjoying haggis and a couple of wee drams of Scottish whisky.

Then the Scottish bagpiper played Scotland The Brave and then the Scottish singer sang that old song dedicated to Bonnie Prince Charlie, "Will ye no come back again?".

But as Dracul listened to the lyrics, "will ye no come back again?", it wasn't that bonnie old Prince who led the Rebellion of '45-46 back in 18th Century Scotland that Dracul thought of.

Rather his old friend Manuel de Rivera y Vargas.

A beautiful red headed songstress dressed in a red evening dress then sang Robbie Burns' most famous song, Auld Lang Syne.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne?

On the tarmac at Tehran Airport, the newly released prisoner Manuel de Rivera y Vargas thin and ragged looking boarded a plane.

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup of kindness yet,
For auld lang syne!

In the pub in Edinburgh, Dracul and Inna drank their drams of whisky.

On the plane flying over the Middle East, Manuel drank a cup of blood given him by the Red Cross.

And surely ye'll be your pint-stowp,
And surely I'll be mine,
And we'll tak a cup o kindness yet,
For auld lang syne!

Dracul and Inna then each downed a hardy mouthful of Scottish ale.
On the plane, Manuel ordered a pint of Guinness and downed it eagerly.


The red haired beauty continued with the song and then came to the final verse:

And there's a hand my trusty fiere,
And gie's a hand o thine,
And we'll tak a right guid-willie waught,
For auld lang syne.

Dracul and Inna held hands and finished the pints of ale together.

On a plane now flying over the Sea of Galilee, Manuel pressed his hand towards the plane window near his seat as if to touch that distant star he saw in the distance and as he did so he raised his glass of Guinness in toast to a distant absent friend and then finished his glass.


To be continued.